2.Hangover

                                                      '''I used to be emotionless like a rock, But now I’m a fool once again''

 

Pain. Pain is all you can feel when you open your eyes. Your head is as heavy as lead and the ache behind your eyes is like nothing you’ve experienced before. So, this is what a hangover is. You understand now why people swear never to drink again the morning after. You rub your eyes and roll onto your side to try and go back to sleep. That’s when you realise how cold you are and when you look down you see you’re lying on top of the bed with your clothes and shoes still on from the night before. There’s also a large black t-shirt scrunched up in a ball next to you. You stare at it for a moment and slowly but surely your memory begins to come back to you.

You sit up so fast that the room spins. You’re not at home. You’re in that guys apartment. What was his name again? Seunghyun?

You drop your face into your hands as the shame of your situation overwhelms you.  What were you thinking sleeping in a stranger’s house? Granted you didn’t have with him but you still made a bad decision here. A smart adult would have found somewhere more appropriate to stay. Better yet a smart adult would not have gotten that drunk in the first place.

You decide to get up and try to find out what exactly happened last night. You have vague memories of stumbling around and being taken here but that’s all that stands clear in your mind. Oh and losing your handbag, which is the most painful memory of all.

You teeter forward on your shaky legs and peek outside the door, hoping to find an empty apartment.

Yet there he is sitting with his back to you at the small table by the kitchen area. A newspaper is in his hands and what looks like breakfast type food is spread out on the table before him. Your stomach rumbles and you realise you haven’t eaten since lunch time yesterday. Remembering to eat is another adult thing you need to work on.

You’re still not ready to face him however and start easing the door shut.

‘’Come out and stop hiding.’’ Seunghyun calls out ‘’I won’t bite.’’

You blush and open the door with reluctance.

‘’You don’t have to speak to me like I’m some timid child.’’

He closes the newspaper and sets it on the table before shifting round to look at you.

‘’Then why are you standing there like that? You look like a lost puppy, come sit down or I’ll feel like a bad host.’’

You walk carefully to the table with your arms out to your side to keep your balance. Everything about you feels off and your feet are in excruciating pain. But you’re too embarrassed to take your shoes off here, it feels wrong to act like an actual guest when you’re only here due to his generosity.

You sit on the chair in front of him with your legs facing outwards; there is no way you’re getting too close to him.

He has his arms folded across his chest and is staring at you in amusement.

‘’Are you really going to act so stiff and awkward when you spent the night in my bed?’’

He chuckles at your indignant expression and scratches his head. His hair hasn’t been styled yet and sits messily on his head. He’s dressed in a simple T-Shirt with loose tracksuit bottoms. There’s something about his appearance this morning that makes him look so much younger than when you first saw him. It makes you feel a little more at ease.

‘’Did you not even change into the t-shirt I gave you?’’

‘’I couldn’t stay awake long enough to move.’’

He laughs loudly.

‘’You poor thing, your body is clearly not made for alcohol.’’

You glare him.

‘’Do you have my bag so I can leave?’’

‘’No I don’t, but luckily for you I rang some of last night’s staff and one of them recalls putting a bag into lost and found. ‘’

You sigh with relief.

‘’Thank goodness.’’

‘’Even more lucky for you is that it turns out I did have a key for the place after all! I forgot that I have a spare lying around for emergencies.’’

You stare at him open mouthed.

‘’You mean we could have gone and got my things last night? You should have woken me!’’

‘’There was no way I was waking you up to carry you around all over again just to get a bag that can be gotten at any time. Are you not satisfied with my hospitality?‘’

‘’I’m leaving’’ you say as you get up ‘’I’ll come by the club later to get my bag.’’

He raises an eyebrow at you.

‘’And where will you go till then? You’re forgetting that you don’t have a key to your apartment.’’

‘’I’m sure I’ll find something to keep myself busy with, thanks for everything.’’

‘’Wait, you can’t leave when you look like you're about to collapse, stop being so stupid.’’

But you ignore him and start walking to the door. You aren’t going to sit here and try and make small talk with an like that. He should understand the difficulty of the situation you’re in instead of playing around like you’re both friends. You shouldn’t be here and now that you’re sober the complete inappropriateness of the situation weighs down heavily on you.

You’re turning the doorknob and are about to leave when suddenly you feel two hands go beneath your armpits and lift you off the ground. You squeak in shock as Seunghyun holds you up against his chest and you kick out a leg to get him to drop you.

‘’What the hell are you doing?’’ you exclaim ‘’Why do you have such an obsession with lifting me?!’’

‘’It seems to be the only affective way of dealing with your ridiculousness.’’

His mouth is right by your ear and his breath tickles the side of your cheek. You shiver and swallow loudly. Your breathing becomes more strained and shallow as your chest tightens with nerves.

‘’I just want to go home.’’

He carries you back to the table and drops you on the chair you’d just vacated.

‘’You’re going to sit and eat some food. When you’re done we’ll go get your bag and I’ll take you home. ‘’

He goes to a cupboard in the kitchen and sets a plate down in front of you.

‘’Take what you want from the table. I bought it all fresh this morning. I’ll go get some other things for you and we’ll leave.’’

Other things? You have no idea what he’s talking about and you’re not sure you want to know. When he goes off to his bedroom you give in and turn to the food. There are various packets of berries and nuts, some muffins, croissants and a large pitcher of orange juice.  You have to say you’re impressed with it all, does he do this every day? Or is it just because you’re here? Maybe this is what he does for all the women he brings around. The thought of that possibility makes you feel cheap.

You take a packet of the red berries and start eating them. The cold juiciness of the berries when you bite down coats your dry mouth soothingly. You finish off the packet and then start on the blueberries. Maybe you were being greedy but Seunghyun did tell you to help yourself.

He returns a few minutes later with some thick socks, a pair of sneakers in his hands and a jacket thrown over his shoulder. He bends down next to you and starts pulling off your heels.

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’You’re clearly in agony walking in those things so you can wear some of my shoes.’’ he says and then lifts one of your feet up higher ‘’Wow, you have really nice arches.’’

You pull your dress down between your legs to avoid flashing him again and can’t help but laugh at what he’s said.

‘’Wow, that’s just what every girl wants to hear. That she has nicely arched feet.’’

‘’It looks like you’re getting some blisters though, but you can take care of that yourself.’’

You contemplate kicking him in his face but relent. He is being pretty nice to you this morning even if he is kind of condescending.

‘’By the way, I didn’t catch your name at any point in our interactions, do you mind telling me?’’

‘’It’s Lee  __________’’

He glances up at you as he begins rolling the thick cotton socks onto your feet.

‘’That name sounds familiar to me.’’

You pop a berry in your mouth and shrug.

‘’There’s no way you could know me, I don’t even know anyone in this town.’’

‘’Yeah, that’s true.’’

You wonder why your name sounds familiar to him. You don’t recall ever seeing him before. You figure that Lee is a popular family name so he’s probably met a few people with the same name as you before. You don’t even want to contemplate the slim possibility that he knows you somehow through your father and his music. He has mentioned your name in some radio interviews he’s done before but the likeliness of Seunghyun knowing you because of that is 0 to none.

Once he’s got the socks on he puts on the pair of sneakers he brought out for you.

‘’They’re too big, obviously, but the socks should fill them up a bit and I’ll lace them up tight for you.’’

When he says lace them up tight you don’t expect him to cut off the blood supply to your feet. They’re so tight that they’re almost as painful as the heels but you say nothing. He is giving you his shoes after all, you can’t be rude to him.

Once he’s done you finish off the berries and stand up.

‘’Can we go then?’’

‘’Just wait.’’

He pulls the jacket off his shoulder and drapes it over your shoulders. Its soft on your skin and you put it on gratefully.

‘’It’s one of my workout jackets, but don’t worry, It’s been washed within the last week.’’

You grimace. It’s no wonder it smells so strongly of him and whatever deodorant he wears.

He pokes your cheek.

‘’Don’t make that face, soon you’ll smell like me and it’ll be impossible to keep the ladies away.’’

You snort ‘’someone’s full of themselves.’’

He moves closer and you step backwards into the table.

‘’Why are you pretending you don’t like me?’’

He’s looking down at you with that frustrating smirk of his and you struggle to control your temper.

‘’Don’t be so cocky, I don’t care enough to feel anything about you.’’

‘’Then why aren’t you pushing me away?’’

Seunghyun lifts his hand to push a lock of your hair behind your ear. You close your eyes and breathe in sharply at his touch. You hardly know this guy and yet when he touches you it feels like electric currents are vibrating through your body. The butterflies in your stomach flutter violently and threaten to burst out of your chest.

‘’You should fix your hair before you go, you’ve got bad bedhead.’’

Your eyes burst open and Seunghyun is walking away from you. It’s just like last night. You remember it now. When you were so sure he was going to kiss you and instead he just kissed your forehead. Just what is his game, why is he messing with you like this?

You run your fingers roughly through your hair and walk face down past him and out the door. You don’t want him to see how red your cheeks have become.

You make sure to keep an even distance between you and him as you leave the building and get into the car.

When you both arrive at the club Seunghyun leads you inside through the back entrance.

‘’We’re not allowed to take non staff members in here during the day, so don’t go bragging to your friends about this.’’ He tells you and actually sounds serious for once, ‘’I don’t want to get demoted over this.’’

‘’Don’t worry Mister Choi, I have no one to tell.’’

He frowns at you ‘’Mister Choi? That makes me feel old.’’

You sneer at him ‘’Well you are a grown adult, aren’t you?’’

‘’You might want to keep quiet if you want this bag back.’’

You pull your fingers across your mouth to emphasise that your lips are zipped. He just rolls his eyes at you and leaves you at the bar to go retrieve the bag.

When he returns with your bag in hand you jump excitedly. Never in your life have you been so happy to see a handbag.

‘’Oh thank god, I’m so happy to see you’’ you say as if the bag is a person, ‘’I’ll never lose you again.’’

You reach out to take the bag from him but he lifts it up above his head before you can take it.

‘’What do you say?’’ he says dragging out the last syllable ‘’It rhymes with  frank and cue’’

‘’Thank you, Seunghyun. Honestly, thank you.’’

He seems shocked by your sincerity and hands the bag to you.

‘’I’ll take you home then.’’

You nod and clutch the bag to your chest happily. As soon as you get home you’ll sort your head out. You’ll prepare for class tomorrow and start afresh. This will be the last time you’ll ever see Seunghyun and you can begin to forget this strange time spent with him.

When you get back in the car you pull your cell out of your bag and your stomach drops. There are 20 missed calls. 10 from Minji, 8 from Minho and thankfully only 2 are from Dad. There’s also multiple texts from them asking if you’re alright. You can’t help but feel warm inside, you didn’t think they’d even notice you were gone.

You dial Minji’s number and she answers on the first ring.

‘’WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?’’

You wince at how loud she is.

‘’I’m just heading home now. Everything’s fine.’’

‘’We thought something happened to you. Minho and I were going to go to the police if you didn’t ring soon.’’

‘’I’m really sorry. I left my bag behind so that’s why I haven’t been able to answer my phone. ‘’

‘’I’m so relieved….i wanted to go to your place to check on you but I couldn’t remember where you live. Text me your address so I can come check on you.’’

‘’No wait!’’ you say loudly enough that Seunghyun looks at you suspiciously ‘’It’s Just, you can’t come right now, can you come sometime later?’’

‘’Oh yeah sure! I’ll bring my books and we can review what has to be done for tomorrow. Will I bring Minho too?’’

‘’Minho’’ you mummer ‘’He was worried too?’’

‘’He was more worried than me. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.’’

You smile ‘’Sure then bring him, I’ll text you in a bit.’’

You hang up and you feel a lot better than you have since last night. Maybe you’ve finally made some good friends.

‘’Who is Minho?’’ Seunghyun asks ‘’A boyfriend? He won’t be happy you spent the night with me.’’

You lean closer to him and grin.

‘’Are you jealous Mister Choi?’’

He pushes your face away and doesn’t reply.

As happy as you are, when you arrive at your apartment you suddenly feel sad. As much as you just want to get inside and get away from him, there is something inside you that longs to cling onto Seunghyun. It’s like your heart is tugging you towards him, yearning to get its fill of him. To be consumed by him for just a moment.

‘’Uhm, do you, want to come up for coffee? As thanks for everything…’’

Your voice falters slightly against your will. It’s not your thing, inviting someone to do something with you. The possibility of rejection always reigns strong over your mind.

‘’Sure.’’

His response is so simple that it almost doesn’t register with you. He gets out of the car and you scramble out with him.

Luckily it’s still only around 1 o clock in the day and most students will be in college and probably won’t see you with him. Not that it matters, you just didn’t want to come across as the type of person who brings strange men home on their first week of college.

You fumble to get your key into the door because your hands are shaking so much. Why are you so nervous? You spent the night in his bed for crying out loud. You’re home now, why should you be so worried?

When you get inside you’re struck by how much smaller your apartment is compared to Seunghyuns. It’s just a simple joint living room/kitchen with a small bedroom that just about fits a mattress and wardrobe inside. As well as a tiny bathroom with a stand up shower. That’s what saddened you the most, no more baths for the next year.

There are random boxes of your stuff everywhere; the only things that are organised are your school books on the square kitchen table and your food that you’re hoping will last you for the next month.

‘’I still haven’t fully unpacked so ignore the mess.’’

He moves a box off the sofa and sits down on it. He’s so tall that the small sofa dwarfs in comparison to his size.

‘’This is pretty nice for student accommodation, how are you affording it?’’

‘’Isn’t that a rude question?’’

He leans back on the sofa and grins.

‘’I’m just trying to learn more about you is all.’’

You turn away from him to prepare the coffee and try to steady yourself.

You tut when you remember that your dad was the one who helped you unpack when he drove you down here and probably put everything away completely the opposite to where you would put them.  You open all the cupboards before you notice the good coffee you bought in the event of having guests, on the very top shelf.

You fume silently as you retrieve a kitchen chair to reach it. Why is it so hard for your Dad to understand that you and high places do not make for a good combination?

You stand awkwardly on your tippy toes but the size of the shoes are putting you off. They make you feel like your foot has been cut in half. You hop and try to grab the coffee but start losing your balance, and shake precariously on the chair.

Then his hands are on you again, grabbing your hips to stabilise you.

‘’You should have asked me to get the coffee.’’

For once, you’re above him as he stands next to you. He looks up at you with those smouldering eyes and you feel that tug again. Pushing you towards him.

Your body begins to move by itself and you wrap your arms around his neck and press into him.  His arms circle around you and he lifts you off the chair but he doesn’t put you down.

‘’I thought you didn’t even care about me’’ he breathes into your ear ‘’Why are you holding on so tightly?’’

You pull your head back to look at him. There is no ebb of humour on his face, he is completely serious and you’re relieved. If he made fun of you now you’d lose the sudden rush of confidence that’s appeared out of nowhere.

‘’Maybe I’m warming up to you.’’

He smiles and kisses the hollow beneath your neck. You breathe in sharply and wrap your legs around him. You no longer want him to leave. You don’t want this to be the last time you see Seunghyun or the last time you touch him. Despite having only met him yesterday, you want him more than you’ve ever wanted anyone before.

He sets you down on the kitchen counter and stands between your legs. You’re aware that your spread legs are leaving you exposed to him but you don’t care. You just want to stay close to him for as long as possible.

Seunghyun runs a finger down your jawline and across your bottom lip. Then he bends to kiss you on the tip of your chin, before slowly moving to your neck. His hands work on ping the jacket he put on you only an hour ago and slips it down your shoulders so he can continue his trajectory across your collarbones. His hands spread out across your thighs and move upwards, pushing your dress up higher on your hips.

He lifts his head to look at you.

‘’Do you still hate me?’’

You laugh weakly.

‘’I guess you’re okay.’’

He kisses both of your cheeks and forehead before pulling away. He lifts the jacket back over you and zips it up and hoists you off the counter back onto your feet.

You stare at him questioningly.

‘’What’s wrong ? did I say something bad?’’

He cups the side of your face and smiles kindly.

‘’I feel like I’m taking advantage by moving this quickly with you. Let’s take it slowly, alright?’’

His words shock you.

‘’Slowly? You mean, you want to see me again?’’

He runs a hand through his hair and looks embarrassed.

‘’I’m not used to this kind of thing but yes, for some reason seeing you again would be pleasant.’’

You stand there unable to respond. This not what you were expecting when you took him here. With how things were going you thought you’d just be a blip on his radar. To think he might actually like you, was not something you considered.

Your phone starts buzzing and you both jump.

You run and grab it out of your bag, Minji is texting again and seems to be growing impatient.

‘’It’s my friend, she wants to come here now.’’

He nods ‘’that’s fine I better head home and get ready for work.’’

‘’When will I see you again?’’

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.

‘’We can text, there’s no need for uncertainty now is there?’’

You both exchange numbers and you walk Seunghyun to the door.

‘’Oh wait your jacket and stuff…’’

He kisses the top of your head quickly.

‘’I’ll get them next time.’’

He winks at you and walks away.

You shut the door and any adrenaline you had left escapes you and you fall onto your knees. You cover your mouth and blush feverishly.

You didn’t leave home to mess around with a guy you’d just met, you came here to be serious. But that’s just what you keep telling yourself and maybe you’re growing tired of lying to yourself. Trouble follows you everywhere, and no matter what you do it never leaves you alone. Maybe it’s time to give up and let it in.

You're ready to face the uncertainties that lay ahead