Jiyong looked himself in the mirror. His shirt was wrinkled and dirty. His jeans weren't much better, the once whole pair had now several holes in them. He sighed deeply and moved from his spot in front of the mirror to his drawer.

He didn't feel like trying, nothing felt worth anything. The most useless thing was his life, why did he have to be alive? Nothing lasted forever and it was useless trying to keep anything working. Nothing would work in the end. In the end everyone would die, and no one would remember the useless things that would have been done.

After changing his shirt Jiyong stumbled across his apartment to find his phone and wallet. He guessed he still had alcohol in his system due to all the dizziness and stumbling. He grabbed the back of the couch which was seated in the middle of the large room to prevent him from collapsing. His head was about to explode, or it felt like it. Getting up and grabbing his phone and wallet seemed impossible, but after it was done, his head felt a bit clearer, or so he thought.

Jiyong walked down the busy street in Seoul filled with the wild nightlife. Today’s mission was to find a club that he hadn’t been to yet. All the other clubs had thrown him out, after causing different problems in them. Usually it was because he was out of money and still ordered more drinks, or that he was too drunk and caused an “uncomfortable” atmosphere. He only drank because it dimmed the feelings. His feelings couldn’t make their way to his brain as fast as if he was sober.

After a bit of wandering around on smaller streets he found an unfamiliar club. It didn’t look that good, but cheap liquor was all Jiyong needed. The club wasn’t much, torn seats and music playing a bit too loud.

    “Ah, someone is here early,” the bartender remaked, and in fact, Jiyong is the first one there. “What can I get you?” the young man asked from behind the bar.

    “Give me the strongest thing you have,” Jiyong mumbled as he took a seat. He moved his hands to his temples and slowly rubbed them. The headache was getting stronger. He felt the urge to down as much alcohol as possible to make it go away.

After receiving his drink, and drinking it as quickly as it landed on the table in front of him, he leaned back. Why did he keep doing this to himself? No one had really asked the question, so Jiyong kept the answer to himself. If someone would ask, he knew he would tell them everything. Maybe that was what he needed? Someone to talk to. Jiyong shook his head to get rid of the thoughts, he had tried talking to people, but no one ever listened. Usually they just nodded along when Jiyong drunkenly slurred details from his past.

He ordered another drink and heard the club slowly fill up with people. He felt their stares reach him, but he knew no one would come closer. He was a mess, he even looked like a mess. He stared at the new glass of clear liquid that was delivered to his table. Flashbacks rushed to his head from the worst night of his life and he put the glass quickly to his lips and downed everything in one go.

The night continued like his nights usually went, a lot of liquor, denying dances from girls he would never see again and getting thrown out of the club. Jiyong found himself walking around Seoul with a bottle of vodka in his hand. He didn’t know where he was going, no way he would be able to go home, his family would be home by now.

The streetlights left a dim light and Jiyong heard a dog bark in one of the yards. He took a better look around himself and figured that he had walked into one of the richer districts. The houses were big and most of them had small yards. The dog kept barking and Jiyong’s ears rung.

    “Shut up, would you?” he groaned into the dark. The dog barked what seemed to be even louder than before and Jiyong cursed under his breath. The dog was still barking when Jiyong found it. It stuck its nose out through the cracks of a wooden fence.

When Jiyong moved closer the barking stopped and he could see through the cracks that the dog was shaking its tail in excitement.

    “See? It’s much better if you are quiet,” Jiyong slurred to the dog. He pulled the bottle of vodka to his lips and drank the rest of it before opening the gate. The dog jumped around him and led him further in on the yard. It was a nice yard, Jiyong remarked before turning his attention to the dog.

Jiyong played with the dog for a long time, it seemed to like him. Jiyong had almost forgotten how it felt like to be liked. The dog barked after him and in the end, he found himself sitting on the grass petting the dog on his lap.

Slurring and mumbling details from his past to the dog and petting it was something Jiyong enjoyed, maybe he should buy a dog for himself?

    “Little dog, you have it easy, no problems in life, I wish I had it like you,” he mumbled into it’s fur. “I have gone through so much , I don’t think I can take it anymore, do you want to know a secret? I tried to kill myself. Guess what? My attempt was a fail. People think I am fortunate to be alive, but in fact, I am unfortunate as hell. I don’t want to be alive, I am useless. I can’t even end my own life.”

The dog suddenly looked up and got up from Jiyong’s lap.

    “Oh yeah, don’t open up to strangers, even dogs run away after hearing how life is,” he mumbled to himself before looking up. The dog had ran to the backdoor of the house and was happily jumping around a young male.

The dog ran back to Jiyong, eager to show his owner his new friend.

    “Excuse me, but what are you doing in my backyard 6 in the morning?” the male asked Jiyong who got back to petting the dog. The sunlight from the sunlight hit Jiyong’s face as he opened his mouth to answer.

    “Aren’t dogs wonderful? They can’t tell other people what a weirdo you are,” Jiyong laughed  silently before throwing up at the male’s feet and blacking out.