Dear Sara, 

I remember the first time i met you, it was when Kai introduced you to us. You were Kai's childhood friend and i remember how he warned all of us to stay away from you. I never told you this but i fell for you from the first moment i met you. Honestly, i was really jealous how Kai met you first, i always wished that i was in his spot. Throughout that year, i still remember how i tried to approach you and yet you were too oblivious to the fact that i had a crush on you. By the end of the year, the whole exo gang knew i was madly in love with you and it took a while to convince Kai to let me get closer to you. In the end, he saw how sincere i was and he let me love you. I kept trying to get closer to you and slowly, you opened up to me. You told me all about your parents' death and that was when i knew i had to protect you.

Sara, i'm sorry it took me 2 years before i finally confessed my feelings for you. Honestly, i thought you wouldn't like me back, i was so afraid you would reject me. I was a fool, i should've confessed earlier so we would have more time, i would have kissed you more and told you i love you more. The two years i spent as your friend was the happiest moments of my life but the three following years i spent as your boyfriend was even better. I loved how i could sometimes wake up next to you, i loved how i could hold your hand and hug you, i loved the way you say my name, i loved how you would randomly kiss me and tell me you love me and most importantly, i love you.

On our second anniversary, i prepared our entire night together but somehow my friends convinced me to go to a club before our anniversary dinner. I'm sorry i kept you waiting the entire night and i'm sorry about shouting at you the next morning even though it was completely my fault. I don't know what got over me but i had so much fun at the club and i became crazy. I still remember how much you cried when i told you that i'd rather go to clubs than go on dates with you. It still hurts me when the images of you crying crosses my mind. Sara, i never meant all i said to you back then, i regretted all those and i am truly sorry. I still can't believe you took me back when i apologized even after all that happened. However, after we made up, my friends called me again and said that i should go out clubbing again and i thought why not. I wanted to celebrate us getting back together but it went out of control. I was crazy drunk and i started making out with random girls. I loved the adrenaline when i was at clubs and so i began to cancel our dates to go to clubs and i began to pay less attention to you. 

The night we were supposed to have dinner at your house, i cancelled again but i felt bad right after so i drove to your house to surprise you. When i opened the front door, i saw how you were in Kai's arms, asleep. All that i could think of was how hurt i was, i didn't notice your red eyes and how you've been crying. I was hurt and i thought that you cheated on me with Kai. I'm sorry for punching Kai and i'm sorry for calling you a . I thought that you had threw me away and i thought you stopped loving me. I'm sorry that you were the one who apologized and tried to clear the misunderstanding when i should be the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Its crazy how you still loved me despite of who i became and how i treated you. You knew i was hooking up with random girls each night but you still loved me. Why did you love a jerk like me Sara? I made you miserable. Why didn't you leave me sooner? 

Kai came to my house one day and just beat me up telling me how i wasn't good enough for you. He was right, you deserve someone better than me. Everytime you tried to talk to me and fix our relationship, i would shut you out. The third year of our relationship was terrible but you were suffering alone. You should've spent that year making the most out of your life instead of sticking with someone who treated you like complete trash. But i didn't know all the pain you went through until that night, i went home at 3am and i forgot that we were supposed to meet there for our 3rd anniversary dinner and i saw the table in the middle with a candlelight and dinner that you made for us. I saw that both plates were untouched and a letter in the middle. Up to this day, i still remember the words on that note. "I will always love you Baekhyun" and that was the night you left me. I had begged Kai to tell me where you were but he wouldn't let me and i eventually gave up because i knew you were better off without me. I still cry every night because i miss you and I still love you, i always will. 

Its been 3 years since the day you left me and i am now engaged to a beautiful woman. I love her, i really do but she will never replace you. You will always have a little piece of my heart.  You must be wondering why i am writing this letter, this is because i'm willing to let you go now. 

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A week ago 

"Honey, can you go to the supermarket accross the street and get me some snacks? Its movie night tonight and we're out of snacks!" Kyungmi said to me.

I nooded and gave her a small peck before getting a sweater and walking to the supermarket. I was about to enter the market when i saw her, my first love. I ran up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and gave me a wave and a small smile.

"Hello Baekhyun, its been a while. How have you been?"

I didn't know if i should tell her if i was getting married but Sara beat me to it. "I suppose you're engaged?" She said as she pointed to the ring on my finger. I nodded and she congratulated me. "I truly hope you both will live a happy life Baekhyun, i have to go now but promise me you'll be happy Baekhyun." I nodded and she left.

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I met you last week in a dream and yet it felt so real. After i had that dream, Kai called me to meet up and i was confused at first because the last time we spoke was three years ago which was the night you left me. 

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"Baekhyun, over here!" Kai said waving his arms and gesturing for me to sit at the chair accross him.

"Whats up? Why did you call me?"

"I heard you were getting married. Congratulations!" He said and stopped for a while before finally speaking up,

"Look Baek, Sara wanted me to tell you this only when you seem ready for the news. Sara, she passed away baek, last year."

Tears started coming out of my eyes and i still couldn't process what Kai said but i managed to ask what happened.

"She had cancer baek.The year she left you, she found out about it but she didn't want to tell you because she was afraid. She didn't want to be the reason you stop living your life. However, that night of your 3rd anniversary, she was getting worse and she almost pass out but thankfully i got there early. She insisted to write that note personally for you and then she decided to leave you for good because she didn't want you to suffer like she did. Sara spent her last 2 years on a hospital bed trying to fight for her life. Baek, she loved you so much that she made me promise to never tell you until you met someone who can make you happy so that you can finally let her go. She made me promise to make sure you let her go and find happiness and be happy with another person. So baek, please be happy in this marriage and for Sara's sake, let sara go."

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The news about your death hit me hard and i remember crying for the entire night. Sara, nobody can make me as happy as you did and i can't love anyone as much as i loved you but i will let you go now. I will be happy Sara, just like you asked me to. Honestly, i'm angry at the fact that you kept this from me. I wanted to be there for your last moments, Sara you don't understand how much i love you and i'm sorry that i didn't get to make you feel loved. I am currently in front of your grave and i'm still crying. Tomorrow's my wedding day and i am willing to finally let you go now. Sara, i hope you're happier now wherever you are and i hope you know that i will never stop loving you.

And maybe, just maybe, in another life, we can finally have our happy ending and you can be mine again.

Love,

Baekhyun.