He sigh for the millionth time that night, thinking – remembering of how the words of others have had a great impact on him these past few weeks. Sure, he would usually just shrug everything off because those people never really mean what they have said or commented, but thinking about it, what if those comments were true? What if those people have actually pointed out his flaws, that he is a nuisance on Infinite, that he does nothing but being the leader? What if that was all the other members’ thoughts as well? What if he was just that dense to figure it out? What if…?

The sound of light rain pouring just outside his window accompanied him with his fresh made hot chocolate and a warm blanket. No sign of the other members surrounding him and the dorm. Sunggyu let out a dry chuckle before making himself more comfortable on his bed. As the night continues to deepen, his thoughts deepen as well. He knew he shouldn’t let these thoughts invade his head, he should know by now. But he couldn’t just let it go. True, he never minded any negative comments made towards him – may it be from haters, fans, managers, CEO or even other senior artists/MCs – he would just take it as an inspiration, a drive for him to work harder and deliver better. But thinking aback, what did he accomplish really?

During their debut? He can honestly say that although their song was catchy, their visual L was what caught the fans’ eyes. With that help, they were able to get people to be their fans. Need it be mentioned when his and L’s dance positions were changed because of it? Let’s face it, Myungsoo’s the hero there. Sure he did lead the members alright, but how hard it is honestly to lead 6 nervous little kittens around during their debut stage.

As he took a sip at his hot chocolate, he noticed how the rain had gotten heavier – the sound of rain hitting his window was loud but soothing for him in a way. He wondered how the rest of the members were doing. As the only one with little schedules, he has got a lot of time on his hands. Sungjong was busy doing his MC schedule, the rapper lines were still promoting Infinite H, Myungsoo and Sungyeol was stuck at the office with the managers, and Woohyun? Well Woohyun was busy hanging out with his 91 liner friends since he too does not have any schedule at the moment. The hot chocolate tasted way too bitter for him all of the sudden, he sighed, even without him; the other members were doing fine.

Should he quit? Sunggyu had thought of doing so for quite some time now, after all the others were fine on their own, and they didn’t make it seemed that they needed him anytime soon. Maybe when he’s gone, their CEO could make Dongwoo Infinite’s new leader, the younger would do a great job at it – with his carefree, angel-like personality and his way with words. Not like Sunggyu himself, who would stumble on his words, not knowing what to say, despite being the leader. Or they could let Hoya be the leader, since he loves being the centre of attention. Not Woohyun though, he couldn’t even imagine how it would look with Woohyun as the leader. Maybe Sungyeol? The choding was sure getting more mature with age. He didn’t consider the maknae line though; god knows how they would lead the team.

Sunggyu laughed dryly, tears dangerously trying to pour from his eyes. He put the cup of chocolate aside, on top of his bedside table before getting up to fetch his earpiece and mp3 player. He then made himself comfortable back on his bed, putting on his earpiece, setting the volume up high. Sunggyu then just sat there, back against the head board, knees to his chest, and head buried down. And as the music continued to sway him away, his tears fell.

After years of being together, even before debut, he can honestly say that he had never felt this lonely and fragile before. He would always be the responsible looking leader, the one that always knows what to do, the one that would always lead the team – to look out for them, to look after them. He should feel like a proud father, seeing his sons dispersing – doing what they love, being healthy, but… he doesn’t. He felt sad for a moment, with their success, he doesn’t see them anymore – aside from the television (which is kind of sad to be honest, seeing that they are in the same group). He doesn’t remember the last time they even had dinner together as a seven – as a whole. What kind of a leader is he anyway…?

With the sound of heavy rain pouring outside, and the mellow heartwarming music he had against his ear, Sunggyu didn’t notice the repetitive knocks on their front door, nor does he notice the sound the door made when it was unlocked. Sunggyu’s head finally rose when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a faint “Gyu hyung” along with it.

It took him approximately 7 seconds to realize what he was starring at, and at eight second little hiccups erupted from his mouth. His eyes widened, noticing the person in front of him did not made any sign to move (aside from widening his eyes twice as large), Sunggyu roughly wipe his tears from his eyes, removed his earpiece before making a mad dash towards the bathroom still hiccupping. He carefully rinsed his tear stricken face with cold water, not minding how the coldness hurts his face at the moment. When he looked up to see his face on the mirror, he stood still, looking at the mirror – but not at his face, but at what was behind him, or who rather was behind him.

“Woo -hic- Woohyun…-hic-”

“Gyu-hyung… Why, why are you crying?”

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