The Crying Boy
PierrotI hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
This can be called a songifc if you may.It is inspired by a song called "Pierrot" sang by SENKA ,but originally is by the Vocaloid Hatsune Miku.
I recomend you to watch the video,it is extremaly beautiful.
Happy reading~
Btw,can you realize who the boy is?
I’m nothing more than a fool, a clown, an object of entertainment. It doesn’t matter if I fall and hurt myself, my purpose is to make you laugh, don’t pity me.
It’s nothing. If I fall; I’ll stand up again and do it all over again.
"It's okay, it's okay. It doesn't hurt me at all.
You should just keep on laughing for me."
It's okay, it's okay. I, making clumsy falls,
am merely a clown balancing on a ball in this small circus.
Circus’ life isn’t laughter and smiles as everyone seems to think. You aren’t always happy and playing around. For you, who watch everything from the bleachers, it’s just entertainment, but for me, who stands up in the stage, it’s my life.
We’re like nomads, never staying in one single place, always on the move. One day I’m here, the next, I’m there. No attachments, no friends, no break; always wear your mask.
It doesn’t seem so bad, right? But after many years of moving around, I can only thing ‘When do we leave?’ I used to care about the crowds of people that came to see us, but now I just go up to the stage and perform, then I get down, just like that, nothing else and nothing more, I do as requested.
Here, you’re not Wu Yifan, you’re only a fool, a clown; Pierrot. That’s who I am.
“Are you ready for the show?” A chorus of voices could be heard around the big, red tent.
The master of ceremonies or Chen, as we call him, nodded and proceed to put his hat and with mic in hand he charged to the stage, his fake smile plastered on his face. Along with a fake cheery voice that echoed through the stage.
The audience cheered and clapped at his performance, just like every time.
“Now, behold” Chen said ,while he played with his hat “The great beast tamer, Yeol!”
I watched from inside the tent as the brown haired guy trotted into the stage with whip in hand and bowed to the crowd. Next the beast came; a lion, such majestic creature, reduced to a mere kitten when Yeol used his whip.
People screamed and ‘Awwed’ in delight as they watched the king of the jungle roll on the floor like a domestic kitty.
“Are you ready for our aerialists? This unique pair seem to fly”
After Yeol left the stage, Kai and Lay marched to the stage wearing similar costumes and with the same make-up in their faces. They climbed up to the top of the stairs until the trapeze came into view. It was always outstanding to watch as the fearless pair launched into the small things and soared in the heights.Those two didn't even bothered to look down,because they know that if they fall,there's nothing to save them.No net to catch them up.
“Wasn’t this amazing?” Chen addressed the crowd, who attentively heard him “I’m sure all of us wish to fly like these two” Many people in the crowd nodded enthusiastically agreeing.
I wish I could fly too, but fly out of here,to a place where no one could find me.
Next Soo came, he is a weight lifter, just that he didn’t worked with weights, but with anything you gave him.
This time, Chen moved to the bleachers and randomly moved his hand around the rows of people sitting while raising their hands frenetically in the air ,so they could be chosen to perform in the next act.Finally he picked a small boy and a young woman, both came to the stage where Soo was.
The girl and the boy both shrieked when Soo lifted them up into the air without any warning and tossed them around while catching them as if they weighted the same as a feather.I still don't know how this small boy with innocent owl-like eyes could hold such strenght.Though,sometimes he is pretty scary.
The blushing woman and the exited kid smiled happily as they returned to their sits.
“Ah ,such display of strength and concentration…” Chen joked while patting Soo’s back “If only he put that same effort in helping me cleaning the tent”
The crowd exploded in laughter,though,Soo wasn't laughing,he had a neutral expression on his face.I bet he was actually killing Chen in his mind.
“Our next performance is one full of mystery and enchantment, this pair is unique specimens”
Taozi and Baek came next, both wearing extravagant, glittery make-up along with reveling costumes.They were contortionist. Enchanting the crowd with their mysterious looks and impossible movements.
The crowd watched in amazement and some in terror—as Taozi’s feet touched his head while he moved his arms around —like dancing. Baek’s back arched in a uncomfortable looking position as well as his neck and arms.
These two are so strange, no one knows where they come from or who they are, but to be honest, no one knows who you are or from where you come, you don’t show your identity here. No one is supposed to know your real name or your life before the circus. You’re just a beast tamer, a aerialist, a weight lifter, a contortionist, nothing else.
“I’m sure that hurts” Chen talked after Taozi and Baek finished their performance “Well, let’s fire up this a bit.”
“Our next performance is dangerous and exiting” Chen spoke with a low voice,making the audience grow in exitement “I present to you, our fire breather, Min!”
I guess I understand why people are so amazed at him, maybe it’s because he breathes and spits fire like a dragon or maybe that he looks not older than a 15 year old and spits fire. I’m sure Min is not 15 years old, he has said it before, but he seems very young.
His performance is always exiting, many of us wish to learn to do the things he does, but Min always tell us that ‘If you play with fire, you’ll get burn’ I suppose he has burn before.
“Uuuf…” Chen cleaned sweat from his forehead.His whole face was drenched in sweat,even from afar I could feel the heat of the flames. “It’s hot in here don’t you think so?”
The crowd laughs with him, Min does too, but the strange thing is that he is not sweating, not a small bead of sweat covers his face. He always seems to be fire proof and cool, not even the heat can affect him.
“This performance that follows is full of danger and excitement too, but this one is a different type of danger”
Hun and Lu ,this pair is quite amazing too, but they don’t do fire tricks or soar into the sky, neither they tame beasts or lift heavy weights; They are magicians and illusionists , good ones, their tricks and acts are always intriguing, making you thing ‘How can they do that?’,but they're also very dangerous.
I guess they have decided to not do anything risky because Hun is still weak from his injuries of their last performance done with fire. Today, Hun and Lu play with a deck of cards; first they pick their cards, then both exchange cards, look at them and proceed to put the cards back in the deck. I watched in fascination as Lu takes Hun’s card out of his mouth, while Hun does the same. Next they play other tricks, but for their final trick, the decks of cards exploded into the crowd and they disappear in a sea of aces and jokers lying in the ground.
”Ah, this saddens me to say it” Chen fakes his tears “But this is our last performance of the night,please welcome our dear Pierrot”
That’s my signal; I take my rubber ball and my put on my mask. I walked up the stage, purposely tripping into the ground, the crowd laughs at my silly antiques.
it's okay. I, playing the fool,
am merely a nameless clown in this small circus.
“Aww, my dear friend, are you alright?” Chen asks me, I just nod frantically “Ah, of course you’re all right, this fool’s head is hard as rock” The audience laughs again
"As I try to balance
on a ball as round as the moon,
it is simply my job
to make conspicuous falls and be laughed at."
I proceed to do several stunts, hitting myself or accidentally falling, but always standing up again, with a fake smile plastered in my white, porcelain mask,a mask made to hide what I feel,no one needs to see my hurt or sad face.The need to see me happy in order to laugh at me.My sole job is to make you laugh. I look up the crowd, everyone’s laughing at me, but suddenly I see a small figure in the first row , a boy with brown hair.He is not laughing, he is crying. Tears slip down his ivory skin.
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"But I saw you crying in the audience.
Please do not put on such a sad face.
Taking notice of your tears unknown to your dad or mom,
I felt that it was my duty to wipe them for you"
‘Why are you crying?’ I want to ask him ‘Is it because of me?’
I try to make him laugh by standing over my rubber yellow ball and doing some stunts,just to end up falling with my face on the ground. I stand up again, scratching my neck as if embarrassed of my clumsiness .The boy is crying even more now.
‘No, don’t cry’ I want to tell him ‘it’s okay, I’m okay’
"It's okay, it's okay. It doesn't hurt me at all.
You should just keep on laughing for me.
It's okay, it's okay. I, making clumsy falls,
am merely a clown balancing on a ball in this small circus"
I leave the stage with a heavy feeling in my chest; I couldn’t make the boy laugh, why was he crying? People always laugh at me when I’m on stage, that’s my purpose, to make people happy,even when i'm not, that’s all I am; A Pierrot, a character of comedy, nothing else. I don’t laugh, I don’t cry. My mask shows no emotion besides a fake smile.
“That’s it folks, see you tomorrow!” Chen bows and the audience clap enthusiastically as I leave the stage.
We still have some performances left here, maybe I’ll be able to see the crying boy again and make him laugh, tears should not be staining such beautiful face.
The boy came to the other performances of the circus. Each day I searched through the audience hoping to see him, and every time he was crying whenever I performed. He looked so sad, does nobody else noticed his tears but me?
I wanted to hold him and to assure him I’m alright so badly…but that is impossible, soon I will leave and he will forget about me, maybe that’s better, he will forget about me and he will stop crying.
One day, something changed. My performance wasn’t last, but first, and still, there was something that didn’t change. Him, he was still crying in between a sea of laughter and smiles.
I wish I could wipe those tears and make you smile, no more sadness, just happiness. Why can you see it? I’m alright, nothing hurts, I’m just a silly clown in a big circus, I’m just a small part of something big.
This time, I take out my pocket some marbles and accidentally throw them into the floor, then I clumsily walk over them and try to maintain balance just to end up face in the ground again.
That day, I sneaked between the crowd, with my mask still on, you were still crying. I held his hand and drag him out of the tent, his eyes filled with something more than just tears and sadness; confusion and happiness?
"You, refusing to stop weeping, said:
"You are lying, and that makes me sad.
"I did not tell you one single lie."
As soon as I said that, you started crying again:"
“Why?” He asked me with trembling voice “Why do you do it?”
My voice sounds foreign in my ears “Because that’s what I am”
He shakes his head in despair as if refusing to believe my words “No, you’re much more than a clown to me”
His voice sounds so soft, if I could see his voice, it would be soft puffy clouds in the sky. His face, still stained with tears and his mouth in a thin line, while he trembles before me. Why do you care so much for me? I’m no one.
I wish you believed me, but how can you? When I don’t even believe myself.
“Stop crying please” I pleaded, touching his cheek, cleaning his tears.
He shook his head again, refusing my request “You’re lying, and it makes me cry”
I frown, even if he can’t see it because of the porcelain mask over my face. How did you know, I wonder? “I did not tell a single lie”
"It's okay, it's okay. Don't worry if you can't put on a good smile,
just please do not lie about it again.
It's okay, it's okay. You don't have to bear it alone,
for I will cry together with you."
But you started crying even harder now against my chest. “How can I make you stop dear? It was never my intention to my you cry.”
You back away from me a little, looking at me with those brown orbs of yours.Soething bloomed inside me,something I though I had burried deep inside when I arrived to the circus.
My decision is made, I unstrap the ribbon that ties the mask to my head .The mask falls to the ground, with a shattering sound, he looked at me with wide eyes and kneeled into the ground grabbing the mask, inspecting it.
There’s a small crack in the top corner of the mask, the black of the crack contrasting with the white of the mask. One eye of the mask has a sole red tear on it, while both eyes are in the form of a crescent moon. The big red nose in the center of the mask is glowing and there’s a big happy smile on it.
Finally he turns to me and smiles, the first smile I’ve ever seen him do, he looks so happy, even with tears in his eyes. His hand touches caress my face. I try to smile, but I’ve been wearing that mask for a long time, so long that it seems that I don’t remember how to smile.
“It’s ok if you can’t put a good smile, just please, don’t lie again” He hugged me, his small arms circling my waist as he buries his face in my chest, inhaling happily “It’s ok, you don’t have to bear it alone, I will cry with you,”
My eyes were filled with watery drops, sliding down my face into his. He raised his face and wiped my tears with his hands.
“Thank you” I said, my lips pressed to his “Thank you for finding my real face, the one I’ve forgotten long time ago”
There is no more Pierrot, no more lies. Just me. Wu Yifan.
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It's okay, it's okay. You have found for me |
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