It's nights like this that Joonmyun wonders what Yifan is doing right now. Is he awake, thinking about Joonmyun just as Joonmyun is thinking about him? Or is he sound asleep? Laying in bed at three in the morning really doesn't do Joonmyun any good. He's tired but to sleep is to miss out on the thoughts of Yifan. It's cold outside and inside, if Joonmyun breathed out just right he would be able to see his breath, still though he doesn't cover up, in hopes the tall Chinese male will show up and scold him. But he knows that he isn't even the country. He's in China. Miles away from Joonmyun.

Joonmyun reached out and grabbed at the air next to him, as if that would help bring the older male back to him. How silly. He closes his eyes, inhales and exhales deeply, stomach deflating. “Honestly, you could at least call.” Eyes landing on the small picture of Yifan on his bed side. “Ask if I'm okay, if I'm eating or sleeping or even breathing.” A bitter chuckle leaves the pale man's lips, hand now running through his tangled hair. Joonmyun imagines what he would say if Yifan ever did call, would he cry? Would he fake happiness or would he just not answer? Joonmyun thinks the latter would be better, so the Chinese male couldn't hear him cry.

He rolls over onto his back, eyes staring into the darkness of his room. His hand lifts and he hold it out, staring at it. Call him crazy but sometimes he thinks he can still feel Yifan's lingering touches, on his hands or shoulders, kisses on his lips or neck. If he thinks hard enough he can sometimes feel the other holding him at night and if he listens just as hard he'll catch a small whisper of 'I love you'.

Joonmyun wants to cry but over the pass few months he believes he's used up all his tears. He also believes his eyes are now permanently puffy and red. It takes a few more layers of makeup now and days for him to even be presentable. It takes all his strength to pretend that he is okay when really he wants to just curl up into a ball and die a slow painful death because really he thinks he deserves that kind of death.

It's nights like this that Yifan wonders what Joonmyun is doing right now. Is he awake, thinking about Yifan just as Yifan is thinking about him? Or is he sound sleep? Laying in bed when he should be sleeping at the earliest hours of the morning really doesn't do Yifan any good but he can't sleep because he wonders what Joonmyun is doing.