mark's inner demons sometimes got the better of him. and oftentimes, to release him from their potential harm, mark would call the school absence line, pack his bag with his cigarettes, coffee and set off for the bridge.

☂

when mr and mrs wang went to celebrate their 21st wedding anniversary in italy, mark was loved and trusted enough to take care of jackson during the week. their days and nights molded into one - ordering chinese takeout, laughing at some bad movie on netflix, sleeping on their sofa, listening to jackson playing the guitar. one particular evening, mark was drifting off to sleep when he heard jackson strum his guitar to a more than familiar tune. mark remembered telling jackson that there was this song that meant a lot to him, one of the only songs that could calm mark down when he was alone when his anxiety attacks happened. mark had never actually heard jackson sing in real life, there were times that he would sing and play the guitar when they were on the phone to one another but, this was different - "we're like noughts and crosses in that opposites always attract..." it must've been at least 2am when mark stirred from his sleep, shocked that jackson was looking at him with such longing in his eyes.

"do you want to go for a walk?" jackson didn't even wait for an answer, putting his coat on and fetching mark's. "it's pretty chilly, are you sure you don't want a scarf or gloves as well?"

mark hesitated, in all honesty, he wanted it to be cold enough that jackson would have to hold his hands. "no, i'll be fine with my trusty bobble hat." 

there were barely any cars, jackson lying down on the ground, his eyes shone at mark, inviting him to join him on (possibly) their last memory. mark hated it, hated how much jackson knew of his dreams of a nicholas sparks fairytale, hated how he learnt songs on the guitar to lull mark to sleep with, how he'd never tell mark that he loved him but gets jealous over mark's relationship with bambam. they sat there for what felt like eternity, only the sounds of their breathing disturbing the otherwise noiseless atmosphere. the stars were bright, but none were as iridescent as jackson was to mark.

fearing for their life after hearing the engine of cars, jackson and mark dusted off the remaints of their fairytale moment. they followed the narrow pathway that led to the bridge, there were barely any cars, only the sound of the wind, the view of civilization seeming so far away. for the first time in his life, mark felt like he was able to breathe. 

jackson had been watching mark (truthfully, jackson had never taken his eyes off mark since that day when he sat next to him) and asked him why he was quietly chuckling to himself. "i'm so happy" - his eyes were twinkling brighter than any star in the sky, jackson now understood the need for poetry and lyrics. 

☂

headphones in, mark pressed shuffle on his ymas playlist. he had hoped that fate would put his self-proclaimed song with jackson but it played fireworks. with a lit cigarette between his lips, mark understood the lyrics for the first time. 

"remember when you were my boat and i was your sea? together we'd float so delicately...

'cause i don't know who i am when you're running circles in my head.

so it's true what they say - if you love someone, you should set them free.

(we went and threw it away)"

A/N: don't worry guys, i hate myself too. now i also understand why my english literature teacher always said that you can't divorce an author from their work. 

i'll stop being angsty when life stops (i'm joking, i'll probably end this next chapter bcos i feel sorry for the amount of angst that you guys have had to put up with!!!)