"teach me to number my days
and count every moment
before it slips away
take in all the colors 
before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss
even just a second more of this

when it's all said and done
no one remembers 
how far we have run
the only thing that matters
is how we have loved

I don't want to miss 
even just a second more of this

- Revive Blink"

Your lungs were filled with oxygen and your cheeks were blown up as you tried to keep all of the air inside of your body, trying not to let anything escape. You weren’t this good in this anymore as you used to be, a year ago you could stay under water without catching for air for a whole minute, now you were lucky if you could do it for twenty seconds. It was all ruining your life, the life you wanted to live, and it was making you live a life you didn’t want to live, but of which you had no choice than to live it. The most important thing at this moment was that you still had a life right? At least that was what other people always told you, but they didn’t know how it was to live like this, with the pain and the responsibility, so you didn’t think they had the right to say that you had to love your life.
 

With taking a deep and loud breath you pushed your head out of the water, your arms feeling heavy and tired after only swimming one lap which made you feel stupid and weak but which was enough for you to swim to the side and push yourself up the edge. There you sat down, your legs into the water, kicking it with your feet as if you were still swimming. Your parents had asked you to stop this, they thought it was too dangerous for you to be alone at a swimming pool right now because there would be no one around to help you out and who knew what to do if something would go wrong. But you had ignored their worries, everything was being taken away from you and you were sick of it. For now that you were possible to you wanted to do what you loved to do and you were a swimmer, so that was exactly what you were going to do, you were going to swim until you wouldn’t be able to do anymore and you would drown.

It was very weird though, normally you always used to come here with your friends and you had big fun together while doing crazy things and having unimportant conversations. You had tried that again the first time, but it hadn’t turned out that well as you had expected. It hadn’t fitted with you anymore because your life was no longer unimportant, you couldn’t think about those things anymore and make fun of those kind of stuff anymore. All of this, it had changed you and it had made a new person of you, one you hadn’t chosen to be but of who you had no choice than to be her. Like this, it sounded as if your life was horrible and as if you were living a lie, but that wasn’t completely true. It was just all so complicated and it was going to stay like that for a while, until it would all get better again…

The thought made you grip the edge of the pool while your feet stopped moving just as the water around them. It was so horrible that that was what you had to tell yourself all the time and that that was also the only things that others always talked about to you. They all went like ‘You’ll be fine and if it’s all over it will seem as if it has never happened.’ The person who had been telling you that with a big smile on your face, that was the person who you almost wanted to slap in the face for being that stupid to say that. She was someone who thought that she knew how you felt, that she could make you feel better by saying those kind of things, but she wasn’t, instead she made you feel even more worse because you knew you would never be able to make that happen. You would never be the same person again as you had been a few months ago and live that life again and people who thought that were very stupid.

“I hate people…” You mumbled and realized you sounded super depressed but you found that you had all the reasons to be. “Well, I’m sure you don’t hate all people right?” The sudden voice from behind you made you jump and almost slip back from the edge into the water but you were able to stable yourself before that happened. Quickly you turned your head to the person behind you, ready to give him a serious burner for scaring you like that, but when you saw who it was all the words disappeared from your mind. “You again…” You whispered and he nodded at you with a smile while looking at the water in the pool. It was the same guy you had seen yesterday and who had been smiling at you for no good reason but had still made you feel good that he had seemed so friendly at such kind of place where you didn’t think you could ever feel like that.

“Would you mind?” He asked while pointing to the spot beside you and after hesitating for a short while you nodded and he took place beside you. AT first you hadn’t been sure if you wanted to meet him, but then you thought, why not? He seemed like a very nice person and that was someone you needed in your life right now, someone new and someone nice. This guy had made you curious, made you want to know why he was being this nice to you and why he wanted to talk with you. He could have just walked by you like so many strangers did every day and could have just went on with his normal life, but he didn’t do that. What made him different from the rest and what made you want to talk to this boy and not to all the rest that did walk by. Maybe it was because he had made the first move and you didn’t have to talk to him first, because you weren’t good at talking openly to strangers.

“So, do you come here very often, I’ve never seen you here before?” He asked and made you look at him with big eyes. First of all you came here all the time, twice a week since four years ago and second of all you were the one who had never seen him around here before so you had no idea what he was talking about. “Yes, very often even. I really like to swim, it’s the only thing my parents will still let me do without sending someone with me to keep an eye on me.” The first thing you noticed while talking to him was how easy it seemed, it was as if the words all flowed out of your mouth just like that, without having to think about how they would come out of about what he would think about them and it was a very nice feeling. “Why would they need to send someone with you every time? To me you seem like someone who can perfectly take care of herself.” He concluded and this time you did hesitate before answering this.

“You still remember where you first met right?” You asked and he nodded convincingly, it was not as if some place like that could be forgotten very fast. You sighed while nodding also and pulling up your legs so you were sitting a bit more comfortable and so you could keep yourself warm. “Then you must know why. My parents are worried about me, which I understand and which is normal but sometimes it just gets a bit annoying. Since you were there too yesterday you must know what I’m talking about right?” You asked and looked up at him, your eyes widening as he shook his head and smiled while folding his hands over each other in his lap. “Nope, I don’t have any clue how you feel. I don’t think anyone has any clue how you feel, but I would love to find that out.” This guy had just left you completely speechless. No one had ever spoken to you in such a way before, never had someone asked you how you truly felt and no one had ever asked you this directly to tell it to him. “I’m Oh Sehun, by the way.” He said, this time looking at you instead of at the pool, making you smile back at him slightly. “I’m Kim Yoo Ri.” You said before shaking the hand that he had extended to you.        
 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Yoo Ri-ah…”