The story of the youngest Kim fell in love with cancer patient was already spread out. And Kim Jongdae, the third brother of Kim household, knew about this all along, since day one Jongin asked him funny stories to retell, he realised that she wasn’t an ordinary girl. He visited her once secretly after talking to Junmyeon, how bad their younger brother fell for her and how bad her condition lately— two things that didn’t match like both brothers wanted it to. 

But what he saw behind the door wasn’t sad Jongin and pale-soulless patient, but simply a lovey dovey couple. Jongin who told her funny stories and feeding her foods ; Naeun who laughed at everything Jongin had told and giving encouragement to whatever Jongin went through at school. Jongdae saw them and he knew that the Maknae had a very normal relationship— just it took at the wrong place. 

When Junmyeon called her that noon, confessed that he made a very big mistake to forbid the poor Naeun to meet Jongin, he came immediately to the hospital. He wanted to punch the second brother at least once on the face. How could he— after he knew what Jongin went through, fought with their father and Minseok everyday, how could Junmyeon betrayed Jongin too? But Junmyeon was already disappointed in himself— even before he pointing it out loud, coward act like that, was something that only their heartless father would do. He understood Junmyeon’s position as a doctor and a brother, but still, he shouldn’t have done it. 

Jongdae just patted the older on the arm, when he said he wanted to help them to create memories, to find a way out that Jongin wouldn’t be drowned in despair, if one day Naeun wasn’t there anymore. 

The image of seven years old Jongin, laid on the hospital room, appeared before their eyes, “If only I knew Jjanggu would go this soon — I would have done better, Hyung,” Jongdae nodded at Junmyeon’s proposal, he needed him for sure, because there were things that a doctor shouldn’t do— sneaking out a patient, for example. Moreover, there were things he couldn’t say with his own mouth, as Naeun’s doctor and Jongin’s brother at the same time— that Naeun was racing with time she had left. She might only have a month. Or less. 

***

“I think you have to focus on what she wanted to do,” It was midnight midnight already, when Jongdae came in Jongin’s room and found the younger was laying on the bed, sleepless. They talked for awhile before Jongin confessed that he was scared of the probability to lose Son Naeun. 

“Hyung, you… are on my side?” Jongin widened his eyes slightly. He was tired of fighting with his father, being judged by Minseok, and hearing his mom’s nag everyday, how he should pick his girlfriend, and also Junmyeon Hyung, who would never accept the fact that he was falling in love with his patient. 

Jongdae ruffled his hair, “What this kid said— we all support you, Jongin-ah. Just… we have our own way to show it,” when Jongin gave him a vague smile, he knew he should have to protect Jongin’s smile no matter what. But drifting Naeun away from him— definitely wasn’t the answer. And maybe, just maybe, being honest was the only solution they had, “Look at here, Jongin. Naeunnie —“

“She doesn’t have much time left— I know,” Jongin hugged his both knees and buried his head in between, “I can’t make her happy just yet,”

“Jongin-ah…” Jongdae was taken aback at his statement. He knew it all along, that forever wasn’t exist for them. 

He raised up his face and grinned, it was somehow painful to watch for Jongdae, “You know, Junmyeon Hyung avoided me— it just could mean one thing,” he sighed, “But, I’m not capable to make her happy, Hyung. I’m just a high schooler— what could I do?”

“You can do much, much, more than you think. And the one who could make Naeun happy,” he patted the younger’s arm, “is only you,” 

***

“Ten questions?” Naeun blinked her eyes several times. Jongin was sitting behind her, combing her wet hair carefully. He took over Nurse Choi’s job to take care of Naeun today—bathing wasn’t included. Jongin asked her though, but Naeun took hospital phone immediately and reported that there was a byuntae in her room. 

“Yes. I will clip your nails; one question for each nails,”

“You always play a weird game, you know that?” 

Jongin laughed, threw away the hairs on the comb before Naeun saw it. She was upset if she realised her hair was getting thinner day by day. Jongin sat on the guest chair and rummaged the drawer, “Nail clippers! Okay, Naeun Student, give me your hand,” Naeun gave him her right hand, a little bit worried that Jongin would ask her something she couldn’t answer. “First question, do you have ex boyfriend?” 

Naeun took back her hand, “Eyyy— what kind of question is that?”

He chuckled, flicked her forehead lightly, “Don’t tense up, Naeunnie. It’s just simple question, you could lie to me, I won’t even know!” Jongin raised his brow, “What? You are suspicious! You have many ex-s, don’t you?”

Naeun laughed, put her hand again over Jongin’s palm, “You can clip the first nail. Only one— I had. Kim Myungsoo, my sunbaenim from junior high school,” 

“Is he handsome?” instead of clipping her nails, Jongin was aware of his new enemy. 

“Is that the second question? Then—“

“No, no. It wasn’t. Okay. Forget it,” he didn’t want to lose the other nine chances to know Naeun better. He made self notice to ask around about this Kim Myungsoo. Jongin clipped the first nail neatly, “Second question, what is your dream?”

Naeun petrified for a millisecond, but she didn’t pull her hand away, “I don’t have—“

“You have,” Jongin was still clipping her nails, acted like he was talking about the weather, in which he knew very well that Naeun was shaken by his question. “If, you don’t have this little friend of yours, if you survived them, what would you do?” he grabbed her hand, conducting strength. 

“I—“ Naeun exhaled breathy, no one had ever asked her what her dreams— even herself, had already given up since day one she was diagnosed by this disease. Once upon a time she had them, once upon a time she had a dream. “I don’t know if I can be this greedy,” Jongin listened to her, anticipating every word she would say. Practically, he was better than Nurse Choi who was only interested in her family background— just to be retold to others. “I want to go to school again. I want to enrol in University. I want to be —an artist,” 

At that second, he would bet everything that he had— even his life— just to grant her wish. No one saying it out loud but they knew what was between Naeun and her dream. Jongin whispered, ready to give up his third question for simple question like, “Can you draw?”

Naeun’s eyes lightened, “Yes, I can. I won many competitions back then,” her eyes focused on something behind Jongin, “My mom— she told me that I could open my own gallery in the future,” 

Jongin asked four more questions regarding her dreams. He knew he wouldn’t regret it. No, after looking at her sparkly eyes while talking about them, “You will survive, Naeun-ah. You will survive and you can enrol in the University, finish your drawing like you want them to, and of course—“ he almost choked his tears, “— you can open a gallery, or maybe two,” Naeun gave him a vivid smile, knowing that he told her everything just to reassure her, and she was grateful just by that. “Give me your left hand, I still have to interrogate you,”

“What’s my fault?” 

“Stealing my heart?” Jongin winked at the girl and scored hit on his arms. Naeun shook her head for his confidence and cheesy picked up line (Jongdae taught him). “Seventh question, is there some place you wanted to visit?” he saw Naeun furrowed her brows again, “Don’t think, okay. Just— like the other girls—” he changed his voice pitch to be higher, “I want to go to the mall and shop until I drop,” 

Naeun chuckled, “Someone said that to you?” Jongin almost said it was Mijoo, but he only laughed and shook his head. “My mother’s grave,” she glanced at the photo over the drawer. “It’s been awhile since I go there,”

“Is it far?” eighth question. 

Naeun shook her head, “No. I go there once in awhile, with Nurse Lee. Last time she brought me there by ambulance. Oh, so embarrassing,” 

Jongin chuckled, noted the place in his head. “Next question, another place you want to visit?”

She smiled, staring at far with her dreamy eyes, “There is a place. I only visited them twice. Once with my mother and father when I was a kid, the second time was with my mother only— right after she knew that she had cancer,” she smiled, “There are only good memories I have on that place,” 

“Where?”

“Beach,” she said, “I want to go to the beach again someday,” 

“The next beach is actually not that far,” Jongin mumbled. 

“Can I mention the other place?” 

Jongin nodded, clipped her last finger nails, “I will give up my ninth question for you,” 

“Home,” 

“Home?” 

Naeun nodded, “Home,” she chuckled, “Why are you taken aback? I have house too,” she explained, “I rented it. But, I still have memories there. My mother and I— in our small house,” 

Jongin ruffled her hair with care, he really wanted give the world for her, if he could, “Hey, Naeun-ah, my brother told me, you can schedule a surgery, if you want,” he took Naeun’s hand, “We don’t know the probability, but there is always hope.”

“Jongin-ah…” Naeun stared at Jongin with her teary eyes. She refused to do surgery since she came here, what for? — but now, she had reasons to continue her life. And the most important one, standing in front of her right now. 

“We can go to places you want to go, fulfil your wishes, and if we finish everything in your list, let’s do the surgery,” Jongin blinked his eyes and a drop of tears fall out of his control. He clipped her pinkie nail finger, “My last question, do you want to fight, together with me, until the end?” 

*** 

They got three sheets of paper in front of them; two permissions and one rejections. They were allowed to leave the hospital for only two hours to visit Naeun’s home and her mother’s grave. Of course they had to scratched out the beach; it was too far and to dangerous for Naeun. They didn’t hear anything Jongin had explained; how important it was for Naeun— they only shook their head firmly. Too risky, they said. 

When Jongdae got into her room that day, wanting to scold Jongin at first because he never went home for dinner, he just found a gloomy atmosphere between the two. He only grinned widely after Jongin explaining what had happened, “Let’s sneak her out,” 

Naeun’s eyes lightened a bit, like the last time Jongin proposed to go to the festival, “Is it okay?” 

Jongin scrunched his nose, didn’t feel like agreeing of what Jongdae said. It would be too risky, he thought, “I don’t know… it’s just different with the festival last time, Naeun-ah…” 

“I’ll help,” Jongdae grinned. 

***

They planned everything without Jumyeon’s knowing. “Don’t be too hard on him, Jongin-ah. He’s a doctor,” Jongdae ruffled the younger’s hair. “Of course he couldn’t give Naeun’s permission to leave,” 

Jongdae promised to stay at the hospital until they got back, stand guarding if something happened. If the nurses tried to go into her room— or if Junmyeon wanted to check her. He would prepare thousand reasons, and ready to get blamed, he said. 

Jongin had already prepared everything; saved some numbers from the hospital, searched the transportation to go there— Jongdae’s car were in the repair shop for awhile, and they couldn’t borrow Minseok or Junmyeon’s car either— and lastly, Jongdae gave him a box, “Call me if something happen, I’ll guide you how to use this, unless don’t open it,” Jongdae was the one who became anxious before their depart. He told the maknae to be careful and called him from time to time. 

The two brothers were taken aback when Naeun hugged Jongdae, right before they set off. “Thank you, Oppa. For everything,” 

Jongdae’s heart moved by the short sentence, ruffled Naeun’s hair casually, “Have fun, okay?” he sent his glare to Jongin, “Take care of her, rascal,” 

They just passed the last obstacle of the nurse desk before they went out from the hospital, when Jongin held his steps. He saw someone stood behind the glass door. 

Someone he knew very well. 

Someone who shouldn’t be there. 

It was Kim Minseok.

Naeun felt that Jongin’s hand grabbed her a little bit tighter. She knew a little bit about the oldest Kim, the lawyer Kim Minseok. The one who was so strict about rules and life, not just one or two times he said bluntly that he was disappointed on how Jongin acted. Naeun threw worried face at Jongin. But he looked determine as well, as if he was ready to rebel, when Minseok forbid him to go. 

It was Minseok who opened the door first, “Jongin,” 

“Hyung, let me…” Jongin still held Naeun’s hand tightly, he would fight his brother this time, if it was necessary. 

But Minseok cut his word by giving out his car key, “Use it well, Maknae. I had already packed some blanket for her,” he glanced at Naeun and nodded a little bit in guiltiness. He patted Jongin’s arm, doing the most impossible thing a Minseok could do, “I— overheard your conversation with Jongdae that night. And I asked him,” he moved his feet awkwardly, “I’m sorry I can’t always be there by your side. It’s always the client. I never realised that my brother needs me more than them,”

“Hyung,” Jongin whispered softly, lost his words. The anger that stacked up years by years dissolved to the air. He felt that his throat dried in a sudden. 

Mines shoved the car key into his palm, “Just… be careful,” 

It was the first time that Jongin let go Naeun’s hand since they were in the room. He hugged Minseok tightly, first time after all those years, buried his head into Minseok’s shoulder, “Thank you, Hyung,” 

Minseok smiled vividly, patted his head for several times, “Call me if you need something, okay?” He let go Jongin’s hug and turned his head to Naeun beside them, “Have fun, sister-in-law. And thank you for taking care of Jongin,” 

Naeun blushed a little bit and nodded, whispering a genuine thank you to the older, “I won’t forget this, Lawyer Kim. Jongin has wonderful brothers,” 

Jongin nodded in determination, “Thank you, Hyung,” 

He let them go with a smile plastered on her face. Minseok never felt this kind of satisfaction before, even from the biggest and the most important client in his entire career.

***

Jongin started the engine, glanced at Naeun who looked worried, “Are we really doing this? Can you really drive? Do you have license?”

Jongin smiled widely, “For a person who flushed her pills into the toilets, you have too many questions, Son Naeun-ssi,” he took her hand and kissed it lightly, “Believe me, like you always do,”

Naeun chuckled, forgetting her questions immediately. She knew that Jongin would protect her as far as he could, “Let’s go, Jongin-ssi,”

*** 

It took them 2 hours to go to the beach. And time flew. 

Naeun’s face beamed with happiness. Jongin furrowed his brows in worried, when she asked him to open car roof (yes, Minseok’s car had this feature). But he had already promised her to get everything what she wanted today. He didn’t really have choice, when she said she’d do hands up in the air kind of scene, which she saw in the movies. 

She was the one who frowned next, when Jongin stopped on the side of the roads, took three or four blankets from the back seat. Naeun blinked her eyes in confusedness while Jongin bound her with blankets, “Jongin, what are you doing?”

“You said you want to open the car roof,” Jongin was still busy with his masterpiece; Naeun as cocoon. 

“But—I—“

“You get everything what you want for today, darling,” He flashed a smile, nodded in pleased, and opened the car roof. “Let’s go to the beach!”

She pouted. 

Taylor Swift’s songs were their background music for today, not because they were avid listener of Swift, but guess what? Minseok had only one CD in his damn expensive car and it was Taylor Swift 1989. Jongin laughed his off only for being slapped by Naeun, who said that even Kim Minseok had a cutie side. It turned out that Naeun knew almost all of the songs and humming along. Jongin tried to harmonise between the famous tracks as Blank Space and Shake It Off. 

Naeun laughed until she choked when Jongin lip-sync Shake It Off and danced along the music. She rubbed her teary eyes due too much laugh, “Oh My God, if your fans know what you are doing…” 

Didn't they tell us don't rush into things

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me

Didn't you call my fears with the cheshire cat's smile

“Hey Jongin,” Naeun touched Jongin’s hands on the gear shift, “Thank you. I feel like I could live forever,” 

We found wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And we pretended it could last forever

“Hey Naeun,” he whispered, “Thank you. I feel like I could live forever, with you, like this,”

We found wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And life was never worse but never better

***

They arrived on the beach an hour before the sunset; Naeun— Jongin didn’t let her out from the car without blanket— took off her shoes in the shore before walked timidly to the water, checking the temperature, “Jongin! It’s warm!”

Jongin was taking care of Naeun’s shoes, “Yah! How could you leave your shoes behind! It’s cold!” Jongin could only chuckle hearing Naeun’s laugh from far, mumbling, “Do as you wish, Naeunnie…” 

“Jongin! Come here!” Now she was jumping lightly on the seashore, waving her hand to Jongin who reluctantly going into water. 

“Aish— is she really patient? Why isn’t she scared of anything?” he mumbled. When Naeun tripped and almost fell into the water, Jongin even had no time to be shocked, he run and caught her on his arm, “Yah! Son Naeun! I don’t bring you here to— Oh gosh! Be careful!”

Naeun laughed, “I know I’ll be okay with you,” 

When the sky turned to orange and vivid purple, they were sitting a little bit far from the seashore, over a blanket that Minseok had prepared. Naeun had already transformed as cocoon,again, and rested her head on Jongin’s shoulder, “It’s so pretty,” Jongin smiled, resting his head over hers. “There are only good memories I have on this place…”

“What are you saying?” Jongin fixed his position, so he had his arm around Naeun’s shoulder. “What’s memories? We will come here next year, and the year after… every year…” 

Naeun pointed to a small family who sat not far from them, told him that she was at the same age with their kids, last time she went to the beach with her parents. Jongin smiled, tried to recall last time his family went to the beach, or to travel around and he found nothing to be remembered. Naeun was luckier than him. She snuggled to his arm when Jongin said that— glad that they found each other. 

“Are you not scared?” Jongin braved himself to ask. He always tried to be strong in front of everyone, but he was scared even just of the thought that he would lose Naeun. 

“Me?” Naeun raised up, tightened her blanket over her arms. “Of what?

“… of death…” Jongin’s eyes flickered for a moment, he didn’t want to cry at the time like this. Naeun should only have good memories of the beach. 

Naeun sighed heavily, “I… wasn’t… until I met you, know you like this… I… I’m scared of losing you,” 

He cupped Naeun’s face slowly, and kissed her on her lips, “I’m sorry, I won’t asked you like that anymore. I’m just…” 

Naeun rubbed Jongin’s face with her thumb, smiling, “I am the luckiest girl on earth right now,” she kissed him on his lips, “Let’s do the surgery, Jongin-ah,”

If there was a moment that he would cherish forever, this was the time. 

***

It took them two hours to go to the town. And time passed slowly. 

Naeun tripped and fell on the sand right before they went into the car and she whined that her stomach was suddenly hurt. Jongin called Jongdae immediately, who gave his phone to Junmyeon. He told him everything he should do; keeping her warm and open the box Jongdae had prepared. It was full of Naeun’s medical needs. Junmyeon told him to give her certain pills that could reduce her pain. Jongin didn’t even have time to ask, how Junmyeon handled everything with calm—as if he knew about their little plan tonight. Junmyeon said that he would send an ambulance quietly right before they entered the town— he said that everything would be alright, and Jongin believed in him. 

“Just wait a little bit, Naeun-ah,” Jongin whispered, his right hand was holding her hand tightly. “Just hold on a little bit more…”

Her temple was sweating, but she didn’t say anything. She only nodded and held Jongin’s hand tightly, as if it was her only grip to live. 

Junmyeon said that he should distract Naeun from her pain, so he music— but it was him who was distracted by the lyrics. 

He said let's get out of this town

Drive out of the city

Away from the crowds

I thought heaven can't help me now

Nothing lasts forever

Jongin bit his lower lip tightly, so there was no sound escaped from his mouth— crying won’t help, Jongin, he scolded himself, but his tears flowed like a river. He wiped his tears with his shirt, tried to hide it from Naeun who sat on the passenger seat, in pain. 

“We will arrive in no minutes, Naeunnie. Just hold a little… bit,” 

Being strong was hard. Really hard. 

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams

Junmyeon didn’t lie. There was an ambulance that waited for them on the city border. Junmyeon and Jongdae jumped outside in a second Jongin parked his car on the side of the road. Junmyeon gave the rescue team instruction to bring Naeun into the ambulance. 

“Hyung, please, save her,” Jongin was already full of tears as he let go Naeun’s hand. “Naeun-ah, I will be here, okay? You have to be strong,” 

Jongdae was the one who became Jongin’s strength pillar after Junmyeon and the rescue team left. He hugged Jongin before bringing him in to the car, “Look, this is not your fault okay? Junmyeon Hyung said that it was her condition—“

Jongin cried uncontrollably in Jongdae’s arm, “I shouldn’t bring her to the beach— I should have listen what the nurses said…”

Jongdae cupped Jongin’s face, forced him to calm down, “Junmyeon Hyung knows everything. He said— there was no better time to make memories, than now. Naeun would be okay,” 

When Jongin and Jongdae arrived in the hospital, Naeun was already in her bed, sleeping. Junmyeon let him in for a few minutes, just to make sure that Naeun was alright. Jongin kissed her on her forehead with care before he came out and talked with Junmyeon. 

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Jongin hung his head low. “I shouldn’t have done that,”

“You’ve worked hard, Jongin,” Junmyeon patted his arms. He glanced at Jongdae beside them, nodded in agreement. They had already discussed it before, and telling him the truth was the best thing for Jongin. “About Naeun… looking at the graphic of her condition… this week was the best week she had…” 

“It is a good thing then, Hyung?” Jongin asked timidly— he was also not sure himself, looking how serious his brother’s face right now. 

“Look, it wasn’t about your trip to the beach to day, or the excursion the day before— it’s just always like this. The patient of stomach cancer— mostly had the best condition— before it was going down rapidly,” 

“Hyung!” Jongin was lost for a moment. Jongdae immediately holding his shoulder, conducting strength. “But she has already agreed for the surgery,” 

“We’ll do our best,” Junmyeon grabbed Jongin’s hand. “But— I want you to prepare yourself, Jongin. It could be anytime,” 

***

Jongin stayed at the hospital a night before Naeun’s surgery. Minseok lied to his father that the youngest spent the night at his office for studying. The third brother stopped by at the hospital and delivered a doshirak from their mother (Jongdae always had this smile which melted their mom’s heart), he even gave Naeun encouragement words and telling her funny stories from Jongin’s childhood. The latter was busy denying to whatever Jongdae had told— who sang three whole songs loudly in the bathroom because he was scared to be alone? 

Junmyeon also came over to her room, he said exaggeratedly that their laughs could be heard until the seventh floor. Junmyeon told her that she would be okay, although he wasn’t the one who would perform the surgery. He trusted her to the best doctor in Seoul. Naeun starred at the three brothers— didn’t know what to do, if she had to smile or cry at a time like this. She never experienced this feeling, being a part of a big family was really heartwarming. Junmyeon still sent her an apologetic smile. He stopped by few days ago while he explained the surgery procedures, and he was sorry for the unnecessary warning last time, he expressed his grateful instead, for taking care of Jongin. 

“Jongin is blessed with a very wonderful family,” she said, when the three brothers went out from her room. Looking at her with their warm gaze, they smiled. 

“He is blessed to have met you, Naeun-ssi,” 

***

Refusing anything to drink or eat since Naeun got into the surgery room, Jongin was restless. He was being told that the surgery had already ended, but the doctors still couldn’t say anything about the result before Naeun woke up from her unconsciousness. 

Half an hour later, when the door of intensive care unit opened, and Nurse Choi called him with panic voice, he knew. “Jongin-ssi? Come in, she’s… in a bad state… she wants to meet you,” 

He just knew, what would happen. 

Jongin came in with unsteady step, wasn’t ready to face anything he had to face. He saw Naeun was lying on the bed, looking so small between big medical equipments surrounded her. He took a seat in the guest chair beside her, “Naeun-ah…”

Naeun looked at him in the eye, her eyes were full of tears, but she was still smiling. And it looked genuine… just how? When he knew that she was holding her pain. Jongin rubbed his eyes in hurry, didn't want to lose the image of Naeun, even for a blink of an eye. The nebulizer was dewy because of her heavy breath. Naeun took away her hand from Jongin and tried to open the nebulizer, "Naeunnie… what are you… doing? Don't…" Jongin couldn't stop her, it was like she knew it was her last. 

"Don't hate Doctor Kim so much… He tried everything… to save me," she put her warm hand on Jongin cheek, rubbed it softly with her thumb, "Thank you… Kim Jongin, be a dancer, be a lawyer… be what you want to be," her eyes flickered for a moment, making Jongin freaked out. 

"Don't speak to much… Naeunnie…" he sobbed, didn't know what to say. But saying I love you at this time… it was like he accepted that this was her last moment, the last thing he wanted to believe right now. "Don't talk nonsense…" 

"I was greedy; I kept you for too long," and she smiled. The most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life, "… but Playboy Jongin; that sounds better…" 

The machine was beeping a loud sound after Naeun closed her eyes, "Wait! Wait! Naeun! Son Naeun! Open your eyes! You don't finish yet…"

The doctors and the nurses shoved him to the side, one of the interns grabbed him by his arm, trying to put him away, "You have to save her, Doctor!! She said she wants to enrol in the University… she still had to finish her draw… I still need to tell her something!!“ 

And when the door closed, he knew, so did his heart. 

***

Jongin run and run, opened and closed the hospital doors in hurry. Behind her, bunch of securities and nurses tried to chase him away. He had to find his brother somehow. Kim Junmyeon. 

***

Jongin found him in one of conference room. He didn't care that his brother was in the middle of his speech. He didn't care that he was now the center of attention in the room full of interns. "Jongin-ah…" Junmyeon furrowed his brows, recognised his little brother. 

Jongin grab him by his collar and punched him on the face. Not that hard, but still making the older stepped back. "You bastard!" 

All the interns were now wide awake, taken aback that the mighty Doctor Kim was crushed by a teenager. Kim Junmyeon had reputation, and being in a fight like this, was very far from his clean image. The securities and the nurses followed Jongin into the room, "Doctor Kim, we are sorry… he…"

Junmyeon took a sharp glance at his brother, surely he wasn't his self now. Tears were flowing down on his cheek, his eyes are red, but his grip was weak, holding his trembled body. Junmyeon could read the situation, and maybe, he would let Jongin hit him once more, if it could reduce the pain in his heart. "Please everyone leave the room," there were sound of hesitate. And they'd never hear the coldest tone coming from Doctor Kim ever again, "Right now," 

When there were just two of them in the conference room, Junmyeon tried to hug his brother, but he ditched him, "You lied!!"

"Jongin-ah," He tried to calming the younger. 

Jongin's eyes were filled with anger, and he, once again, grab him by his collar. "You are doctor, right? Why you can't fix her? You said she'd get better!!!" 

"Jongin-ah.. she's…" 

"She closed her eyes, Hyung!!!" Jongin cried uncontrollably. The image of Naeun smiling in front of him hurt his heart. "She said… she said…" he tried to remember what she said for the last time, but he just couldn't. Everything hurt. 

"I'm sorry…" Junmyeon whispered again, tried to hug him for the second time and succeeded. Jongin retreated and rested his head on his shoulder, making his white blazer wet from tears. "She fought very well… until her last time," 

It was five minutes full of sobbing when Jongin hug his brother, tried to seek comfort, "How… can I live… now… Hyung. Tell me…" 

***

Naeun’s funeral was held in the hospital, since she was literally living there for more than a year. Minseok, Junmyeon, and Jongdae took over the responsibility of her family and prepared everything, so Naeun could got her last honours and rest in peace. Jongin didn’t cry anymore but he felt that he lived in his nightmare. Everything seemed like a dream; knowing her, hearing her laugh, wiping her tears, touching her, and having her in his arms. He didn’t know how to cope with his life now— he didn’t feel he deserved a happy life— his dreams, his future. 

“Jongin-ssi?” 

Jongin brought his gaze to a person in front of him. Nurse Choi. He bowed, tried to hold in his tears, “Thank you for taking care of her, Nurse Choi,” 

She nodded, rubbing her teary eyes. Everyone knew their stories and it was impossible to not pity him right now. She handed something to him, “Naeun-ssi gave me this before the surgery,” Jongin widened his eyes, accepting the letter with trembled hand. “Be strong, Jongin-ssi,” She patted his arm and left him to give the last honour to Naeun. 

Jongin stared at the letter for whole minute before it was broke by Jongdae’s voice and soothing touch over his shoulder, “You want to read it first? You can go, if you want,”

He smiled, “No, Hyung. I’d read it later. I know she won’t go anywhere,”

***

Dear Jongin,

I hope this letter never gets to you, because that means… the surgery didn’t go well. That also means that I couldn’t show you how much you mean to me. 

You are my world, Kim Jongin. 

You gave me reasons to wake up in the morning, swallowing those pills, fighting for another chance— you are the reason why I wanted to survive this disease. 

You have shown me how to live and what the true happiness is. I would never enrol to the University— I would never open a gallery— but I’m glad I told you everything. I have no regrets. 

Fly higher, Kim Jongin. Be a dancer, be a lawyer, be what you want to be. Your dreams are my dreams. You've made my dreams coming true—  more than you know. 

You have shown me what love is and what it feels like to be loved. Every second with you felt like dream; I love the way you talk, I love the way you smile, I love the way you laugh, I love the way you dance, I love the way you hold my hand in the crowd, I love the way you kiss me, I love you— I love you so much. 

That’s why. Keep looking forward to the future, laugh more, Kim Jongin, love more. You are surrounded with it anyway— Your parents, Lawyer Kim, Jongdae Oppa, Doctor Kim, The Trio, — you are surrounded with love. 

Don’t cry, Jongin. 

Thank you for reaching out your hands first. Thank you to lighten up my dark days. Thank you for sharing a part of your world with me. 

Thank you for taking care of me— now it’s my turn. I’ll look over you from heaven, keeping you safe. 

Whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I’ll be right by your side. 

I love you Kim Jongin. 

Yours, 

Son Naeun. 

F I N

We found wonderland

You and I got lost in it

And we pretended it could last forever

a/n

my first ever angsty genre ;___; I hope it turns okay --feedback, please?