Jongin kept coming to the hospital. And it made Naeun happy. 

He knew that he couldn’t back out right now, but why should he by the way? He wasn’t forced to be there; he told Naeun stories that made her smile, he sent her photos from school to keep her accompanied when he was away; all was under his will. 

He could see that Naeun was thinner than the first time he saw her, her skin was paler, but he could see that she had more will to live. In every visit, he spoke more and more, not because he liked it, but he noticed that Naeun was getting easily tired, even after short conversation. He rejected bunch of stories from Jotgdae Hyung by the reason it was too funny, being scared that Naeun couldn’t handle her own laugh. 

Jongin unconsciously avoided Junmyeon Hyung nowadays. He tried to go to the hospital when Junmyeon Hyung had operation schedule, or lecture. He always kept up with Junmyeon’s schedule with the help from the nurses. He always acted that he was tired every time Junmyeon came home and slept early before he talked with him eyes to eyes. 

Not because he knew, he would got nagged by the older.

It was because he knew; how much time she had. 

***

It all started with simple conversation, how Jongin was busy practicing his dance with his team and how Naeun was bored staying all the time in the hospital. The idea came the second after; sneaking Naeun out from the hospital. It brought a little excitement in Naeun’s dull life. And it showed in Naeun’s eyes once he proposed about his plan, “Do you want me to go to your school festival?” Naeun repeated her question again, after she gulped down her pills. 

Jongin put the water glass on the drawer where Naeun’s picture with her mother was. “It would be fun, Naeun-ah!”

The light in her eyes wasn’t died out, but she still furrowed her brows, “But… You know I can’t…” 

“Just two hours!” he made a V sign with his fingers, “You can see me dancing, you can go around at school, we build a lot of booths this time!” Naeun smiled a little after hearing Jongin’s cheerful voice. “You said you want to meet Sehun, Taehyun, and Jaebum! I would also introduce you to Soojung, you would like her a lot! And you can see that damn Lee Taemin, the one who caused my broken arm last time,” 

“Oh… Jongin… I don’t know…” 

***

“Just hide your self behind this mask,” Jongin whispered, while checking outside the room, making sure that they were alone. He glanced at Naeun, felt a little bit unsure. He took his cap and put it over her head, “Now, it’s perfect. No one would know who you are,” 

Naeun moved her legs restless, “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Jongin…” the mask over muffled her voice. She was already dressed since two hours ago actually, couldn’t hide the excitement that she would finally go out from the hospital. She was worried enough that Jongin wouldn’t come like he had promised the day before. But when he came, her worry was doubled. 

Of course it wouldn’t be easy, since they had to pass through the nurses in the front desk. It was more difficult because Jongin literally knew everyone in the hospital, and vice versa. 

When Jongin took her hand carefully and told her to believe in him, she knew she would be okay. 

***

Jongin would never regret his decision to bring Naeun out from the hospital. She was just a little bit pale and thin, but beside that, she was looking like the other Seoul girl. No one would guess that she had the worst stadium of stomach cancer. 

Naeun kept shrieking and commenting about the stores along the way. She pointed here and there over the taxi window, making Jongin worried that she would be too tired after this. But every time he looked at her delighted eyes, he couldn’t say no. So this time, he just nodded and chuckled, enjoying Naeun’s joyful voice. 

He noticed the sudden change of Naeun, when the taxi arrived in front of the school. Maybe she was a little bit lost and anxious, it’s been awhile since she went to school. Jongin grabbed her hand softly, “Hey, I won’t leave you alone, okay? You will be alright,” 

Jaebum, Taehyun, and Sehun were waiting behind the taxi door, ready to welcome her. Looking from how noisy they were while Jongin introduced them to Naeun, she knew that Jongin didn’t completely lie about his friends. 

Jongin didn’t let her hand go, they were hand in hand while visiting the various booth in the school field. The main character of today was Naeun and Naeun only. He didn’t really care that everyone obviously talked behind their back, guessing if Naeun was his next girlfriend. Worrying about her safety, he didn’t let her buy any foods or beverages, although Naeun was begging for them desperately. He did buy merchandise for her though, the one that Naeun liked the most, was a imitation ring with little fake diamond on it.  

Fifteen minutes before the stage, the boys had to leave her alone to go to the backstage. Jongin had already prepared the VIP seat for her, the first row on the left side. He even told one of the event committee to accompany her while he was away.

He knew that this stage was different with the other. He had to do his best, not because of the jury of the scholarship, but simply because Naeun was sitting there. He took the glimpse of her between his movement, hoping it wouldn’t be too obvious that he didn’t really care about the other hundreds of viewers. Naeun was the only one that matters. 

When he finished the last beat, posing for a couple of second, again, he glanced at the girl in the first row, who now clapped her hand loudly, a proud smile plastered on her face. His special guest. 

He felt his heart was beating so fast. And he knew it wasn’t because of his dance.

He was wondering, how came he realised only now, that he was falling in love with her. 

***

That night, when they got back from the school event and Naeun arrived safely on her hospital bed, she smiled and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, “Thank you, Kim Jongin,”

***

Naeun always thought that the morning round check up was a useless activity, she didn’t want to get asked how’s her condition every morning, when all the doctor and the nurses knew that she didn’t really have much time left. Almost all of the stomach cancer case didn’t survive a year, but Naeun’s was the rarest. It was already a year and three months. And if only they knew that Naeun didn’t take her medicine at all and gave up her life, they would really wonder and put her in the guiness book of records. 

It wasn’t a usual morning for Naeun, she was waiting for the round check up, the thing that she always hated. Finally Dr. Kim came into her room, followed by two interns and a nurse, “Good morning, Son Naeun-ssi. How are you today?” 

Rolling the imitation ring on her finger, Naeun tried to calm down her anxiety, “You are the one who should tell me, Doctor, how’s my condition today,” she said. 

Junmyeon raised his brows a little bit, it wasn’t an usual answer he got. Normally, Naeun would only nodded a bit, not even care about her own condition. Junmyeon took the plastic board from the nurse, reading it for awhile, “Your haemoglobin state is good. The check up last week was also not bad,” 

A year already since Naeun stayed in his hospital, today was the first time she wanted to meet him eye to eye. And when she did, he knew that something had happened. And it was probably because of his younger brother. Junmyeon sent everyone out immediately, reassured her that the thing she told her would stay between them. 

Naeun was crying for a couple of minutes before she shook his front blazer a little bit harder, “Doctor Kim, please, save me,”

***

When his shift for that day was finally over, Junmyeon didn’t go home directly nor visiting his fiancee in the C section. He changed his clothes to the casual one (which made the nurses cursed Dr. Park from gynaecologist section, how lucky she was) and knocked Son Naeun’s door. He knew that he had just around half an hour, before his little brother came to visit the girl. 

Naeun widened her eyes a bit, she never saw Junmyeon in casual outfit before. He was always on the blue uniform or the white blazer. But today, he appeared in front of her eyes, looking casual, she couldn’t hold herself but to wonder, “Dr. Kim?”

“I’m not Dr. Kim. I’m Junmyeon, Jongin’s brother. Can I come in?” Jumnyeon didn’t even wait for her answer, he stepped in and sat on the guest chair, “I hope you are okay that I visit you after hour,” 

Naeun nodded. Still puzzled about the whole thing, “So… it’s about… Jongin… right?” 

Junmyeon sighed, wondering if it was the right decision to talk to her like this. “Jongin troubled you a lot, right?” The picture of Naeun and her mother on the side bed waved him for a flickered moment, he gave her an apologetic smile, “Jongin is a good kid. He always did his best at everything, tried to make everyone pleased,” Naeun was just staring at him, as if she already knew where the conversation led to. “When he was a kid, he had a puppy named Jjanggu. We had it for almost a year, before we knew that he had some kind of disease. Jongin bawled his eyes out when we had to put him on sleep. He refused to eat and speak for at least a week. Until he got to stay in the hospital after that. That’s why, Naeun-ssi… ”

“I get it, Doctor. I know what you meant…” Naeun said quietly, tried hard to fight her tears back. 

“I know I shouldn’t say something like this as a doctor. But, please understand my position, Naeun-ssi. I just want the best for Jongin,” 

A drop of tears rolled out from the corner of her eyes, whispered, “I want the best for him too,” 

***

Jongin knew that something was off. Naeun’s sudden change bothered him so much; she didn’t say anything as he came in to the room with some fresh flowers, she even avoided his eye contact, saying repeatedly that she was tired and he should go home. She was indifferent; even more than their first meeting. 

The next day was also the same. She was more sensitive than ever. When Jongin tried a little bit harder to approach her, she finally looked him in the eye, threw him a bitter gaze, “What are you, Kim Jongin? Stop bothering my life,” 

He didn’t really expect such a statement coming from . Her anger gaze, her strange behaviour, he really wanted to think it was the side effects from her pills. But he couldn’t lie that it also hurt him in many levels, since he was sincerely worried about her condition. The anxiousness that Naeun could leave him in unexpected time really killed him from inside. Jongin wanted to answer her, but he was also not in the right mind. He just gulped down his feelings, whispered, “I’ll be back tomorrow, Naeun-ah. Take your medicine, okay,” 

***

She glanced up to the ceilings, refused to see Jongin’s back walked away from her. Her eyes were wet but she knew she might not cry until Jongin stepped outside, “See you tomorrow, Naeun,” She couldn’t say a word, because she knew she would break down and even worst, begging him to stay. She didn’t want Jongin to leave. Not. When she finally had found the love of her life. 

A second after Jongin closed her door, she squeezed her eyes out, tried to hold back the tears. But she knew she had already failed. Her chest moved up and down repeatedly, and when the tears were broken, she cried loudly like a child. 

She never felt this hurt before. Stomach cancer was more way lighter to handle. 

***

It’s been a week. Jongin always found the door closed and locked from inside and it frustrated him like hell. He already asked the nurses, the security, even the doctors about Naeun but no one gave him a satisfying answer. What happened with her? He needed to find her and gave her his answer, what he was exactly. 

***

Son Naeun was near, but she was also far at the same time. She was somewhere in this hospital, but Jongin couldn’t find her. The door was still locked and he couldn’t forgive himself if the last memory he gave her was a disappointed face and big quarrel. 

“Jongin?” Jongin startled a bit hearing Nurse Lee’s voice, she was the one who always gave him chocolate bar when he was hospitalised. She was pregnant back then and always said that her baby boy should have handsome face like him, “What are you doing here? I thought you had been healed,”

Jongin smiled, moved his hand a bit, “Look, I am already better. I even started to dance again, Nurse Lee. How’s your baby?”

“He is so small and cute. You have to visit me, okay,” she rubbed Jongin’s arm, “And I’m sorry about your girlfriend… I saw her earlier in the chemotherapy room… and…”

“What did you say?” Jongin shook Nurse Lee’s shoulder a bit, “Where is she?”

“… chemotherapy room…”

***

Jongin walked into room 505 quietly, he really wanted to cry when he saw Naeun was sleeping in her bed. He had already known everything from the nurse and the officer in the chemotherapy room. Naeun always took the same time to do chemo, it was Jongin’s visit time, so he couldn’t meet her. She also asked the nurse to lock the door and requested them not to tell Jongin about her plan. He couldn’t deny that it made him happy, the facts that Naeun wanted to take the curing program. But why must she avoid him? Did she think that he would leave her alone in the middle of the road?

Jongin sat on the very same guest chair, not wanting to wake her up. Naeun seemed so fragile and pale, her black hair was getting thinner and dried, but as long as she still breathed, then it was enough for Jongin. 

He took Naeen’s hand carefully, treated it like it was made by glass. His heart was getting heavier and his eyes swam with tears, “Oh, I don’t know what to do without you… Son Naeun…” 

Still holding her hand, he muffled the cried snort in his arm, “Jongin… what are you doing here?” Jongin rose up his head, his eyes was still red from the tears. Naeun summed up her last energy to snatch her hand back.

“You asked me last time, what am I?” Jongin exhaled hard, tried to move the heavy feeling on his chest, “I am Kim Jongin, the one who would always by your side, through the thick and thin, even… when we don’t know…” he rubbed his eyes. Naeun in front of him was also crying, biting her lips so there was no sound came out. “… how much times you have left. I am that Kim Jongin, the one who would still choose to meet you, even if I could turn back time. I am that Kim Jongin…”

Naeun cried uncontrollably now, staring at Jongin with her despair eyes, “It is for your own good, Jongin-ah. I… have no future…”

“You have!” he shouted. “You will survive that damn cancer… the chemo would help you..”

“You know about it?” Naeun didn’t seem happy at all, “You don’t know what would happen… I… will lose all my hairs… I would be very ugly and…”

Jongin laughed with tears on his cheek, “I always want to shave my head off and Jongdae Hyung always tell me I am ugly duck… so,” Jongin moved to sit beside Naeun on her bed, moving slowly, and kissed her on the lips, “I will go nowhere… so do you…” 

***

Kim Junmyeon couldn’t bare it anymore. He couldn’t see the younger refused to eat for a week now, making the Kim household flipped upside down because of him. The maknae got angered every day by his father, fell into arguments with the oldest Kim, and made their mother sad, because he locked the door almost all the time. At first, Junmyeon felt that Jongin avoided him at any cost, maybe he knew that the older would tell him about how not to get involved with Son Naeun. But lately, it was Junmyeon who refused to meet the boy. The guilty feeling crept him since he spoke to Naeun last time. 

Naeun begged him to save her life, spilling tears in front of her, saying that she would do anything to get cured. As a doctor, he was happy and thankful to Jongin for making Naeun changed like this. She always refused to get chemotherapy and the progress of her disease going rapidly. He knew that Naeun didn’t have much times, even when she started to get chemo last week, he couldn’t promise a happy ending for her. He knew that she was too late. 

As Jongin’s brother, it was a different story. He knew how bad Jongin was once he got attached to someone. Maybe it was also the unspoken reason why he was becoming a playboy since in elementary school. He couldn’t bare farewell and he hated it so much. 

Even the one who opposed him to be a doctor in the first line wasn’t their father, it was Jongin. Because he was scared that his second brother would be chased out from home, knowing how their father’s temper was. Junmyeon had a hard time explaining to him that he wouldn’t go nowhere. Slowly Jongin’s worry turned to be respect over the second brother, that he chose his own path, not the one their father and Minseok wanted.

He was always his favourite brother, that’s why Junmyeon always tried to protect him, so drifting him away from Naeun was the best decision. 

Medical world were just filled with thousand of case, it was like playing with estimation and speculation. There was no such thing like a new case. It was always repeated again and again. If you want to know what would happen with this patient, then you should look at the hospital archive, the same case certainly had happened last year or ten years ago. 

Looking at Naeun’s condition, this two weeks were the best week she was going through. And it worried him very much. It wasn’t just one or two cases that the patient’s condition got better at the last week before it got downhill rapidly and worsened. He knew that Naeun didn’t have much time left.

Still holding Naeun’s archive, he took his phone out, “Hey, Jongdae-ya… I need your help,”