the next morning ...

i opened my eyes , aah it's bright i guess hyoyeon unnie opened the curtains wide , usually i'm the one who wake up first but today i think i over slept a little ,yesterday i had a lovely dream about ..... , i was recalling it but then i saw the cap & scarf from yesterday beside me on the bed , what happened between us was REAL !!?? my heart jumped and i sat probably on the bed recalling what happened yesterday again and again ! don't get me wrong i woke up at my dorm ..

" did you have fun yeasterday at yonghwa's concert ?" hyoyeon unnie asked me ..

WELL i had fun this time , i have been attending CNBLUE concerts for years , i would always buy his concerts tickets whether i'm gonna attend or not , yonghwa performing live is so cool , i'm a hardcore fan of him but he never knew ..

" you came home late yesterday , what happened ?" hyoyeon asked again , since i kept spacing out and didn't answer her first question ..

" yesterday , yonghwa was sick so i stayed to watch over him " i said while blushing.. 

seriously i can't explain what happened yesterday , i can't even explain it to my self , we did have our mutual time at that waiting room and .. and .... we didn't even talk about anything so it was really weird doing all what we have done just after I confessed to him , anyway later his temperature was hell high so i told him he should return home to rest , he kept refusing to do so , and gave me those puppy glances with his beautiful eyes which was hard to resist , but then i told him i would stay with him until he sleeps soundly on his bed ...

i called his cnblue brothers who were going in circles outside the room shocked at what they saw earlier , i didn't explain & they didn't ask, i rode in their van with them holding yonghwa's hand all along .

we were on they way to his apartment when minhyuk said " hyung , i'll sleep at your apartment today " ..

" shiroo " yonghwa said right away frowning ..

i guess he wants me to stay with him alone .. but then minhyuk said with a serious tone " hyung , i don't think seohyun-ssi would be able to sleep over at your apartment tonight, so .." minhyuk looked at yonghwa a manly look asking him to understand my situation.. yonghwa tightened his grip on my hand and glanced me a quick glance before he gives up and says " okay " with a sad tone ... 

minhyuk was totally right , although i'm worried about yonghwa's health and wanted to stay with him that night but i needed time , all what happened that day was so quick i couldn't think anymore , i needed time to calm down ..

2:00 a.m we arrived his apartment me and minhyuk with yonghwa , while jungshin and jonghyun were waiting for me in the van ,, it was my first time entering his apartment but it was familiar since i've watched it on his hologram ..

minhyuk went to sleep in the guest room leaving us .. we were alone again yonghwa's eyes met my eyes and gave me a warm look " you should go home now , i'm sorry i made you come here at this late hour " he said scratching his head then looked away ..

i don't know why i was captivated hearing his husky voice though all the words he said were normal , but it was seducible to my ears .. that's why i really needed to return home that night

" i promised you i would stay until you sleep soundly " i said to him while blushing and looking away since he's eyes are so charming ,i'm afraid i would lose my mind for them ..

hearing my words he was as happy as a kid who received the gift he had wished for all along , I continued " but keep in mind your dongsaengs are waiting for me in the van , so you have to sleep right away "

 he said while pulling my hand to his room direction " never mind them then " ..

i giggled shyly , he's so cute as ever ..

he laid on his bed still holding my hand as a kid afraid of losing his mother in the crowd , after a moments he was sleeping soundly already , i guess he was deadly tired ,so that's his room , has he ever thought about me in this room ? i wondered 

i kept thinking what if he forgets about me tomorrow , what if it was just the fever effect on him , i was afraid of losing him again like when i lost him years ago , i looked at his face intensely memorizing his every single thing , his hands warmth i memorized it since i really don't know when will be the next time i'll hold his hand again , after weeks ? months? or years ? or never !!

i wanted to keep watching over his sleepy peaceful face but i had to go , i stood & took a few steps , then returned back to his side again !!

i sat on the bed beside him , caressed his hair a little , traced my fingers over his eye-brows ,cheek , nose , lips .. i think i'm weird but if you had a one-sided love for 5 years you would understand me , my hand was shaking but i had to do it so if today turns out just a dream I wouldn't have any regrets ..

" you can spend the night here if it's okay for you " that was yonghwa's voice and no one else ,i was caught red handed ! yes imagine that ! me joohyun was caught tracing my fingers over his lips , he caught my hand and had a smirk over his lips while still closing his eyes , if there was something i'm grateful for at the moment it would be that he kept his eyes shut !

i didn't want him to see my reaction, anyway i stood up quickly and hurried toward the van .. now that I remember what happened again i really want to disappear .. 
------------------------------------------

i buried my face in my pillow , hyoyeon still standing there wondering if i have gone crazy but now she knows for sure something happened between me and him ..

" anyway stop daydreaming and come to eat your breakfast " she said , and i nodded at her ..

my phone notified me that a message came , could it be him ?? my hands were shaking checking it , hell how disappointed i was when it turned out to be my manager telling me ( your schedule have been cancelled for today , enjoy ^_^) ..

ok it's good news but why I'm disappointed..

i took a shower and came out , another message came .. ok no way it's yonghwa , after what i did to him yesterday i'm sure he'll give me another 2 years of mildang at least , i sighed heavily checking the message

- ( yesterday wasn't just a dream right ?) yonghwa wrote.. 
my heart was racing reading his words for the thousand time 
- ( i'm not sure , either ) that was my reply 
- ( is it okay to meet you today ?) he asked , but i have to act -hard to get - right !! 
- ( why ? ) I replied 
- ( cause i missed you ) he replied , okay whoever thought that me the 24 years old joohyun would get shaken by those cheesy words , but I AM 
- ( aren't you tired ? you have to rest today right ? ) 
- ( i'm okay as long as i'm with you ) he said , again a cheesy line but i didn't hate it
- ( where and when ? ) I replied , cause i missed him more 
- ( when : 6:00 p.m .. where : leave it to me i will come get you at your dorm )

5:59 p.m , god only knows how I'm excited today , just as a little kid in a toy store , this is me when i'm with him and only him , why did i wait for him all those years ! even if he was my first love , people have to move on or that what i heard , I didn't even know if he's dating or not , i just waited for his dating news like any fan , i thought if he dated &i  got heartbroken then i'll move on for sure , but his dating news never came and i never moved on , how can i move on just as WGM's MC have said before , i knew about love with him and he never disappointed me as a hardworking man achieving his dreams one by one ...

oh someone came since my unnies are being noisy i think he's yonghwa ..

" yong seobang" all my unnies were saying , how noisy and embarrassing ! , i took a glance at him and lost my mind for a second , he was there holding flowers wearing a white shirt and black pants , gosh how manly he was , i stood there as if it was my first time meeting him

 " let's go , seohyun~ah " he said smiling brightly with his crooked tooth shown !! now my heart is racing i wish i could tell him to slow it down ..

me and him took the elevator and i rode in his black jeep car , still we didn't say a word ..

mmm how to catch up with 5 years long .. right wasn't he sick yesterday ! how is he now ? i just came closer to him and had my palm on his forehead to measure his temperature , but well my temperature was higher though cause i was 3 inches away from his face staring at his beautiful eyes , he was surprised for a moment but then he glanced my lips , i knew what's coming next and i'm the one to blame so i moved away quickly sitting probably in my seat , god it was easier at WGM days but now why i'm acting like that..

"seat belt " he said and leaned toward me ..

my hands raced his hand toward the seat belt so he wouldn't get closer to me , i'm not ready for this anymore , anyway he held the seat belt and and leaned more toward me as if asking for my permission for a kiss , but anyway he didn't wait for my answer and kissed me right away .. then he sat down at his seat , put his seat belt and started the engine ..

" i bet you are thinking it was more easier for you at WGM days " he said calmly but why his voice keep me on my seat edge

" i guess so " i said embarrassed

" well that time , you were a little girl and our steps were watched , but now we are all alone , with you seo lady with your goddess beauty , so excuse me i can't help it "

" so i wasn't a beauty that time , how disappointing " i said playfully trying to ease the passionate tension

" you always have been my only angel " he said with serious tone , it's still there the tension

" ohooo , now you're using songs' lyrics , how cheesy " i said cause it's reminded me of his song ( angel)

" what's wrong about me using the lyrics i wrote for you , it's late but now you know " he said looking at the road in front of him ..

but thinking again about it was it all right for me to meet him again today , i'm so in love with him at this moment i could do whatever he asks me for , even if he asked for my life i would give it ..

" we have arrived " he said , and got off from the car and opened the door for me ..

i got off and followed him to the place , it was a penthouse identical to the one i filmed at with my unnies TTS show but the decorations were more romantic with candles and flowers everywhere , although the place was great i looked at yonghwa thinking ; now that he knows such a places how many girls did he come here with ?

" what do you think ?" he asked with an innocent childish smile

" nice , now you sure know about those places in seoul !" my tone was a little y i guess but i can't help but to imagine him with other girls , he's a man after all why would he wait 5 years for a girl , i need to understand .. i sighed heavily

" i knew about it when i watched your TTS show , i thought then; i need to come together with seohyun one day " he replied innocently , and sat on fluffy chair asking me to sit

" aha , from the show !! " i was relieved and and he read through me , i sat beside him

" you thought i came here before with some one else ! uri hyun~ is so cute " he said and started to laugh ,, i throw a hit toward his shoulder and said " i don't care anyway "

" since the first day i met you , i've NEVER looked at any other girl but you " he said seriously staring at my eyes ,i knew what he was trying to say but i raised one eyebrow in disbelief and pouted ..

" are you kidding me , so are you telling me you didn't watch all those fan-cams of me glancing you at every event we attend together , it's so embarrassing but i always fail to hide it ... and DON'T pout unless you're asking for a kiss " yonghwa said angry ....

and here i'm having a hard time breathing probably , arghhh what happened to me , when did i turn out to be this seohyun that's losing control over her feelings for that man she always was fond of , and what happened to him , when did her turn out to be this brave bold leading man , i guess mature yongseo are something else after all..

" well , i knew about those fan-cams , so i wore the bling bling white dress at KBS to get your attention hahahaha " i said laughing cause that day i got all men's attention not just yonghwa's

" please don't remind me of that dress , I HATE IT " yonghwa's said frowning angry , I understood what he meant but i just wanted to so i said " you hated it ? i thought i was pretty that day well i guess i was wrong " i said acting disappointed with sad eyes

" you were dazzlingly beautiful " he said with a soft voice ," but still ..." he said angry again ..

i laughed hard at him he's so cute when he's jealous, thinking about it again it's like we never got separated, it's like we were dating for those past years , it feels like WGM ended yesterday , i was worried about catching up with those 5 years but here we are as comfortable as ever..

i sighed heavily and rested my head on his chest , he started to caress my hair gently , i asked him hopelessly " where were you ? , if i haven't met you yesterday, today would have been another lonely day without, so why did we have to go through all of this ! "

" i was always a step behind you , following you , watching over you , i was afraid that if i confess to you , I would lose even that fake smile you gave me as a stranger , i was waiting for you to look for me , i guess " that was yonghwa's reply to my senseless question

" you're everything I have been looking for , my heart only beats toward you " i said singing for him (only you) song

" now you're the cheesy one using songs' lyrics " yonghwa said acting irritated

" what's wrong about me singing to you the song I wrote for you , it's late but now you know " i said to him laughing hysterically using his own words again and his voice tone , when was the last time i've laughed like this !

" then wait , i'll recall the lyrics since it was written for me " yonghwa said playfully trying to sing it ,

" DON'T" i said right away since it's so embarrassing, why did i have to tell him right now ! stupidddd

i stood up to change the mood and told him " let's try out the other rooms , let's go "

he didn't move from the chair and said with a smirk " which one ; the BEDROOM or the bathtub? l like both though " ....

arrrrgghhhh now i feel like crying , my face i think it turned out a tomato , yonghwa pulled my hand roughly so i fell exactly on his lab ,he started kissing me and i don't think he'll stop soon, it can't get any worse than this right , but deep in my heart i knew it can get worse anyway