Lu Han was drowning.

He was drowning in between the empty seats filled by air. He couldn't breathe in the back of the taxi's car that smelled of alcohol and pollution. The minute the door opened, he was clenching tightly to his bag and dashing out. He needed to escape.

Lu Han was walking.

He was walking into the apartment complex. He went up the stairs and stopped at his place. In a few moments, he unlocked his door and went inside. He was happy to be home after work.

But he didn't really think this was home sometimes.

Home was where he felt strong, cool arms wrapped around his body and warming him up. Home smelled like aroma of a Ferrari light essence laced with espresso and sweet worlds. Home was listening to the sound of a worried voice telling him to rest after a long day of practice or after a performance. Sometimes, it was hearing that voice just talk to him until his heart couldn't handle it anymore and crashed for the night.

Home didn't always have to be this way.

Living with family and friends was nice too. Living without having to tire himself out all the time was kind to his body. Living with freedom made him feel like an adult, and he felt on top of the world.

It was nice, he always thought. Having these kinds of home gave him a place to belong to, and he wanted to be there forever.

But he couldn't have it all.

Lu Han's phone read '10:28 pm' when he stepped out of the bathroom. All the things that clung to his skin all day were washed down the drain and his body felt new again.

He fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. The name that he mouthed to the space above didn't fill the space above him. Instead, he drew a face with his finger in that space. There, he drew the shy smile and gentle eyes he loved. He wanted to watch those eyes that were teary so often