I couldn’t afford any 90° of bowing anymore, there were so many heartfelt condolences from my father’s colleagues. Including the hysterical crying from her, the most pitied person in the people eyes. The widow of the Yoo Ji Hoo or once to be Jung Tae Mi, the oldest daughter of the Jungs. People know she was the step mother of mine but one thing they didn’t know, I never admited she was the one because she didn’t have any mother figure in my eyes. Maybe because she also lost her mother when she was a child.

Ironic, pretending to be the most miserable person in the world while I believed she would get my dad’s inheritance a lot, one thing she was really sure she would get. “I am sorry for your lost, Young Jae-ssi. He was a great man,” Mr. Shin said broke my thoughts. The last deep bow as my gratitude for him, “I know you are strong man but hear this man’s advice, take days off with your wife. Maybe a week, trust the company to me, okay?” He assured me with a pat on my shoulder, eventhough I totally disagreed with his sentence I gave a nod to satisfy him. With that he left and I just realized the worried face plastered on my wife’s face across the room.

I gave her the smallest smile I have ever had, my eyes turn to the woman who was only 4 years older than me in her arms. Her grandma set an arranged marriage for her and my father when she was only 18. Jung Co. Ltd. lost its CEO while the next heir was only 14. To stop the war between their uncles to take the throne, she agreed marrying my dad. While my dad was the CEO, he taught the business world to her younger brother. The youngest son of Jung Hyo Tae, Jung Dae Hyun. And that way my dad’s attention divided in two.

But I see that person, who I don’t want to call him ‘hyung’, isn’t here. Is this what my father got when he gave so much love to him? To be his dad also his friend? When he left this world so suddenly? I even didn’t have a chance to apologize to him. This was just too much, I just needed someone I could lean on to. “Young-chan, my boy.” As if God could hear my pray, the familiar warm hug enveloped my cold body. I returned the gesture and said, “Soo Kyung-eomma.” And inhaling her presence.

“Everything would be okay,” she pat my head, smoothing my hair like it used to be. She told me she couldn’t be here for long and also sorry for leaving me without any words except the one she told to my wife. I just shruged it off, her family needed her more than myself. Not too long after she left, Yoo Tae Mi lost her conscious. Probably tired over crying a river for my dead daddy. Jun Hong and Jong Up brought her to a room where she could take a rest. I rubbed my head because I felt like the surrounding spinning until it stoped by the hand I recognize on my shoulder.

“Oppa, you have done your duty here, let’s go home.” Home. The destination I want to go now  but, “I can’t, Young In-hyung hasn't come yet.” My hyung who lived in Australia asked me to start the funeral without him. Only one reason that we understood so well, it’s because the affair between him and Tae Mi long time ago. No wondering she would fall over heels with my hyung. Handsome, brilliant, and young. While my father, he is also handsome, genius, but, think about this. Will you marry to a man with two teenage boys?

The opposite of myself, my hyung isn’t a businessman or an entrepreneur. So my dad just accepted the arranged but who knew he liked her even loved her, spoiled her evenmore. Until one day I couldn’t get enough with the chaos in the house. I asked my father to choose, me leaving the house or told the new couple to end their relationship. My dad couldn’t choose, I was his youngest son and she was his love. Until my hyung went to Australia finishing his study instead and broke up with her.

I asked myself now, was he blinded of what he called a love? He loved her so much, he would buy anything for her. He cared for her just too much, he would do anything for her. Was he just like me? His love left unanswered until his death. While myself, there wasn’t clear answer from her. Eventhough she didn’t hate me anymore but this love was one sided. And I thought I had reached my break point, could you continue to love someone who didn’t even realize your love?

***

                The funeral ended the next morning and all the attendants have gone long ago, Jun Hong and Jong Up were still here. I asked them to take a couple of days off and also brought Tae Mi with them to her house in Busan. After brought Tae Mi to the car they uttered their deep condolences but my wife still stood beside me. “Just accompany her until her relatives come,” I gestured my head to the car. She averted her gaze to the car and then me. “Are you okay with that?”

                “I’m okay,” I answered shortly. Still there was hesitance in her eyes. “But—”

                “Please.”

The last thing I want to happens was someone who wasn’t doing as I said. I was crumbled, I was a mess now. I couldn’t control my temper. After hearing my stern voice, she gave up. Just before she got in the car, she said, “Please have a breakfast first,” I nodded.

                “Don’t go to office.”

An expression on her face made my heart melted, there was concern in her eyes. But I couldn’t, the company could fall whenever. Stocks were decreasing, loss were increasing.

                Another nod would make her believe me, I hoped. Jong Up started the engine as I put my hands on my pockets. Blowing his horn then they already left. On the road, I thought about it again. I’ve heard that when you loved someone, you didn’t have to own his or her love. I felt like I was no good for her, I felt after these years my efforts was fruitless. Suddenly ringing phone on the passenger seat begged to be answered. ‘My Love’ was the caller ID. I knew she wanted to make sure that I was home so I didn’t pick it up.

                Slowly but surely drowsy gathered in my body, I didn’t want to risk myself so took an hour of sleeping wouldn’t kill me right? As soon as I reached the front of my house there was someone uninvited stood before the main door. Hyung. He waved at me after heard the closed door behind me. I invited him to the shabby shack of mine after gaved him a good hug.

                “Sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral, you know, the delay. By the way how is she?”

                “Tae Mi was crying so loud then collapsed,”

                “Really? But I don’t talk about her, what I mean is your wife.” My ears perked up. “I’m sorry I can’t be your best man, you know—”

                “Yeah, I know. If you were then all be ruined up,” my hyung chuckled. “You’re a meanie!”

                “You’re the best teacher,” I laughed.

                “I ask you, how’s your relationship with her?” Silence was his answer until he rose one of his brows. “Good, yeah. You know, married couple things.” I didn’t know what I was talking about. “I can’t wait for my niece or nephew, you know?” I just grinned while looking anywhere but the floor.

                The ringtone I’ve never heard filled the room, “Yeah? I’m here with Young Jae . . . He is okay, he is a big boy . . . Okay, I’ll be on my way.”

                “Why isn’t noona here with you?”

                “You know, there’s a little creature in her stomach now so she could get nausea just heard about a plane.” My eyes grew wide. “Jinjja?” My hyung nodded while showing his charismatic smile. “Unfortunately appa isn’t able to see his first grandson,” we both smiled sadly. “But after giving a birth, we will visit you.” After saying our goodbye, he left to appa’s grave.

                I closed the double doors and heard the deafenin silence filled the house. “Eomma, I wish you were here. I miss you so much.” I went to my bedroom and slept on my bed while hugging my eomma picture on my chest

***

On sunny day, a five years old boy examined a beautiful flower in her mother’s garden. As if his rounded eyes weren’t enough to admire its red colour, his head came closer until curiousity had reached maximum. He reached the plant because he was hypnotized by its beauty, he forgot it had thorns. It pricked one of his fingers, a drop of red liquid flowed. A sting feeling came and his little finger shook, then he shout out loud. “Eomma!” That was an S.O.S. sign from him.

No one came he screamed again, “Eomma!”

“Young-chan?” A panicked woman approched him. “Soo Kyung-eomma,” he showed his wounded finger. “It’s okay, it’s not that bad.” Still he cried, “Eomma!” His tears like a fountain. “Young-chan,” he didn’t stop. “Young Jae!” He stopped crying abruptly and his hiccups replacing the previous sounds. “Hear me,” Soo Kyung made Young Jae faced her.

“You know, boys are allowed to cry twice in his life,” she found his attention. “First, when his mother was giving a birth to him.” He stopped his hiccups. “You’re not a new born baby anymore right?” He shook his head. “Young Jae is a big boy,” he nodded. “And the second one is,” she couldn’t find the words. The little boy in front of her wouldn’t understand what she wanted to say. “Let’s treat your wound first,” she picked him to stand on the ground. “Becareful next time okay?”

He run as fast as possible to his mother under the roof of the house, “Eomma!” His mother who wasn’t able to walk without something to lean on just smiled sadly at him. Slowly she squated down and opened her arms just for her little boy. She hugged him tightly and pat his soft hair.

6 years have passed...

                Pre-teenage boy entered his quiet house and found his mother looked at her garden in her wheel chair. “Guess, who am I?” He closed his mother’s eyes from behind. “Hmm, Young In?” He retrieved his hands on her and made his mother looked at him. He stood low so his face at the same level of hers.

                “Eomma, my voice isn’t deep like him! He has a voice like a cave man!” His scrunched face made her laughed. “You will, Young Jae. Soon.” She couldn’t believe her son has grown up. “Have you eaten yet, eomma?” She shook her head. “Wait here.”

                Not too long after Young Jae returned with a tray of food, “Lunch time!” He sang a song. He put it on the nearer coffee table. He dragged a chair and sat on it. “I made this only for you, eomma.” He mixed the lunch. “Let me feed you, say ‘ah’.” His mother felt guilty, she should be the one who taught him how to cook. He should be playing out there instead of being inside the house. She hated herself for being weak and sick.

3 years have passed...

                His feet had given their best to make their owner reached his destination. He didn’t care people’s shout, “Watch your move!” Or, “Becareful!” Even, “Yah, you punk!” He must see her. Just when he arrived at the right room, he stopped. Couldn’t believe what he saw, his steps were staggered. Soo Kyung, Young In, and Ji Hoo were around the lifeless woman on the white bed. Her beautiful face was hidden by the white sheet. He couldn’t believe the time has come.

                “Young-chan,” his Soo Kyung-eomma called.

                “Young Jae,” his hyung also called him.

                His dad only hide his sadness by looking at his wife stiff body.

He tried to back off, not seeing the reality before him. “Andwae, andwae.” But still she was his eomma. He wanted to uncover the sheet but his trembled hand wasn’t allowed him to do so.

“You can cry now, Young Jae.” Soo Kyung whispered. After the last cry he did when he was only five, the last cry of a man was when he lost his mother. Soo Kyung didn’t want this to happen so soon, she didn’t want Young Jae cried. But there he was, crying out loud like a little boy. Begging to the world so his mother would come back. His red face and his tears could be seen, his sorrow could be heard, his guilty was shown. This was his last tears.

***

I woke up from my bed, the bell was kind enough to wake me up. It was noon and my plan to only had one hour sleep was ruined. Lazily I opened my door and there she was, stood with the same black outfit. Which reminded me I lost my appa yesterday. This was only my chance, there was no way I could keep her longer. They said, love wasn’t only about caring but also sacrifice. So this would be the right time I let her go.

“Young Jae-oppa, have you had breakfast?” She came closer and so I did.

“Have you eaten lunch yet?” She still was persistent with her question.

“Oppa—” the motion I gave her made her stop. Our gap was only a meter but I felt we were miles away. Maybe she had someone else out there. Yes, why wouldn’t I think about it in the first place? She gave me a cold shoulder first, then talked to me like a friend. Called me ‘oppa’ like a close friend. That was it, we were in the friend zone and nothing could change that.

“I’m tired,” she tilted her head to find my hidden face. I just stared at the floor.

“I think this is where we end this,” I could see she was shaken. “I couldn’t keep you here, I’m just tired chasing after you. Maybe you have—” I brought my face to see her. What I saw was not what I want to witness. She brought her hands to her shaking mouth. She couldn’t form any word. My body felt like empty, my soul left my body. I fell forward to her embrace, she catched me when I fell to the cold floor.

“No, don’t give up on me yet.” She whispered, trembling. She was still beautiful if you looked down here. Slowly my eyes were heavy, asked to be closed. “Please don’t!” Her tears touched my cheek. There were more tears rained on me. Why was a woman like this? Using tears as their weapon to make the man at fault. “Just don’t.” I tried to open my mouth what was her reason but I didn’t have the energy.

“I only have you, oppa.”

Her last words was like a punch on my heart but my eyes were blurred. Why did she give the answer just now? Because I never ask her? Because I didn’t give up early? Because she just felt my love?

No. No! Not now! Why was I too late? Oh, God, could you hear me? Please gave me another minute! Please give me another second just to spend with her! Please! But in the end I really closed my eyes and my breathing was low.

Please, another minute!

Another second!

***

                The beep sound slowly increased in my ears, the nurse beside me jolted up. “Mr. Yoo, you have woken up. I’ll call the doctor immeadiately.” She left the room. I saw that I was in the hospital, the right amount of sunshine came through the windows. It seemed the winter would come. Wait? Winter? Just how long I have been here?

                The doctor told me everything, I was in coma for almost three months. He said there was parasite in my brain and it almost took my life away if my wife didn’t bring me soon here. It has been in my brain for almost a year but something I ate and also the stress triggered it up. Talking about my wife, I couldn’t see her anywhere. The nurse said she left early this morning to the office. With that last sentence she returned to her respective place.

                There was something I want to remember but I didn’t know what was it. Did I suffer a memory loss? But the doctor didn’t say anything. It was almost noon and it was really boring to not doing anything. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, a tall man came inside. “Young Jae-hyung!” Jun Hong was really surprised.

                At first he was restrained to tell me anything about company but after persuading him he told me that my suspicion over the head accountant was right but still there was no concrete evidence to put him in jail. So he and Jong Up made a team to gather informations. Up until now he was the main suspect of our fall.

                A vibrate on his pocket was a sign that there was incoming call, he answered it. His countenance got more serious in each seconds, I couldn’t hear anything. He hung up the phone and his body movement became rigid. “What’s wrong, Jun Hong?”

                “Anniyo, hyung. I’m in hurry,” just before he got up I cathed his wrist. “Explain first.”

***

                After he told me everything I didn’t found any reason to be in that room anymore. I left the room through the large doors without anyone saw. Fortunately my wife left a shirt and trousers in the wardrobe but what she did now wasn’t something fortunate. She made all the ahjumma in the factory angry at her and did a strike. Just what did she do?!

-At Four Stars Firm’s Persimmon Factory-

                “How you can do that to us?!”

                “Heartless woman!”

                “Where’s Young Jae-sajangnim?”

                All the chaos started when you tried to close the persimmon factory and today was the . The factory couldn’t earn any money while the expense couldn’t be covered. The factory only added to already big loss of the firm. To make the loss decreasing you took decision to just shut it off and that way the less people would suffer.

                But just how many times you should explain them that this step would save the company? They would get their compensation and all would be okay. You stood on your ground and you couldn’t give up just yet.

                “As the one of the owner of the firm, I would close the factory. You have time until tomorrow to pack your things.” You shout out loud. The manager and supervisor came forward, both of them were women in their late 40’s. “I’m sorry, agashi, but you can’t just shut our factory like this. Do you have any letter regarding this problem?”

                You showed the letter with your sign and Mr. Shin’s, the letter contained of the permission to close the factory and that would be final. The manager couldn’t believe this, whether she wanted it or not the building couldn’t operate anymore. After announcing the sad news to her workers, suddenly one of them came after you with one hand raised.

                You would receive the pain but you could only hear the slap sound. Someone taller than you had blocked you from their anger. Someone that had familiar scent, someone who was the owner of that body, and also the owner of your heart.

                “Young Jae-oppa,”