Sehun is exhausted. It hasn’t even been a month and here he is, exhausted from all the training.  

He’s not sure but he thinks being cooped up inside the city is the reason why he feels exhausted. He never felt this way before they were dispatched. But maybe it’s because he was already exposed out on the field and then having to return to trainings is what’s making him feel exhausted.

He longs for it. The travels. The different scenery. The fights. The need to take souls. Sehun knows it won’t be long before they’re allowed to go out again. But training while waiting for the gates to open doesn’t help much. It’s like he’s being given a taste to fight, just a taste, but not to savor the whole thing.

He feels stifled even if the city is huge. And maybe his meister can tell or Luhan feels bad about pushing him to his limits these days that one afternoon, Luhan leads him to some other place rather than the usual training grounds they use.

Sehun has never been back inside the academy ever since he graduated. He and Jongin and Tao like the forbidden areas but not the school itself. It reminds him of those boring days where the only things he looked forward to where the physical exams rather than the ones in class where they need to memorize stuff and take notes. His early days back at the academy were lonely too and Sehun doesn’t like to be reminded about it.  

That afternoon, Luhan leads him to the academy’s rooftop. Sehun has never been there before. It never occurred to him to go and explore the rooftop when he was still a student because the grounds were so vast and it had a lot of places for them to discover.

Sehun notes it’s a restricted area and he looks at his meister as they push open the doors leading to the staircase. Luhan doesn’t seem to be the kind who would break rules. He looks like the exact opposite. But just like the shade underneath the tree he and Jongin and Tao would frequently hang out, he supposes Luhan has his own kind of restricted area to hang out too. He doesn't really know his meister that much to assume he isn't a rule breaker from the start.

The rooftop is empty and void of anything except a very nice view of the city. The academy is known to stand in the center and Sehun looks around, taking in the view. Everything is tiny from where he’s standing yet he can make out some familiar places. His old school. The plaza. The marketplace where his favorite bakery gives him extra waffles. The gates that lead outside the city.

“Do you come here all the time?” Sehun asks, looking far across the school grounds and in the direction where he used to live a long long time ago. The air feels refreshing from up here and Sehun inhales deeply, taking it all in.

“I used to,” Luhan answers, approaching him. Sehun had ran out to the railings earlier, leaving him behind to close the door. “But I haven’t been here since…”

Sehun turns to him when he hears his words trail off.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Luhan continues instead.

“Since?” Sehun presses.

Luhan walks to his side and leans on the railings as well. The warm afternoon breeze tussles his hair making him look funny.

“Since I stopped being a weapon,” Luhan answers back, looking out at the view. “This is where we used to train.”

We. He and Yixing.

There’s still no mention about that night. They converse as if things are fine. Sehun is done being childish with him because he does need to ask Luhan to pass the salt sometimes or if he’s done with the bathroom so he can use it. Sehun is fine with not talking about that night but sometimes he wants some sort of explanation. Or to stretch things a bit, an apology.

But Luhan hasn’t said anything and Sehun isn’t going to demand one. He’d like to think it’s all in the past.

Which leads Sehun to be curious about Luhan’s past. He would go through a bunch of different scenarios in his head with what might’ve happened to him or how come he and Yixing still have a link. Or if that was just a one time thing. He’s curious as to why they’re not a team anymore if they could fight together like how they did on that night. But somehow, staring at Luhan right now has Sehun wanting to drop it. He doesn’t like how it makes Luhan look uncomfortable.

And well, he'd rather not know the answer to that really. Because Sehun is rather scared of the truth.

There’s also that small thought at the back of his head that he might know what really happened between him and his old meister. Sehun can piece things together himself. It might not be accurate but Sehun can tell it probably has something to do with that accident. He has heard of meisters changing weapons because they deem them… unfit. Maybe Luhan was too broken back then for Yixing to use anymore.

He could be wrong.

But again, he tries to convince himself he doesn't want to know.

Sehun backs away from the railings and in an attempt to change the subject, nudges Luhan on his arm.

“You train me,” Sehun starts, backing up a bit so there’s a fair enough space between them as Luhan turns around. “You train me but you never teach me.”

Luhan looks a bit confused by this.

“You never teach me how…” Sehun does a simple kick, leg still in the air as he looks at Luhan to check if his stance was right.

Luhan continues to stare at him for awhile and finally understands what he means. He walks towards him, lowering Sehun’s leg with a tap of his hand so that it bends slightly.

“You have very long legs so that should be an advantage but,” Luhan taps his thigh this time. “Lower them at first. It’s supposed to be levelled with your hips. Don’t raise them  too high in an instant. You lose balance.”

Sehun does what he is told, balancing more better on his other leg as he takes in his meister’s words.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” Luhan walks around him, checking his posture. “Breathe in as you ready yourself,” Sehun breathes. “And breathe out when you attack,” Sehun exhales as he slowly lets his leg stretch out, kicking in the air.

“Do it properly this time,” Luhan commands, crossing his arms in front of him as Sehun goes back to a standing position and does a simple kick.

Luhan seems pleased with this, a small approving nod of his head as he motions for Sehun to straighten up once again.

“Do it again. Faster.”

Sehun does the same move but since he’s concentrating on what Luhan told him, how his posture should look like and the way his leg should be levelled, he falls down from all the things running through his head, making him land on his .

Sehun hisses, rubbing on his backside. There a small laugh coming from Luhan as he reaches for him to help him stand up. Sehun blinks up at him for a few seconds, taking note of the way Luhan laughs. This is the first time Sehun has seen him laugh. An amused laugh. Not the haughty laugh he makes when Sehun falls where it’s accompanied with a smirk and a sarcastic remark.

It’s a nice sound.

“Try not to control your kicks,” Luhan advises. “It’ll slow you down and it weakens the blow.”

Sehun nods. He takes Luhan’s hand as he pulls himself up and lets go as Sehun dusts off the back off his pants.

“One more time.”

Sehun rights himself, pauses and does the same kick. This time, it’s a bit easier with him trying to balance Luhan’s words and trusting his own body.

He looks at Luhan, leg still in the air as his meister approaches him and fixes the position of his arms.

Sehun doesn’t look at his arms as Luhan fixes him up. He looks at Luhan, noticing the way his eyes knit together and then relax as he stares at his work. His eyes look like he’s just concentrating at something but it seems rather distant. Sehun sees this a lot whenever they train and he wonders what he could be thinking about.

“Why do you always look like that?” He asks, his eyes trying to find Luhan's as he lowers his legs and goes back into a standing position.

Luhan looks at him, confusion filling his features once more as their eyes meet.

“What?”

“Like that. Like you’re always…” Sehun pauses and tries to find the perfect word to describe what he looks like but instead, he settles for a simple one that seems closer to it. “Sad.”

Luhan blinks at him. He looks a little surprised but at the same time, he looks like he’s thinking about Sehun's words. After a while, Luhan slowly crouches down on the ground and sits. Sehun follows him, sitting with his legs stretched out towards him. The ground where they’re sitting on is warm from the sun that’s beginning to set.

“I’m not sad,” Luhan answers and Sehun gives him a look. He can tell he’s lying.

Luhan rolls his eyes. “Fine. I’m reminiscing.”

Sehun takes this answer and ponders over it.

“Nostalgia is different from being sad,” Luhan adds.

Sehun his head to the side. “Reminiscing about what?”

“Just…” Luhan stares up at the clouds and there’s that look again. Nostalgia. “I thought I’d never be able to do this again.”

He’s reminded of Luhan almost dying and for a moment, Sehun wonders if asking him this was a good idea.

But Luhan doesn’t seem to mind as he continues.

“Sure I miss the life of being a weapon. But being a meister also feels good. I can share things with you. I can tell you’re eager to learn.”

“I am,” Sehun nods. “What else do I need to know?”

Sehun makes a move to stand up because he’d like to change the subject again. Maybe if Luhan starts teaching him, he’ll forget about feeling sad or nostalgic.

Only Luhan doesn’t follow him up. Sehun stops halfway, knees bent and his hands already pushing at the ground. Luhan doesn’t have his eyes on the clouds now. He’s looking at him and Sehun holds his gaze.

“You have to listen to me,” He starts. “When I give out commands, you shouldn’t think twice about them.”

Sehun hesitates at his words.

“You’re thinking,” Luhan notes.

“Well, yeah,” Sehun sits back down, crossing his legs in front of him this time. “What if I see something else to our advantage? What if I think you’re wrong? What if I think -”

Luhan bonks him lightly on the head and Sehun flinches.

“Ow?” He rubs his head but they both know that blow was too light to even cause any kind of pain.

“You don’t,” Luhan replies. “That’s what being a weapon means. You surrender yourself completely to your meister. You let him use you like an extension of his own body.”

Something cackles underneath his skin right then. Something familiar. It’s so faint and quick but Sehun can tell what it is. Luhan’s trying to get him to feel it and it leaves goosebumps across his arm as the effects of it fade away.

He hadn't realized how much he missed it. Their link.

“You have to trust me, Sehun,” Luhan says, eyes still never leaving his. His voice is small but Sehun can hear him clearly. It’s as if Luhan is talking about that night. They’re finally talking about it. Not in so many words. And not directly. Just Luhan, telling him to trust him.

Trust me. Because I only have a link with you.

An apology.

A promise.

He’s reminded of how it feels like to lose a connection with him again. The way it feels like someone that’s a part of you leave you empty and cold. Like you’re no longer connected and you can’t move because no one’s telling you what to do and that’s not how it works. It’s enough to let panic settle inside him once again. A part of him is telling him not to trust Luhan anymore. Luhan will leave him in a snap so easily. If he can leave him that fast like he did the last time, how is Sehun so sure it's not going to happen again?

But the way their link felt earlier, faint but still existing, is also enough to bring him to his senses. It's still there. And as long as it's still there, Sehun feels the need to hold on to it. They’re training again. They’re to leave and continue taking souls once the gates open. But they can’t go back to being a meister and a weapon if none of them trust the other. They have to start trusting each other.

Sehun looks at Luhan. He’s making an effort. He can tell.  

And right there, Sehun decides to take another chance. He’s going to risk everything once more as he makes amends

He stands up, dusts himself off again and this time, he’s the one stretching his hand out for Luhan to take.

Luhan's eyes leave his as he stares at Sehun’s open palm.

“Okay,” He replies. Luhan stares up at him again and Sehun isn't sure but his meister seems to look better now. There's no sadness. No nostalgia. But if Sehun can choose a word to describe the thing that’s filling Luhan’s features right now, it’s relief.

"Okay," Sehun says again and Luhan finally takes his hand. Sehun closes his hold on his meister's grip and pulls him up to his feet. “I will."

This is Sehun’s own apology for being so childish.

And this is his promise to become a better weapon.