And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.  - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“I think I found it!” Jongup was shouting excitedly over the phone.

“I don’t want to baffle your excitement, but that is what you always think,” I answered.

“But this time I am sure. It’s exactly how you described it. Pine trees, deep cliffs, everything matches hyung. We have to go,” he told me.

“I’m really grateful that you helped me search Jongup, but I think it’s already too late,” I said hoping the remorse and disappointment wasn’t audible in my voice. There was a moment of silence afterwards. I knew that it was not the answer Jongup had expected.

“No hyung. This isn’t right. What happened with ‘I won’t give up no matter what’?” He shouted. I had never heard Jongup shouting before. I had never heard him angry before. He was always a calm and composed person so it shocked me to hear him like that. I knew that I owned him for searching for that place so even if it was already too late I had to go.

“I’m sorry, of course we are going,” I replied.

“Great,” he said, his voice happy again, but a bit wavering. It seemed he was as shocked at his outburst as I had been.

“It’s a bit far, we should go for a weekend-trip,” he told me.

“We never went for a weekend-trip before,” I said.

“And?” he asked.

“Nothing, it’s just that I don’t want to steel all of your weekend,” I answered.

“But it’s going to be fun,” he said his voice still full of excitement.

“Has Yongguk called you this evening?” he suddenly changed the topic.

“No, why do you ask?” I returned the question.

“Oh, nothing,” he said and I wondered what this question was about.

“Why? Has he called you?” I asked again, now curious what it was all about.

“It’s nothing important, let’s plan the trip,” he said and I didn’t ask any further, even if I would have liked to. Maybe I would find out what that was about later. I could always call Yongguk tomorrow and ask him.

 Jongup began telling me what we could do there and I started to open up about the thought and we started planning the whole thing over the phone totally forgetting about his strange question.

I contemplated about falling asleep now without changing my clothes and brushing my teeth because I was tired and too lazy to stand up again. Because I had talked to Jongup quite a long time I had made myself comfortable in my bed and now the thought of just staying here was tempting. As I debated in my head if I should do so my phone was ringing for the second time this evening.

“Hey Himchan, sorry for calling you this late,” the deep voice answered as I picked up.

“I don’t mind,” I replied.

“I tried to call earlier, but your line was busy,” he told me.

“I was talking to Jongup,” I said and was surprised that I sounded remorseful.

“You are worse than my sister. How can you talk to someone for hours?” he asked me.

“I don’t know, it just happens,” I answered and I heard him laughing. It was a sound I felt in love hearing recently, this deep and loud sign of happiness.

“You sound tired,” he said as he finished laughing.

“A bit. But I don’t mind talking a bit longer. It’s my fault for keeping the line busy, anyway,” I answered him. I liked how he always showed concern without letting me feel burdened by it. In the last past weeks we had meet often and never before I had met someone like Yongguk. His thoughts were deep and we could just sit somewhere and talk about our problems or the problems of the word and time would just fly past us. A few years ago I would have cared about what Yongguk looked like to value if he was handsome or not, but now I knew he was. Now the most beautiful person for me was someone who dreamed. A person who worked to achieve his dreams and Yongguk’s dream was no less than making the world a better place.

“I’m going to see my family next week before I have to go,” he told me, his voice serious again.

“It’s already time for you to go?” I asked him even if I knew the answer already.

“I wanted to see you one last time,” he said.

I wanted to see him one last time, too, I thought, but kept it for myself. There was a moment of silence as if we both heard my unspoken words and asked ourselves what to say now.

“I thought maybe you could come, too. Maybe for the weekend. You can bring Jongup along, too, my parents wouldn’t mind,” he told me. It was the same weekend I wanted to go away with Jongup to the place he found. All the hours of planning just went to waste because I knew I had to decide where to go and even if I did not want to disappoint Jongup I knew that if I had the chance to meet with Yongguk one last time before he went away, I couldn’t let it slide.  I thought about how sad Jongup would be if I told him I couldn’t go, I felt torn again.

“Himchan?” Yongguk’s asked nervously over the phone. I had missed what he had said.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Are you coming?” he asked expectantly. I knew he wanted me to come as much as I wanted to go.

“I had just planned a trip with Jongup on this weekend,” I told him.

“Oh,” he just answered but I could hear a lot of disappointment compressed into one single sound.

“I can always tell him to go there another time,” I said.

“I just would really like you to come,” he said again.

 “I’ll come,” I answered and stood up from my bed. I knew that I wouldn’t find any sleep now anyway. I would think about Yongguk and how I hated to say goodbye to him for such a long time and how I would tell Jongup that we had a change of plans.

I could taste the salt on my lips and the wind on my face. The sound of the engine mixed itself with the sound of the waves crushing on the bow of the ferry. I had never been on a ferry before and I enjoyed every minute of it. Luckily neither Jongup nor I went seasick so we decided to stay outside and let our hair get disheveled from the strong wind. It was a nice day. The sun was shining brightly and Jongup had told me that there were almost no clouds to be seen. I had never expected Yongguk to be someone who grew up on an island. I had always thought of him to be a city person like me. It first I thought that Jongup would be disappointed that we were going to meet Yongguk instead of going to the place he found, but he made no signs of being in a bad mood while a part of me regretted my decision. I was running out of time and Jongup had sounded determined that he had actually found it so of course I wanted to see it for myself. Even if I did not have much eye side left. I had no idea why I found it important to find the place again, but something told me that this place held something important. It was this intuition I could not explain. It was connected to the last memory I had with my mother and if I would totally lose my sight I would not be able to find it. My mother had loved this place. I remember walking along the high shores while the waves underneath churched on the stones that towered above the surface of the sea while the smell of pine trees mixed itself with the one of water and algae. Every time my mother would be stressed form the busy city life we would return there and spend our days together. It was the time I remember when I had been the happiest. I had not known I had an incurable disease that would steal one of my senses and I had not known I would lose her this fast.

“You're lost in memories again”, Jongup said.

“I'm sorry”, I answered. He kept silent again.

“You know that you will not lose him forever”, he told me after a while. He shouted because the wind swallowed his words. He did not have to. My hearing was getting better with every passing day.

“Two years is a long time, a lot can happen in two years”, I replied.

“I wished you would have more faith”, he said

“Yeah, me too”, I answered and wondered what kind of faith he was taking about, faith in Yongguk, faith in life or faith that my life would for once not go downwards again.

The sound of the engine got louder as the ferry got slower. I guessed it reached its destination. I could hear the sound of seagulls and cars, so we were close to the coast already. Soon after we departed the ferry, Jongup guiding me as he always did.

“Do you know where we have to go?” I asked him, considering his bad sense of orientation.

“Yongguk hyung explained it to me. We can walk there and he is going to meet us halfway somewhere,” he answered happily.

“Oh, okay,” I said. I could have figured that Yongguk would think ahead. He always did. We were walking slowly along a path. I wasn’t sure if it was a sidewalk or not because I was missing the sound of car engines beside me. Altogether it was calm and quiet here. It was so different from the noise of the never sleeping city and I could get used to it. Instead of dust and fumes it smelled like dried summer grass and sea salt and the sun was not blocked by apartment towers and skyscrapers.

“It’s nice here,” I said more to myself then to Jongup.

“Yes,” he just answered.

“It would be nice living here, don’t you think?” I asked him.

“Don’t get me wrong but I would probably die out of boredom,” he told me.

“You’re right, I haven’t thought that far,” I had to admit. We walked a bit further in silence and I enjoyed the atmosphere of the island. At first I wasn’t really font of the idea to stay for the whole weekend, but now I was glad I had agreed.

Jongup suddenly stopped in his tracks and I almost stumbled forward because he had done it so abruptly.

“I think this is it. I think we are here,” he told me. I stood still and opened my eyes hoping to catch a blurry glimpse of Yongguk somewhere. My eyesight was almost nonexistent by now, but with enough light I sometimes could see bits of things right in the center of my view. Fortunately the bright midday’s sun appeared from behind a small cloud and illuminated the scene in front of me with radiant light and even though the sight was blurry and overexposed I couldn’t believe what I saw in front of me. Steep cliffs of light brown stone vegetated with small pine trees and dried grass were situated along the shore. It was the exact way I remembered it from my memories. I remembered running around the low grown trees and my mother’s laugh as she told me to be more careful and not to go near the edges. I remembered the summer’s sun and how it heated my fair skin and I remembered the roaring sound of waves and how they broke along the sea cliffs. There was just one thing that differentiated it from the sight I knew. It was the silhouette of a man in the distance. And even if I couldn’t see much I knew who was standing there waiting.

“It’s the place, Jongup! It’s the place my mother took me to when I was small,” I said, my voice wavering. I was so overwhelmed that I did not know whether I should feel happy or sad. I couldn’t believe that it was the same place. Yongguk’s hometown was the town my mother would take me to, to escape the city. I always had the feeling this place was something special to me, but I had never imagined that it would mean so much.

“I know,” he told me.

“You knew?” I asked confused.

“Yongguk showed me a picture of the place a few days ago, when he asked me if I would help you come to say goodbye. After that, I phoned you and told you that I found the place,”

“You knew all along that it was the same place? Why haven’t you told me?” I asked him now totally confused.

“Some stories are not meant to be told, some stories are meant to be written”

It was a very Jongup thing to say, but I knew what he wanted to tell me.

Maybe Jongup was right. Maybe our story wasn’t over yet. Maybe it was just the beginning. At this place that was important to me. I made the pledge to myself that I wouldn’t give up. That I would work hard to get as independent as I could and follow my dreams that Yongguk believed in. I would do everything for my part of the story and if those two years were over maybe we could continue the tale, and with this thought in my mind the whole world went black.

Authors note: Thank you for reading and subscribing and sorry for the long wait between my uploads but I’ve rarely any time to write. Word count: 9144 words.