I am on my way to get all my stakes and bet them on a girl I have just met for months. And I had never done something crazy like this before, but I love it.

 

Life has ups and downs and I am perfectly used to it by now. It is just that I felt particularly defeated when I heard the news. Money is not the problem, it wouldn't be a problem if you deal it with money.

 

I am not particularly very loaded. I just have a well-paid job and I am living on my own. Day after day, aimless and alone. I guess that’s why I started drinking and smoking, even chilling at the clubs.

 

Alcohol and tobacco don’t really help at all, they simply ease the symptoms but never the root of my sickness. I have seen every ugliness of humanity, I have even learned love could be ugly, I am a person with no faith. I thought I could never cure myself. 

 

 

She is probably another me, Irene.

 

 

Sometimes I would rather never have met her since it could be such a torture. 

 

Still, nothing could change the fact that she is my cure. 

 

 

“I don't have much to give, but I don't care for gold.

What use is money when you need someone to hold?

 

Don't have direction, I'm just rolling down this road.

Waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold.”

 

- “Leave Your Lover”, Sam Smith

 

 

I was once afraid that this would come and go quickly just like before, I was once afraid that she would eventually give up on me just like the others. I was having that struggle and she magically appeared by my side. 

 

I guess this is the other side of love. And I am fighting for it.

 

 

 

The flight is long but I need the time to think things through anyway. I head straight to the headquarter from the airport and of course, people there are more than happy to hear about my plan. They are businessmen, capitalists who live for money. 

 

But never forget, even money can come and go. It doesn’t last.

 

They even praised my devotion to the company. I only smile for I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for her, and for myself.

 

 

The first half of my plan has worked immediately by gaining back most of the money we lost from the market, and thus they gladly appoint me to take charge of the branch. 

 

Like I have said, money talk. Yet again, this ain’t the real problem.

 

 

I stay for the night and get on the earliest flight back. I feel like going to war somehow.

 

Irene, she always surprises me. Even from the start, with the kiss. It’s not even the most passionate kiss I had, yet it’s the only one I can remember clearly how it felt. And it’s not just a kiss.

 

She might not notice that, yet I have really changed. I am changing. I have planned to quit smoking, I really do. I figure I might not need it, not even alcohol. Since I have her now.

 

She has asked me to quit as well. I think if she asked me to get the moon for her, I would really try.

 

 

But she isn’t with me at this very moment and I am nervous. My addiction breaks out again but no smoke on planes.

 

I don’t even care to rest and I just head home settling down, getting some refreshment. The next time I am getting off my car, it is a banquet awaits.

 

 

A banquet where I know she will be at, simply because her parents will. Her father is a businessman so I know, a banquet where I am invited to. 

 

It is, ironically, again some multifarious feast but for the rich, still pretentious, still demeaning, still vicious. Yeah, money could be a problem itself.

 

A waiter approaches me with the tray of luxury wines. I gladly take a glass of champagne and thank him with a smile. Those golden bubbles look like stars. I wonder if it tastes like starts too, only if stars have a taste - perhaps exciting, fresh, and cheerful?

 

Sipping the stars in my hands, I pace around in the mist of the rich until I see her, and she surprises me once again.

 

She is with him, looking stunning and outstanding as usual. They do look good together, I got to admit, just like those silver-screen couples. Her parents are not far away, with another bunch of old rich people. I wonder what are they up to while maintaining a distance from them, standing behind another wall of people.

 

People around me keep gossiping about others, reminding me that I don’t belong here.

 

 

All of the sudden, they are silenced as he kneels down in front of her that I almost forgot why I am here, I almost thought I am here for the show.

 

What would her life be, if she is married to him? Perhaps it'd be much easier, simpler than with me. And it’s not about money. It’s never about money.

 

What would her life be, if she runs away with me? Discriminated, alienated, fleeting?

 

 

I only have her. She still has him.

 

Who looks everything identical to a modern Prince Charming, elegant and sumptuous. Ah, that reminds me - fairytales always end with the prince getting together with the beautiful maiden.

 

Maybe I am the villain all these time with knowing. A mere disruption to an orchestrated harmony.

 

 

He looks tall even when his knees on the ground. And a fancy-looking velvet ring box appears from his fancy-looking suit’s pocket. I think I know how the script goes from here.

 

I don’t know why but I lift a smile.

 

 

“Joohyun-ah,” And so, he calls her by her Korean name too. How close they must be. She looks rather shocked and she is just standing there. Eventually, she says something but I can't hear over all the gossiping and meaningless chattering around me. “I really like you, can you give me another chance? See? I am brave enough to let everyone know, and I promise I’ll do better.”

 

I want to turn away yet I just can't look away. I have never been treated that way. Never as a princess. Those nights, those hours that I laid on my scarily freezing and huge bed. Nothing, no one, had ever stayed with me and that was when I started to like rainy days. Sounds of raindrops, on my windows, on my eaves, throughout the night, singing me to sleep. No one would see you cry in the rain.

 

I hope it would always rain so that the emptiness could be filled up, my heart could be hidden, my mind could be at rest soundly.

 

 

I don’t want to ruin such moment. I don’t want to be the villain in her fairytale.

 

 

“You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain.

Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name.”

 

 

So I turn to look at her parents who are smiling, never so satisfied. For he is exactly what they are looking for, right?

 

The shining object from the box blinds my eyes even from now.

 

Any girl would have nodded their freaking heads by now.

 

 

She quietly glares at the bystanders so that they would shut up at least for a while. I instinctively step back, further, not wanting to be seen. 

 

“I thought we have talked about it." 

 

 

“I am really sincere. Don’t you see?” He raises the box higher.

 

“That’s not what I need.” She tries to pull him up. “Let alone it's not what I want in the first place. You are merely pressuring into whatever you are trying to do.”

 

 

Her father augustly steps in, “Joohyun, he told me he likes you very much and you see? How much he has done for you.”

 

“Joohyun-ah.” He can’t endure the soreness anymore from kneeling all this time and stands back up, reaching out for her hand.

 

 

Screw this melodrama.

 

“Bae Joohyun.”

 

 

Softly, I call from the crowd, using up all my courage.

 

She finds me in a heartbeat, “You’re back.”

 

 

“What would happen if I didn’t?” I stare at her, trying to hear her side of the story.

 

“Wendy Son,” Her father frowns. “Why are you her ?” 

 

“Uncle Bae, isn't it the vice director of that company which just lost a subsidiary last week?” In the most mocking way, he joins the conversation rubbing his chin.

 

 

“I am invited as a fellow CEO, Mr. Bae.” She tries to speak up but I beat her to it. “If you are following closely to the market, you should have known by now that our company has incorporated three other new subsidiaries yesterday. And I am told to purchase one more enterprise with a brighter prospect.”

 

Her father remains composed while "prince charming" backs down with his head low, “So you are my daughter’s new friend.”

 

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“And you are befriending her because of my company?” 

 

“No!”

 

“No.”

 

 

She shouts and I reply as calm as her father does.

 

 

“Dad, I’ve known her before that happened.” She explains.

 

“Look, Joohyun. You’d never know-”

 

 

“You’d never know what your daughter likes.” I cut off his little lecture before it could even begin. “And you’d never know what she hates.”

 

And her mother joins in, “What do you want actually?” She probably is confused. Am I trying to embarrass them? To destroy his business? To ruin their family?

 

 

“You might think I want your company, but no.” I shake my head laughing at myself. “I can take it away but I won’t. I just want your daughter.”

 

“What?” Her parents look at each other, then me and her.

 

“So it’s you.” That guy pops up again and pretty much resembles a sore thumb right now to my innocent eyes.

 

I shrug, “Me what? Ruining your plan, buck? I know about you. I know about your failing business and your plan. Don't even try to mess with me. She is not your accessory, not your trophy, not your conquest.”

 

 

People who would never think of the others, who only care about themselves, who would do everything just to stay on the upper hand in the wicked games. And they are precisely the most wicked ones.

 

He looks at me with his teeth clutched. He fails to make a comeback because he knows I am right. 

 

 

So I continue by turning to her parents, “I love her. I can't give her everything but I can give up anything for her. That’s why I am here.”

 

He then turns his back on us, perhaps knowing he won’t do the same for her.

 

Yet here comes her typical tycoon-looking father again, “We’ve raised her with so much effort, how could we just let you come and snatch her away?”

 

I soften my tone but my words remain stern, “Are you really looking for someone who could benefit your whole family by marrying your daughter? Isn’t it supposed to be your daughter’s own decision?”

 

“But you are a girl.” Her father fixes his glasses. “No matter how much you love her, how much you are willing to give her, there’s something you cannot offer. I think you and Joohyun know already.”

 

“Of course I do, Mr. Bae. Like I said, I will let your daughter decide. I respect her.” 

 

 

“Pack up and leave everything,

Don't you see what I can bring.

Can't keep this beating heart at bay.

 

Set my midnight sorrow free,

I will give you all of me.

Just leave your lover, leave him for me.”

 

 

“It’s okay if you say no, I will leave, not bother you ever again. This, I promise you.”  I tell her everything will be just fine with a small smile.

 

It’s really okay.

 

She opened up a door for me and it is fine if she decides to close it shut again.

 

 

It’s not the first time I was let down, not the first time I was hurt.

 

I don’t want it to become ugly like my past unsuccessful relationships. I don’t want to wait until she regrets. This is a good timing. It’s all or nothing. 

 

 

“Wendy.”

 

It’s her mother.  She walks to my side, her teary eyes resemble Joohyun’s to their every bit.

 

“It’s Seungwan, right? Can I call you that?” 

 

She carefully asks. I nod. 

 

 

“I overheard from Joohyun one day. I first thought it was another boy she is seeing. I didn’t expect it to be a pretty girl. Anyway, Seungwan,” She holds my hand in hers. It reminds me of my own mother, who divorced my father and ran away with another guy when I was only thirteen, the most rebellious age. I used to hate her but later I realized I am missing her to the bottom of my bones as my father isn’t any better.

 

“Thank you for loving our daughter and doing all the things we didn’t do for her. I was told by my family to marry my husband when I was nineteen, whom I barely knew. How could I forget about this and force my daughter onto the same path? So thank you for getting my sanity back.”

 

She pauses to swallow her tears while I could barely hold my own. Her husband is standing next to her, silenced.

 

I miss my mother. “No...... I’m sorry.” I pat her wrinkled hands.

 

 

“Mom.” Joohyun calls as tears stream down her face.

 

“Don’t be, Seungwan, I am more than willing to be your mother if you want to. And Joohyun, just leave with her. Don’t worry, I am always your mother even when your father doesn’t accept it.”

 

 

My cheeks are damped by now as I am sobbing in her mother’s embrace.

 

“Come here, child. Treat my daughter well.” 

 

 

I pull away a bit hearing someone saying, “Prove me wrong, Wen……Seungwan.” 

 

Her father shows me an awkward smile, I nod in return.

 

Joohyun smiles sheepishly yanking my hand from her mother’s, “Mom, you can give her back to me now.”

 

 

“Oops, sorry. I think I’ll like Seungwan more than you.” Her mother jokes and places my hand in Joohyun’s.

 

“Great, then I can keep Joohyun for myself.” Her father joins and drapes his arm over his wife’s shoulder. 

 

“Anyway,” She grins at her parents and at me. “Bye for now. Let’s go, Seungwan.” She doesn’t even wait for my reply and begins to drag me out of the room. I wonder how can she run so fast in heels.

 

We are running on the streets in this chilly night with a silly smile on our faces.

 

People might think we are on drugs and we indeed are.

 

 

Her love is now my new addiction and my cure.

 

I watch the wind comb her silky locks and I stop at a manless bridge, lampposts and the moon illuminating the road perfectly.

 

 

“What is it?” She turns around and runs her fingers through my hair instead.

 

“Where are you going, miss?” I tug a strand of her hair behind her reddened ear. “You are cold, aren’t you?”

 

“Aren't we leaving?” She rubs her hands together like a cute fluffy rabbit.

 

I giggle at her cute antics, “Leaving doesn’t mean we have to run through every street in Seoul in the dark.”

 

 

 

“I have always dreamt of doing this with someone I love since I was a teen. You know, holding hands and running so blithely.”

 

“So, should we run for another lap or something?” 

 

“No.” She looks around before slipping her hands into my coat. “I want this.”

 

I circle my arms around her shivering body, “Better now?”

 

I rest my head on her shoulder. It’s bony but it gives me all sort of warmth and comfort I ever need.

 

 

“I’m sorry if I took too long.”

 

“You are here now.”

 

 

I pull away but lean in from a different angle, giving herEskimokimo kiss, “You saved me, Bae Joohyun.” 

 

“So did you, Son Seungwan.”

 

 

Her breaths tickle me, making me wriggle a bit. She notices that and laughs childishly before breaking the hug. “Hey, don’t you be all shy right now. We have done more than this when we first met.”

 

“Are you really going to talk about that on the streets?” I cup my own cheeks with my cold hands and they warm them up a little.

 

 

“Come on, Seungwan.” She takes my hand again. “Let’s go home now, I really wanna talk about it.”

 

I walk with her, “You are a big ert in pretty girl’s clothing. Come on, I’m tired. I just got off the plane.”

 

“I am thinking moving in with you too.” She throws me a very suggestive wink. Don’t do this to me. It works.

 

“A minute ago you were freezing and now you are acting all on heat.” I smile shaking my head.

 

  

She grins again. And frankly it’s the only trait of hers I don’t like as much as the others. It creeps me out. “I wasn’t even cold. I just want your touch. You are so stupid.” 

 

 

I sigh, “Okay, let’s go home and talk about this.” 

 

 

This time it’s my turn to hold her hand and sprint across the street. I am not the villain at all. It doesn’t always take a prince to the lovely maiden, a Romeo to a Juliet.

 

We don’t need to follow the so-called rules in this game of love. We would play it in our own way and we make our own rules.

 

Only because it’s our lives.

 

No matter how broken you are, there’s a way to put you back together. The scars and the fissures would remain, as a reminder of how far you have gone.

 

 

You don’t need to forget, you only need to move on.

 

If there’re two broken people, their pieces might fit together flawlessly or piece out something much better and nicer.

 

 

Who knows. And I finally know. And I finally believe.

 

There’s something called faith. What I have gone through is paving the way for what is waiting ahead. For instance, if I didn’t end up in that club, I wouldn’t meet her. 

 

And now I know it’s the same for her, that’s already enough.