“Hyung, describe the color white to me please.”

“White?”

“Mm.”

“Hm…The color white…The color white is…it’s pure. It’s clean and…and its blank”

“…Is it like black?”

“How can white be like black? They’re two different things.”

“well black is also blank.”

“…I can’t describe a color, color is a description itself”

“Oh….why are you laughing?”

 

Two little boys walk down the shady sidewalk on a Monday afternoon. It’s the middle of summer and most boys their age are busy gluing their eyes to violent video games or chasing each other around their backyards with colorful waterguns of doom at hand. Kyungsoo sometimes wishes that he could be one of them, that he could spend his summer like any normal kid would. But sadly it’s just not gonna happen, not when the world around him is nothing but darkness, a mixture of sounds and textures and smells he could not picture. It’s been like this from the very start for poor little Kyungsoo.

Suho on the other hand, he’s okay with afternoons like this. Sure he likes sports, sure he’d love to play a little soccer right now, but his step-brother needs him, and there’s nothing more important to him in this world.

They continue walking side by side, the older boy’s grip on the younger’s hand firm giving Kyungsoo this sense of security he could get from no one else but Suho. His gaze is far, his eyes two big orbs of cloudy blue staring beyond the empty path in front of him, Suho carefully guides his every step.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you get tired of me?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you ever get tired of me.”

Suho Laughs, Kyungsoo wonders.

“Define tired.”

“Tired…You know what tired means hyung…I mean, don’t you want to go play with your friends?”

“Mm..Yeah.”

“Don’t you want to play soccer?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you want to play video games?”

“Yeah.”

“…Then why don’t you just leave me at home and go play?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Hyung.”

“Kyungsoo.”

“Hyung!”

 

Kyungsoo listens to birds chirp somewhere in the distance while Suho’s laugh echoes loudly in his ear. He scrunches his face in a scowl as the other continues to chuckle. Neither of them let go of each other’s hand though, their stroll resuming after the older’s snickers die down.

It’s a beautiful autumn day, one where fallen leaves decorate the grass with a spash of warm colors. Suho holds on to Kyungsoo’s shoulders as they cross the street, wary eyes never leaving the younger one. They round the corner where a familiar park comes into view and immediately the older boy is all smiles as he tugs his companion towards their secret place.

They lie on the grass, the sky clear and cloudless above them. A breeze blows past and Kyungsoo sits up to feel it caress his cheek, the grass underneath his palms cold against his skin. He listens to the shuffling sounds beside him as he feels a light weight press down on his lap. Before he could even determine what it was though, a voice speaks from beneath him and immediately he realizes that the light weight is nothing more than Suho’s head resting comfortably above his thigh.

The older boy smiles up at him, Kyungsoo could only stare ahead blankly.

“Hyung.”

“Mm?”

“What do you look like?”

“ . . . Handsome?”

“It’s not like I know how handsome looks like.”

                                                “How do you think I look like?”

“Ugly.”

“Hey!”

“Don’t worry hyung I don’t know how ugly looks like either.”

“Tsk.”

 

A few minutes of comfortable silence falls in between them. Neither of them talk, Suho choosing to close his eyes as they both listen to the silence of the morning and the barking of a dog somewhere in the neighborhood. He tries to immerse himself in Kyungsoo’s world, closing his eyes and heightening his other senses. He picks up the sound of the breeze, the smell of the trees,

The feeling of Kyungsoo’s hand ghosting dangerously close to his face.

He doesn’t talk, nor does he move, but instead he lets the other gently trace soft fingers across his face. Kyungsoo carefully studies his every structure, from the hairs of his eyebrows to the curve of his nose bridge, from his soft lips down to his prominent jawline. He tries to peek at the younger boy’s face, and his heart skipps a few beats once a smile starts to linger on Kyungsoo’s lips.

“Wow.”

“Wow?”

“You are handsome.”

“Oh? How can you tell?”

“I can’t.”

“. . .”

Kyungsoo laughs. It’s light and melodious and Suho couldn’t hide his own smile.

“You know…?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what handsome looks like. But…I think hyung is handsome.”

“No need to flatter me soo.”

“I’m not. You know why? Because hyung is kind…hyung is handsome.”

Suho watches in confussion as the younger boy’s hands snake down above his chest, a pair of palms pressing softly above his heart.

“Hyung is handsome…in here.”

Suho smiles. And as though he could sense it, Kyungsoo smiles back, his cloudy eyes still staring blankly at the direction ahead.

“Thanks soo.”

 

 

 

The vividness of that moment 11 years back made Suho’s heart swell with even more love for the younger boy who currently sat nervously in front of him on the hospital bed, surrounded by nurses and doctors. Just like that day their hands were intertwined, the older boy’s grip firm and tight sending Kyungsoo that same sense of security no one else has ever been able to make him feel. The doctor slowly unwraps the bandage around Kyungsoo’s eyes, the only thing that kept him from finally seing the world. 

At first everything was painfully bright, tears rimmed his eyes as the blindingly white glow made it hard for them to open. But then a soothing voice ringed in his ear and suddenly blurry figures began to take form. Out of the blurry figures came rough edges, and out of the rough edges came faces. Immediately his gaze fell upon the one in front of him, the one belonging to the man who held his hands tightly through all these years.

“……Suho hyung?”

“Hi.”