Where did she go wrong?

Was it the first time she had a long conversation with Taemin? Where he was sad, lonely and warm deprived.

Was it when Kai brought Taemin over on a late winter night? In which, Sojung noticed fresh horizontal scars on his thin wrist and didn’t ask for reasons.

Or was it when he asked her about the fallen snow angel, when his eyes were misty and moist, when he masked all his sadness and pain with a smile of his?

Everything seemed so surreal. She wanted to fall asleep and wake up from her dream.

It didn’t seem real. It was a nightmare. She had chance after chance, of getting to know him, Taemin.

Sojung could even looked at Kai in the eyes without asking herself why did she miss all of the signs of how to save a life?

And a sorry seemed worthless and plain. Her tongue was dry from the tears.

Tears tasted salty.

Sojung couldn’t stop looking at the clock on the car. Kai called the police already, that was 10 minutes ago. Since then he had ran who knew how many redlights. They called him back saying they will bring Taemin to the nearby hospital under ICU.

 

He didn’t wake up. They, the doctors said he lost too much blood. He didn’t wake up. Taemin didn’t and so the night slowed down.

“We came as fast as we can,” her mom panted under her breath.

Her husband was next to her. He was never the talker, in this situation, he didn’t make a sound coming into the room. They, everyone, Sojung, Kai, her Mom, his Dad, everyone eyes on the sleeping blonde headed younger one.

He looked paler than the white blanket. And he was so full of pure innocence and sadness. He would be fine after a day or two, after the blood transfusion and all.

Their eyes spoke silent, observing his fragile body, they pondered where did they go wrong.

It wasn’t inevitable. That was what hurt them most.

Her mom sobbed quietly blaming herself for loving Kai’s leading to Kai’s parents into a divorce. Taemin life worthed more than the price of loving his dad.

His dad bit his lower lip, how selfish was him to love another woman when his wife, now ex was unwell. Taemin was loved. He loved Taemin, although their relationship was filled with rocks and bitterness.

Kai blamed himself the most. He hadn’t say a word. Even angel falls, Taemin. Kai wondered where he went wrong.

Taemin was always within his reach. And when he fell, Kai didn’t catch him. How could he call himself his brother.

Realizing that there really was nothing that they could do other than to pay for the hospital bill, their parents apologized and said goodbye. Sojung told them that she would be staying in the hospital and greeted their parents off. Kai nodded his head acknowledging his dad withdrawing from the room, but didn’t say anything.

It was two o’clock. The hospital became quiet like a black hole. She heard ghostly footsteps in the hallways, but nothing from Kai, not even a sigh.

He hadn’t turn away from Taemin face for four hours now. He forgot even Sojung existence beside her until she decided to speak up, “I think you should go home,” she said and allowed a paused in between to get his full attention, he looked at her with badges under his eyes, “...your mom must be confused and anxious.”

“Very,” he fixed her. And she knew he was back to reality. “...I forgot about her,” he realized and felt ashamed.

“Kai, I think I know why now,” Sojung began. “...I think I know why you preached about the snow angel.”

Silence.

“To fall has a negative connotation, but not all thing that fall will break,” she stated.

He been shy away from falling, from allowing himself to fall. Therefore, his words sank his heart and pain throbbed within.

With a creak from the door, Kai closed the door behind him.

She sat down on the chair next to Taemin’s bed. Sojung she rested her head on the white bed and made a smile, “...Like me.”