“Taemin is very fond of you So,” Kai said out of nowhere one evening. Sojung was doing her homework on her typical seat at the table on the third floor of the library.

    Sojung looked up from her assignment and saw Kai staring down at the ground.

    She followed his gaze and spotted Taemin seating on the familiar bench in front of the library. He had his ear phone on, but he had a blank look on his face.

“Talk to him for me,” Kai said in a sad voice, “please.”

Sojung didn’t say a word. Sojung had been watching him from the distance for several weeks now. And Taemin had been looking unwell. Sojung tempted to speak to him, and a request from Kai gave her a momentum.

 

Sojung sat next to Taemin on the bench. Taemin turned and his eyes widen, giving hint that he was surprised upon seeing her. While she thinking about what to say, he spoke up.

    “Did he preach you too?”

    5 simple words with 5 syllables.

    “About what?”

    “About the snow angels,” Taemin said gently.

    Sojung looked up at the third floor. The glass was dark, she was unable to see Kai.  

    Her eyes shifted back to the ground, staring at the rain puddle. Sojung was silence for a brief time and return his question with a quiet nob. He did.

    “Take care of my brother would you?”

    “He has been looking over you for these past five years.”

Sojung lift her head up and turned to Taemin, “Are you going somewhere far?” Sojung asked with innocence in her eyes.

Taemin laughed at the irony, “no,” he shook his head. “Well, it’s depends if you believe in God or not,” he muttered under his breathe.

Sojung took one of his earphones and plugged into her ear. “What are you doing?” Taemin asked in response.

“I’m trying to get to know you.”

Taemin smiled, but it was a weak smile. “I don’t quite know..If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?”

Sojung tapped her hand to the sad rhythm of the song.

“My mom is relapsing Sojung. She is melancholy and antisocial, and I’m getting tired of dealing with her,” Taemin said.

“...I bet hyung never told about her. That’s who he is. Kai looks strong, but he is weak,” Taemin sighed. The palm trees swayed in the wind, Taemin continued,  “...He fell before, you know, Kai did.”

She had no comment to tell him. Her mind was as blank as paper and his words were written in invisible ink.

Then the loud wailing sound of ambulance circling around the campus. Loud commotion began to build around the dorms. People started to walk in that direction, talking, whispering, and gossiping.

“That’s must be my cue,” Taemin said as he was taking the earphone off her ear, “Bye Sojung, take care of hyung won’t you?”

Sojung gave a subtle nodded. The sky was dimming. Birds gathered on their nest, preparing to sleep. Stars existed above, but they hadn’t yet overpowered the light from the horizon sun, therefore they were still invisible. But not for long.  

“Where are you going?”

“Home,” he said in a nonchalant voice. Standing up, he waved his hand at the in the air to the direction of which Kai sat on the third floor. “Tell hyung I said bye. Won’t you?”

Taemin was a ball of oddness. Sojung couldn’t read him at all, she could only nodded quietly. Tears started to form in her eyes and she didn’t know why. Why did you bring up the snow angel out of nowhere? Why did it sound like you’re saying goodbye? Why did it sound like I won’t see you ever again? Why are you been like this?

Sojung couldn’t bring herself to ask any of the above.

After Taemin left. Kai took the stairs and came out of the library.

Sojung wasn’t crying inaudibly. Her hands covered and tears spilled. Her chest felt so tight. Her chest throbbed in pain. “What’s wrong Sojung?” Kai asked worryingly.

Sojung shook her head, she sobbed,“I don’t know.”    

Her breathing became heavy as she tried to stop crying. In between the her stutters she manage to speak, “I-i wanna go home.”

    

    Static sound on the radio. Sojung wanted to hear music, but before she could press the Fm button, the news traveled to her ears.

“A female student at Seoul University...The student has been identified, her name was Jessica Jung.”

Kai looked over as he stepped on the gas pedal, “you know her?”

Sojung nodded.  

The radio announcer went on, “Her roommate claimed that she tried to wake up Jessica in the morning, but she never moved a muscle. Her other roommate believed that she was just a heavy sleeper. But when they returned to their dorm this evening, they found her in the same position and panicked. The police is trying to determine the source of these pills… Unfortunately, as of now we don’t know the condition of Jessica.”

Sojung panicked. She opened the door without informing him, the car was still backing up in the parking space. “So-” Kai called out as he hit the brake.

Sojung slammed the door behind herself. Rain began to fall. Kai watched Sojung disappeared around the corner.

-    -    -

 

She ran as fast as she could, without taking a break and without looking back. There was just something she needed to verify.

Rain wet the pavement. Rain wet her hair, but she wasn’t bothered by it at the least.

Her heart felt like it might burst open in fear and in pain. And the sky seemed to relate to her sentiments.

Palm trees swayed in the rain. Cars honked one another. Wind picked up its speed. Her heart throbbed in pain.

As she ran, the sky dyed itself in a darker shade of inky black. Once she stopped in from of the store the rain poured even heavier than before. She waited in the rain. She waited for him. She must see him.

She didn’t know how long she waited for the store to open. Sojung only came in touch with reality when she felt no more raindrop against her skin although the sound of rain was audible and never creased.

    The umbrella protected her from the rain, she lifted her head up and found Myungsoo.

    “You’re a murderer Myungsoo,” Sojung cried her heart out as tears rushed down on her cheeks. “..You’re a cold hearted murderer.”

    She took a step away from him, letting the rain poured on her. He took a step closer as an attempt to shelter her from the rain, she however quickly took another step back in response. She shook her head. Hot tears rushed down on her face. Her eyes glimmered in the night. Scared. Hatred. Distrust they told him.

    “Why don’t you say something Myungsoo?” Sojung begged, “Don’t just look at me like this,” tears rolled down on her face.

    People on the street stared at them strangely. “What do you want me to say So?” his voice came out as a breath, barely audible in the rain.

    She shook her head in uncertainty. Honestly, she didn’t know. He didn’t ask what she was talking out when she called him a murderer. He didn’t deny it or accept it.

    He looked calm and in controlled. She questioned why.

    Sojung knees felt weak.

She collapsed on the pavement with hands covering her face. Sojung cried.

Myungsoo kneeled down and still he put her wellness as his priority, leaning in to shelter her from the rain. He said with all his heart, reassuring, “You’re in no condition to hear my story soo. I’ll wait for you to sober. You’ll understand after you hear my story.”

“...I won’t understand,”  Sojung muttered, “I don’t want to understand. Jess is -”

“She’ll will be fine,” Myungsoo claimed with confidence, “let’s go inside, you’ll get sick if you soak in the rain a minute longer Sojung.”

Myungsoo held her elbow, she threw his offer away.

He wanted to try again but then a faint voice called out, “Sojung?”

Sojung finally looked up from the ground, naturally she found Myungsoo set of lonely eyes staring into hers. Something stirred up inside, Sojung managed to talk, “...Taemin? You didn’t did you?”

Myungsoo kept silence. His facial expression remained unchanged. He ignored her question, he spoke up again in a worrier tone, “Get up Sojung, you going to catch a cold like this.”

“Don’t touch her,” Kai voice said in a faintly in the distance. He was within reach after a few seconds.

 

“It’s not what you think Sojung,” Myungsoo tried to explain, “those pills were-”

Her voice was all shaky, but she meant what she said, “I won’t forgive you Myungsoo,” words stabbed his heart like a sharp knife.

Myungsoo heart ached. He held onto his tears for the pain in her heart must have been million times words, seeing her breaking down like this. He failed himself to make her smile. It wasn’t his intention. It was never his intention to hurt her. Directly or indirectly.

“Even if you do I don’t forgive myself,” Myungsoo muttered, his eyes was moist and deep, painful and sad.

Sojung pushed the pavement and wobbly stood up.

Kai stood there next to Sojung. He had missed the conversation that they had. A somber atmosphere lingered. The tenseness moment of silence elapsed.

Sojung dialed the number. It rang once and it rang twice. Rain poured on and on. She felt like she was going to relapse into tears if it rang once more, she didn’t want to imagine what happen if he never picked up his phone.

She mentally begging him to pick up. Tears was swelling up in her eyes, threatened to fall any second now.

Someone picked up the phone, Sojung held her breath. “Taemin?” she asked with shaken voice.

All she heard was the sound of someone sobbing.

It wasn’t Taemin’s sob, Sojung realized and she too started to cry.

Emotion was let loosed.

Her vision became blurry as hot tears rushed down uncontrollably streaming down on her cheeks. A lump of anger developed on . Her chest tightened. Too late.

Kai grabbed the phone out of Sojung’s hand, “Hello, do you hear me?”

The person on the other side grasped and sniffed.

“Mom?” Kai asked desperately. “...Mom? What happened?”

“Kai?” his mom answered pleadingly, her voice was unstable and shaking, “...Kai help your brother- he h-he is bleeding Kai. Blood is everywhere, Kai help.” His mom sobbed, “I don’t know what to do. He is sleeping, he doesn’t wake up Kai.”

It was the first time Sojung saw Kai cried.