"When is Dada going to visit?" Hearing that from my 5 year old kid, I don't know which hurts more. The question, or the answer that I don't know.

In 14 years of being together with him, I still couldn't get over the fact that he gave up on me.

Ironic. I snorted to myself. He's the one who gave up first, when I was the one hurting in this whole relationship.

Staring outside the window, I asked myself. Where did I go wrong?

I may not be a perfect housewife, but I can confidently say I did everything to be the best.

Of 14 years being together, How could he just break it all off? How could he decide on his own? How could he spit it on my face that despite of the long years, despite of all my efforts in keeping us together.. Despite if everything I have done.. It wasn't worth it?

I let a teardrop fall as I remembered what happened a couple of years ago.

Two years ago, when I learned and witnessed him cheating on me in his office, I kept it all in. Hoping someday, he'll realized that what he did was wrong. Hoping that he will realize that he is married to me. But that one time was followed by another until it didn't stop.

As much as I wanted to confront him about that, I just can't. I don't have any strength to tell him everything I knew because I was too scared to know the answer myself. I was too coward of him admitting it. I was too scared that he will say, he doesn't feel the same way for me anymore.

But then again.. no matter how much I wanted to avoid that thing to happen. I just can't. I don't have any power to do so.

"Noona, are you okay?" My brother JB asked and I smiled.

"I am.."

"Don't lie.." he sighed and sat on my bed beside me.

There was a long, yet comfortable silence.

I was never that type of woman who will tell the whole world how I feel. On How much I am hurt. And how much more I can handle. But today.. just today.. I won't pretend anymore.. I am tired of pretending.. because the truth is, the situation is breaking me to pieces.

"I just don't get it.. Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough? Am I not that pretty?  Is there something wrong with me?? I don't get it." Looking anywhere but my brother I sobbed. For the first time since I came home.. I cried. Letting it all out. Asking the questions I have been dying to ask him since the day I found it all out. I cried again, after that night.

"Come here.." he said, and pulled me into a hug. "You are perfect.. and there's nothing wrong with you.."

"Then why???" I sobbed.

"Because he's a jerk.." he said and rubbed my back. "Shh.. stop thinking about that Idiot. We're here. We'll help you.. and you can make it.." he cheered. "We're going to help you Noona. We'll help you raise the twins." He hugged me tighter.

"But I miss him.. I love him.. Even though he broke my heart. I still love him.. with all the pieces." I sobbed.

××××

When the morning came, my older Brother Minwoo brought the kids out. He said; I need a time for myself without the Kids to think about living in the west for awhile.

I actually needed not to think about it. For I have decided not to..

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