September 14, 2014. One week before Exo's The Lost Planet concert in Beijing. 

Luhan has been brooding over this topic for quite a while now, thinking and thinking and thinking. He's been unable to sleep properly for a few months now. His insomnia only gets worse as he tries to hide it from the members, feeling like he'll only be adding more weight to their already heavy shoulders with all that is going on. When Kris left, Exo was completely unprepared. He made no mention of his departure, just one day they got a call from the manager explaining the situation and everyone blew up. They were sad, angry, shocked, and confused. These feelings are similar to how Luhan feels now, but with himself. He doesn't want to do what Kris did to the members. He doesn't want to leave. It's currently 4am as Luhan is crying in his dorm bedroom, face buried in the pillow. 

A few days ago, he told Yixing and Xiumin of Exo-M about his decision. They were shocked and angry at first, but as Luhan started crying and explaining that his health is getting worse and he can't keep up with the company anymore, they grew more understanding and hugged him until he stopped crying. They are the ones who encouraged him to tell the members today, exactly one week before the concert.

He is scared. So, so very scared. He wanted to do so much more with Exo. He wanted to go after their dreams until the end. Exo gave him the family he never had as an only child. Exo gave him so many memories that he will never be able to forget. He is scared. No, terrified. He lays in bed trying to predict the members reactions. Who will be understanding like Yixing and Xiumin, he wonders? Who will never forgive him? As he thinks about these possibilities, a certain maknae pops into his head. 

Sehun. Will you ever forgive me, Sehun? The tears stream out of Luhan's eyes as he continues to muffle his sobs in the soaking pillow. Sehun was 4 years younger than him. Why does he feel so attatched to this boy? Well, he's not a boy anymore, he's a 20-year-old man and Luhan can't accept that becuase all he can see is the shy, awkward,16-year-old boy that he met four years ago back when Luhan was the 20-year-old. Out of all the Exo members, Sehun gave Luhan the most to remember. When they first met it was awkward because of the age difference. It wasn't until Sehun asked him to get bubble tea with him one day that they truly started to bond. They got bubble tea together every morning and talked about life as each started to be more themselves around each other. Luhan found out that Sehun was neither shy nor quiet; he was actually very playful and funny and Luhan enjoyed being around him. They became inseperable. 

Those were the days, Luhan thought. Everything was so happy and perfect. Sehun's smile was so happy and perfect. What will Luhan do to that smile with this news? Will he ever see it again? Luhan fumbles with the bracelet around his writst that the two had in promises of a...friendship..that will not break. What has Luhan done. 

I don't deserve to be forgiven. With this thought in mind, Luhan drifted into an unpleasant slumber, the tears still wet on his cheeks.

♦♦♦♦♦

It was evening as Sehun washed the dishes from dinner with Kai, the two maknaes being forced to do so. They didn't mind really, after all it was the hyungs who paid for dinner so this is the least they could do.

Sehun put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and stood for a second watching his hyungs. Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Chen are horsing around like usual, Tao has Xiumin in a headlock, Suho and D.O. are watching a tennis anime. Everyone seems to be in bright spirits tonight. It was as if there were always 11 members. Exo had gotten used to Kris not being around, and they seem to be enjoying life anyways. That was until Sehun notices Luhan, sitting alone on the couch, looking down at his hands and seeming to be in deep thought.

I hope he's okay... Sehun thought. When he woke up this morning and made his way to the kitchen, he saw Luhan leaning against the kitchen counter, a cereal box in his hand. Sehun smirked and walked up to him, saying, "Too sleepy to even pour your own cereal?" 

He circled around Luhan, arm around his shoulder until Luhan looked up. That's when Sehun saw the puffiness of his eyes. The red veins around his pupils. Luhan realized his mistake and ran out of Sehun's hold, to the other side of the kitchen where he poured his cereal rather clumsily into the bowl, creating quite a mess.

Shocked, Sehun said, "Luhan...are you alright? Did you have trouble sleeping again? I thought that went away after the Thailand concert...?" He made his way towards Luhan and put his hand on his cheek, trying to get Luhan to look him in the eyes once more.

However, Luhan only turned away, mumbling, "I'm fine" as he scurried back to the confinement of his room, leaving Sehun confused and slightly hurt.

Currently, Sehun watches Luhan on the couch feeling the same as he did this morning. What's going on with him and why won't he talk to me. 

He slowly walks over to the couch, until halted when he sees Yixing beating him to it. Putting his arm around Luhan, he whispers something, looking sympathetic and encouraging. Damn Lay, Sehun thought, Why is he the one Luhan will talk to? 

That was when Luhan nodded his head at something Lay said, to which Lay then stood up and announced, "EXO! Come here! Let's talk!" 

The members sat around the room, laughing together as they approached. Sehun sat in between Suho and Chanyeol on the couch accross from Luhan and Yixing. 

"What, Lay? Shall we go ride our bikes down at Han river again?" Chanyeol said, the members all smiling and nodding. 

Lay replies, "Actually, Luhan here has something to say.." This grabs everyone's attention as Luhan begins to look like a deer in headlights. Not like the beautiful deer of dawn that Sehun usually sees when he looks at him, but a rather frightened, trembling deer with bloodshot eyes. Sehun didn't like it. Luhan then stood up and started to walk away at a fast pace, until Lay and Xiumin grabbed him and forced him back in his seat. 

The members laughed. "Luhan! Spit it out!" "What now, hyung, are you going to participate in a soccer competition?" "Did you steal one of my mangas again?!" "Are you excited to go back to Beijing?"

Everyone was laughing and playing as Luhan mumbled something inaudible to the silly boys. "What was that, hyung?" Chanyeol asked. 

"I'm leaving Exo." 

♦♦♦♦♦

Sehun lays on his bed, thinking of what had happened only just a few hours ago. What he was hoping was just a nightmare that he'd wake up from. 

He thinks of the transformation of the members cheery faces into shocked expressions of confusion. Everything was in slow motion in Sehun's eyes and mind. 

The members were mad at first. Saying things like, "WHAT? WHY?" "IS THIS KRIS ALL OVER AGAIN?" "ARE WE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?" "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!" "WE NEED YOU!" "IS THIS A JOKE?" Sehun said nothing. He just stared at Luhan, watching the tears fall down his face as he stared at his hands, biting his lip.

As Xiumin and Yixing tried to calm everyone down and defend Luhan, Suho stood. "EXO!! LISTEN TO ME." Everyone stopped and looked at their small leader, breathing heavily with wild expressions on their faces.

"The managers told me about this last night. Luhan talked it over with them a couple days ago. They are not happy. Why are you all being like this? Look at Luhan. Do you think he wants this? Let us be the family we've always been and hear him out."

Sehun remembers Luhan explain everything. His worsening health conditions, the insomnia, and the company's high standards. Sehun remembers how hard Luhan was sobbing as he explained these things, how he could barely breathe through the harsh sobs and hiccups. None of them had ever seen their hyung like that. Slowly, the members' expressions transformed yet again, as everyone began to cry. 

They cried and cried, apologizing to Luhan for misunderstanding and going up to hug him. Sehun stayed in his seat, unable to cry and unable to move. He felt like he was about to throw up. Suho noticed Sehun was not getting up, so he pulled him into the 11 person hug. Sehun simply stood. He hugged no one and cried with no one. Luhan looked up and somehow found Sehun's dead eyes among the boys hugging him. The eye contact was what did it. It was as if it all fell into place, and Sehun tore away from the hug, screaming.

"NO!! NO!!! STOP IT!!!!" He screamed, sounding awfully similar to a little boy who didn't get his way. The members slowly turn around in shock, tears still present on their cheeks. 

The tears finally came, all at once, as Sehun looked directly at Luhan, sobbing and screaming. "NO!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS ONCE!!!!! THIS IS . STOP JOKING AND TELL US YOU AREN'T LEAVING!!! TELL US!!!!" Sehun began running towards Luhan, but Chanyeol and Tao held him back as he still screamed. Luhan only stared in shock and terror. Sehun wasn't like this when Kris left. Sehun's never been this frantic. He cried and cried, continuously screaming "TELL US!!!! TELL US LUHAN!!!!" 

Sehun buries his face in the pillow as he remembers his awful behavior. He even cussed. That wasn't who Sehun is. Somehow, he was able to run away from the scene into his dorm bedroom. He heard the other members try and coax Luhan, saying, "It's natural that the maknae would react this way" "You were one of the first people he met in Exo" "Don't take it personally" "He'll get over it and understand, don't worry"

After they seemed to calm Luhan, they all started talking about how much they will miss him. Sehun could hear it all. He heard them thanking him for his constant kindness and generosity to the members. They reminisced about the past and they laughed a little and cried a little. They assured Luhan that they would make Beijing count. 

Everyone was in bed now, but Sehun was wide awake. He couldn't fall asleep that night. The memories were flashing in his mind and could not get out. He could not get Luhan's beautiful smiling face out of his mind and the heaviness of his heart was too much to bear.

♦♦♦♦♦

After TLP in Beijing (09/21/2014)

The members gave Luhan a lot of love and support at The Lost Planet in Beijing, everyone knowing it was the last concert stage he'd ever be on with Exo. It was evident he was trying to hold back tears the whole time. 

Sehun, however, could barely even look at him. He knew if he looked at Luhan, the tears would come instantly. He knew if he looked at Luhan he'd only see the smiling faces and silly dances he'd give him at previous concerts. Knowing that there would be no more of that shining face in the light of the stage with the rest of them, Sehun would only break down. So he did not make eye contact. He only watched in the sidelines as the beautiful man sang and danced at his solo, already missing his voice and talents. 

At the airport after the concert, Sehun was barely able to hold back his tears. He even used Chanyeol's shoulder for support. It was hard to think straight and Sehun felt dizzy. He felt like his world was crashing down. 

I miss you. Don't go.