Hello! I am so sorry for the super late update. My house was drowned in flood so I wasn't able to update. But now, finally! So enjoy! Oh, hello to the new subscribers! Enjoy reading!

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1,209,600 seconds.

20,160 minutes.

336 hours.

14 days.

Two weeks has passed since the most painful day of my life. Never would I imagine the world without Wu Yi Fan. Going through the life without him had never crossed my mind. But, here is what God has planned for me. Being a lifeless soul in the world without the man I thought was mine until my last breath.

Tonight wasn’t like the other nights, where my members accompanied me in my own apartment, whispering gossips, telling jokes here and there, clearly making attempt to cheer the broken me. Tonight, I was alone, again. Each of my members went home to their respective family since they were free from any schedule. And here I was, embracing the cold night air, watching the whole city of Seoul from the balcony of my apartment, holding a glass of alcohol.

During these two weeks, I embraced the cold of the winter air because I wanted my heart to be numbed. Alcohol had been my best company because it helped me to forget the pain, even just in temporary. Yes, I missed the warmth. I needed to feel the warmth. But I was afraid. To meet the people who could give me the warmth was a hard thing for me to do because I will just give them a taste of my pain. Because the me right now wasn’t what they wanted to know. Because this Kim Hyuna wasn’t who my mother and brothers would like to see. That was why I preferred to isolate myself here, still questioning the fate that God has planned for me.

At the age of nine, I came home from school to see my mother crying her heart out because her husband left our home. My father, whom I looked up so much, left us without any trace, leaving my mother struggling alone to raise me and my brothers on her own. 

At the age of thirteen, in the middle of my dance practice, I received a phone call from my mother, informing me about the death of my father, whom I haven’t met for four years. Since then, the young Kim Hyuna changed. The pain, the misery and all the struggles my mother had to brave through had changed me because I discovered that life wasn’t easy. When the kids my age went to the playground to spend their time, when they used their money to earn what they love, when they enjoyed their young life, I spent all my younger days in the practice room; dancing, singing and rapping for hours, hoping to debut to change the life of my family. The cheerful and bright personalities in me just fade, leaving the young me with a weak soul wearing the fierce mask, never had the chance to discover the beauty of life.

Until the day I met Wu Yi Fan, a complete stranger who changed the way I look at life. He was so handsome, so bright yet mysterious. He had the ability to draw the never curious me closer to him until I was able to see what can make me happy in life – his love. He was the first person who got my attention, the one who touched my heart with the way he talked about his passion – music. He showered me with his love. Until I gave him my all, all of me. Until he became the pillar of my strength, the one who made my life easier.

I thought my life had completely changed. I thought the pain wouldn’t come again. But I was wrong. Because Wu Yi Fan became the second man who cowardly left the world, he left me. My first love, which I thought was my forever, opened the wound of my heart again. Just like what my father did. The two most important men in my life, unfortunately, hurt me the most.

I questioned God, is this the price I had to pay for His kindness in giving the success, wealth and popularity to me? Out