"Jae, oh my god, please stop running!" I shouted as I tried to narrow the gap by fastening my pace as I run after my lover who walked out from their dinner date before it even started.

Well, I couldn't really blame him for running away now, I was totally a jerk, an idiot, bastard and everything a bad boyfriend could be described with. But let's stop degrading myself. Because I am going to fix this. No matter how much ed up I got things. No matter how much painful Changmin's punch is for messing this up.  And lastly, no matter how much Jaejoong will restrict me if he ever forgive me. If he even forgive me for this. But let's hope for the best. 

"Jaejoong!"

"Yunho, just stop following me."

"I can't!" I huffed. Running used to be a very easy stuff for me. But since breakup, I lost interest to exercising, hence my fats. But I'm not that fat. Jaejoong now makes sure I eat the right healthy foods after-- right... Jaejoong changed me when we got together the first time, he changed me after our break up, and now he changed me again as we're together again. He has done so much to me. How would I be without him?

Because to be honest, Jaejoong is what makes me the Yunho everyone knew. 

"Jaejoong! You have to stop running, we'll atrract paparazzis if you keep going!"

And for good gracious, he did stop. I run to stop in front of him. It's time for things to be said and explained. Okay, Yunho, don't screw this up. Breathe. This is your lastest shot. You've ed things up more than you want to.

"Jaejoong, oh my god, thank you for stopping---" I was held back as I finally had a glimpse of Jaejoong face as he's head was held low.

He was crying.

He was crying hard.

"I..."

"Don't even touch me."

I flinched when Jaejoong spitted those words towards me. He has never, and I mean, never ordered me not to touch him, he loves my touches. This was not like him all.

This just probably proves how messed up I made this thing up.

"Jaejoong... I..."

My Jaejoong laughed bitterly. "What? You're just playing around and now you're sorry because you realized how much it burned me as you play with fire?"

I breathed. "I didn't play with you--"

"You did! You did!" Jaejoong agressively wiped his tears. "Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do, you wanted me madly jealous." 

"I did want that."

He looked at me with disbelief. "Well, are you satisfied now? I am really really mad, Yunho. I'm not more into jealousy , I am madly mad at you. Is this what you want?!"

Defeated by the words he said, it took me long enough to notice a tear escaping my eyes. And then another, and another.

"Yunho, let's just... Let things cool down for now."

No...

I felt him walked passed through me. Slowly, walking away from me...

No.

No. 

The echoes of his every footsteps broke my heart.

Say it, Yunho. Shout it, it's not the end.

Damn it.

  -------

"Jaejoong, are you crying?" I heard Yoochun asked from behind. I was sitting on my couch staring blankly at some news channel, but I'm definitely not crying. Well, teary, but not crying!

"Nope," I answered, not looking at him.

"Well, I saw Yunho."
I froze as he mentioned the name of the guy I walked out to just an hour ago. "He was looking for you? I thought you guys were into a dinner date or something?"

"Well, I kinda... uhm, walked out."

I saw Yoochun drew a big 'O' on his mouth. "What happened, Jae? You were so excited for that date, tell me everything."

Knowing he won't leave me alone unless I do spill things, I have no choice but to spill. "Well, he brought a girl with him, it was the blondie on their performances, you saw her."

Yoochun nodded, "Ah, that girl. Yeah, she's a real cutie, don't you think?" Yoochun stopped as I gave him a glare. "I mean, wow she's really not that cute, what was Yunho-hyung thinking?"

"I think he's making me jelly on purpose,"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak gay language, what the heck is jelly?"

I rolled my eyes, "It means jealous. Gosh it's not even a gay word."

"Well I'm sorry I prefer real words!"

"Yoochun, that's not the point here."

"You're right, continue."

"I've been noticing him with his unusual flirts with that girl, I don't know if that girl was really playing along with his plan, or he just used her."

"Why don't you go talk to him now? You know, to not up more things--because you know how idiot he can be. As for my opinion, his idiocy has leveled up now that he's trying to make you jealous."

As much as I hate people calling Yunho an idiot, Yoochun's probably right. 

"Well, okay. I'll talk to him, but not now. I want to sulk for a while."

"Well, what are you sulking at?"

*"Jaejoong, please stop crying..."*

*I passed a glance at the man who is cooing my back at the moment. His soothing rubs didn't make me feel any better, no one can make me feel better.*

*Yunho and I broke up a month ago. After that everything between us changed. He wouldn't talk to me, nor even glance at me. When he need to ask or say, he would pass it to Changmin so he won't have the chance to waste his time on me. It was harsh and painful for my part. I didn't know how he could be this cold, he's the warmest person I know. But he changed... he really changed.*

*"I'm sorry, Chun-ah...I ruined this group...I am to blame, I..." A few weeks ago, we filed a lawsuit against the company about our complaints of how we wish for better treatment. It was obvious that the company didn't like how we approached our complains, so the group is at the stake of breaking apart.*

*And it looks like Yunho's going to stay at SM*

*Our ruined relationship ruined the group*

*"What are you even saying? We wanted this, we chose to leave..." The trembling voice of Yoochun has reached my ears, I could tell he wanted to cry too but he's holding it back.*

*"But Yunho...and Changmin... If Yunho didn't stay, Changmin wouldn't. Yunho hates me so much he chose to stay with those bastards--I wanted to talk to him but he hates me, he's disgusted with my existence..." Yoochun wiped the endless tears on my cheeks, but it was no use. "I just want to talk to him, Chun-ah. I just want to apologize to what I have said when we broke up and...and... I want him back, god knows how I regretted even giving him the chance to break up with me. Now he's gone..." A painful sob escaped my lips. "And I'm afraid he'll be gone forever."*

  ----

*It took me almost three years to even make myself avoid sulking when I see his face on T.V. Took me much courage to resist on calling him in the middle of the night through his old number. He probably changed it years ago, but there was a hint of hope I hold on to that number. Yoochun tried to erase it once, heck he did really erase it. But of course I memorized it so it's no use.*

*"Jaejoong-hyung, are you still ringing his old number up?" Junsu sighed being ignored as he sat on the couch with me. "You know, Yoochun will kill you for that."*

*"Sshh! Shut up! It's ringing!" I panicked and hung up before it was even answered. "Gosh,"*

*"It really reached the number?" Junsu asked looking unconvinced. "You know, you have to give up someday, hyung."*

*Shrugging my shoulders, I re-dialled Yunho's old number. "Well someday, is not today." I felt a little rush as the other line started to ring again. I've been trying for months now, dialling, re-dialling, waiting for him to answer, which is I know is just as impossible as what YooSu's been banging to my mind.*

*But when you see a little light, you may want to dig further to see the other light.*

*"Hello?"*

*"Oh my god." panicking, I passed the phone almost immediately at Junsu.*

*"Hello? This is Yunho's phone, who is this?"*

*"That's Changmin!" Junsu exclaimed, panicking and yet excited, grabbing my phone tight. "Changmin!"*

*"Who is this?"*

*I grabbed the phone again, "Changmin, how is Yunho? Is he doing fine? Please, is he there? Can I talk to him?" I asked sounding like a total fangirl.*

*"Are you hyung's fangirls? Please don't call him again--"*

*"No no no, Changmin--"* 

*"Changmin."*

*I froze after hearing that familiar low voice at the other line. After years, I finally heard his voice once again. It didn't change a bit. It could still make my heart leap in excitement.*

*I felt myself nearing to tears, silently wishing he would speak more.*

*But after a second, the other line hung up and ended the call.  *

*I guess it's really the end of both of us too.*

  ---

*"Yunho hyung will you put that bottle down, you've drank the 18th bottle now." I closed my eyes forcefully as Changmin opened the curtains, light making way to embody the whole room, making my eyes too painful.*

*"Just give up, Changmin. I'm sleepy, we don't have any schedule today. Let's just drink, hm?" I playfully smiled at the annoyed Changmin looking down at me. Obviously, the effect of alcohol hasn't left me yet and I am feeling very tipsy. *

*"We don't have any schedule because you are there drunk on your bed. For god's sake, please grow up."*

*"I am in my morning period."*

*I saw Changmin choke at nothing and then glared at me. "You broke up, you haven't lost him forever!"*

*"Does that make any difference?" I slumped my face against the pillow and breathed heavily.*

*"Hyung, it's been three years. You have to let him go."*

*I sighed. "I know that."*

*"Good. We have a schedule today."*

*Gazing at him, I curled my forehead. "Really? I checked the list last night. We're off today."*

*"Nope. We're going to the party. Jihyo invited us right?"*

*"Ah right. I thought we rejected that?"*

*"Well, we could. But JYJ is coming..."*

*My heart skipped a beat, very anxious of what Changmin is implying to say. "What are you talking about?" Technically, we are over. I broke it. It was over three years ago. And I am more than sure he have moved on now. Unlike me, it's so pissing that I was the one who wanted it to end yet I'm still stuck with my love for him.*

*"We are going to see your Jaejoong."*

*Perhaps, in these three years...*

*He hasn't moved on yet, too.*

  ----
"Jaejoong, wake up! Oh god, please wake up!" I woke up from Yoochun's  panicking waking. I scratched my eyes and bit back my giggle looking at him sweating so much.

"Good morning, Yoochun. What's wrong?--"

"You have to get up. Something is happening." He dragged my body up the bed but I stopped him before he even drag me fully out.

"Ouch, what the ."

"Yunho is leaving."

I froze when he dropped the bomb, took me a while to digest what he said. It's been three months since we had that last incident, we never talked since. Maybe because I want him to be the first to approach. But it never happened.

"I don't understand."

"Well, basically, Changmin's going to leave with him too for Japan promotions. They are going to be there for a year. And Changmin called just now. Yunho doesn't want to go. Well, not unless you guys talk. But the manager is stopping him. " Yoochun explained, slightly huffing. "Jaejoong, it's now or never."

"No, he should approach me. Not the other way around." I bitterly answered. 

I saw my friend pulled his hair out of frustration. "Oh my god. Jaejoong, can't you see how much childish you view this out?!"

"How is this my fault now?!"

"Because a year ago he was the one who begged you to be with him again even though it was your fault you broke up!"

"Why are you blaming me now?!"

"Why can't you give him an exception from that ego of yours. Yunho is a man of pride, he swallowed it down when he asked you to go out with him again despite the fact that he was the one who ended it."

"It's not going to end, Yoochun."

"It is for him." Yoochun sighed. "I know you are not the jealous anymore, I am very happy with that. But it's not the only issue now--"

"What time is their flight?"

"Half hour from now."

.

I run without even bidding Yoochun goodbye. I know it's childish because I could always book a flight to Japan and find him there. 

But I couldn't afford to lose him again.

  ----
I must be dreaming.

He's looking at me. I miss that innocent gaze from him. His eyes bigger than usual and lips slightly parted probably because he's taken by surprise. We gazed at each other for a long while, it felt that another part of me found its home. It felt that I am finally home.

"Yunho? What the hell, you made it!" Jihyo tapped my back, breaking my gaze at my ex lover. I faced her with a smile and bowed.

"Happy birthday!" 

"Bastard, I know you didn't come here for that." Jihyo glanced at Jaejoong who looked uncomfortable and left his seat. "You should've bought me a gift at least."

"We have, Changmin had it. He's probably in the cater section, go get it to him." I glanced at Jaejoong who wasn't there anymore. I looked around but couldn't find him anymore.

"He's usually in the rooftop," Jihyo smiled. "Go get him, Yunho."

I dashed to wherever the way to the top floor is. He hasn't changed a bit. He still loved to go somewhere high where he could view the city whenever he felt uncomfortable. 

This is it, Yunho. It's now or never. 

I got a hold of the doorknob and prayed for the best. I finally opened it finally and saw Jaejoong flinched a little, taken by surprise but then smiled at me.

That gentle smile that I thought I'll never see again.

  ----
I openend the door ignoring the calls of the security. I punched the buttons encoding the pass at his condo. It unlocked almost immediately and I sighed in relief. Now the only thing I need to worry about is if Yunho is still in there. 

This is it Jaejoong. It's now or never.

I prayed for the best. That Yunho would be there with a bit shock in his face and the he'd smile at me and then he would apologize and then I'll apologize too and everything between us would be okay.

But then...

I was greeted by an empty lifeless room.