Oh my god I finished a story. 

I hope it makes as much sense to you as it does to me.

Also, I hope you like it! :) 

(This is the most meta thing I've ever written.  My 2am brain amuses me.)  

***

My head had been tangled in knots for the past two days. I found it hard to concentrate – my mind constantly drifted to thoughts of Taeyeon and Tiffany, spewing the contents of their relationship into a narrative that kept on changing.

Tiffany went on with her daily routine – focused and aloof - like she’s always been. It was as though Taeyeon was a break from reality and now she had returned from a vacation refreshed.

I slammed my book shut, catching her attention.

She folds the corner of a page and closes her book, offering me an opening to speak my mind.

“Are you giving up on Taeyeon?” I asked, failing to veil my annoyance.

“I’m confused about time.” she replied, and looked at me as if I understood.

Tiffany then tilted her head to a side and bit her lip, fortified with an expression I couldn’t decipher.

“It’s strange and fragmented and somewhat unstable - rushing forward forcefully and then stretching slowly. I had forgotten how that felt.” she said dreamily. 

“Taeyeon.” I reminded her, trying to bring her thoughts back into focus.

I watched as her face lit up - and I felt the swell of optimism.

“Taeyeon made time flow at a pace I liked.”

***

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could skip this part?” Tiffany asked, fatigue glazing her eyes. She was in her own bed now - facing sideways towards me, feet fidgeting, hands comforting each other.

“Fast forward or something.” she added.

“Where in the future would you like to go?” I responded knowingly.

She turned and stared at the ceiling.

“Somewhere in time where Taeyeon sees me as a constant and not part of a moment.”

I mirrored her movements, trying to find clarity within her words.

“What’s wrong with being part of a moment? They add up and eventually - it becomes your life.”

“I’m holding on tighter.” she stated, voice laced with exhaustion. “She’s too willing to let go.”

“How would you like the story to end?” I asked, opting to distract her instead.

Tiffany squinted, as though her eyes were reaching far into the future.

“Our story is too good to end badly.”

And she smiled like she believed it with all her heart.

***

“It’s nice to see you.” I rolled my eyes, annoyed at my inability to sufficiently articulate my enthusiasm. “Here again.” I stuttered, starting to hate myself.

“With Tiffany.” I added, and then cringed when I noticed that Tiffany wasn’t in the room.

“She’s collecting brochures about college programs.” Taeyeon explained.

“What for?”

“My future.” Taeyeon chuckled, as if the future was a ridiculous notion altogether.

“And you’re here, alone in her room, because…”

“Tiffany wants us to be friends,” she spoke with an inviting smile. “She said that we can talk about anything - except her.”

Tiffany had eliminated the one thing we had in common.

I stood there like a fool – wondering if all friendships started out this awkwardly.

***

“I want to know what you talked about.” Tiffany whined, lips forming a pout.

“That will be in another story.” I teased.

The truth was that I couldn’t find the words that would adequately describe my friendship with Taeyeon. Taeyeon and I had little in common, yet I related to her on a profound level.  

Perhaps she made everyone feel that way.

***

“I don’t know how to describe things.” Tiffany exclaimed in the dark, rudely interrupting my peaceful slumber.

“Please go to bed.” I pleaded, opening an eye to peek at the time.

I was about to curse when I heard her hyperventilate.

“What’s wrong?” I inquired gently.

She exerted herself trying to slow down her breathing and finally exhaled her perturbation. 

“I’m not good enough when it comes to words." I could hear her shift uneasily in the dark. "What if she can’t see and I can’t paint the scene with the right words? What she sees in her mind will be limited by my inadequate depictions.”

“If all else fades, I will be content that my eyes have once met her face.” I said and laughed. “It’s cheesily poetic when I’m quoting Taeyeon in the dark.”

After my laughter died, I was greeted by dead silence. 

“Tiffany?”

***

“Tiffany?” I called out softly for the third time.

I let out a lengthy breath, feeling relief wash over me as the tension left my lungs.  

I was wide awake at a time that was closer to the morning than the night.

I reread the ending – pouring my attention over every word and disliking every one.

***

“Do you believe in happy endings?” I asked. 

I added an eye-roll to confirm my own stance, just in case.  

Taeyeon took another bite of ice-cream and allowed the spoon to linger in .

“Hospital ice-cream is surprisingly good.” she exclaimed and nodded, her wig bouncing out of place slightly.

“It depends on where you end the story.” she said.

“So you’re saying that there are no happy endings?” I challenged.

“Of course there are.” Tiffany interrupted as she walked into the room with a huge hardcover book. She leaped into bed next to Taeyeon and kissed the other girl lightly – but it carried so much weight that I had to look away.  

“That is some quality ice-cream.” Tiffany expressed after her lips. “Anyway, don’t let my cynical friend here corrupt you. I stole this from the waiting room – we can fill your head with images of all the beautiful places in the world.” 

And Taeyeon looked at Tiffany like they were already there.

***

“It depends on where you end the story.” I whispered to myself as I waited for the lights to turn green. My fingers tapped the steering wheel - faster than the beat of the music playing.

I turned the radio off.

For once, I’d rather listen to myself think.

I decided to ignore the red and sped towards the hospital.

***

The wait was the very worst.

The entire room was still foreign to me even though my eyes have examined every inch of the space. I didn’t know where to rest my hands, my eyes, or my thoughts.

Tiffany’s hand inched towards mine and I held it, finding comfort in her warmth.

“I’m learning a new definition of love every day.” she said in a way that made me think she was smiling.

“What’s today’s definition?” I asked, frowning deeply.

“Love is not running away from the waiting room.” She laughed nervously, stealing the attention of the worried faces in the room.

***

“You’re early.” Taeyeon murmered, face dimly lit by the bedside lamp. I could tell that she hadn’t slept.

I was panting – all the frustration I had accumulated on the way over dissipated when I ran up the stairs.

“You can’t skip this surgery.” I uttered.

I shot a glance towards Taeyeon and slumped against the seat, wanting to disappear. 

“I won’t help you.” I stated firmly. “And I won’t end this story where you want me to.”

“But it’s about to go downhill from here.” Taeyeon said, sounding defeated. 

“You’ve already gone through three surgeries. How is this one any different?”

“I don’t want Tiffany to spend any more time in the waiting room - both physically and metaphorically.” Her words slowed and softened towards the end of her sentence, as if they ran out of fuel.  

I didn’t want to – but I understood. 

I placed the manuscript on her lap, sighing so deeply that I was filled with emptiness.

“You should read this.”

She flipped a few pages and smiled when she realised what it was.

“I thought this was meant for Tiffany?” 

“I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t think you understand how Tiffany loves you.” I replied. 

“You mean how much?” she asked.

“You know how much. So no, I meant how.” 

***

Tiffany traces Taeyeon’s features with her finger, giggling, as if she was familiarising herself with something new and exciting - while Taeyeon laid on the bed, completely still.

“It’s not over.” I reminded her, unsure as to why. Something about seeing Tiffany happy made me fearful.

“I know.” Tiffany reassured me.

“Do you think you can commit to a lifetime of this?” I asked as I gestured around the room. Machines beeping, nurses scurrying, people trying not to cry...

“A lifetime of Taeyeon?” she chimed.

“Love isn’t easy.” I sighed.

Her eyes danced around the room, taking in the gravity of the air surrounding us.

She shook her head, but her smile never left her.

“This,” she pointed around the room. “This is hard.” she concluded.

“But I don’t think anyone – not even Taeyeon – understands how easy she makes my life.”

“Do explain.” I requested.

I was confused.

“With Taeyeon, I’ll never feel like I don’t belong – in time, in a place, in my own skin… Those are things people spend a lifetime struggling with. This…” her gaze darted around the room once more. “This seems almost superficial.”

“What’s today’s definition of love?” I smiled as I moved onto an issue that was less superficial. 

“Love is…”

formed shapes that kept changing before she could decide on a word.

“Love is worth it.” 

***

The chair jolted suddenly and I was yanked from sleep.

The bed across me is empty and I start to panic.

“They wheeled her in an hour ago, sleepyhead.” Tiffany said, chuckling, and handed me a fresh cup of coffee.

She had the manuscript in her other hand.

“I feel cheated out of the ending.” she complained as she struck my arm with the stack of papers, almost causing me to spill coffee all over myself.

“Not good enough?” I murmured, disappointed.  

“More like non-existent.” She laughed and collapsed on the bed.

I took the manuscript from her hands and realised that the last 6 pages were missing.

Taeyeon.

“You’re awfully chirpy today.” I observed. She was wrapping herself  tightly in covers, snuggling against herself. I wasn’t sure if she was about to implode or explode - it was possible that the stress and lack of sleep had gotten to her.  

“Taeyeon said it made sense that you didn’t finish it.”

“That made you happy?” I guessed.  

Tiffany sat up suddenly, violently untangling herself from the covers and then finally kicking them off.

“You don’t see it?” she asked cheekily.

I made a brushing movement with my hand, beckoning her to explain. The missing few pages had some form of significance my mind had not been able to comprehend.

“A finished story represents an accumulation of moments in time. An unfinished one stretches on indefinitely. Taeyeon doesn’t see me as part of moments anymore - I am now a constant.”

“You’re reaching.” I teased, knowing she was right.

Tiffany always got what she wanted.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

ps: I imagined the writer as SooYoung. Did you do the same?