Chapt 2

One by one, she put her stuffs into her second trunk. Her suits was done in the leopard-print trunk. And this one she filled with some bags, shoes, and the others little stuffs which were she probably need it in States.

Yes. She really was ready to go.

New York.

Accidentally, her hand reached a silver box under her bed. Hesitantly, she pulled it and put it on her lap. She knew it. She knew, what kind of box it was.

A smile immediately shown in her face. The pictures of them, so many couple things, his apologetic and reflection books which reminded her about how many times that man did the mistakes, the broken 2000 Won couple rings, and then her eyes stop in a blue box with pink ribbon. A necklace box. Her butterfly necklace.  Slowly, she opened it.

Her smile instantly faded. She closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath.

Fine. Everything is over. I'd let him go. Ania. The fact is i never let him in since the beginning. He'll be fine. My Yonghwa will always be strong.

She whispered on her mind.

He was right. She's a coward. She's a stupid liar. It because she love him that much so she needed to be a professional liar!

Yes, she love him! Like he said, she love him to the point where she hate herself. Every single days she felts like dying when she forced to tell the opposite with her heart said. Every days felt so lonely when she kept on pretending in front of her eonnies as she was alright in fact she missed him. And that night, when he finally leaving, she really wanted to kill herself for hurt him that bad.

But she was sure. That was the best way to love an idol like him. She had to hurt him so she could protect him.

From whom?

From her... and from himself. She know him so well, he would do anything to be with her and forgetting all his dreams as a musician. He would do many stupid things in the name of his love and it could destruct his shining world in a blink of eye.

Seohyun didn't want it to be happen.

Like when a crazy fans attacked her at the back stage after her perform. Soon after he heard that news, he rampaged like an insane without even care peoples around him. Fortunately, he was in his office and Jonghyun successfully held him or.. maybe he would  end up being jailed now.

Yes. He's Jung Yonghwa whom everybody knows as a choding and a bright guy. When it comes to Seo Joohyun, he would immediately changed to be someone who no one would ever expected. And Seohyun knew it. Jungshin told her on the next day and it incredibly shocked her. That wasn't the only moment Yonghwa did that kind of stupid thing.

Because of that, Seohyun would never let him in. She knew very well, if that Haters didn't come to her, so they'll come to Yonghwa. And it scared her really much.

"Tell to your Namja, just stay away from you!! I know that you're a good girl who never come to his place first. But he didn't like you. He is freaking stubborn. So tell him!! Stay away from you, or i'll kill you. Ania.. if you failed to make him away, i'll kill him! YOU GOT IT?"

That voice kept resounding on her mind and it haunted her for this past 4 years. Even though that psycho fan had already in jail, but it marked a deep trauma which haunted her nights. Nobody knows about it. Even her eonnies.

She knew, it could be a childish or maybe just a cheap terror. But the incident against her that night was a prove that HE wasn't kidding at all. Yes, HE was an insane fans of her. And she was afraid, there will be the others HE outside there if she really do some recklessness.

She was afraid. If Yonghwa could be hurt because of her.

She was afraid... if Yonghwa find it, he's going to be a monster who never let HIM go or even... Yonghwa would make HIM no longer exist in this world.

HE almost took her everything that night! HE almost her on her car after HE kidnapped her. Fortunately she could escape really soon. But those memories... it wouldn't be erased by time.

It was the darkest time of her life. She loss him even before she really own him. She really didn't want something like that ever happen again in her life. Especially in his life. No! She would never ever forgot what happened that night. Never! She wasn't belong to him, that's the reality!!

It was never easy for her after that night. Without no one ever knew it, she took a series of healing program to help her fought her trauma. She took some pills to help her felt comfort. How could she share that kind of life with him? How if another Saesang Fan appeared and do something worse than that?

She was scared! She did love him but she scared!

No! She do love him! Still… and always…

And 6 months ago, She really made him go! Successfully.

He hate her. He hate her completely.

"God.. it hurt..."

She clenched her tiny hand and hit her left chest over and over. It was hurt so much inside it. Her heart beating normally but it felt so hurt since the reason of it beating had gone.

She cried. She was hurt.

For a few moments she cried alone in her room. She held the necklace box in her chest longingly. Then she stood up. She stood up in front of the mirror and saw her reflection there.

"You're not Seo Joohyun! Maldo Andwe! Seo Joohyun is a girl with smile. She's not you! Seo Joohyun is not a woman with a hopeless and a suffer gaze like you."

She said it to herself. Once again, she made her tiny hand touched her reflection in the mirror.

"You'd loss him... Seo Joohyun! This time, he won't back!"

She bowed her head. The butterfly necklace.. she put it from the box, stared at it for a moment, then she wore it. She looked her presence in the mirror once again...

"Oppa, igae gwaenchanna? Is it okay if i keep it? Jebbal, Oppa... just this one. I want to make it stay close with my heart to help it beat and make me stay alive. I beg you, please... let me wore it..."

A familiar warm liquids droves in her cheeks.

"I love you, Jung Yonghwa. God knows how much i love you! Be healthy.. and be happy! Anyeong... nae sojungan saram..."

She miss him. She would desperately going to go on missing him because she chose this road without him. A world without him..

New York… far away from him…