They slept facing each other that night, but Chanyeol didn’t think he was able to sleep.

Not when Baekhyun was sleeping soundly while facing him, his slender fingers curled loosely on Chanyeol’s wrist.

Chanyeol leaned forward to press a kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead. The latter stirred slightly, but his eyes remained shut.

It was all he was going to do for now.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t think he had ever been that happy before.

Not that he wasn’t happy with Baekhyun before, but it was like he was given the chance to fix everything, and he was determined to do it.

A few days had passed and it felt…peaceful. It had also been a few days since Chanyeol started working in his new office. It was much better than his last job at the convenience store. He liked the atmosphere in his current office, and he made new friends.

Everything was going perfect.

But Chanyeol knew it was too quick for him to think like that. Eventually, Baekhyun would start asking questions, and he wasn’t sure if he had the right answers.

That morning, Baekhyun watched in silence as Chanyeol dressed up in front of the mirror. The taller of the two caught his gaze from the mirror, and Baekhyun smiled shyly. Funny how it had happened for more than a thousand times, and yet Chanyeol’s heart still raced every time their gazes met.

“You look…nice in suits.”

“Why, thank you. If I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re flirting with me.”

“We never flirted?” Baekhyun’s expression turned horror and Chanyeol laughed in amusement. “Chanyeol, you meanie!”

“Can’t help it, I love your dumb expressions,” Chanyeol teased and he immediately regretted saying it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—that’s not what I—“

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun shook his head vigorously. “I—I know it’s probably too soon, but if it’s not too much to ask… I want you to treat me just the same as before, Chanyeol… I want us to go back the way we used to…”

Chanyeol halted his movement for a second. He wasn’t sure how to respond at that. Baekhyun sounded determined and sincere about his request…despite the fact that he didn’t remember anything at all. In the end, Chanyeol only smiled and continued working on his tie.

“Can I ask you a question, Chanyeol…?”

“Shoot.”

“How long have you been working in this company…?”

“Just recently.”

“I see.” Baekhyun paused. It looked like he had something in his mind. “Chanyeol…?”

“Hm?”

“I…I found some shirts in the closet that are my size…and several ties…” Baekhyun hesitantly gnawed on his lower lip. “Do I…work too, somewhere? Did I?”

The topic made Chanyeol unconsciously gritted his teeth and his anger came back unwillingly. He was angry at himself about not being sensitive enough when Baekhyun told him he was going to quit his job. Had he listened to his boyfriend and let Baekhyun stayed home the other day, none of this would’ve happened.

“Chanyeol…?”

“Baekhyun, will you listen to me?”

Baekhyun was taken aback by the sudden question, but he nodded anyway.

“You’ll take a break and find a new job. I’ll go to your office this week and hand them your resignation letter.”

“But…why? Don’t we need money? I saw the bills and—“

“Don’t you worry about that. I’ll take care of everything.”

“But…”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said sternly. “Don’t you trust me?”

It seemed dangerous to say no, so Baekhyun hastily nodded. “I—I do…”

“Good. Then leave everything to me.” Chanyeol put on his blazer and glanced at the clock. “I should get going now.”

“Okay…”

Baekhyun wordlessly followed Chanyeol to the living room, watching everything the latter did.

Chanyeol grabbed his bag, put on his shoes, and looked at his hair in the mirror before heading to the door. His hand was already on the door knob when he glanced over his shoulder and realized that Baekhyun was still staring at him.

Treat me just the same as before.

“Baek.”

By before, did you mean…before you lost your memories…

“Yes?”

...or before I got this new job?

“Come here.”

Baekhyun looked puzzled for a moment, but then he shuffled closer. He stopped when it was just a few steps away from Chanyeol. His eyes were filled with questions, but no words came out of his mouth.

“I’ll see you later,” Chanyeol said softly.

Baekhyun slowly broke into a smile. “I’ll see you later, Chanyeol…”

It probably shouldn’t have happened.

But Chanyeol wanted it to.

Chanyeol leaned closer to press his lips against Baekhyun’s. It happened so fast—two, three seconds max, but it made Chanyeol’s heart beat unusually fast like it was about to blow. He was the one who pulled away first, half expecting Baekhyun to slap him, but it never came.

And dear God, Baekhyun’s lips felt the same.

Baekhyun’s blushing face was so precious that Chanyeol left for work happily that morning.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol dropped by at Baekhyun’s office the next day to hand the company his resignation letter. The male then went to Baekhyun’s cubicle and picked the rest of the things.

Baekhyun’s workplace was tidy and he didn’t have a lot of things. There was a journal, a calendar, some post-it stickers, a table clock that Chanyeol had given to him for his birthday—when he was still broke because they were still in college, and a photo frame beside the keyboard.

Chanyeol had almost forgotten about this picture.

It was Baekhyun’s favorite picture of them.

Chanyeol unconsciously smiled to himself. After all this time, it just had to be this picture that Baekhyun kept. The picture was taken on the night of their celebration of graduation day. Their laughs were so happy—probably because Chanyeol had asked Baekhyun to move in with him on the very same day.

And Baekhyun had said yes.

Chanyeol imagined that their picture was one way to calm Baekhyun down, no matter how unhappy he was, and the thought made him clench his teeth. Chanyeol caressed his finger on the photo frame, wondering.

What happened to you, Baek…?

Chanyeol tossed everything into the box before leaving.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Several weeks had passed like in a breeze and eventually, things began to get better.

Chanyeol was starting to make a decent amount of money. It was more than enough for the two of them, and like his intention from the start, he was spirited to fix everything.

Baekhyun was starting to smile a lot.

Chanyeol had almost forgotten how freaking beautiful Baekhyun was when he laughed. Or how nice it felt when the shorter of the two leaned to him when they were walking together. Or the wonderful feeling when butterflies burned in his stomach when Baekhyun ‘accidentally’ kissed him (more like Baekhyun was tiptoeing to fix Chanyeol’s hair and the latter intentionally leaned down).

It was wonderful.

Chanyeol told himself over and over again that he was given a second chance to fix everything after being an . He promised himself that he would never let Baekhyun be hurt, again.

And he would do anything to make Baekhyun happy.

Anything.

Yifan and Junmyeon invited them for dinner that night.

Chanyeol never let go of Baekhyun’s hand the whole time on their way there. They weren’t in a rush, so they decided to take the train instead of taxi. Baekhyun looked around the city in awe like it was his first time, but then he told Chanyeol everything looked familiar.

Chanyeol just replied with a smile.

When they arrived at Yifan’s apartment, it was Junmyeon who opened the door and he welcomed them warmly. Chanyeol let the older male dragged Baekhyun inside while he pried off his shoes. Both Junmyeon and Baekhyun disappeared into the kitchen and Yifan suddenly appeared out of nowhere, nearly gave him a heart attack.

“Hey.”

Chanyeol placed his shoes on the rack and lifted up his chin. “Hey.”

“Baekhyun looks…” Yifan paused thoughtfully. “…great.”

“He’s doing great, yeah.”

“And happy.”

Chanyeol was quiet momentarily before nodding. “And happy.”

“Has he been able to remember anything?”

“No. He just said that everything looks familiar, but that’s it.”

“I see…” Yifan motioned Chanyeol to follow him into the living room and the latter obeyed. “Junmyeon told me that you made him quit his job.”

“I did,” Chanyeol said. He suddenly felt like he was facing Baekhyun’s father instead of Baekhyun’s brother, with all the questions Yifan asked. “I’ve made more money, now. And I don’t want him to work until he’s really ready.”

I don’t want him to suffer anymore.

The sound of Junmyeon’s laugh could be heard from the kitchen and Chanyeol didn’t miss the way Yifan’s eyes softening at that. It was the umpteenth time Chanyeol witnessed it and he still felt amused no matter how many times he saw it. Yifan was tough and he had a handsome, grumpy face, but when it came to Junmyeon, it was obvious that he was helplessly in love.

It was probably the same for Chanyeol to Baekhyun.

No, definitely.

“You know…” Yifan started in a serious tone. “I never really liked you.”

Between confused and worried, Chanyeol gulped. He wondered where the conversation would lead and if Yifan was actually Baekhyun’s father for real.

“But Junmyeon says that Baekhyun is in good hands. And if he says so, then I trust him. But I just need to make sure. Can you,” Yifan narrowed his eyes menacingly at Chanyeol. “Really take care of my brother properly?”

“Like you taking care of Junmyeon-hyung?”

Chanyeol shifted his gaze to the general direction of the kitchen, and he smiled upon hearing Baekhyun’s faint voice.

“I can…”

I want him to be happy as much as you do.

“No, I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The dinner went okay.

By okay, it meant that Yifan wasn’t as cold as he was towards Chanyeol, and with Junmyeon chirping beside him, he didn’t look that scary anymore. Chanyeol caught Baekhyun looking around his brother’s apartment a few times like he was trying to remember.

But what Yifan said got Chanyeol to think.

Junmyeon says Baekhyun is in good hands.

Honestly, Chanyeol almost didn’t know how to respond to that. If it was true, then the accident wouldn’t have happened… Or did Junmyeon mean that after the accident? But compared to Yifan, Junmyeon had always been supportive of them. It was understandable, considering Yifan was Baekhyun’s brother—and of course, Yifan just wanted the best for Baekhyun.

But still, it bothered Chanyeol a little.

“Earth to Chanyeol, earth to Chanyeol. Are you okay?”

Chanyeol snapped out of his trance and gazed at the beautiful, shorter male beside him who looked at him with his puppy eyes. “I am.”

Baekhyun didn’t seem convinced. “Are you sure? You’ve been spacing out since we left…”

“Yeah. I’m just thinking.”

“What are you thinking…?”

Chanyeol pursed his lips thoughtfully. “I’m thinking we should take a taxi. It looks like it’s going to rain.”

Baekhyun glanced up at the sky in confusion. The sky was already dark, but there was no thunder whatsoever. “You just made that up to distract me, Chanyeol. We should just take a bus, it’s cheaper.”

“We still have to walk another block if we take the bus.”

“I like walking. Walking is fine with me.”

Baekhyun childishly stuck his tongue out at Chanyeol. Chanyeol rolled his eyes in return, feigning dismay, but he grinned in the end. They then took the bus home, and the moment they dropped off at the bus stop, it started raining.

“Wha—?” Baekhyun gaped. “You’re absolutely right! How did you do that, Chanyeol?”

“Excuse me? I’ve always been a lucky guesser ever since we were in college, just in case you forgot.”

Baekhyun’s expression faltered at that.

Oh .

Chanyeol never meant to hurt Baekhyun. He just blurted that out without thinking—he only meant to tease the other male. Chanyeol cleared his throat unsurely, hoping he could explain.

“Baek, I’m sorry, I was—“

“The last one arrives at the apartment sleeps on the couch!” Baekhyun playfully flicked Chanyeol’s arm as he started running. “I’m winning already!”

“Baek, wait! There’s a store nearby, I can buy an umbrella—Baek!!”

“You’re losing, Chanyeol!!”

Chanyeol groaned in frustration at the sound of Baekhyun’s mocking laugh. He ran after his boyfriend in the rain and fortunately, with his long legs, he managed to catch up in no time. Afraid the shorter male would fall or trip over something, Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and they ran together side by side until they got to the apartment.

Drenched, cold, and shivering, Baekhyun waited for Chanyeol to unlock the door.

“Holding hands doesn’t count. Who sleeps on the couch then?” Baekhyun pouted playfully.

“Nobody.”

“You cheated. You’re on the couch tonight.”

“You’re sleeping with me, then.”

“Only if you can catch me!”

The beautiful male stripped as soon as he went in and laughed as he threw Chanyeol his top. Chanyeol yelped and chased Baekhyun into the bedroom for a playful revenge. Baekhyun threw his head back, laughing when Chanyeol tickled his sides, not realizing that he was completely topless. When Chanyeol pinned him down on the bed, it was then they both froze momentarily at the situation.

Chanyeol felt like losing his mind at the view underneath him.

Baekhyun was so freaking beautiful.

It had been a while, sure, but nothing had changed. Baekhyun’s memories were the only thing that was missing, but the others stayed the same.

“Baek…”

Chanyeol leaned down to kiss Baekhyun’s cheek. He felt Baekhyun flinching slightly at the touch, and it made Chanyeol excited because dammit, how long had it been…?

“You’re mine, you know that?”

Baekhyun’s lips were trembling in response, but it wasn’t fear.

“Yeah…”

Chanyeol didn’t intend to stop.

He then began to kiss Baekhyun’s jaw, down to his neck, to his collarbone, with one of his hands moving downward to the latter’s jeans.

Baekhyun audibly swallowed, but he made no move to stop Chanyeol. Small mewls escaped the older male’s lips when Chanyeol kissed Baekhyun’s cold skin, pressing his palms on the dangerously exposed low parts. Chanyeol paused for a second when Baekhyun giggled sheepishly. He was about to kiss Baekhyun so that he would stop giggling, but he stopped the moment he realized Baekhyun was actually sobbing.

“Oh my God, Baek… I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun shook his head vigorously. His eyes were teary, and Chanyeol felt a terrible pang at the view. “No! It’s me who’s supposed to say sorry…”

“What? No, it’s—“

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I’m sorry for not remembering anything about us…”

Chanyeol’s mouth became dry upon hearing those words.

What…?

It must have been something he said earlier at the bus stop—damn it, why couldn’t he be more careful about the words coming out of his mouth??

“Baek,” Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s slender wrists in his hands. “Listen to me. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. You—you told me to treat you like before, so I just… Sometimes—most of the times, I speak without thinking… I promise you, I’d change. I know it was very insensitive of me to do that. Please, don’t cry…”

Baekhyun smiled between his tears and Chanyeol used the chance to wipe the tears away.

“I’m sorry…”

“I just wish…I could remember.”

“You will, eventually.”

Chanyeol caressed Baekhyun’s cheek with his thumb and the latter’s eyes fluttered.

“Were we always like that…? Were we always…happy…?”

Chanyeol held his breath at the question. They were happy, right? Sure, they had problems like any other couples, but they were happy.

We are happy.

Chanyeol opened his mouth to say something, but his heart was heavy with doubts—not about his happiness, but Baekhyun’s.

Were you happy with me, Baek…?

“We—we were. Although…” Chanyeol trailed off, pretending to be thinking.

“Although…?”

Chanyeol grimaced. What was it that he was about to say? What was he thinking? He didn’t want to ruin everything. The past few weeks with Baekhyun had been great. It had been his second chance to fix their relationship, and Chanyeol didn’t want to lose Baekhyun again, that was for sure.

“Although… You’re not this sensitive before.”

Baekhyun blushed hard at that.

“And I wonder if you’d let me continue…” Chanyeol’s words were muffled as he peppered light, teasing kisses on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Or we could just sleep like this…if you prefer me as your personal heater.”

“You may continue,” Baekhyun chuckled bashfully. “Although I feel like this is our first time…”

“This is our first time.”

Chanyeol ignored the confused gasp escaping Baekhyun’s mouth as he claimed the latter’s soft lips. All the questions Baekhyun about to ask were drowned between their kisses, with Chanyeol not planning to let Baekhyun think about anything else.

It was their first time…

…after a while.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol was happy.

He was supposed to feel happy, but it was like something was clouding his heart.

The male was starting to feel like he was taking advantages of Baekhyun. He wondered if he should’ve told Baekhyun the truth about the weeks they were having before the accident. It might trigger his memories…

But what if Chanyeol wasn’t able to accept the truth…?

What if the truth about Baekhyun wasn’t what he expected…?

But what’s the worse that could happen?

He’s your boyfriend, Chanyeol.

Have a little more faith in him.

Baekhyun was circling job lists on the newspaper that day when he realized Chanyeol had been spacing out beside him. He put down the pen he was holding and nudged his boyfriend’s ribs, asking for his attention.

“Chanyeol? What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” Chanyeol lied.

Baekhyun pouted, obviously knowing that Chanyeol lied, but he made no attempt to ask further. Instead, he motioned Chanyeol to move closer, and when the taller male did, Baekhyun purposefully stole a kiss.

Chanyeol visibly stiffened.

“What’s that for?”

“Eh? I just want to kiss you… I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol mentally facepalmed.

Calm yourself down, Chanyeol.

Baekhyun’s just being himself, he didn’t mean any harm.

Stop fidgeting, dammit.

“Oh. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s okay if you want to…kiss.”

It was awkward, but Baekhyun smiled despite the tension between them. He mutely took the pen back and tapped it against the newspaper. Neither of them said anything until Baekhyun cleared his throat and said,

“Chanyeol…?”

“Yeah.”

“I think…I love you,” Baekhyun said and immediately shook his head. “No, I do love you. I’m sure of it.”

Chanyeol held his breath.

No, don’t.

“You don’t know that.”

Don’t, Baek.

“I’m one hundred percent sure. If I don’t…if I don’t love you, my feelings for you wouldn’t be this big, Chanyeol.”

Not now.

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not wrong,” Baekhyun’s expression changed and he loosely curled his fist against his lips. Chanyeol could see that he became hesitant, but there was no doubt in him. “I’m not wrong…”

Chanyeol sunk his teeth on his lower lip and silently wrapped an arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder. Baekhyun snuggled closer to his touch, and Chanyeol let him rested his head against his chest. His mind flew back to that one time when Baekhyun told him he loved him—which he didn’t reply.

I love you too, Baek.

Even after all this time, he still couldn’t say it out loud.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol woke up in the middle of the night with Baekhyun beside him.

He guessed it must’ve been because he had a lot in his mind that he wasn’t able to sleep well.

Chanyeol was about to slide off of the bed to grab a glass of water or even to watch television, but he halted upon seeing that Baekhyun’s fingers were on his wrist. They weren’t tight, but it was enough to make Chanyeol reluctant about letting go.

A small smile was etched across Chanyeol’s face.

Despite the fact that Baekhyun didn’t remember anything, his habits remained the same.

Chanyeol spent a few more moments to gaze at Baekhyun’s sleeping face, and his heart stuttered.

How could he forget that what he felt towards the smaller male was real…? They’ve been together for so long that Chanyeol didn’t think he’d be able to fall in love with anyone else in the same way he did to Baekhyun. His heart beat unusually fast for this male, and for this male only.

Chanyeol closed the gap between them as he softly pressed their lips together. He didn’t stop even when Baekhyun stirred and moaned quietly.

“Chanyeol…?”

“Hm,” Chanyeol hummed as he continued to kiss the sleepy male. “I’m in the mood for a very late make-out session…”

Baekhyun laughed heartily as he let himself be kissed. He put his hands behind Chanyeol’s head, pulling the latter even closer, deepening their kisses.

“I don’t mind…”

When Baekhyun gave him the signal that it was okay to undress him, Chanyeol didn’t hesitate. He would never get tired to make Baekhyun his, to prove that he was no one else’s. Chanyeol couldn’t think of anyone else but the beautiful male underneath him.

And he wanted Baekhyun to know…

…that he was helplessly in love with him.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol was starting to accept the fact that things were going back the way they used to be.

It had been months since the accident and Baekhyun’s memories hadn’t come back, but not that it mattered. Baekhyun was still the same with the way Chanyeol remembered and it was more than enough for him.

But it was naïve for Chanyeol to think that everything was going smoothly.

They were walking together downtown that Saturday morning, planning to do some grocery shopping when someone Chanyeol didn’t recognize walked over to them. Chanyeol didn’t think it was a problem until the stranger noticed who Baekhyun was, and he started calling Baekhyun’s name.

“Baekhyun?”

“Yes…?”

Baekhyun’s smile dissipated instantly upon seeing the unknown male. He instinctively grabbed Chanyeol’s arm and his face went pale.

“Baek?” Chanyeol frowned.

“Baekhyun, it’s really you, right?” The male said with a relieved smile. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a long time. They said you quit…”

“I—“ Baekhyun whispered fearfully, his grip tightening on Chanyeol’s arm. “I don’t—“

Baekhyun’s reaction told Chanyeol that something was definitely wrong. Chanyeol gently pushed Baekhyun behind him, as if to protect him from the stranger. “Excuse me, but who are you?”

“You must be his boyfriend… I heard about you a lot.” The male ignored Chanyeol’s glare as he shifted his gaze back at Baekhyun. “We used to work together… I guess it’s safe to say that we had something in the past…”

Baekhyun’s grip on Chanyeol’s arm was so tight that it was starting to hurt.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” Chanyeol said politely. “My boyfriend doesn’t seem to remember you.”

“It’s impossible that he doesn’t remember me.”

“If I can’t do it in a nice way, I’ll do it in a harsh way, Mister…” Chanyeol prompted, but the stranger held up his hands, as if to say that it wasn’t needed.

“You don’t need to be so rude, I’m going already. See you, Baekhyun.”

With that, the stranger sent Baekhyun one last look before walking away.

Chanyeol could feel that Baekhyun was trembling greatly behind him. He waited until the other male disappeared from his peripheral vision before turning to Baekhyun. “Baek, who was that?”

“I—I don’t know.”

“He said you guys used to work together. Is he someone from work?”

“I don’t know, Chanyeol, I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol firmly snatched Baekhyun’s wrist. “You’re not lying to me, are you?”

Baekhyun’s expression was a mixture of fear and confusion. Chanyeol could tell that his boyfriend wasn’t sure, but then he shook his head. “N-no, I’m not lying to you, Chanyeol…”

Chanyeol slowly let go of Baekhyun and he took a deep breath. “We’re going home.”

“Wh—what?”

“I’m not in the mood to shop. If you want, you can go by yourself.”

“Chanyeol—“

Chanyeol knew he wasn’t supposed to be angry, but he couldn’t help it. The taller male half indignantly walked away, not really care if Baekhyun followed him or not. Right now, the only thing he could think about was what was it that Baekhyun had been keeping from him, right before the accident. What was it that made Baekhyun keep it as a secret, that he couldn’t tell Chanyeol.

Am I that unreliable, Baek…?

Dammit.

Chanyeol hated himself for not knowing anything.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The moment they got back at the apartment, Chanyeol immediately went to the living room. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. Chanyeol harshly grabbed the box that he had brought from Baekhyun’s office weeks ago.

He tossed everything from inside the box onto the couch. Chanyeol took the journal and he flipped the pages absently, hoping to find something.

“Chanyeol…?” Baekhyun sounded confused. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think?” Chanyeol paused to give a hard look at Baekhyun and the latter flinched under his glare. His voice was calm, but it was obvious that he was pissed. “I’m trying to find out more about you.”

“Huh…?”

“Do you really not remember who his name was? That stranger from before? He obviously knew you, Baek.”

“I—“ Baekhyun sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know him, I swear. Chanyeol, please—“

“You don’t remember, or you don’t want to remember?”

“Chanyeol—“

“What the happened to you that night?”

“Chanyeol, please stop—“

“Come on, Baek! I’m tired of this! Dig deeper into that memory of yours and remember his name!”

“I don’t remember, I swear!!” Baekhyun cried in fear. “But I’m scared, Chanyeol! I’m scared of his face—“

“Perhaps because you and he had something in the past,” Chanyeol snorted mockingly. The accusation made Baekhyun fall silent as Chanyeol continued flipping the pages. He stopped halfway when Baekhyun sobbed. “But you wouldn’t happen to remember that, would you?”

“I swear I don’t remember…please trust me, Chanyeol…”

Chanyeol sighed as he threw the journal carelessly to the couch. “That’s the problem, Baek. I don’t know what to trust anymore. I thought I knew you, but maybe I just don’t know you that well.” Chanyeol puffed his cheeks as he placed his hands on his hips. A lot of things ran through his mind, and he almost couldn’t calm down. He just couldn’t anymore. There was a pregnant pause before Chanyeol continued, “I think…you should go back to Yifan-hyung’s apartment tomorrow.”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispered desperately, his tears were starting to fall on his cheeks. “Please don’t do this to me…”

“What if your memories come back and I’m… I’m not the one for you.”

“It’s—it’s not going to happen. You’re still going to be the one…”

“You’ll never know. We’ll never know, Baek.”

Chanyeol shut his eyes in order to keep himself composed. It was hard, especially with the sound of Baekhyun sobbing behind him, but Chanyeol just needed some time alone. Being with Baekhyun was a bit too much at the moment.

“Pack your things and I’ll take you back to your brother. It’s the best for you. It’s the best for us.”

Chanyeol did his best to ignore Baekhyun’s crying as he headed to the door. He paused momentarily as he stood in the doorway. A huge part of him wanted to turn around and hug Baekhyun, but Chanyeol was determined with his decision.

“Don’t wait for me tonight, Baekhyun.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The apartment felt so empty without Baekhyun’s presence by his side.

A part of him felt that it was unfair to treat Baekhyun like that, but the other part completely agreed.

They were all right now because Baekhyun didn’t remember anything, but what if he did? What if the stranger they met the other day was someone special to him…? That Baekhyun was actually…

…cheating on him…?

Chanyeol pressed his hands against his forehead desperately. He despised that word. Just thinking about it made him sick. The thought of Baekhyun smiling and laughing at someone else just killed him.

They were both at faults…

It was better to just let go.

It hurt Chanyeol to lose Baekhyun, but it hurt him more to see their pictures on the table. The male planned to discard all of the photo frames, but in the end, he just let them there. It was impossible for him to love someone again after all he had been through with Baekhyun. Even with everything that had happened, Chanyeol could feel his heartbeat was still responding greatly to Baekhyun’s smile.

Chanyeol smiled bitterly to himself.

I love you, Baek.

Even after it ended, Chanyeol still couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol had expected that eventually, someone would come and try to talk some sense into him.

He just never expected it would be Junmyeon.

Chanyeol batted his eyelashes dumbly upon seeing Yifan’s boyfriend the moment he opened the door. He kind of expected the scene where Yifan kicked his door open, shooting fire from his mouth, and asking for explanation. To be honest, he was glad that it was Junmyeon.

But the way Junmyeon looked at Chanyeol was different.

“He’s been crying for weeks,” Junmyeon started without preamble. “How could you, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol dropped his gaze to Junmyeon’s shoes. “Where is…Yifan-hyung?”

“If he’s the one who comes here, you’d be dead already.”

Chanyeol swallowed thickly. “You’re right. Please, come in.”

“I’m not going to stay. I’ll just be brief.” Junmyeon took a deep breath. “Chanyeol—“

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“Good, then it won’t take long.” Junmyeon huffed as he facepalmed in exasperation. “Look, I may not have been in a relationship with Yifan as long as you two, but I know Baekhyun. And he would never do that to you. We still didn’t know what happened before the accident, but I honestly think he didn’t cheat on you.”

Chanyeol didn’t dare to bring his gaze up.

“You’re…getting thinner. Have you eaten well, Chanyeol? Have you even slept?”

Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to answer.

Junmyeon held his hands up in resignation. “You know what? I think you’re being unfair to Baekhyun. You’re angry at him for not remembering, but is it really his fault? It’s unlikely for Baekhyun to just change like that. You must’ve seen it weeks before the accident, Chanyeol. You must’ve noticed something was wrong. And what did you do about it? You did nothing, right?”

Chanyeol was startled. “It’s—“

“I’m not going to listen to your self defense,” Junmyeon interrupted his sentence. “If you really cared about him, you should’ve insisted picking him up at the office before it happened. But no matter how much we want to change it, there’s no use talking about it now, is there? It happened. Baekhyun lost his memories, end of story. But please…”

Chanyeol finally had the courage to look at Junmyeon.

“If you want to end everything, at least let it be in a good way.”

Junmyeon glanced at his wristwatch with a heavy sigh.

“And I should go. Yifan would snap if he finds out I’m here talking to you. He hates you a lot now, but I guess it’s acceptable since you hurt his brother.”

Junmyeon turned around and he was about to walk away, but then he added,

“When will you realize that Baekhyun is the happiest when he’s with you, Chanyeol…?”

“Hyung.”

Junmyeon merely stared.

“Tell Baekhyun I’ll pick him up tonight.”

Junmyeon visibly tensed. It was clear that he was gauging Chanyeol’s expression, to see if the taller of the two was joking. But Chanyeol looked dead serious about his words, and slowly, Junmyeon broke into a relieved smile.

“Then I’ll take Yifan on a date tonight. You’re a dead man if he sees you, you know that?”

Chanyeol only chuckled in reply.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol arrived right after Junmyeon and Yifan got into the car. He faintly heard Yifan protesting to Junmyeon that he didn’t want to leave Baekhyun alone at home, but knowing Junmyeon, he probably might have said something sweet that got Yifan into agreeing.

He made sure that the situation was secure before taking the elevator.

Chanyeol spent quite a while in front of the door, wondering if he should knock. Wondering if it was the right thing to do. Wondering…if they still had a chance together. He was thinking about what he should say if he saw Baekhyun, but then the door swung open and it made Chanyeol hold his breath.

Baekhyun’s eyes widened at the sight of the taller male at the door and he instinctively took a step back. “Ch—Chanyeol…?”

“Hey,” Chanyeol retorted. His eyes went to the jacket Baekhyun was wearing. “Going somewhere?”

“I…” Baekhyun trailed off in embarrassment. “Yifan and Junmyeon are going out and I thought… I wanted to see you…”

Chanyeol’s heart skipped a beat at that. Funny. His feelings for Baekhyun didn’t change, not even a bit.

“I wanted to see you, too.”

Baekhyun looked up with visible hope within his orbs. There were patches of pink in his cheeks and Chanyeol couldn’t help but think that his boyfriend was really the cutest. “Really…?”

Chanyeol nodded.

The two of them was engulfed in a comfortable silence for the longest of the time. Baekhyun looked like he wasn’t sure of what to say, and so did Chanyeol. But Chanyeol knew it was him who had to start this time, so he gently took Baekhyun’s hand in his.

“You were unhappy with me.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened.

“After we lived together, you were working so hard for us. I was jobless for a couple of months. I tried so hard to find a decent job, but it wasn’t my luck yet. You were unhappy, but I couldn’t do anything at that time. There were bills to pay and I needed you to hold on a little bit more, until I found a new job, so that you wouldn’t have to work anymore.

But then it happened.

The accident.

Right after I got the job. Right after I was planning to tell you that you can quit your job. I was waiting for you at our favorite place that night. You told me I didn’t have to pick you up, but if I had insisted, none of this would’ve happened to you. The accident wouldn’t have happened, and you wouldn’t have lost your memories…

Do you…remember any of these, Baek…?”

Chanyeol got a weak headshake as a reply.

“I thought it’s probably better if you don’t remember anything…but that’s just a wishful thinking. Eventually, you will. It could be one, two, or five years from now. It could even be tomorrow. And then what…? You stay with me, or you leave me. It will forever be these two options. And the thought of you leaving me just…kills me. And I guess I was terrified about finding out…”

“Finding out about my past…?”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol exhaled softly through his nose. “You were so unhappy about your job, but I never really tried to find out why… But perhaps…that stranger from the other day… If he made you happy at work…”

“Chanyeol, look at this.”

Baekhyun held up a photo frame. It was the one Baekhyun had placed beside his keyboard in the cubicle. Chanyeol slowly nodded, not really understanding what the other male meant.

“Our smiles were so happy. And not just in this one, Chanyeol. All of our pictures…we looked so happy in them. And I thought to myself, if I wasn’t happy with you, then why do I look so much like that in all of our photos…? And if what you said was true—that stranger made me happy, then why did I put this picture at work…?

You asked me once if I remember anything—a name. To be honest, there are a lot of names floating in my head. But none of them are special. Yifan and Junmyeon’s names sparkled a hint of familiarity in me, but when it came to yours—Chanyeol, my heart fluttered so bad like it was about to collapse.

Each day passed by and I could feel that your love for me is real, and my feelings for you are just as big. I feel like…you were really the one for me. You treated me kindly despite my memory loss and it made me feel…terribly loved.

But when that guy showed up, I was terrified. Not because of anything else, but because I couldn’t remember his name, and yet he reminded me of something…awful. And I was scared because…this feeling…what if I had hurt you before the accident…?”

“Stop,” Chanyeol said. “Stop right there.”

Baekhyun obliged wordlessly. Tears were already threatening to fall from the rim of his eyes.

“I’ve spent the last few days thinking. And I thought to myself, what’s so important about the past?” Chanyeol murmured softly. “Sure, it made us who we are, but what matters is now that you’re here with me, alive, safe and sound. And I’m grateful…for that. I’ve accepted you for who you are, Baek, not who you were. We’ve been together for too long, be it good times, bad times… I don’t want to throw it all away.”

“But you’re right,” Baekhyun shook his head desperately. “What if I remember…? What if I suddenly remember and I’ve done something awful? Something I wasn’t supposed to…?”

“I care about you so much that I don’t care about it anymore,” Chanyeol sternly said. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t your own fault. It was mine, too.” He pulled Baekhyun into his arms and the smaller male started crying. “We’ll work it out, Baek.”

“Is it really…okay?”

“It’s okay. I want you to be with me.” Chanyeol paused as he pressed a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead. “In the meantime, please love me again…”

Baekhyun chuckled quietly. “Don’t be silly, Chanyeol…”

“Hm?”

“I didn’t think I ever stopped loving you…”

I never stopped loving you too, Baek.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol stayed with Bakhyun until Junmyeon and Yifan came home.

He almost backed away the minute he saw Yifan’s wrathful face, but fortunately Junmyeon was there to tame the lion. It was crystal clear that Yifan actually wanted to land a punch or five in Chanyeol’s face, but it didn’t happen. Chanyeol politely asked for Yifan’s permission to take Baekhyun home, but all he earned was a death glare (and a threat of punching him for real if he ever hurt his brother again).

Chanyeol wasn’t planning to.

He didn’t intend to ruin his chance this time.

“So what are we going to take tonight, Mister Lucky Guesser?” Baekhyun joked as he leaned forward to catch Chanyeol’s gaze. “The bus, the train or taxi? Is it going to rain? Or is it safe if we just walk all the way home?”

Chanyeol ruffled Baekhyun’s hair affectionately. Baekhyun laughed whole-heartedly as he playfully pushed Chanyeol away, urging his boyfriend to go after him. Chanyeol merely smiled and shrugged, pretending that he wasn’t in the mood, and Baekhyun pouted.

Chanyeol did nothing for a moment, but then he offered his hand to the shorter male, which Baekhyun accepted with a slight frown on his face.

I’m helplessly in love with you.

“Chanyeol…?”

This time, Chanyeol would be able to say it out loud.

“I love you, Baek…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were together in the crowd when Baekhyun accidentally saw the unknown male from the other day. Fear seeped into his heart at the sight of the stranger, simply because he didn’t want Chanyeol to doubt him ever again.

Even until this day, Baekhyun couldn’t remember who it was, and he didn’t want to remember. Every time he tried to dig into his memories, scary images of him being shoved against the wall popped up, and Baekhyun would stop at that.

It was too scary.

Whatever it was, he wanted to forget.

He just wanted to start anew with Chanyeol, and it was all he asked.

Fortunately, Chanyeol didn’t seem to acknowledge the other male’s presence, and neither did the latter.

 Unconsciously, Baekhyun’s grip tightened on Chanyeol’s arm, causing the taller male to turn to him questioningly. Baekhyun returned the stare and shook his head, as if to tell Chanyeol that nothing was wrong before breaking into a smile.

He wasn’t afraid.

Not anymore.

As long as Chanyeol was there to hold his hand.

Chanyeol smiled back and leaned down to peck his lips.

“I love you.”

Baekhyun’s happy expression made Chanyeol feel like it was worth it. Baekhyun scrunched his face when Chanyeol poked his nose, but nonetheless, he giggled.

“I love you more, Chanyeol…”

It was Baekhyun’s favorite sentence.

It was Chanyeol’s favorite sentence, too…