Are we liars in denial?

Are we smoke without the fire?

Tell me please, is this worth it?

‘Cause he’s gone and I’m picking up the pieces

I watch you cry

But you don’t see that I’m the one by your side

‘Cause he’s gone, in his shadow is it me you see?

‘Cause all that’s left is you and I

And I’m picking up the pieces he left behind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun had been dating since college.

The two of them were freshmen at that time. Chanyeol said it was love at first sight, Baekhyun said he only accepted to shut the former up (but of course he was joking). They were young. They still were. And just like what happened to people their age—moreover to people who were in a relationship—they had problems. They had arguments, they disagreed about a thing or two, but it was nothing they couldn’t solve.

They never broke up.

Not even once.

Baekhyun was the best thing that had ever happened to Chanyeol, and the latter would be stupid to ever let him go.

But because they were still young, most of their friends thought that their love story would end the moment they graduated. That their relationship was nothing more than a college fling. Well, Chanyeol was more than happy to prove that they were wrong. Only a week after they graduated, the taller of the two asked Baekhyun without hesitation to move in with him. Baekhyun, flustered from the happiness and shock, didn’t even need time to think but to say yes immediately.

They were happy.

Sure, they were young, they barely had money, but they were in love.

And it was enough to start a deeper relationship.

They were probably rushing to live together since they were freshly graduated, but Chanyeol didn’t think that it was a problem. Their relationship had been going for so long that he needed nothing else but Baekhyun, and with the beautiful male by his side, Chanyeol would be able to face anything.

Anything.

But perhaps it was too soon for him to have such thought.

Baekhyun was the first one to get a job.

Chanyeol remembered screaming for Baekhyun when the latter came home in a rush, stuttering that he just got a phone call that said he got accepted. The two of them were laughing and dancing at the unbelievably good news. Chanyeol remembered pulling Baekhyun into his arms, congratulating the shorter male and told him how proud he was of him.

To be honest, it had never occurred to Chanyeol that he would work in an office from nine-to-five, but that kind of job suit Baekhyun.

Baekhyun had always been the tidier one of the two. His boyfriend looked (very) adorable with a body-fit suit and a tie—which always resulted in Chanyeol teasing him every morning by pulling the tie off before Baekhyun went to work. Baekhyun would cry in protest as he tried to shove the taller male away, but he would always fail. The scene always ended with Chanyeol kissing Baekhyun too romantically until the two of them (almost) forgot that Baekhyun had work to do.

And then Baekhyun would whisper against Chanyeol’s lips that he loved him.

Chanyeol would return those words back, because it was the truth.

I love you.

It was Baekhyun’s favorite sentence.

It was Chanyeol’s favorite sentence, too.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Time flew by so fast that without Chanyeol realizing it, several weeks had passed by since then.

The taller male mentally told himself that he wouldn’t lose to Baekhyun. Not because of the good job his boyfriend had, but because they had bills to pay. Sure, he had his savings, but now that he had graduated, his parents wouldn’t be sending him money anymore and if he didn’t do anything about it, he would certainly go broke.

But Chanyeol wasn’t as lucky as Baekhyun every time he got called for a job interview. He was pretty sure he had done everything right—including getting a good luck kiss from Baekhyun every single time he was about to go. His clothes were decent. His hair was styled neatly. Most of all, he smelled good (thank goodness for Baekhyun’s perfume).

But still, he hadn’t gotten accepted anywhere.

Weeks turned into a month, and when it turned into another month, Chanyeol was still jobless.

Needless to say, he was starting to get a bit depressed about it.

He was trying, but it seemed like it wasn’t good enough.

Chanyeol died a little inside every time Baekhyun came home. The smaller male seemed tired and tensed whenever he arrived at their apartment. Chanyeol understood that Baekhyun was probably affected by his work, but…deep down inside, he wished Baekhyun wouldn’t have to suffer. He wished it were him instead. Chanyeol wished it were him who worked from nine-to-five and earned much money, so that Baekhyun wouldn’t feel tired and tensed.

Baekhyun never said anything, but sometimes he gave Chanyeol an unreadable look, one that would make any lover felt doubt. Was it a look of disappointment, Chanyeol couldn’t tell, but sometimes it was so intense that negative thoughts began to occupy his mind.

What’s on your mind, Baek…?

What if…Baekhyun had been thinking how unreliable he was?

What if Baekhyun thought Chanyeol wasn’t trying hard enough?

What if Baekhyun thought he was useless?

Chanyeol mentally berated himself. No. He didn’t want that to ever happen. Chanyeol didn’t want Baekhyun to think badly of him. But he knew that it couldn’t go on for too long. All this time, Baekhyun had never protested, but if Chanyeol didn’t get a job soon…

Baekhyun leaving him was the last thing in his wish list.

For the sake of earning money, Chanyeol began applying for some part-time jobs in convenience stores. Ironically, he got accepted within a single glance. The owner didn’t even bother to ask why someone like him, who had graduated from one of the good colleges, applied there instead of well-known companies. Either the owner didn’t care, or he was just in urgent need of an employee.

Chanyeol didn’t feel like telling Baekhyun, simply because he didn’t want the latter to feel ashamed of dating someone who didn’t have a decent job. The first few days, Chanyeol managed to hide it by going to work after Baekhyun left. But it must’ve been his bad luck that morning when Baekhyun came back to their apartment because he forgot something.

“Where are you going?” Baekhyun looked a bit surprised when he saw Chanyeol was already dressed up. “Do you have an interview?”

Chanyeol’s throat went dry. For a moment, he was unsure of what to do. It was easier to say yes. It was a lot easier to lie to Baekhyun, but Chanyeol changed his mind halfway. He knew sooner or later, no matter how hard he tried to hide it, eventually his boyfriend was going to find out.

“…no.”

“No? Are you going with someone?”

“I have a job, Baek.”

Baekhyun looked taken aback and Chanyeol felt his heart aching at his boyfriend’s expression.

“I swear, it’s nothing like you imagine,” Chanyeol waved his hand dismissively, doing his best to make it sound like it was nothing. “In fact, it’s not even my dream job. It’s just temporary until I find a steady one. Besides, we’ve got bills to pay, and—“

“Chanyeol, I don’t mind about the—“

“But I do mind, Baek,” Chanyeol said sternly and Baekhyun looked even more taken aback this time. “I mean, look at you. You’re…” He paused as he helplessly examined Baekhyun’s expression. Baekhyun might look okay on the outside, but Chanyeol knew he wasn’t. “…exhausted.”

“I…“ Baekhyun trailed off, but it was obvious that uncertainty was all over his face. “I’m not…”

“You’re not very convincing, babe,” Chanyeol almost snorted. He didn’t miss the way Baekhyun’s eyes widening in shock at his retort. Crap. How did it turn like this…? Chanyeol pressed his palm against his forehead momentarily before shifting his gaze back to Baekhyun. “Look… I just, I don’t want you to overwork, okay? And like I said, it’s just going to be temporary…until I find a steady job.”

Baekhyun didn’t comment anything and Chanyeol took the chance to continue.

“Trust me on this, Baek.”

Baekhyun visibly sank his teeth on his lower lip. The male looked like he was about to cry—and Chanyeol had no idea why—but in the end, he managed to nod.

“…all right.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol knew that working at the convenience store meant that he made less money than Baekhyun, but at least it was enough to help their income.

It was just temporary.

Those words were the mantra Chanyeol kept on enchanting to himself in order to hold on. It was supposed to be temporary, but when a month had passed since Chanyeol started working and he hadn’t found a new job, he became angry with himself.

It irritated Chanyeol so much that he was starting not to pay attention to Baekhyun.

They hadn’t really talked to each other because both of them were tired by the time they got home. Chanyeol and Baekhyun would take turns taking a shower, changing their clothes, and then went straight to bed after. Baekhyun had become quiet for the past few days, but Chanyeol decided that he wouldn’t ask anything, because the latter feared that if one of them started talking, it would lead to a fight.

What if Baekhyun was disappointed in him?

The entire negative ‘what if’s came back to Chanyeol and they wouldn’t go away. The fear was still there, like it refused to vanish. The couple was too occupied with their own thoughts that they rarely had dinner together anymore. A small part of Chanyeol felt sad for the fact, but he didn’t allow himself to feel sad.

Not until he could make Baekhyun happy.

And by making Baekhyun happy, was to find a better job.

They still slept on the same bed, but lately only their backs were facing each other and not their faces. That night, Chanyeol was a bit tired because work had been draining him physically and the male nearly fell into a deep slumber when all of a sudden, Baekhyun called out his name.

“Chanyeol…?”

Chanyeol merely sighed and hummed in response. He was too sleepy to even say anything.

“I…”

Baekhyun didn’t finish what he was going to say.

Chanyeol waited for his boyfriend to continue talking, but instead of doing so, Baekhyun only skittered his fingers to Chanyeol’s wrist. The taller of the two slowly opened his eyes, feeling the sensations that were blooming in his heart.

Baek…?

Touching his wrist was Baekhyun’s habit whenever he felt insecure, like to assure himself that Chanyeol wasn’t going anywhere. Chanyeol pondered if he should turn around and face Baekhyun, but after a few moments, he only said,

“I’m right here.”

A pause.

“I know,” Baekhyun whispered. “I just…never mind. Goodnight, Chanyeol…”

“Goodnight, babe.”

“I love you…”

Chanyeol took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

I love you so much more, I swear.

But he didn’t say it out loud.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol did his best to ignore the chiseled expression on his boyfriend’s face every night.

He couldn’t help but think that it was his fault, because Baekhyun was working harder and earning much more money than him.

Chanyeol pretended that he didn’t notice anything, but of course it was a complete lie because he as hell noticed that Baekhyun looked more troubled each day. He couldn’t bring himself to ask because he feared that if he did, Baekhyun was going to protest about their relationship.

Just a little bit more…

Hang on just a little bit more.

When Chanyeol got back to their apartment that night, he was a bit surprised to see that Baekhyun was already home. He paused by the door to take off his shoes. Chanyeol gave his boyfriend a small smile which Baekhyun responded by calling out his name.

However, it felt a bit different.

“Chanyeol…?”

“Yes, babe?”

“…do you want to take a shower together?”

Chanyeol was taken aback at the question.

You want to—oh.

Chanyeol dropped his gaze down to his feet. Taking a shower meant that Baekhyun wanted to have intimate moments with him.

Was it a sign?

That perhaps, there was still hope in their relationship?

Or was it a test?

The taller male was quiet for a moment. What the hell am I thinking? Baekhyun just missed him—that much was obvious, because honestly, Chanyeol missed him, too.

But…

“I’m sorry, Baek,” Chanyeol apologized as he continued to pry his shoes off almost nonchalantly. He had a feeling Baekhyun was staring.

“Eh…?”

“I’m sorry. Not tonight. I’m really tired.”

“I-I see…”

With that, Chanyeol placed his bag on the couch and went straight to the kitchen. He didn’t try to steal a glance or something at Baekhyun, but he knew what the latter was feeling.

Hurt.

When Chanyeol was alone in the kitchen, he immediately covered his face with his hands as he took a deep breath. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but…

I’m sorry, Baek.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun had already left when Chanyeol woke up on the next morning.

Chanyeol had the afternoon shift that day at the convenience store, which was probably why Baekhyun didn’t wake him up. He gazed blankly at Baekhyun’s empty spot on the other side of the bed and exhaled softly. Chanyeol still had a long time before he had to go to work, but he couldn’t sleep anymore and decided to just get up.

His mind flashed back to what happened between him and Baekhyun lately and it instantly ruined his mood. It would’ve stayed that way for the rest of the day, but then a phone call changed everything.

Chanyeol got another job interview.

He couldn’t believe what just happened. The interview took place when it was his day off at work, and Chanyeol felt like it was a chance. It was like a dream came true.

The tall male punched the air with a voiceless scream when the phone call ended. Finally! Oh God, he really wished everything would go well. The call was from a well-known company and Baekhyun certainly would be proud of him if he ever got the job. Heck, he himself would be proud, too.

Chanyeol was too drowned in happiness that he almost didn’t realize Baekhyun was still in the living room. He instantly froze in his track.

“Baek?” Chanyeol frowned in confusion as he stole a glance at the clock. “You’re still here? You’re going to be late for work, babe.”

“I…”

Chanyeol’s frown deepened.

“I…I don’t feel like working today…”

Chanyeol carefully took a step closer to the other male as he observed the latter. Something was definitely wrong… If he was in a bad mood earlier, then Baekhyun’s mood was way much worse. It occurred to Chanyeol to tell Baekhyun about the job interview, but it didn’t seem to be the right moment. And the job interview was still a job interview. It didn’t mean he got the job—yet.

“Are you okay, Baek…?”

“I want to quit,” Baekhyun whimpered all of a sudden and buried his face in his hands. “I—I want to quit, Chanyeol…”

“Hey,” Chanyeol’s eyes widened at his boyfriend’s words. He lunged forward to take a seat beside Baekhyun, but was too uncertain to touch him. “Baek, is something wrong?”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun’s voice was so low that it came out as a whisper. Chanyeol almost couldn’t make out what he was saying. “He…he shoved me against the wall…”

Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he heard it right, but he didn’t like the sound of that. “He…what? Who is he?”

“I just—I’m pretty sure he just doesn’t like me,” Baekhyun sniffled sadly and lifted up his chin to look at Chanyeol. “But…I’m scared, Chanyeol… I’m really scared…”

“Who doesn’t like you? Your boss?” Chanyeol prompted, but Baekhyun said nothing more after that.

Baekhyun reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together, as if looking for his support. Soft sobs escaped Baekhyun’s lips as Chanyeol looked down at their intertwined hands and his heart became heavy, because he couldn’t believe what he was thinking.

He didn’t want Baekhyun to quit.

Because they needed the money.

Dammit.

“If you…” Chanyeol started slowly. “If you want to take a day off, I can understand…”

Baekhyun’s expression changed drastically. What Chanyeol said was ‘a day off’. It was not an approval like ‘yes, just quit because you’re obviously unhappy’. Or not even something like ‘who the bothers you at work?’

No.

“Baek…”

Baekhyun’s sobs slowly subsided and Chanyeol couldn’t bring himself to look at him in the eye. Baekhyun carefully unlinked his fingers from Chanyeol’s and pressed them against his lips.

“I…I understand. I’ll go to work today.”

“Are you sure…? You can call-in sick for today…”

Baekhyun inadequately nodded. “No, it’s okay. I can’t quit now, right…? I know how hard you’ve been trying to find a job, Chanyeol…and trust me, I’m grateful for that…” The shorter male inhaled deeply and bloomed into a small smile. But instead of genuine, it looked forceful instead. “I’m sorry. I’ll get going now…”

Chanyeol had never felt so heartless before.

For a second, he wanted to blurt out how Baekhyun should hang in there just a bit more, because there was a chance for them to live happier. And when the time was right, Baekhyun could be freed from the job.

But the situation was very awkward that he said nothing in the end.

Chanyeol mentally kicked himself because Baekhyun looked terribly hurt—especially because of what he sad said, but there was nothing he could do. What Chanyeol thought was right. It would be impossible for Baekhyun to quit now.

When Baekhyun disappeared into their bedroom, Chanyeol curled his fingers into his fist, extremely determined this time.

Please bear for a little more, Baek.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Apparently, the Lady of Fortune was at Chanyeol’s side.

Chanyeol got the job.

The company said he was going to start working on the next week, so there were still a few days for him to resign from his current job and everything.

Chanyeol was so grateful and excited about it that he made a call to Baekhyun right away without thinking. In his mind, telling Baekhyun was the most important thing.

“Babe,” Chanyeol said cheerfully the moment Baekhyun picked up. “Are you busy?”

“Eh? Kind of, Chanyeol… What’s wrong?”

Chanyeol’s cheerful mood dissipated immediately at Baekhyun’s tone. “Ah… I’m sorry to bother you. I just… I want to talk to you about something…”

“You want to talk? Oh…is it important?”

“Not really, it can wait until we’re home.” Chanyeol sunk his teeth on his lower lip as he glanced at his wristwatch. Baekhyun should be able to go home soon… “Tell you what, how about I just fetch you to your office and then we’ll go home together?”

“N-now?”

“If it’s okay with you? I’ll wait until your work’s done. I don’t mind waiting.”

“Y-yes, but…”

Chanyeol knitted his eyebrows together at his boyfriend’s obvious hesitation. “Baek? Is something wrong?”

There was a long pause at the other line. It was taking quite a while that it got Chanyeol to wonder if the call had been disconnected.

“No… Everything’s perfect.  I—I should be able to go home in a moment…”

“Oh. Okay. Great. I’ll head to your office now—“

“How about we meet at our favorite place…? We can talk over a cup of coffee before going home…”

“Ah… If that’s what you want. I’m close by, so I’ll be there in fifteen. See you soon, babe.”

“Yeah. S-see you, Chanyeol…”

Baekhyun was being weird.

Something didn’t seem right.

It was what Chanyeol felt when he hung up, but then he shrugged it off. He could be wrong, though. Perhaps Baekhyun was just tired from work…

But it won’t be long now.

The tall male rubbed his hands in excitement. Oh god, how he couldn’t wait to see Baekhyun’s shocked and happy face when he told him he got the job. And then hopefully, their relationship would go back to normal. Chanyeol gained his confidence back instantly and he swore that he would do anything to fix everything. And if Baekhyun wanted to quit, then so be it. To be honest, the job was great for Baekhyun, but now that Chanyeol thought about it, his boyfriend seemed unhappy…

It was probably best for him to quit.

Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun to smile again.

As expected, he was the first one to arrive at the café. Their usual spot was unoccupied and Chanyeol hastily claimed the table. He ordered the cake Baekhyun usually had and waited patiently.

Minutes passed by, but there was still no sign of Baekhyun.

Chanyeol repeatedly glanced to his watch with an impatient sigh.

Maybe Baekhyun took a cab instead of the train and he got stuck in traffic…

Chanyeol then ordered Baekhyun’s favorite drink so that when the latter arrived, hopefully it would light up his mood. He then surfed the web in his phone to kill some time, checking his friends’ statuses, chuckling at a silly picture that was uploaded by his friend, but even when he was done, Baekhyun hadn’t showed up.

It had been nearly an hour.

Chanyeol became worried because and he decided to call Baekhyun again. Just as he shifted on his chair, his elbow accidentally hit the glass—Baekhyun’s glass—and it crashed loudly onto the floor.

Chanyeol froze.

Baek…?

No, it doesn’t mean anything.

It doesn’t…

A waiter came by and asked if he was alright, but Chanyeol didn’t answer. His eyes were fixed on the pieces of shattering glasses. Not liking what he felt, Chanyeol was about to press speed dial for Baekhyun’s number when all of a sudden, his phone rang loudly. His feelings turned worse when he saw that it was Yifan—Baekhyun’s brother—who called instead of Baekhyun.

Baek…?

Something was definitely wrong.

Chanyeol swallowed thickly before picking up.

“Hello…?”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The moment Yifan told him that it was ‘hit-and-run’, Chanyeol’s world became blurred.

It was like all of his surrounding had gone pitch black and there was no color left.

Endless regret swam through Chanyeol’s mind as he rushed to the hospital. On his way there, he never stopped praying for Baekhyun’s safety.

When Chanyeol arrived at the hospital, both Yifan and his boyfriend, Junmyeon, were already waiting for him. He just needed one glance at Yifan to realize that Baekhyun’s condition wasn’t good. Yifan sent Chanyeol a glare and the former lunged to him without warning.

“Weren’t you supposed to pick him up???”

“Yifan!” Junmyeon cried as he tried to pull Yifan off of Chanyeol. “Stop it! It’s not Chanyeol’s fault…”

“It is his damn fault!” Yifan seethed scathingly. “If he was doing his job as a good boyfriend, this wouldn’t have happened!!”

Chanyeol winced at the accusation but he couldn’t retort anything in return.

“It’s no use talking about it, Yifan…right now, all we can do is praying for Baekhyun… Please…”

Yifan clicked his tongue loudly as he pulled away from Chanyeol.

Chanyeol wanted to apologize, but it was like his strength had gone missing. As harsh as it was, Yifan was right. He wasn’t doing his job as a boyfriend. He knew something was wrong from the start. Heck, he could tell something was wrong from Baekhyun’s voice. So why didn’t he insist of picking Baekhyun up? Why did he agree to meet at the café instead…?

Dammit.

Junmyeon rubbed his back in attempt to calm Yifan down and at the same time, staring apologetically at Chanyeol, who stood across them with his back against the wall.

“You said…” Chanyeol dared himself to speak. “It was hit-and-run…?”

Yifan still looked outraged that he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, so it was Junmyeon who spoke for him.

“Given the statement from an eyewitness…Baekhyun didn’t see the red light,” Junmyeon said quietly. “She told the paramedics that Baekhyun was running wildly into the street, like he was chased by someone…”

Chased…?

Chanyeol dragged a hand down his face almost desperately.

What was it…?

What was wrong?

What did you fear about, Baek…?

Chanyeol stared at the emergency unit with a terrified feeling. He hoped for another chance, another opportunity, another try—anything that would make Baekhyun back in his arms.

Go back to me, babe…

Chanyeol was desperate for a second chance.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The surgery only took around three hours, but it felt like forever.

When the doctor walked out of the emergency unit and told them that Baekhyun’s condition was stable, Chanyeol felt like his prayers were heard. It must’ve been a miracle for Baekhyun because there were no broken bones, no internal injuries, just several bruises and scrapings from the impact.

The doctor informed them that Baekhyun would be awake in a few hours when the medicine wore off. He should stay for a couple of days for another head scan and then he’d be allowed to leave. In the meantime, it was better for them to get some rest, too.

Junmyeon advised him to go home, but Chanyeol was determined of staying. He didn’t want to leave Baekhyun’s side, not this time. Most of all, he wanted to be there when Baekhyun woke up. Chanyeol also wanted to be the first one to say sorry. Sorry for all the troubles he caused. Sorry for neglecting his feelings. Sorry for not insisting to pick him up that night…

But what was done was done.

It was his mistake, and he promised that he would never make the same mistake again. There was nothing he could do about it now, but to pray for Baekhyun to be all right.

But the smaller male hadn’t woken up even after the medicine was supposed to wear off.

Chanyeol found himself still awake in the morning, desperately wishing for Baekhyun to crack his eyes open as soon as possible. He never let go of the beautiful male’s hand, and it made him frown because Baekhyun’s hand looked even smaller than before.

Have you been eating well, Baek…?

Yifan came by alone later in the afternoon, but no conversation was made. His grumpy face showed that he was still pretty annoyed by him, and Chanyeol understood it perfectly.

It’s my fault, was what Chanyeol told himself over and over again. It’s my fault for not being there.

And Yifan, as Baekhyun’s brother, had all the right to blame him.

When Junmyeon came by a few hours later, it was then Yifan’s expression softened. No matter what, it was always, always Junmyeon who could calm Yifan down. Junmyeon raised his brows when he spotted Chanyeol still in the very same outfit as yesterday. His motherly instinct kicked in as he told Chanyeol to go home and rest.

“Chanyeol, have you eaten?” Junmyeon asked. “Did you sleep?”

Chanyeol only blinked several times in reply.

Junmyeon scoffed. “You haven’t? Yifan, why didn’t you tell him to?” Yifan replied something along the lines of ‘not in the mood’ and Junmyeon grunted. “Why don’t you go home, Chanyeol? Take a shower, get changed, and eat some food.”

“But—“

“That is not an offer,” Junmyeon said sternly. “Baekhyun wouldn’t want you to be sick. You’ve been up all night taking care of him, and now it’s our turn.”

Chanyeol sighed dejectedly. It was no use arguing with a nagging Junmyeon. Knowing that he would never win, he gave in. “Fine. But I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He carefully brought Baekhyun’s hand to his lips, kissing it longingly. “I’ll be back soon, Baek.” Chanyeol sent one last glance at Baekhyun before standing up and grabbed his jacket. The tall male was about to leave the room when Yifan called out his name.

“Chanyeol.”

A bit surprised, Chanyeol turned to look at the older male. “Yeah?”

“Get some rest.”

The small attention brought a smile to Chanyeol’s face. He didn’t show it, but Yifan was actually worried—heck, they all were worried. Chanyeol merely nodded as he headed to the door.

“I will, Hyung. See you later…”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol didn’t mean to stay at home for more than two hours, but unfortunately, he fell asleep after dinner. By the time he was awake, it was already morning. Chanyeol cursed himself as he rushed to take a quick shower and dashed to the hospital.

When he arrived, both Junmyeon and Yifan were nowhere to be found.

Chanyeol glanced around as carefully he shrugged off his jacket. Yifan and Junmyeon probably went to have breakfast… The room was so quiet that he didn’t realize that Baekhyun was sitting on the bed, staring off into a distance.

Baekhyun was awake.

Chanyeol froze in his track. He didn’t expect that Baekhyun would already be awake and for a second, he didn’t know what to do. “Baek…?”

Baekhyun turned to look at Chanyeol upon hearing his name, but he was expressionless. However, Chanyeol didn’t really pay attention because all he could think was that he was grateful that Baekhyun was awake. He only needed three giant steps to reach the bed and carefully pulled his boyfriend into a hug.

A surge of relief washed Chanyeol’s entire body as Baekhyun’s warmth spread within his arms. It hadn’t been that long, but Baekhyun felt even smaller in his grasp. Chanyeol closed his eyes as he inhaled Baekhyun’s scent.

He missed this too damn much.

“This is real, right…? You’re awake, babe. How’s your head? Does anything hurt…? How are you feeling…?”

“Uh… I feel…a bit dizzy,” Baekhyun said as he slowly pulled away from Chanyeol, confusion was all over his face. “You’re—“

“—late, I know,” Chanyeol intercepted as he chuckled nervously. There was just so much he wanted to tell Baekhyun. “And you wouldn’t believe this, Baek, but—“

“Chanyeol.”

“—I got accepted…” Chanyeol trailed off as he looked over his shoulder at the mention of his name. Junmyeon had just entered the room with ragged breath, obviously he had been running. “Hyung. Baekhyun is awake.”

“I notice.”

“Where is Yifan-hyung?”

“He’s with the doctor. Chanyeol, please, can I talk to you for a minute? Outside?”

Chanyeol didn’t seem to understand, but he obliged anyway. He slowly let go of Baekhyun and patted the latter’s head softly. “Talk to you later, Baek.”

Baekhyun smiled at him, but it felt somewhat different. Again, Chanyeol dismissed the weird feeling as he followed Junmyeon outside.

“How long has he been awake? Why didn’t you call me?”

“We called the doctor when he woke up, and everything has been hectic since then. We didn’t have the time to inform you, I’m sorry…” Junmyeon seemed speechless for a second as he played with the end of his shirt. He inhaled deeply before continuing, “Chanyeol. The doctor just checked his condition and he went for a head scan earlier.”

“He’ll heal, right?”

“…yes. He’s in great shape and he’ll be able to go home soon.”

“Thank goodness. I’m so glad to hear that,” Chanyeol breathed in relief and he smiled to Junmyeon. However, it faltered when Junmyeon bit his lower lip instead of smiling back. “Hyung…what is it that you’re not telling me?”

“Nothing.”

“Hyung…”

“It’s his head,” Junmyeon said with a cracked voice. “It’s—“

“What? You just said that he will heal.”

“He will. But we just—we just don’t know when…”

It took Chanyeol quite a while to process the information. When he finally understood, Chanyeol’s eyes widened disbelievingly. He half hoped Junmyeon was joking, but when Junmyeon’s eyes became teary, he realized that it was serious.

“He doesn’t remember anything, Chanyeol…”

Junmyeon sobbed.

“He doesn’t remember us…”

He doesn’t remember you.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Uncomfortable silence descended upon the four of them in the room.

Yifan, being the only family member, took the liberty to start talking and explaining everything to Baekhyun, who looked terrified and worried at every single word his brother said.

Chanyeol kept silent the whole time, although deep down inside, he wanted to hold Baekhyun’s hand so bad and tell him that he didn’t need to be afraid. But if it were him in Baekhyun’s shoes, he’d probably feel the same, too.

“So I’m… Wu Baekhyun,” Baekhyun repeated slowly, as if to carve his name into his mind. “Baekhyun…”

“Yes, your name is Baekhyun. Your family name is Wu now, but it may change later,” Yifan stole a glance at Chanyeol when he spoke, but he quickly glanced back at Baekhyun. He probably said that to melt the awkwardness, but it was obvious that Baekhyun didn’t understand. Yifan scratched his head. “So, uh, this must be very awkward to you.”

“It is, but…let me try that again,” Baekhyun shyly smiled. He gingerly pointed at the tallest male in the room. “Um…you’re Yifan, my brother…you’re Junmyeon, my brother’s boyfriend…and you…” He looked uncertain for a moment when he stared at Chanyeol. “…you’re my…”

Chanyeol forced himself to smile. He almost didn’t know what to do—he was just as uncertain as anyone else in the room. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”

“…boyfriend,” Baekhyun finished weakly and he turned crimson. “I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol shook his head as a sign that he didn’t need to apologize, but Baekhyun had his eyes on his lap, so he couldn’t see him.

“Well then, we’ll take care of the administration, so that you can go home,” Junmyeon said as he reached for Yifan’s arm. “Chanyeol will help you with your things, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun looked up instantly. “Home? Where?”

“Ah…”

The three of them fell silent. Junmyeon unsurely glanced at Chanyeol, who merely looked at Baekhyun.

“My…no, our apartment.” Chanyeol tried to say it casually. “But if you want to stay with your brother for a while, I’d understand…”

Baekhyun pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Did we…live together?”

A slow nod. “Yes, we did. We do, actually.”

“…then it’s okay.”

Baekhyun bloomed into a small smile. His smile was so bashful that Chanyeol almost didn’t have the heart to say no. That it was probably best for him to stay with Yifan until he recovered.

“It’s okay to live with you, Chanyeol...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Yifan and Junmyeon gave them a ride home, but they didn’t drop by. Junmyeon reasoned that Baekhyun needed to rest, and Yifan didn’t seem to have an objection to that.

Baekhyun took a long time to stare at his brother’s car, until it disappeared from his view. Chanyeol wondered if the male changed his mind about living together, but if he did, he said nothing about it.

Chanyeol became hesitant when they were already in front of the door. He could feel Baekhyun’s eyes drilling holes into his back—either it was curiosity or it was fear. Chanyeol became nervous as he shoved his hand to his pocket, looking for his key.

What if Baekhyun didn’t like the apartment…?

What if Bakhyun changed his mind about living together…?

What if…?

A lot of ‘what if’s ran through his mind and Chanyeol scolded himself. You won’t know until you try, Chanyeol. When he finally unlocked the door, he let Baekhyun walked in first before closing the door behind him.

The shorter of the two glanced around with a thoughtful expression. Chanyeol watched him in silence as he did so. It was like he was trying to remember… They were quiet for some time until Baekhyun was the first one to break the silence.

“Is this…our apartment?”

“Are you disappointed with it?”

Baekhyun’s shoulder flinched and Chanyeol mentally berated himself. He didn’t mean to sound sarcastic—it was kind of an automatic reply. Baekhyun awkwardly shifted his weight to another foot as he shook his head.

“No…”

Chanyeol inaudibly sighed.

“It’s exactly what I imagine it would be. Do I…I mean, did I decorate this?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol smiled a bit as he followed Baekhyun’s line of sight. “You did, actually. You decorated the whole place. You chose the colors, the patterns, including which bed sheet we should use every week.”

“That sounds like me all right,” Baekhyun giggled bashfully. “…I think.”

Chanyeol’s smile widened at that. Baekhyun shyly caught his gaze, and something churned at the bottom of Chanyeol’s stomach. It was the same feeling that resurfaced whenever Baekhyun looked at him.

“Are you hungry, Baek?”

“Eh? Now that you mention it…”

“We can have delivery if you want. Hospital food , right? What do you want to eat?”

“Hmm…”

Baekhyun was pondering of what to have for dinner when his eyes caught the photo frames on the table by the couch. Lots of photo frames, to be exact. Baekhyun seemed to forget about food as he carefully walked closer to the table but he stopped a few steps away.

“These…”

They were pictures of them.

“Are they…us?”

“Yeah.”

“Is it also…me?”

Chanyeol nodded. “It’s your idea.”

Baekhyun then spent his time examining the pictures. Some pictures looked like they were taken back in college, because they looked younger and more childish than now. Other pictures were taken recently, and Baekhyun could tell his smile was sincere. After he was done, he wordlessly turned to Chanyeol, uncertainty was all over his face.

Chanyeol had a feeling he knew what Baekhyun was going to say.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Do you hate me…for forgetting you?”

The pain was prickling badly within Chanyeol’s chest, as if his heart had been stabbed by an invisible knife. The innocent question hurt Chanyeol, not because he hated Baekhyun. He would never hate Baekhyun. It was far the opposite of that.

In fact, having Baekhyun safe and sound beside him like this was a miracle. He told himself repeatedly until he got bored, but he was grateful for his second chance.

“If anything,” Chanyeol said slowly, not wanting to scare Baekhyun off. “I’m thankful that you’re still alive…”

Baekhyun said nothing but to stare back at the photo frames.

“Can I…hug you?” Chanyeol asked and a second later, he felt stupid for asking. He waved a hand dismissively and was about to bring the food topic back when Baekhyun answered,

“I’m your boyfriend…right?”

Chanyeol’s heart almost stopped beating. “…yes.”

Yes, you are.

“Then you can…”

Baekhyun fluttered his eyes close when Chanyeol took a few steps closer.

Slowly, but surely, Chanyeol pulled the love of his life into his arms. His grip was loose at first, but then it became tight. Chanyeol almost broke down into tears when Baekhyun slowly hugged him back. He savored the moment as he buried his face in Baekhyun’s soft hair, feeling completed and content.

He missed Baekhyun too much.

“Welcome home, babe…”