I drown myself in tequila.

Luhan promised he'd never leave me. Ever again.

And now, what?

I should've believed Lay when he told me Luhan was a player.

I still love him though.

Even after he played with half of K.

I sigh and down another shot of tequila. The burn helps ease the pain of Luhan leaving.

The pain of him only coming to me because Kris left Exo.

They were the best of friends and Luhan loved Kris when Kris loved Tao.

I was only a shoulder to cry on.

MY emotions clouded my logic and I couldn't refuse.

He attacked and I didn't defend because of my desire.

My desire for Luhan and his love.

Another round gets thrown back.

Why did Kris leave Exo? Now, I feel as incomplete as ever.

I'm glad my hair is a normal brown and I'm in a dress suit and slacks.

At least I look like a regular white-collar worker depressed after a long day at work.

No one will come and bother me for autographs and I won't get carded.

I remember how I'd accompany Luhan for soju and beer when Kris left in spring.

He was always an aggressive drunk.

I put my shot glass down with a semi-loud thunk.

I'm not dizzy or feeling warm or fuzzy.

Only angry, sad, irritated and bitter.

My hair is messed up and my tie is slightly undone. Go figure. I was looking for Luhan all day.

It's not like he would know what I'm going through.

But... As I continue to drink, the hatred slowly dissapates and the happy memories are more livid than ever.

I hate and love Luhan.

For using me.

For "loving" me.

For being with me.

For toying with me.

For kissing me.

For seducing me.

Cold-blooded user. That's how Minseok-hyung describes him.

Kris was always to blind to notice Luhan's pining.

Because of Tao and his weird behavior.

Panda can't even figure out if he's gay enough to be with Kris.

Uh, of course! Do you not see the Nature Republic pictures?!

But nooooooooo, Tao had to be the gay acting but not actually gay dude Kris loved, causing Luhan's heart to shred to ing pieces because Kris was the only one Luhan ever loved.

Meanwhile, I was on the side lines cheering for him, supporting him.

All without a single glance of encourgement.

And yet Taozi would still come after me because I was supposedly the "only one that understood him for him."

Ah, screw this love rectangle.

Nothing even remotely close to at least semi-okay will come out of this.

I switch from tequila to vodka.

Wonders what Luhan would've done without Skyy or Grey Goose.

I always drank with him and watched Luhan as he giggled and staggered drunkenly around the dorm.

I drank another shot as I remember his feather-soft hair brushing my face, his hand running up and down my arm, his voice murmuring in my ear.

Screw him.

For all I care, I could make Kris heartbroken by screwing Tao over. Then Kris will turn to Luhan. But when I dump Tao, Kris will dump Luhan.

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. For Exo's sake, Luhan and Kris are halfway around the world from each other.

I sigh again and rub my face with my hands.

All I really need is Luhan.

Precious Luhan.

 

Or maybe what I really need is a one night stand with the hot bartender who's been sneaking me looks the entire night.

Yeah, I think it's time for me to get my gay on.

But not for Luhan.

Because I've had enough.

Of this "love" story.

Of this pain.

Of his using.

Of...my love for Luhan...

---

Hey guys! Thanks for reading! If you liked this video, or see any mistakes, don't hesitate to comment! And share!

I believe I'll come up with a sequel in a week or two!

Anyways, your support is always appreciated!

Annyeong~