Reality snapped me back. Thirty minutes have passed and he’s still not here. Is he still doing his work back at his office? Is he on the way to meeting me? He still doesn’t reply to my text messages. I am getting worried.

 

        Many people have ridden the escalator and I couldn’t see a single sight of him. I am feeling like a fool here, I feel stupid. Maybe I should just go. He is the only reason why I went here anyways. There’s a new show on TV, maybe I should watch it later to make myself feel better.

 

        Then I felt a pang inside me, sixth sense maybe. My head shifted towards the escalator going down. And there he is—with another boy and you are holding hands with him. You look like a cute gay couple. You suit each other more than we do.

 

        I felt the hot liquid from my eyes falling down, trickling on my cheeks. It’s all too sudden. I couldn’t control it. A tear after another. I couldn’t wipe those away, I am too paralyzed, too stunned to move. My mouth slightly opened like it was about to say something. I am speechless, this is beyond words. Great. I am not the only one.

 

        “Honey, look at her. Poor girl, she’s crying. What do you think happened to her?” I overheard the boy he is with, say with sympathy. They both looked at me but his gaze is longer; it lingered and pierced right through my heart. Aren’t you going to come to me? Aren’t you going to explain me something? I am not in the position, I know. I am not your wife, I am your mistress but I am still yours.

 

        Still yours. That comforted me but scared me. It feels like you are hugging and kissing me while your doppelganger is stabbing me with twenty knives at my back. It hurts but it brings me ecstasy. You are indeed a drug.

 

        “Hyukjae baby, don’t mind her,” he said. He then gave the boy a peck on the cheek.

 

        Don’t mind her? Do not freaking mind her?! Wow. I don’t really mean to you. Am I just a pleasure giver? A girl always on duty to give your needs? A booty call? The last resort? Damn. I didn’t think of that.

 

        You have a choice and I believed you chose me. Blinded by love, I chose you too; I fell for you. Now I am thinking I shouldn’t have fallen for you, I shouldn’t have attached my heart to yours. It hurts more than you know. I made a wrong move. I have made the worst decision of my life, loving you.

        I decided to leave this place and I am not planning to come back here ever again. The scar will forever be here, it will never be removed. You taught me that love is a poison, drink it and you’ll die. You will be left paralyzed.

 

        The poison starts with your stomach. It consumes your intestines, allowing you not to eat, not to digest, not to live your life. It teaches you that food will not satisfy your hunger and thirst, love will. That is why I kept having a stomachache over and over again. Instead of eating, I am thinking of you. That’s what it does.

 

        The poison then goes to your lungs. It does this kind of sorcery that you wouldn’t be able to breathe when you see him, when I see you. It takes your breath away, out the oxygen out of those lungs of yours and transfers it to him, then it finally lingers in the atmosphere. Witchcraft.

 

        After your lungs, the poison moves to each and every muscle of your body. The poison makes every muscle go weak like a gelatin whenever you see him. You cannot make your feet stand on the ground firmly; it makes you lean on him, need him even more.

 

        From the muscle it escalates to your five senses. Your eyes only allow you to look at him. Your nose can’t detect any smell but him. Your tongue can only taste him. Your ears are only hearing his voice. Your skin produces that kind of electricity when it is with contact of your skin, the kind of spark that is enough to ignite the fire inside you. At this stage, you know that love already has possessed you.

 

        To five senses, it goes up to your brain. It removes any kind of information and replaces all of it with things only about him. His favorite food, his favorite color, his favorite band, his most embarrassing moment, his first love, his first heartbreak—all about him. It disables you to think properly, to think for yourself, to forget anyone and anything around you except for him. It makes you stupid, blind, and ignorant. It turns you into a robot serving to only him. He owns you now. Love owns you now.

 

        The poison finishes in your heart. It stops the proper circulation and pumping of blood. It produces a different kind of blood. A kind of blood that has his name on it, everything about him is on the blood. This kind of blood is a darker shade of red than normal blood as it is a mixture of past, present, and future. Cut your finger and this blood will rush out, you can notice that at first it smells so fresh, so fragrant. More fragrant than any expensive perfume you know. But as time passes by, this sweet-smelling blood becomes smellier than a week-long decomposing body, your defunct body that is now dead because love has taken over you.

 

        Your heart now does this kind of reflex whenever you see him; it beats faster that it normally would. And when your heart does it, it feels like you are dying, you are dropping but at the same time you’re in cloud nine. It makes you confused but happy. Funny, isn’t it?

 

        I ran to the parking lot, searching for my car. I can’t control my tears flowing down my cheeks. I wanted to take away these high heels I am wearing and run faster, if I haven’t found my car.

 

        I struggled to find the keys in my bag because of the tears blurring my eyes. I found it anyways and open my car door. I inserted my small body frame inside and started the engine. I put my bag in the passenger seat. You gave me that bag; I will burn it later.

 

        Am I driving past the speed limit? Does this parking lot have a speed limit? I cannot see anything. The tears keep on blurring my eyes which irritates me. Everything irritates me right now.

 

        Then a loud thud came from the front of the car. I became nervous now. I hit something; I am in real trouble now. I quickly got out of my car and dashed to the front.

 

        To my surprise, it is someone I know. More tears flooded out my eyes but I don’t mind it this time. We are both hurt. “I know you,” she managed to say.

 

        She is coughing blood but still smiling. Like me, there is a sad spark from her eyes but I don’t know what caused it. She knows me. How could I’ve been so stupid? With wife’s intuition and little hints, she could’ve figured out I am the mistress.

 

        She is Jessica Jung, Lee Donghae’s wife.

 

        “Stay still, let me help you,” I panicked and I slung her arms around my shoulders, helping her to get up. It’s my entire fault, this is all my fault. I deserved to be punished; punishment is all I need right now. I figured a severe punishment will help me recover and make me feel better.

 

        I managed to get her up. I walked and she limped. I threw my bag in the backseat and I made her sit on the passenger seat. With shaking hands, I ignited the engine and started the car. “I know my husband all too well,” she said to me, still smiling with blood dripping from .

 

        I can’t manage to speak. I keep on gulping, preventing the tears from falling. I concentrated on driving. “We need to get you to the nearest hospital, you cannot die, you have a life, you deserve to live,” I spoke out loud, trembling. Luckily, there aren’t many cars around, no traffic. We can make it in ten minutes.

 

        She looked at me sweetly. She has those angelic eyes that could tame any person she meets. She coughed fresh, red blood with tears flowing out from those angelic eyes. She’s hurting too. The wife slightly opened and spoke in sadness opposing her vigilant tone of voice, “I’m sorry, dear. But he doesn’t really care for the both of us.”