It does indeed snow overnight. A few more inches of white stuff cover the ground when they wake up, and Luhan can barely contain his excitement. It looks like he’s going to get a white Christmas after all, because where they have lived, it almost never occurs. Minseok grunts when he sees the change but doesn’t look terribly put out. In fact, he’s almost cheerful when Luhan back hugs him in front of the window and promises to fetch them breakfast from the dining hall. If it saves Minseok the trouble of having to see people and hear them greet each other with Merry Christmas’s, he’ll do anything to keep him happy. 

To his shock, Minseok takes his hand after breakfast and leads them to the courtyard. One small family and another couple are already out there attempting to make the best snowman they can, and Luhan gets a shock when he realizes Minseok’s idea. They claim the farthest corner of the courtyard, farther than anyone else and relatively alone. Then Minseok sinks to the ground in his winter clothes, boots and mittens and starts throwing the snow around. 

They don’t know how to make a snowman. Luhan has never done it before, but trying it for the first time with Minseok is very nearly the best Christmas present he could get, short of Minseok actually accepting Christmas itself. 

“I give up,” Luhan says five minutes later holding up a misshapen and lopsided clump of slow. “I can’t even figure out how to make a ball.” He pouts, and as Minseok laughs he chucks the clump back into the ground. It falls apart almost immediately upon impact. “Maybe we should google it.” Luhan sighs.

Minseok keeps on laughing. “Can’t. I left my phone in the room. Guess we’re stuck with your ice clump for a base.”

"You left your phone? B-but... but then how are we supposed to take pictures of this ghastly snowman!?"

"I don't know... use yours?" Minseok suggests with a gummy smile.

"But it's got a crack in the screen," Luhan complains.

"Not my fault you decided to sled over it yesterday." Minseok laughs as he tries to make Luhan feel better. "Hey, at least it still works. It just looks funny now."  

"It fell out..." He pouts, voice like a whiny baby, even though there's no point giving Minseok the best of his puppy dog faces because there's seriously nothing Minseok can do about it now. 

Minseok sighs nevertheless, and he crawls over on his knees through the snow towards Luhan, leans forward and pecks him lightly on the nose. "I'll buy you a new one when we go home."

Luhan blushes and then beams happily. "Like for a Christmas present?"

The moment the words leave his mouth, Luhan wishes he could eat them and retract the whole situation. Minseok's eyes darken instantly and he smiles looses most of its flair. He freezes, mouth open mid-grin but when the corners of his lips start to drop Luhan's heart drops too. How could he even mention the C-word in front of him like that. Luhan doesn't know what came over him.

Presents are fine of course, when there's nothing attached to them, but Christmas presents...

A steady, light dusting of snow starts to fall in that moment, and Luhan falters. "I... I'm sorry."

Minseok averts his eyes, lips completely shut now as he kneels in the snow. Then he stands up, shakily picking up one foot and then the other as he tries to regain his balance. "It's... nothing. You have nothing to apologize for," he says softly. Then he walks towards the hotel.

Luhan cries. He can't help it. His eyes water without his control and his nose burns, and something beats in his chest that he can't entirely put a name to. Regret, for bringing that up and spoiling the mood. Hurt, that Minseok just walked away. Confusion, because what Minseok said didn't even make sense. Anger, that Minseok is like this in the first place, or that it's always been up to Luhan to decide to deal with it or not. After three years, it's this last emotion that hits him suddenly, the strongest it's ever been.

It's not fair. He's the one walking on eggshells around Minseok, always. He's the one playing the game, dancing around Minseok's limitations on a daily basis wondering where and what will crack Minseok today. He wishes they'd never come here. They should have stayed home. Then they could have sat indoors in their shared apartment without a single festive bauble or garland, no tree, no lights, nothing wrapped in paper or ribbon, not even a single damn jingle bell in the whole place - they should have just stayed there and dealt with it! Because that's what Luhan does best. He deals with it.

But now he's tired of it...

Minseok has already disappeared indoors. It's just Luhan alone and the other families outside, but nobody notices his aloneness except him. He wipes away the tears from his eyes and stands up resolute, the lumps of their snowman-making-effort crushed under his next step, and then he strides through the courtyard and into the hotel. He's going to deal with things now, however and wherever it takes him. He's going to deal with this the way he's always wanted to before, deep in the recesses of his mind, all the plans he joked about doing and never did because he was too afraid. Too afraid of upsetting Minseok. He's not afraid now though. 

There's a gift shop in the lobby. Luhan has to pass it on his way to the right corridor, and before now he never even glanced at it. Now though he makes a purposeful visit and, armed with his purchases, he sets course for their room, knowing there's no other place Minseok would have gone to.

He answers his phone without thinking, more out of habit, just as he swings open their hotel room door. 

"Hello?" 

He doesn't know why he thought it might be Minseok. His boyfriend is on the other side of their room, tears in his eyes, but no phone in his hand. Their eyes meet and hold as another voice speaks into Luhan's ear.

"Hello? Hello, Luhan? Is that you?"

"Y-yes...? Hello."

It's Minseok's mother. Every bit of resolve Luhan had when he was walking here crumbles at the sound of her irritable voice.

"Well, finally someone answers my call. Where's my son? I've been trying to get ahold of him for days, and he's just refusing to answer so I figured he must be dead or something."

"Uhhh..." says Luhan, eyes still fixed on Minseok. He stalls, because he wasn't expecting this kind of interruption. 

"His sister's been calling too, but he won't answer her either," the woman continues just like Luhan had committed to a long conversation. She speaks fast and accents her words sharply, and she positively sighs when Luhan interrupts her monologue.

"Is... is there something going on?" Luhan figures he needs to clarify this first.

"No? What would be going on. We're just trying to get ahold of my son. Did you know his sister got a new car? We were just going to tell him all about it. Is he there? Can I speak to him?"

Luhan implores him wordlessly from across the room. Minseok by now had figured out the caller and if he wasn't frozen in a panic before, he surely is now.

"He's... in the bathroom right now," Luhan answers.

"Is he?" she drawls. "Well, if he's determined to be a brat, then I guess there's nothing I can do about it. Luhan, be a dear, and tell him Merry Christmas from us. If he even cares."

"Okay..."

She sighs again, like this whole phone call is such a tiring ordeal. "Thanks again!" she quips unthankfully and hangs up.

Luhan lowers the phone slowly from his ear, officially past whatever anger he'd pent up earlier. He can't look at Minseok even though he knows his boyfriend is still observing him none too stealthily, curiosity mixed with aversion to the caller of the phone call. 

Minseok's family doesn't like Luhan. That much has always been clear. Whether or not it's because their personalities just never hit it off, or they hate him for stealing their precious boy - emphasize precious very ironically - from their clutches and into the arms of a homoual relationship, Luhan has long since gotten past the caring point. Because of Minseok, they rarely interact except at the rarest of times, and when they do it's such a formal, pleasant affair that reeks of actual indifference and dislike. He doesn't really blame Minseok for avoiding their company as much as he does. He'd want to avoid people who like to talk only about themselves too, if he had any choice.

"Luhan." Minseok's voice sounds pitiful, pleading.

Luhan doesn't answer. He's still trying to gather his wits and remember whatever it was he stormed up here to do. 

"Luhan, I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asks. He drops the plastic gift store bag on the bed without looking at it. Every one of his ideas seems like a such a silly, unfruitful endeavor, and now he feels horrible for even thinking it in the first place.

"Was that my mother?"

Luhan nods.

"I'm sorry you had to answer that. It... it should have been me. They shouldn't bother you. They shouldn't have to bother you..." says Minseok. He sniffs a few times even though his tears are drying up.

"It doesn't matter," Luhan partially admits. "She didn't have anything worth saying anyways. It's okay."

"But it's not okay, is it? It's not okay."

Luhan is silent again, confirming that Minseok is right, and yes indeed not everything is alright. Not with this whole situation, not with it being a holiday and he can't even say it; not between them. 

"You hate this, don't you?" Minseok says quietly.

"I don't hate you."

"That's not what I meant." 

No, it's not what Minseok meant, and Luhan knows it. He sighs, because it hurts. Everything hurts. His head, his heart. He drops his phone, intending it to land at the end of the bed, but he misjudges it, and the phone slides off the comforter and hits the floor. He tries to catch it, misses, and jerks forward. The plastic bag also slides off. Luhan catches that bag first, but momentum is already swinging him forward and he lands with a jolt on his hands and knees and he cries out.

"Luhan!"

Minseok is yelling, but all Luhan feels is the slight carpet burn even through his pants and the rough marks on the pads of his hands where he threw them forward to catch himself. 

"Are you okay?" Minseok lands next to him, overly worried given the situation and Luhan chuckles.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Let me see." Minseok grabs one of his hands and inspects it, brushing off the floor dust and dirt with his fingers. His cool breath on the inside of his palms feels refreshing. So does the outpouring of love and concern on Minseok's face. Every awkward moment from before is brushed away just like the dust on his palms. He shifts to where he's sitting with his back to the bed frame, knees up. Minseok kneels next to him and rubs a tentative hand to his knee caps. 

"I'm okay," says Luhan truthfully. 

This time it's Minseok who sits there quietly, not looking at him. Seconds pass with neither one of them speaking. Finally Minseok says, "Where did you go?" He's poking the bag like its contents might bite him. 

Luhan closes his eyes and wheezes, almost laughing. "Just a stupid idea I had... Forget it."

Silence again, but when he hears the rustling of the bag he realizes his mistake. Minseok is about to peruse it, about to see what he bought. Luhan is about to ruin everything again. "No, stop!" He opens his eyes, expecting to see another frozen version of Minseok and instead it's Minseok who looks alarmed at Luhan, but not because he's upset. He stills, his hands on the item that he's looking down at curiously and then back at Luhan. 

Now Luhan really does want to wheeze. 

"What... are these for?" Minseok asks.

Luhan groans. "Ughghh... nothing. Just... I was being ornery and.. and... I just bought that stuff, and... please don't look at it. I'll take it back. I'm so sorry."

He clenches his eyes shut again, willing himself to not see Minseok freak out or be upset again, even though it's pretty much too late.

"Why?" asks Minseok.

"Why what."

"Why do you need to take them back?"

The clinking of a tiny bell wakes Luhan back to reality. He turns his head instantly, catches Minseok in slow motion, slowly, agonizingly slow, taking the reindeer antler headband from the bag and placing it on his head. He doesn't smile. He doesn't frown either. It's a concentrated effort and once it sits firmly on his head, Minseok's hands continue up, tracing the furry, cotton-covered antlers like he's mapping it all out. 

"How do I look?" he asks in a small, shy voice, like he's still exploring this strange thing called Christmas.

Luhan's heart expands, explodes, bursts into a billion tiny pieces. The antlers make Minseok look about ten years old, and that combined with his serious face makes him look absolutely-

"Adorable," Luhan coos. 

Finally, Minseok smiles. And then he blushes. "Really?" 

"Yes." Luhan swallows hard.

"G-Good. So uhm... are these for me too then?" He spreads open the bag. Out falls a pair of couple socks, one Christmas tree-themed, and another a reindeer like Minseok's headband. A few jingle bell necklaces, a marshmallow snowman, and one chocolate Nutcracker candy bar. 

Luhan doesn't know how to answer. Honestly he was either going to throw them at Minseok's feet, or throw them out the window but not in a million years did he expect Minseok to actually pick through the festive things himself. 

"Do... you want them?" Luhan asks.

Minseok bites his bottom lip, and the whole image of him makes Luhan once again want to swoon.

"If you'll wear them with me. Can I eat the chocolate bar?"

Someone - preferably Minseok - really needs to wipe the stunned look off his face, Luhan thinks. He picks up the candy bar and offers it to him. "You sure?"

Minseok smiles, half-grimaces. "Yes. I want to try. For you. If you'll help me..." 

For the first time since they attempted making snowmen together, they grin at each other. "Want to start with the Christmas socks then?"

2,458 words

Why does fluff elude me!? I just want to write a scene where Luhan puts cute socks on Minseok's feet, and instead all this angsty stuff comes out! I don't even now how to tag this anymore.

One more chapter, at least. I promise - no really, this time I do - I promise it gets better from here.

<3 Rosie