Now that Luhan considers it, maybe taking Minseok on a winter trip to the mountains isn’t the best way to completely avoid the holidays. The resort they are booked at is cheerfully decorated and the staff are wearing festive colors and greet the guests at every turn with a “Merry Christmas!” or “Happy holidays!” 

Luhan smiles at them politely, each time ushering his gloomy-faced boyfriend past them with great urgency. Anything to keep from spoiling Minseok’s mood entirely. 

The lobby speakers echo tasteful holiday music throughout the building. It’s a relief finally when they turn down the hallway that leads to their room, and even more of a relief when Luhan finally closes the door shut behind them and only silence awaits. It’s snowing outside, just barely. Minseok walks to the sliding glass door of their balcony and observes it for one, quiet minute. Then he pulls the curtains closed, turns his back on the window, and heads for the bathroom to wash up for the night. 

Luhan observes him stealthily with his best, stoic expression, the one that says ‘I’m merely curious but not concerned’. Years of practicing help him to disguise the sadness and depression he shares empathetically with Minseok; disguises the fact that Luhan would love to dress up for Halloween, or that he’d give anything to give Minseok chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day, to put up one picture of a bunny for his desktop background around Easter, or to go caroling with his lover during the Christmas season. 

Others might label Minseok a Scrooge, but Luhan knows it’s different from that. Minseok doesn’t hate people and happiness and holiday cheer. He’s nursing a decades-long dislike of any time of the year when people try to pretend to be what they’re not; families that meet once a year and smile at people they hate, presents delivered with necessity and not with love. Years and years of playing pretend in Minseok’s family have turned him away from holidays altogether, and Luhan doesn’t know how to change that. 

He hears the shower turn on with a blast of water, hears the curtain rings strain against the rod, and then a comforting sigh from his boyfriend when he steps into the warm water. Luhan fingers the complimentary packages of hot chocolate the staff have left on the hall counter next to the cheap, single-cup coffee pot both Luhan and Minseok refuse to drink from. It’s peppermint candy cane flavored hot chocolate which Luhan would love to make and savor by the log fireplace in the nice cushy armchair on the other side of their bed. Instead, he removes the packets and hides them behind the instant coffee where Minseok won’t look. Candy canes belong to Christmas, and Christmas is the worst thing Minseok likes being reminded of.

“Want me to start a fire?” Luhan yells through the bathroom door. There’s nothing exclusively holiday about wood-burning fires. 

Minseok replies a few seconds later. “Sure!” 

It takes only one chemically altered log, a match, and a few extra splinters of wood to get a roaring blaze going. It’s atmospheric, the perfect touch for a late night winter evening on vacation with the love of his life. So what if Luhan had to call in advance and plead with the resort staff to remove any holiday wreaths or other decorations from their room. Baby steps. That’s what Luhan aims to take with Minseok. A year ago, Luhan despaired over not getting to do anything fun with Minseok during the holidays. Now though he’s got a week to spend in the mountains where snow falls and the world turns a beautiful white. They never discussed it in so many words, but Luhan has a feeling this is Minseok’s way of compromising. It’s his holiday concession, agreeing to this trip because he knows Luhan really wants it. 

“Ohh, it’s warm out here,” Minseok mumbles, stumbling out of the shower with just a fluffy robe and a towel wrung over his head. He’s smiling. That means he isn’t that unhappy, Luhan notes. Even if the restaurant they visited earlier insisted on serving a special dessert cookie with green Christmas trees drawn in frosting with their coffee. When Minseok ate it, he looked everywhere but at the treat going in his mouth. Even that much was impressive.

“Yes. Fire’s roaring. Come over here?” Luhan beckons toward him.

“I need my pajamas first,” Minseok whines.

“Why would you need pajamas when you have me?” To Luhan’s delight, Minseok doesn’t argue and he comes to him obligingly. 

Luhan immediately pulls him down in his lap, robe and all, Minseok squirming playfully. It doesn’t matter if a few drops of water escape the back tendrils of Minseok’s damp hair, or that an elbow accidentally finds its way into Luhan’s rib cage. His gasp of minor pain is overshadowed by Minseok’s laughter, and Luhan already knows there isn’t a more beautiful sound in the world. 

Luhan tries for the seated princess hold — one arm behind Minseok’s lower back and the other holding Minseok’s legs sideways over the arm of the chair. It only lasts a few seconds before Minseok pulls himself up, almost giggling before he tones down his laughter and fetches his sleepwear. Luhan remains still, content to observe, and he can’t help silently admiring the view of Minseok bending over his suitcase. The robe rides up a few inches, just not high enough. 

“So what do you want to do tomorrow?” Minseok asks. He slips one leg into a thick pair of plaid pajamas. They’re red and green… and blue and brown. Close enough, Luhan thinks. 

“Up to you,” he says. “We could go out and explore. Or we could stay in and be lazy.” Shopping in the village five minutes away is probably out of the question. Everything will be decorated and half the shopping wares will be Christmas souvenirs. The music will overpower everything and Minseok will be moody and refuse to buy anything just out of principle. No one ever said dating Minseok was easy.

“Explore where?” Minseok asks. He discards the robe and stands shirtless for a moment in just his bottoms. His exposed skin prickles in the cool air, but he can’t find the shirt he wants. 

“I told you, you don’t need clothes, Seok. I’ll warm you up.” Luhan smiles. 

Minseok only smirks, then sighs happily when he pulls out a sweater. Luhan frowns to see his skin being covered up. He almost forgets they were planning tomorrow’s adventures until Minseok brings it back up. 

“Oh, wherever you want," Luhan says. “There’s a ski lift a few miles away where you sled down.” Skiing isn’t quite their thing either, although that has more to do with their mutual lack of athleticism. “We can drive up there and just wander around. Take cute couple pictures. Frame them for posterity and kiss sloppily ten years from now while we relive these great memories.”

“Everything with you comes down to kissing, doesn’t it?” Minseok chuckles.

“And other things.”

Minseok ignores him. He crouches down before the fire with his back to Luhan and thaws his hands, lets his hair dry in the crisp, warm heat. “We can do that.” His voice has lost the sharpness. He sounds dull and uninterested, like he’s trying too hard to be amiable. All of this is terribly familiar to Luhan. It’s the same kind of the mood swings he’s been dealing with for their entire relationship — three years now. 

The first time he tried to kiss Minseok under the mistletoe, his boyfriend nearly had a panic attack and shoved him away. Luhan didn’t even know what he’d done wrong until days later he’d managed to uncover the reason: a memory buried deep in Minseok’s head of his parents who hated each other having to kiss under fake sprigs of tree in full view of their cheerfully naive extended family. Luhan never tried that again. 

“Okay… We can figure it out,” he says now. 

Minseok hums and scoots back on the floor until his back is flush to the seat of Luhan’s chair, head lulling back against Luhan’s knees and his own drawn up to his chest like a little boy. Luhan massages his damp scalp and wonders. They have three days left to their vacation and so far so good. It’s two days until Christmas and Luhan already knows they’ll spend the whole day in their room. He’s already downloaded a whole string of non-holiday, approved movies on their laptop. It’ll be fine.

Minseok’s sister calls while they’re out on the sledding hill the next day. Minseok doesn’t answer it of course, not the first time and not the second time either. Luhan doesn’t even mention it. 

“Shame there’s not enough snow to go skiing,” he says sarcastically.

“Because we’d totally do it if there was,” Minseok jokes. 

“Hey, you never know when it could suddenly sound like fun! I’m an opportunity-man. What if I suddenly felt like it—“

“You’re not that brave, Hannie.”

“—and I decided to do something new and awesome! Awesome, Minseok, but the conditions aren’t right and so we’ll never find out—“

“If you’re a real man or not.”

“Hey!” Luhan cries. 

Minseok cackles like a mad man, all thoughts of his sister’s unanswered phone calls gone, just like Luhan planned. Then his phone buzzes; notice that a voicemail now sits un-listened to on Minseok’s phone and the mood goes south again. Minseok’s eyes drop and his smile disappears and Luhan tries not to sigh too loudly. 

“She only calls around the holidays because she feels like she has to,” Minseok had explained once, when Luhan first caught him snapping his phone shut one Thanksgiving Day. 

“Some of my relatives only call around the holidays too,”  Luhan had said. “It’s just a nice thing to do. A time for people to think about or remember others.”

“Yeah, but I assure you she doesn’t spare me even one thought on every other day of the year. Why should it matter because it’s suddenly a holiday?”

Luhan didn’t try to persuade him otherwise again. He didn’t have a sister like Minseok’s. Nor did he have parents who clearly didn’t care what their children were up to even a teensy bit, or even if they were alive. Minseok’s mom didn’t even call him holidays, that’s how little she professed to care. 

“Want to try sledding now?” Minseok asks, clearly moody because he caught Luhan being moody. 

“Can if you want,” says Luhan. He smiles extra brightly. Minseok only frowns more, but he turns around and starts to head up the hill to the little house that rents out sleds, waiting for holiday customers. Minseok isn’t a holiday customer. He’s just a beleaguered boyfriend trying his hardest not to act crabby in front of the man who tries his best to put up with him. It doesn’t always work. Maybe Luhan tries too hard some days. Maybe they shouldn’t even have come.

By the time they return to their hotel, they’re cold and damp from all the tumbles taken down the hill. Some of it is melted snow, some of it is dirt mixed in with the one inch of snow. At least the activity took their minds off of other things, and Minseok had smiled a couple times and also allowed Luhan to manhandle him on the ground after one particularly tumultuous slide where they tried the descent holding hands. That failed, but Luhan’s glee did not.

It’ll all go to waste though if any of the staff catch them in the lobby. 

They sneak in, Luhan looking apprehensive. Minseok acts bored, and when they turn a corner and are surprised by an overly cheerful woman, Minseok maintains the act.

“Hello, you two! Wow, it looks like you guys had a lot of fun out there today. Hey, I wanted to let you know that we have hot cocoa and caramel popcorn and some other goodies set out in the dining hall if you wanted to get warmed up. It’s supposed to snow a lot tonight, have you heard? Maybe tomorrow everyone will be able to go out and make real snowmen! We have a place already set up for it in the courtyard. Hope you see out there!” 

The jingle bell earrings cling sweetly as she moves her head. 

“Thank you,” Luhan says, hoping she’ll get the hint and not make him say anything more. Like, no thank you, and please don’t talk to us anymore about Christmassy things because my boyfriend doesn’t like it and that nice smile he has plastered to his face is really his way of saying "f"off.

The woman bounds off, and Luhan doesn’t know if it’s because she got the hint or if she’s just naturally wandering the halls in search of more guests to welcome inside. 

Minseok doesn’t say anything about it; he never says anything about it anymore — the fact that holidays exist, but for him they don’t. He does his usual shower first, leaving Luhan to scramble around their room and find other ways to get warm until Minseok comes out and they can trade off. 

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, but Luhan can’t mention that. “I love you,” he tells Minseok later that night, long after the lights are out and he’s properly distracted his lover from all the day’s emotional stress. 

Minseok doesn’t respond immediately. He curls up tighter, huddled between several pillows and Luhan’s body, and he mumbles something. Luhan lifts his head and strains his ears. “Hmm?”

“I said, I love you, too,” Minseok whispers, slightly and humorously agrieved that he has to repeat himself, but his voice is small and fragile and Luhan can barely even hear it. “Thank you for putting up with me," he adds then with an even softer touch. 

Luhan doesn’t answer. He just hugs him tighter.

2,320 words

I hope everyone likes this. I've been sitting on this story for a few weeks now without knowing really what to do with it or where it should go. I have to give credit to London_Calling for her thoughts on the subject matter - even with what I've only written so far - which have been super helpful, and now I'm actually confident I can finish this now! It won't be a long fic; probably just a few more chapters I hope to finish off by Christmas. :)

Thanks for subscribing and see you next time!

<3 Rosie