With their room door left wide open, noises started creeping inside in a symphony of lullabies to the two bodies lying in bed. Chanyeol’s voice booms throughout the place, asking who the hell emptied his shampoo bottle – someone shouts back, the sound of innocence coming from the neighboring room, then it was followed by another one with a different tone. Jongin shifts on his left and drapes his right arm and leg over Luhan’s body, nuzzling his nose in the latter’s shoulder.

 

There’s a knock on the door.

 

“Hey.” Luhan cracks his eyes open and turns on the direction of the voice to see Chanyeol’s head peeking hesitantly inside, “You guys didn’t happen to use my shampoo, right?”

 

Jongin moves closer and sniffs a good amount at Luhan’s hair. “Nope.”

 

Chanyeol frowns, “I ing swear whoever used it, I’ll have him bald the very next day,” then looks at the two. “Why you never bother to get up even if you’re both awake is beyond me. It’s already ten people.”

 

“And it’s a Sunday.” Jongin states untangling himself from Luhan and looks at Chanyeol for the first time. “Shoo.”

 

Chanyeol glares at him but leaves them with his middle finger saluting them high above his head. After a while, the incessant noises coming from the outside returns and the warmth crawled back in Jongin’s eyes with subtle steps. He shifts back to Luhan and kisses the latter’s shoulder. Luhan turns on his side as well and presses his back against Jongin’s chest. He inhales and closes his own eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers.

 

“What for?”

 

“Just, I’m sorry.”

 

Luhan waits for the next words but Jongin left them hanging on air. Heavy footsteps echo in the hall and Jongdae’s obnoxious laughter comes along. He runs past their room just as Luhan opens his eyes once again, Chanyeol’s hot on his tail with a broom in his hand. The door next to them slams shut and is followed by a series of loud banging and Chanyeol’s empty threat of words. Luhan stares at the open and entwines their fingers.

 

 

---

 

 

If Jongin opens his mouth, the first thing he’ll probably say was how Sehun remained beautiful and more. How he’s probably a lot fairer than the last time they saw each other, a lot stunning as he lights the whole place with just the slightest tilt of his lips, and undoubtedly a couple of inches taller than him by now. But he didn’t. Rather, he watched intently as the latter take the seat next from the one across his.

 

“You little ,” Chanyeol gets Sehun in a headlock the moment the younger crouches down. “No one saw you for three years.”

 

Sehun laughs, “I doubt that. I saw Kris hyung and Yixing hyung a couple of times in China, didn’t they tell you guys?”

 

“Of course we know,” Baekhyun snorts, but smiles and slaps Sehun’s arm prying Chanyeol’s hands off with a glare obviously lacking of spite and takes the younger in a hug. “We missed you maknae.”

 

Sehun coos, “You look more adorable knowing you remained short while I didn’t.”

 

“er,” Baekhyun breaks the contact with a slap on the younger’s back that could’ve been perceive as playful but definitely sounded hard enough. “But I’ll let you off this time since I really did miss you. Be thankful though, it’s a onetime thing.”

 

“Forever and always,” Sehun says, smiling despite the hit he just received. He scans the table and smiles at everyone, occasionally engaging himself in a few talks. When he reaches Jongin, he stops momentarily but makes a swift escape and smiles at the person next to him.

 

“Is this for good?” Junmyeon asks, getting Sehun’s attention back. He flicks his head to the side and scans the room for a waiter. When it comes, he returns to the youngest, “What do you want?”

 

The latter points at Minseok’s plate nonchalantly and leans back. “Maybe, maybe not. I just finished my contract so I’m taking a break for a while. Though I’ve already got plenty of calls from different modeling agencies here, I’m thinking of slowing down a bit and weigh my options first before I lay out my plan.”

 

Jongdae chokes on his straw and openly gawks at Sehun. He stretches out in alarm and pinches the person on his right (Kyungsoo) and when the latter reacts, he crosses his arm and leans back in such a knowing manner that even Minseok has to roll his eyes because only Jongdae would dare. “Is it Friday the thirteenth? Did you guys hear the same thing I just did?”

 

Sehun looks at him questioningly. He feels Baekhyun’s hand patting his back in a pathetic attempt of empathy. “What?”

 

“Oh my God,” Jongdae’s never been this amused as far as Jongin can remember. “Did you hear yourself talking, Sehun-ah? You never want to tell us about your future plans back then, heck, you won’t even open your mouth and yet here you are, saying all this in front of us. Whoever shipped you off to China must be a heaven sent.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sehun scoffs, heedfully masking his embarrassment as he toys with Baekhyun’s empty glass of water. “It’s been three years, people change. Look at you guys, the last time I checked, Kris hyung is planning to return to Canada for good, but then all of a sudden Junmyeon hyung happened and look where he is now, devoting himself here in Korea.”

 

“Why does it sound like a bad thing?” Kris teasingly asks, holding in the bubbling laughter inside but fails anyway at the sputtering noise beside him.

 

“It’s not?” Sehun mocks, looking at Junmyeon.

 

The older groans.

 

 

 

 

Luhan watches as the rest strike up a conversation with the youngest, he settles his hand in his lap and holds the one resting there the whole time. Jongin glances at him and Luhan takes his opportunity to rescue Sehun in between Yixing and Minseok’s argument.

 

The look on Sehun’s face was a puzzle Luhan answered with a smile. He gently squeezes Jongin’s hand. “Welcome home, Sehun-ah.”

 

 

---

 

 

Already five minutes late to his job, Jongin runs frantically to the kitchen then back to their room and goes out again to knock furiously at the bathroom door, “Hurry up!”

 

He sprints back and almost collides with Kyungsoo on his way to the living room when someone rings their bell.

 

“Get the door,” he shouts and dives into the couch, desperately searching for his charger while his voice echoes in silence. Jongin groans at the lack of response and drags his feet across the room, calculating the few seconds added in his already elapsed time.

 

The cannonball of curses ready for firing dies down as soon as he opens the door.

 

Sehun’s looking as much as shocked as Jongin is. Although unlike the latter, Sehun managed to compose himself back quickly and breaks the sudden quietude a little awkwardly, cocking his head on the side, “Hey.”

 

It gets Jongin out of his rapid oncoming reverie and to breathe properly. Unconsciously, he holds his own gaze at Sehun’s watch and makes an attempt to greet the latter back when the time dawns on him and, “!” He sprints back, leaving Sehun astounded and standing outside in front of their door.

 

He gets a glimpse of his charger on top of their stacks of DVDs and goes for it.

 

Luhan’s already in their room when he gets back, half and buckling his belt. He frowns at Jongin and catches the sight of sweat in the younger’s temple. “You’re late.”

 

“I know,” he groans, grabbing the shirt lying in their bed and approaches Luhan. He wipes the water droplet around Luhan’s sideburn and helps him get dressed.

 

“Shouldn’t have stayed up late last night,” the older reprimands but smiles as Jongin pats the shirt down his chest, smoothing the creases. “Thanks.”

 

“Ugh,” Jongin leans his head against Luhan’s shoulder and snakes his arm around the latter’s middle. The younger can smell his own shampoo as he inhales, trying so hard to eliminate the spurt of sudden beating behind his ear. “Let’s just hurry, okay?”

 

Luhan runs his fingers across Jongin’s hair and pulls the younger out and into the hallway, a minute later.

 

Kyungsoo’s waiting for them in the living room with Yixing offering a cup of drink to Sehun. “Never let Jongdae be ahead of you in the bathroom,” he eyes Jongin and shakes his head, foot tapping against the carpet. “And you didn’t let Sehun in.”

 

“As you can see, I’m running late,” he chances at Sehun and sees the latter staring back. He mumbles an almost inaudible apology then goes back at Kyungsoo and grabs Luhan’s wrist. “We need to leave.”

 

 

---

 

 

“I see it’s a lot bigger than I remember.”

 

Junmyeon slides across the booth and motions at the tray in front of Sehun, “Minseok hyung’s special coffee and Kyungsoo’s fluffy cream puff.” He looks around the place as well and stares at the line forming in front of Luhan with a proud smile. “Business also changes in three years. We’ve already got a few branches around the city. Kris is managing them.”

 

Sehun hums around the lid of his cup, “But some things don’t change.” He smiles at Junmyeon, “Still the best I’ve ever tasted.”

 

“I know, right,” Junmyeon cackles smugly (and it looks ugly, really, Sehun wishes that at least that one thing had changed), he leans on the table perching his chin above his hands. Something a lot like curiosity crosses his eyes. “Tell me about China.”

 

“Probably the same as Korea,” Sehun places the cup down. “Aside from the language and food, it’s the same for me. Busy.”

 

“Sounds a lot of fun.”

 

Sehun smirks, “Bunch of free clothes, designer clothes. Yeah, a lot of fun.”

 

Junmyeon laughs and the sound of Luhan’s voice rings across the room as a new customer comes in with the chime of bells. He checks his wrist watch – three thirty eight – and says, “I have a meeting with some coffee dealer at four, think you’ll be fine alone?”

 

Sehun snorts, “I didn’t even ask for your company in the first place. Go. Disappear.”

 

Junmyeon shakes his head whilst mockingly quoting the younger, “Some things don’t change,” and slides off the booth. Not even a single foot away from the table, he stops in his track and raises an inquisitive eyebrow at the person in front. “You’re early today.”

 

Sehun looks up.

 

Jongin shrugs his shoulders, “They cut short the time, I think they’re celebrating for the new achievement the kids made. I bet you saw the newspaper.”

 

The older nods and his head a little on the left, “Why are you here, then?”

 

“Not in the mood.”

 

Jongin looks away as Junmyeon stares at him and sees a couple of girls, probably college – freshmen (he doesn’t recognize their faces, or they might not be their regulars – yet), staring at them and whispering back and forth. He alternates his weight on foot and balances the sports bag slung across his shoulder. Junmyeon flicks his forehead.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Stop glaring at my customers. I heard you’re late just the other day, now you’re not even participating in such small celebration, and your students actually look up at you. Aside from your talent, there’s nothing else that is worth idolizing about you.”

 

Sehun snorts. Jongin ignores.

 

“But Taemin hyung didn’t go to work today, and he didn’t even inform the head or any of us,” he hisses when a slap makes a contact with his skin. “Stop abusing me.”

 

“You’ll never get fired no matter what you do. And even if you do, there are others willing to hire you on the spot without as much as a glance at your resume. I don’t even know why the hell I’m worried.” Junmyeon sighs dejectedly and checks the time. “Now you’re here, make use of yourself and accompany Sehun. I’ll let Luhan hyung off early so you can take a rest,” he glances down at Sehun and tries a smile before he’s walking out of their sight.

 

Jongin stands for another couple of seconds watching Junmyeon’s retreating figure in disbelief, contemplating and having more than second thoughts. He counts the number of inhales and exhales he makes and finally, throws his bag at the end of the booth with obvious resignation, sliding in right after it when he reached ten. His back lays flat against the couch and eyes gazing away from the one in front.

 

Sehun studies him, his very own composure – model like. Jongin bites his lower lip and Sehun takes it as a sign to test the waters. He clears his throat, Jongin looks up.

 

“Hey.”

 

“Hey.”

 

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the whole place in a cocoon of secondhand sewed blankets from childhood during winter season. An acoustic cover of Justin Timberlake’s Mirrors is playing in a soft murmur at the background and Kyungsoo’s little cupcakes are on display for hunger. Jongin shifts in his seat, tucking his right leg over the left one. He looks at the untouched pastry and swallows the sudden dry lump forming in his throat, stomach in a roller coaster. It suddenly felt stuffy.

 

“I’m sorry for the other day,” he starts, still staring at the sweet. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

 

Sehun flinches, Jongin sounds unfairly different. “I understand. I should’ve informed you guys prior to my visit.”

 

Jongin blinks, once, twice, and then he’s looking up. Luhan greets yet another customer, voice as sweet as Kyungsoo’s cinnamon rolls. Jongin can imagine the smile in them. He his lips tentatively, ignoring the strange silence that seems to be looming solely above their heads. “Welcome back.”

 

 

---

 

 

Dinner was made and served by Chanyeol, and as much as Jongin hates not having Kyungsoo at such times, he’s more than glad to be early at home. He dries off the excess layer of water around his nape and hangs the towel at the rack just outside in their balcony. The cold breeze of night seduces the soul to a sweet talk of comfort and undeterred imagination behind the white lies of tranquility in his blood. He leans against the railing and wanders through the sky.

 

Stars can be seen, but doesn’t shine as they may seem. Jongin had stopped counting. The numbers will always be different as the sun shines and bids goodbye. But he doesn’t stop watching. Even from afar, Jongin can see that lone star he used to have a grasp upon.

 

Luhan calls him to bed, protectively holding his hand like a child lost in wonderland.

 

Jongin doesn’t protest. He closes the door and switches off the light. It’s barely past nine but they crawl under the sheets and stares at none. Luhan’s side was by the wall this time, the cold whispering at his cheek. But the human heat, so close, so warm, that radiates off of Jongin is curling around his body in a blanket full of promises. He allows the thigh nudging between his legs and sways at the cradling arms sneaking like a second nature.

 

“Hold me tight.”

 

 

---

 

 

Luhan does.

 

He trails his fingers down his forearm and inside his wrist, crosses the palm and fits the void in Jongin’s hand. Luhan pretends he doesn’t see the wary look on Kyungsoo’s face. Friday starts with Jongin entering the café for his part time, dragging Luhan towards the locker room. He pulls away for a moment but latches again right after he had finished changing clothes.

 

Particularly, as the day progresses, afternoons are always the devil in disguise with a promise of comeback the following day. Jongin cleans tables left and right, tends to customers here and there, and smiles the whole time. When the clock strikes five, he checks out and breathes air inside the locker room. Luhan comes in a few minutes later, sitting beside him and pulling his phone out.

 

He reads a few messages before he feels the weight of Jongin’s body against his side.

 

“Why is this so much more tiring than teaching a whole choreography?”

 

Luhan smiles sympathetically and pats his knee, “Everyday routine could be worse.”

 

Jongin stares at him. Luhan has been standing the whole day and only gets a few minutes (he’s lucky enough if the day is slow but Junmyeon has this sick way of advertising his business, so yeah) of break to rest from time to time. Jongin only comes during Fridays and Saturdays, but Luhan works six days out of seven and Kyungsoo’s been stuck with kitchen even if they go home. He sighs and curls his arm around Luhan’s.

 

“I’ll buy you chicken tonight.”

 

Luhan chuckles, “And you’ll also eat half of them, won’t you?” He ruffles Jongin’s hair and motions for the other to start changing his clothes as he stands. Jongin complies but drags his limbs and pouts his discomfort.

 

“Baek’s outside,” the older starts after a while, hand tight around the doorknob. He doesn’t turn around when he adds, “Sehun’s with him,” and leaves Jongin to himself.

 

Minseok drags him out during his break, declaring the whole locker room to be off limits from staffs that is not him and lays flat on the bench.

 

Jongin contemplates with himself – on the brink of breaking the door, but he goes on without anything at hand.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun’s already waving at him when he spots them, face contorting animatedly. “There you are,” he scoots to the side and pats the space he previously occupied. “I thought you’re already dozing off in there.”

 

The younger slides in, Baekhyun’s previous place is warm underneath him. “I was about to when Minseok hyung came in.” Jongin doesn’t say he’s just standing behind the door, glaring at the wood and wishing to be at home.

 

“Didn’t know you also work here. No one said anything.”

 

Sehun’s looking interested, he’s got one of his eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other and his lips curved lightly at the other end. Jongin gets slapped by nausea and quickly averts his gaze. Baekhyun smacks him hard on the back he almost tumbles on the table but doesn’t retaliate at the older. He’s surprisingly thankful, rather, for whatever reason.

 

“Sehunnie, our Jonginnie is so hard working now,” he pats Jongin’s head like a baby, like he’s the proud father and Jongin’s the obedient son. “He’s a full time dance instructor but also works part time.”

 

“Wow.”

 

The feeling is unmistakably something Jongin’s so acquainted with that he’d recognize it even with years of gap. He fiddles with his fingers, “It’s nothing compared to your career.” Sounding wrong even in his own ears, he swallows the regret right after he had said them and tries not to be bothered by the sudden chill.

 

“It was never easy, either.”

 

Jongin looks up at the roughness around Sehun’s tone. It wasn’t only his voice but Sehun’s looking frigid compared to his earlier composure. Stoic, almost. Perhaps, there’s no regret.

 

Baekhyun looks from Sehun, then at Jongin, and back to Sehun. He tries to come up with words but nothing at the moment he would crack will make the two stop from glaring at each other, he was sure of it. In times like these, he wishes – more than he hates, that Jongdae’s with him, perhaps Chanyeol, too, or just anyone that could break the ice without damaging the cheerfulness he had first intended.

 

“I didn’t say like, it was that easy,” Jongin counters, fingers starting to curl in on his palm. He tries to be rational but fails and breathes in. It didn’t occur to him the thickness of the atmosphere looming around them until he hears a sigh of relief from his side after Kyungsoo comes in, sitting beside Sehun.

 

“Luhan hyung asked me to give this to you,” he pushes a wrapped sandwich and a carton of milk towards Jongin and pinches Sehun’s cheek.

 

“What was that for?” The youngest nurses his cheek, completely distracted from whatever was supposed to happen.

 

“Duh,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and Baekhyun looks taken aback. It was a sight to see, the perfect distraction from all the tension.

 

 

---

 

 

They sat by the glass window as they wait for their chicken to-go, huddled together under the poor ray of the store’s light. Kyungsoo had bid them first, grinning widely as he takes Sehun’s offer of dinner and the obvious free chore back in their apartment. They’ve also been invited, and even though Jongin would surely decline feeling ashamed to take the chance after his attitude towards the younger earlier, he was more than glad Luhan had spoken first. Baekhyun’s small smile as they part ways, speaks a thousand words it seems.

 

Luhan spreads his legs and scrapes the sole of his sneakers against the tiled floor. “You should probably talk to him,” he gazes at the closed store across the street and feebly dusts his jeans.

 

Jongin doesn’t answer him. Luhan left him no room, standing up at the sound of their name being called. He waits for Jongin to match his steps, arms brushing as when the younger did. They remain silent until they reached home, apartment empty of any housemates. But Jongin spoons him just before they fell asleep and Kyungsoo knocks on their door, announcing his safe return.

 

They both catch a whiff of Sehun when he closes the door.

 

 

---

 

 

A few days after, Jongin does as what he is told. Freshly showered from his dance class in his plain black tee and yesterday’s jeans, he sits in front of Sehun with his reluctance hidden carefully behind the haze in his eyes. It dies back down as he musters enough courage to look up. Behind Sehun, he’s got a perfect view of Luhan from his seat. He swallows hard.

 

“Can we talk?” Sehun’s eyeing him warily and Luhan has turned his back from them, poking Minseok’s arm. He smoothes his tongue against the roof of his teeth when Sehun nods and forces himself to continue for the sake of privacy Luhan has given him, “I’m sorry.”

 

Sehun tilts his head to the side, “You don’t h–”

 

“No!” Jongin surprises not only himself but Sehun as well at the sudden abruptness in his voice just to cut Sehun and get it over with – he shuts his eyes and inhales. He continues after a couple of seconds, hesitantly looking back at Sehun once again. “I mean, I apologize. For everything.”

 

“I already forgave you. There’s no need for that.”

 

Jongin shakes his head, “There is.” In his lap, he covers his trembling hand with the other. “It’s been three years with nothing. I mean, after the closure there’s none. I don’t even know if it can be considered as one because you accepted it right away and now you’re back, you’re here in flesh. But you’re not talking to me like, I don’t know, like how you should, and I haven’t made the effort to talk to you either. And it’s frustrating how everyone’s so calm about it, acting like everything’s okay but it’s not. I don’t feel okay.” He stops, eyes momentarily glancing at Luhan – he wasn’t there. When he looks back, he gets slapped by the obvious understanding behind the curve in Sehun’s lips.

 

“What do you want me to do, Jongin?”

 

His name sounds unfairly familiar with memories of endearment Jongin has longed to hear. His shoulders have been uptight for three years and now that he’s allowing it to slouch down, it felt the exhaustion and emptiness it shouldered for years all at once, he shivers. It felt good.

 

“I just want to know how you feel. Get mad at me if you are, call me names if it makes you feel better, punch me hard, anything, Sehun,” he pauses, tasting the name. It’s scary how it still tastes the same. “Anything, to be friends… again.”

 

Sehun doesn’t say anything but doesn’t leave his eyes off of him either, and Jongin waits in trepidation. For Sehun remains calm and undisturbed like someone he doesn’t know. Even before, Jongin doesn’t think Sehun will mature with his age, not even in his wildest dreams. But now, it’s looking so much the other way around, him being the childish one.

 

“I was hurt,” Sehun starts slowly, eyes completely still trained on Jongin. “There’s no one I can lean on and cry in China.”

 

Jongin swallows, the memory is still unpleasant he could tell – he realized, at least for him, that is. But Sehun’s telling them as if it wasn’t that bad. Three years, he reminds himself.

 

“I don’t know anyone. No friends I can ask why Jongin suddenly let go when he knew better than anyone that me leaving home means of needing him more. So many times I attempted to fly back and demand answers, but when I stare at myself in the mirror, I realized something. No matter what this guy does, whatever he wants from me, I can never say no.”

 

“Then, why did you forgive me?” Jongin demands.

 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

 

“Because I broke my promise, I made you cry in a foreign land with no one around. You said it yourself. Isn’t that enough? I wouldn’t forgive myself if it was me.”

 

Sehun sighs and Jongin knows the younger shouldn’t be smiling at him but he is and it causes the unknown trembling inside Jongin, “Because if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here. You may have hurt, but you don’t know what that did to me. So, why should I hold a grudge against you? Don’t you know me at all, Kim Jongin?”

 

It takes him a while to recover but when he does, Sehun’s smile was that of an old friend Jongin couldn’t help but to smile as well.

 

 

---

 

 

Three years had passed but the memory was that of a yesterday.

 

Jongin scoots closer to Luhan and leans his head in the elder’s shoulder. There’s not enough noise inside the flat – Chanyeol, Yixing, and Jongdae must’ve already gone off to their gig, he thinks – except for the running water in the bathroom and Kyungsoo’s occasional high pitch tone and the low muttering voices from the television. He drags his fingertips on top of Luhan’s palm, drawing oblique circles and a few heart shapes of different sizes. His throat feels dry but Jongin pushes through and opens his mouth.

 

“I’ve talked to Sehun.”

 

Luhan doesn’t react, nor does his body felt rigid from the almost natural roll of Sehun’s name in Jongin’s tongue. After all, he was a witness of sort. “What did he say?”

 

“He’s not mad at me.”

 

“Do you believe him?”

 

Kyungsoo’s voice turns up a notch, reaching the bridge of the song. Jongin knows this one. The older belts it out and smoothly delivers the right note. Jongin wonders why he wasn’t with Jongdae and the rest. Many times they’d been a witness to hear firsthand the perfect blend of Jongdae’s voice with him, the right synchronization between Baekhyun and him, and that one time the three of them performed the night away when they all went to karaoke. Jongin strongly believes that Kyungsoo’s talent isn’t meant for the shower walls only.

 

Nor does Sehun’s friendly smile towards him that afternoon.

 

But Jongin never knew how much he actually missed them until it showed. Until Sehun called his name a number of times as if talking to an old friend that he had lost contact not because of certain circumstances but solely because of time differences.

 

“Yeah.”

 

Luhan hums, eyes blinking. The abrupt stop of the shower was loud against his ears and Jongin’s head had started numbing his shoulder. “Then, everything will be fine.”

 

The look Jongin’s giving him only faded when Kyungsoo entered the room. “Bathroom’s free.”

 

Luhan doesn’t need to know what Kyungsoo had seen in Jongin’s eye but he still felt how uncomfortable it had made Kyungsoo to decide to retreat back in his shared room right away, like he’d interrupted something so private for him to intrude. There was nothing to hide though, Luhan knew, Kyungsoo knew, everyone knew. Luhan had purposely left their door ajar far too many times.

 

“Go first.”

 

Jongin stands, but he doesn’t move. “With me,” he says, boring holes in Luhan’s hand – tightly clasped together.

 

“With me,” he repeats. Stubbornly.

 

 

 

 

Under the warm spray of water from the shower head, Jongin embraces Luhan with his , holding just a little tighter and pressing his cheek against pale skin just a little softer. This is familiar, too, to Jongin, the skin brushing his own is a second home, and the back pressing against him is a wall of protection. Jongin isn’t possessive, he’ll never claim something that wasn’t his, but Luhan, Luhan is always around. Always by his side, always holding his hand, always that someone Jongin seeks for reassurance.

 

“Tell me again.” He turns the older around and holds him in place, “Say that it’ll be fine.”

 

Luhan stares at him, telling Jongin something he couldn’t decipher. “Everything will be fine.” Blurting words that are not the same words he’s saying as he hugs the younger.

 

“You’ll be fine.”

 

Jongin isn’t possessive, but he holds Luhan tighter than it should be. Always.

 

 

---

 

 

Reacquainting his friendship with Sehun begins with a cup of chocolate milk tea that Luhan had slipped in his hand. It took a lot of courage on Jongin’s part, the cup bearing so much weight necessary for its product. But when he sat next to the youngest and shyly handed him the sweet, it was worth it. Baekhyun’s eye blinding smile says so, so as Kris’ small one, even the one on Chanyeol’s and Jongdae’s. Kyungsoo’s pat speaks for itself as well.

 

But Sehun’s ‘thank you’ and Luhan’s grip in his hand overwhelms everything inside Jongin.

 

The slow start consists of greetings and occasional short conversations. Of small smiles, shy glances, and afternoon snacks. Of bumping into each other, sitting side by side, and walking one step behind the other. Until Jongin threw his reluctance at the window and everything went back to how it was. Voices ringing with laughter as they slap each other while conversing as if they’re the only people inside the room. Sneaking behind Kyungsoo and stealing a few of his pastries when the latter gets distracted has been a daily routine once again, and trailing behind Kris whenever he’s around and annoying the life out of Junmyeon seemed a lot enjoyable than before.

 

Sometimes, Jongin drags Sehun in his dance class. Other times, it’s Sehun dragging Jongin around Seoul.

 

“Ugh,” the dancer groans, arms dangling lifelessly in his sides. “Tell me again, why do you need more clothes?”

 

Sehun rolls his eyes and grabs a few paper bags from Jongin’s hold, going straight to the fast food right in front of them. “I’m a model and therefore I need more clothes.”

 

“I’ll never understand your logic,” Jongin follows suit and slumps down at the first chair he sees. “It’s not like people knew how many times you’ve worn the same clothes. Besides, what some super model would actually eat here?”

 

“That would be me, the great Oh Sehun,” he winks, smugly ruffling Jongin’s hair. “And believe me when I say people actually do the math.”

 

Jongin makes a face and shoos Sehun away, not missing the few glances from other customers straying at the younger few more seconds than necessary and sending some of them his glare.

 

 

 

 

When Sehun comes back, he’s got two buckets of chicken that it makes Jongin forget everything.

 

 

---

 

 

Friday night, Jongin bustles through the crowd of Seoul with Luhan in tow. They bumped shoulders with men in suits, almost collide with ecstatic college students, and missed their bus ride just by a minute. It took them their third time calling their friends before Minseok zooms in their vision with Kyungsoo in the passenger seat. And when they arrive at the bar, his friends are already in the middle of their song – Baekhyun’s second voicing to Jongdae’s high note, and the rest had already consumed a number of liquor.

 

Still, Kim Jongin is unfazed.

 

Not a single trace of annoyance in his face, nor he is pissed off. In fact, there’s a huge smile plastered in his lips that it’s hard not to ask because,

 

“Did you get laid?”

 

He elbows Sehun in the side, dismissing the other with a wag of his finger. “I’ve got a pay raise.”

 

“Finally!” Junmyeon exaggerates, eavesdropping at best. “You can finally buy us a drink.”

 

“Nah, I can only afford Luhan hyung’s.”

 

“But Luhan hyung doesn’t drink after his third shot.”

 

“Exactly,” he laughs, eyes narrowing to form wrinkles, and drapes an arm around Luhan’s shoulder nudging the older for his attention. “Whatever you like hyung, it’s on me.”

 

“I shall engrave this day in my tomb,” Luhan teases but shamelessly takes the offer.

 

Jongin just smiles at him cheekily, already getting in the mood of calmness with Baekhyun’s rendition of an old love song. He slouches further in his seat, retreats back his hand to curl them around Luhan’s arm instead and lean his head against Sehun’s shoulder – Jongin almost forgot how broad they are. He openly engages himself into a staring contest with Chanyeol’s furrowed eyebrows looking back and forth between them three.

 

“You okay?” Sehun whispers down on him.

 

He nods, the smile slowly being replaced by a frown when Luhan sneaks off his own arm and stands for the toilet. They were yet to start.

 

 

 

 

A few hours after, Jongin takes Sehun home.

 

 

---

 

 

Sehun stands out in the crowd no matter what he does. And Jongin can’t help but try and scowl at all the unnecessary prying eyes. He doesn’t even try to keep the hostility at bay, but pretends otherwise with Sehun’s attention on him.

 

“Jongin, what are you doing?” Chanyeol asks, he sounds concerned if Jongin is to point out.

 

“Nothing.”

 

Chanyeol forces to turn Jongin’s head to him and asks again, “What are you doing boring holes at Sehun’s back?”

 

He pouts, pries off the hands clasping his face, “Hyung, he’s been in his phone the whole time we’re here.”

 

“So?”

 

Jongin groans, “We could’ve talked about a lot of other things instead.”

 

The older sighs, “Listen Jongin, and listen carefully. Whatever it is that you are plotting, stop it. No, don’t speak, hear me out first. It may not be obvious but I know what I saw that day and the days after that and I know for a fact that I’ve seen it all before.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he scoffs, eyes darting away from more than one reason.

 

“No, you have to understand th–”

 

“Sorry,” Sehun stumbles in their seat with a smile, already catching Jongin’s full attention and shifting the air around. “Where are we heading next?”

 

“How about that new movie?” Jongin asks, all enthusiastic and energetic like nothing could go wrong.

 

“Jongin, you hate watching sad movies with everyone. I assure you that.”

 

“But you don’t, plus haven’t you been waiting for it to be released since you finished the book? You’ve cried for days after you’re finished with it and read them again after a month. I know you want it.”

 

He smiles, teasingly.

 

“Fine. But don’t blame me when I happen to capture a picture of you bawling your eyes out. You’re sap like that,” Sehun smirks and Jongin shoves him for answer. “I hate how you remember such things, and in my defense it was a good book.”

 

Chanyeol declines the smile plastered all over Jongin’s face when he turns around. “Sorry, but I promised Yixing hyung that we’ll actually practice for new songs today. We’ve already put it out for far too long. We can’t have customers complaining of hearing the same song every week, we can’t always go with the past.” he reasons with Sehun but stares at the other boy, long and hard, words delivered with obvious warning for the latter.

 

 

 

 

Jongin returns home to the sight of Luhan’s head nestled comfortably in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

 

“You could’ve said that you’re coming late,” the latter reprimands but keeps his voice low, mindful of the person sleeping beside him. “He was waiting for you to come as you promised him but you never did and have to endure the humiliation he received from some ungrateful customer all afternoon just because he’s worried something might’ve happened to you.”

 

“I’m sorry, I–”

 

“Save it,” Kyungsoo looks back at the television. “Chanyeol said you’re with Sehun, that’s all we have to know.”

 

 

---

 

 

Jongin wakes up to the view of messy locks and fluttering unfocused eyes, he takes a moment to stare and admire the beauty awakening by his side. Luhan does the same, but turns back around at the sound of creaking doors. He hikes up the forgotten blanket and snuggles in them.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

The older closes his eyes and thinks of asking for an absence.

 

“Hyung, are you sleeping again?”

 

Luhan doesn’t answer and pretends Jongin didn’t pull himself closer to Luhan and left a chaste kiss on top of his crown of bed hair.

 

Later, when they’re standing at the bus stop with Kyungsoo too immersed in the music coming from his headphones to care for his surroundings, Luhan apologizes and adds, “Woke up on the wrong side of bed. Did you have fun with Sehun?”

 

Jongin only nods, still feeling guilty of everything.

 

Luhan says nothing.

 

 

---

 

 

The guilt was forgotten quite easily with Sehun surprising him. The younger had unconsciously grabbed for his hand in his excitement and laced their fingers together. He only realizes this after the adrenaline rush is gone and retreats back his hand so quickly like Jongin’s palm is on fire. Maybe it does, because the latter felt that surging hotness around his nape creeping in the tips of his ears, blooming on their way to his cheeks right after they burn his neck.

 

Jongin doesn’t even try to cover them.

 

“Aww,” he coos after Sehun mutters an inaudible apology and turns to hide his shame. “You still look cute.”

 

“Shut up,” Sehun retorts indignantly, fishing for his ringing phone.

 

Jongin raises a taunting eyebrow, “Make me.”

 

“Oh God, stop using that over and again– no, don’t pout Jongin, it won’t work.”

 

Jongin still does and exaggerates. “But it works on everyone. Luhan hyung buys it all the time.”

 

“I’m not Luhan hyung, Jongin. It won’t work,” Sehun says before excusing himself.

 

Sehun sounded different just then, Jongin thinks.

 

 

---

 

 

One Sunday morning, Jongin tugs Luhan out of their room rubbing his left eye and muttering a low good morning to everyone in the kitchen. He stands by Luhan at the counter and lets the older prepare their breakfast as he stares blankly at the open.

 

“Is he really awake?” Someone asks, although it sounded familiar even with Jongin’s haze-filled-slow-functioning-morning brain. “Or still dreaming with his eyes barely open?”

 

Jongin swore he could’ve been dreaming but that really is Sehun smirking at him sitting down in their dining table after doing double takes.

 

“Finally, the baby is awake.”

 

“What are you doing here?” He takes the bowl of cereal and sits next to Luhan, Jongdae excuses himself and not long after, the shower is running.

 

“And good morning to you, too,” Chanyeol mutters.

 

“Cut the crap,” Luhan nudges his side. “I mean, what brings you here so early?”

 

Sehun looks bewildered, “Jongin, it’s already quarter to eleven. What do you mean so early?”

 

Jongin frowns and Chanyeol enlightens the youngest with a shake of his head, “Sehunnie, this is how they start their Sunday.”

 

“Even you, Luhan hyung?” Sehun’s eyes turns into a bigger size.

 

Said male looks sheepish, yet, he nods nonetheless.

 

“I can’t believe Jongin actually managed to influence you hyung,” Sehun shakes his head in disappointment but the lack of spite was evident. “And I can’t believe Jongin’s still grumpy when he wakes up. Remember when he used to glare daggers at everyone he sees in the mornings?”

 

“You’re talking too loudly,” Jongin protests, eyes scrunching close in discomfort.

 

“And you’re still sleepy. But thankfully, you’re not glaring at me right now.”

 

Jongin internally groans, he turns to Chanyeol instead, “What’s he doing here hyung?”

 

“Wow, you did not just blatantly ignore me in front of my handsome face. How dare you?!”

 

“Someone, stop him please. Where’s Junmyeon hyung when you need him?”

 

“Probably getting laid,” Sehun laughs as Jongin’s face contorts in such displeasure he slumps it down the table, fortunately missing his bowl of cereal.

 

“Luhan hyung, please stop that devil,” the oldest turns a deaf ear and marvels at the sight.

 

Sehun pokes his cheek, “But I kinda missed annoying you, Jonginnie.” If Jongin went stiff at the pet name, Sehun didn’t show it. He poked and poked on the said muscle until Jongin gave up and slapped the hand away only to land his own palm in his cheek.

 

Sehun’s laughter rang inside the whole place.

 

 

 

 

Three hours later, Jongin comes out of his room, looking all well rested and fresh, to noises lapping over one another. He gets a bit startled at the amount of bodies trying to fit themselves in the small living area, fighting over what to watch and discussing things not relevant to the question asked. It’s been a while, Jongin smiles. Yixing spots him and motions him over.

 

“Jongin-ah, what do you want to watch?”

 

He sits on the carpeted floor, in between the older and Sehun, above him, on the couch, Kris ruffles his hair. Someone moves from the other end of the couch before sounds of feet tapping against cold floor echoes in his ear, disappearing and reappearing. He swats the hand away, shrugs at Yixing, and turns to the youngest, “What do you want to watch?”

 

Sehun looks up from his phone, “What do you want to watch?”

 

Jongin clicks his tongue against the back of his front teeth, about to answer, when Kyungsoo dramatically gave a long sigh and plucks himself up and grabs whatever DVD his hand could reach. “This always ing happens. Every single time. Every ing time.”

 

Jongin startles as Kyungsoo not so smoothly presses on the right buttons before the movie start rolling (he secretly wishes for the well of their poor controller). He looks away just in time the older turns around and points at all of them. “We need to change this. Next time you better decide fast and not waste my time.” Everyone nods like the innocent child they are and Jongin has to discreetly follow Kyungsoo’s steps as he takes his previous seat, beside Luhan.

 

The tan smiles at the older and makes a stand but Luhan waves him off and instead, straightens his arm out with a plate containing three slices of pepperoni pizza. He beams, hovering over Sehun and stretching his body out and failing to hold his ground. Kris groans when he loses his balance and slumps against the older, completely covering Sehun’s field of view. Sehun pushes him off.

 

“Rude,” he glares but doesn’t press on, mind not leaving the food at hand.

 

Thirteen minutes into the movie and a plate clean off of its previous occupant, Jongin starts getting bored.

 

(“Kyungsoo, of all the movies you could grab, it just has to be High School Musical.”

 

“Shut up Baek, we all know you’re lusting over Zac Efron.”

 

“Zac Efron is a walking on legs thank you very much.”

 

“Can you two shut up?”

 

“Sorry, forgot that it’s your all time favorite ‘We’re soaring~, flying~’, Yeol.”

 

“Hey, is this where they sing in the kitchen?”

 

“No Yixing hyung, that’s on the second movie.”

 

“Oh, I like that part.”

 

“We could always do a marathon.”

 

“Should we be even asking how you have the whole installment? And Jongdae, will you please pass that popcorn before its empty?”

 

“Come and get it, bae.”

 

“I hope you know that you sounded disgusting just now.”

 

“What’s disgusting is Junmyeon hyung trying to sit on his boyfriend’s lap as we talk.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Can’t you just ing pretend you didn’t see anything?”

 

“Then, should we all pretend that we didn’t know this movie at all?”

 

“Ugh, how many times we’ve watched this already anyway? And why is it that we always end up watching the other ones after it?”

 

“They have great music, okay. Plus, Luhan hyung likes that song they sang on the rooftop.”

 

“Well, that one I can agree.”)

 

He turns to the youngest and starts poking his side.

 

“Sehun-ah,” he whispers, redirecting his finger in Sehun’s neck when the prior tactic continued to fail.

 

Sehun moves his head to the side and hisses in warning but still too engrossed with his phone to actually pay Jongin some attention.

 

“Oi, Sehun-ah,” Jongin moves closer. “Aren’t you going to watch the movie?”

 

“I already know the whole story, Jongin. It’s a happy ending.” He swats the fingers away from his neck, annoyance visible in his face as he types a reply. “Stop that, it’s annoying.”

 

“But Sehun-ah,” Jongin whispers in his ear dangerously close and it surely stiffens Sehun in his roots, hands halting in their movement. The older grins, “I missed annoying you, too.”

 

Someone throws him a pillow from behind and it has Sehun smiling in relief when Jongin pulls away.

 

“Hey!” Jongin’s glare falters when Minseok greets his eyes. The little squabble between the others died down at the same time. He feels his stomach churning up.

 

“Watch the movie.”

 

 

---

 

 

Jongin bounces back to Sehun’s life so easily he misses the signs of him falling out of sync with Luhan’s daily routine. The older doesn’t really point it out though. It’s the other people living with them that often send him glances he thinks not of. Too busy planning of what to do with Sehun for the day, and the next, probably for the whole week, to notice them actually.

 

So, when he comes home straight from work and finds Yixing unloading what seems to be his collection of cds from a box and half of his other belongings in their room, he frowns.

 

“Hyung?” he takes a tentative step inside, eyeing his and Luhan’s bed full of the elder’s clothes.

 

Yixing stops from what he’s doing and turns around, “Oh, hey. Great timing.”

 

“What’s this?” he carefully motions to the clothes and Yixing’s stuff.

 

“It’s uh,” the older pauses, looks around the room and scratches his neck. Jongin can recognize the habit, Yixing’s not one to be nervous around him. But currently he is and Jongin frowns more on that. “Don’t be mad at me Jonginnie, but we think it’s better if I return to my old room and you, be back with Chanyeol.”

 

He his lip, tilts his head a little bit on the side, “We?”

 

Yixing nods sheepishly, “Me, Yeol, Soo, Dae.”

 

“What about Luhan hyung?”

 

“He said anything is fine.”

 

Jongin’s frown hardens and just stares at the clothes for a moment, brooding, before he asks again, “What did I do?”

 

Yixing visibly softens and takes the steps towards the younger. He grabs Jongin’s hand and gives a small smile. One that Jongin cannot disobey for they say reassurances he might need though it’s weird. “You still like Sehun, am I right?”

 

Albeit a little perturbed on how the other caught on, Jongin still nodded, mentally taking note of asking Chanyeol later on.

 

“Then you did nothing wrong. However, we think that it’s best to separate you from Luhan hyung before it gets haywire and more than one person starts getting well uhm, you know. This is inevitable, I guess. Hyung understands we mean well, I hope you do, too.”

 

Jongin says he does and starts evacuating the room. But Yixing’s words only sunk in when he’s at his old room, lying alone in bed and it suddenly felt like he’s isolated in a foreign island.

 

 

---

 

 

It took three days of adjusting to the sounds of creaking doors and footsteps trying so hard to walk around the room silently at ungodly hours, to the blaring sounds of heavy metal in late afternoons. Chanyeol’s a decent roommate in all honesty, but with the sudden room switch after years of settling with the other musician, Jongin thinks it’s hard for Chanyeol, too. Yixing and him were totally different, after all.

 

“You look like a zombie. Who killed you?” Sehun slurps on his milkshake and flick’s Jongin’s forehead.

 

Luhan arrives right on time to catch the last of Sehun’s words, “What’s wrong?”

 

The latter points at the lump next to him, “What is this fool doing? The bags under his eyes are some serious business.”

 

Jongin groans, smacks Sehun in the head while he sits up and settles his chin on top of his propped hand on the table. He doesn’t look at Luhan, opting to stare at the window. He does, however, catches guilt in the latter’s eyes while turning to look outside.

 

“Chanyeol hyung isn’t really stealthy, what’s with his gangling limbs? They make more noise when he tries not to,” he reasons, he lies. He knows he did, just not, why.

 

“I don’t get you,” Sehun frowns and starts poking Jongin’s sides to get his attention only to have his hand slapped. “You’ve been grumpy for the whole day. No. You’ve been grumpy for days already.”

 

“Sehun-ah,” Luhan starts, small and unsure. Jongin scowls but neither notices. The older shakes his head and turns to Jongin. “Do you want to switch rooms again?”

 

The youngest arches an eyebrow, inquiring as he pays attention to the eldest. “Room switch?”

 

“We went back with the ones we originally room with. You remember right?”

 

Sehun nods, “I see.” Then he turns to Jongin and frowns again, “But, you’re not a light sleeper. The noise should not bother you.”

 

 

---

 

 

Kyungsoo actually opens up the topic over breakfast when Jongin should not be awake. But he is, and overhears what they have to say. Chanyeol was the most apologetic when he learns that the younger has not been sleeping well. Jongdae suggests that he switch rooms with Jongin, and then sleeping won’t be a problem. Yixing feels guilty, thinking he have pushed the younger into the state he is in now. Jongin heard them all.

 

Except for Luhan’s opinion.

 

Jongin waits for him to say something, but Luhan was all quiet. When he makes his entrance, they all stopped talking and it’s the horrifying feeling of being unwanted in the conversation, in the room, that greets him. He eats silently, fast. Takes his bath and leaves with a curt goodbye with his breakfast threatening to make its way out.

 

He makes a lot of mistakes during his classes and clocks in undertime. He momentarily thinks of Sehun but boards the bus and goes straight home.

 

 

---

 

 

“Hyung?” He knocks on the door and waits for a second for the faint sound of Yixing’s voice allowing him an entrance.

 

The elder’s back was pressed against the headboard and strumming his guitar when he opens his eyes to the new presence. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

Jongin fidgets in his place, balancing his weight from one foot to the other. He bites his lower lip and bashfully looks at Yixing. The room suddenly looks like some territory he doesn’t know of. Foreign in his skin but still a little bit distinctive with the little traces of comfort lurking at the corners, hiding from his uncertainty.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

He shakes his head.

 

“Then, do you need something? You’re home early today.”

 

He stays rooted and blinks.

 

Yixing places his guitar back on its rack at the side of the bed and crosses his legs, sitting straight. He smoothes down his shorts that has managed to roll up from his previous position and gives the younger a soft smile. “What can I do for you, Jonginnie?”

 

Jongin shudders at the affection and looks at the space next to Yixing, at Luhan’s side of the bed, in reflex. It gets his hands trembling within an instant and Jongin has the mind to run away from there and lock himself in his room but Yixing is faster than he may have given him credit and motions for the younger to come over.

 

He makes his way, carefully crawling in bed as if walking on eggshells, tensing as he buries his face in Luhan’s pillow. He feels fingers carding his hair and it’s a little sad how it’s comforting. He inhales and exhales, feels his lungs breathe in completely for the first time. They haven’t changed sheets yet.

 

“Do you want to go back here?”

 

Jongin has been thinking about it. But all he sees are faces of people that matters to him looking all worried, Sehun smiling again at him, Luhan holding his hand, and Yixing’s words engrave in the back of his eyelids. He lifts his head a little and opens one eye. The wall stares back at him, its painting crying for mercy. In the end, his plan of repainting it to a lighter shade of mint green never did happen.

 

He stays silent, wondering how people would understand, if silence still means yes. Yixing might think as it is, but he doubts himself if it really means like that, if he really means it.

 

“Sleep, Jonginnie.”

 

He closes his eyes at the sound of Yixing’s voice, humming a song in Chinese.

 

 

---

 

 

“What are you doing here?” Sehun asks, a little shocked, as soon as he opens the door.

 

“Wow not even a little audacious ‘Hey, how are you? Long time no see!’ some friend you are.” Jongin shoves him aside and enters the flat on his own.

 

Sehun rolls his eyes, locking the door and following Jongin’s steps. “You’re with me yesterday, why would I?” He raises an eyebrow as the slightly older male makes himself comfortable in his couch. “Keep your stinking feet away.”

 

“Yes, your highness.” He removes his feet from the couch with a roll of his eyes. “But we didn’t see each other today. It’s only common sense.”

 

“Common sense my ,” Sehun pushes him aside and sits right next to him, flipping on the flat screen. “Now tell me, why are you here at midnight without any food?”

 

It’s the first smile that Sehun has seen on Jongin without it being forced out for courtesy. “C’mon you’re loaded, you buy new clothes every other day at least order a pizza.”

 

Sehun doesn’t.

 

But they settle on some documentary about sharks in exchange of the movies they deemed boring and Sehun allowed Jongin’s head to nestle in his shoulders.

 

“Can I sleep here?” Jongin asks under his breath, hesitant and calculating – shyly. He doesn’t look at the younger, keeping his eyes at the screen just in case. “I promise I won’t do anything. I just…” He pauses with a deep sigh, “It gets lonely… at night.”

 

 

 

 

He sleeps on the couch.

 

 

---

 

 

On the second night, Jongin sleeps at the guest room next to Sehun’s room.

 

Chanyeol calls him at dawn, but he ignores his phone and pretends to sleep.

 

 

---

 

 

After his fifth night and the constant whining, Sehun agrees to let Jongin sleep with him.

 

Jongin is nervous, he admits. His heart beating fast with the knowledge of being next to Sehun once again, but he doesn’t dare place any of his limbs over the other. Neither did he pull Sehun to cuddle. Somehow, it doesn’t sit right with Jongin’s stomach, doing things he usually does with Luhan to other people. But when he nears the younger, sniffing the back of his neck, keen on the feeling of familiarity, Jongin tentatively clutches the hem of Sehun’s shirt possessively.

 

He thanks Sehun in the morning, desperately wanting to leave and opting to decline the breakfast Sehun had served. It feels a lot like the little intimate things that Jongin used to have had with the other before, rendering him speechless as realization dawns on him, on how strongly he wants it again more than anything. Much like how he realized that he’d love to have another night spend with the other if given the chance.

 

But most of all, it also reminds him of the cereal bowls Luhan serves him every Sunday mornings. He leaves more confused than ever.

 

 

---

 

 

Jongin can feel a thousand needles prickling his skin as he makes his way to the couch. It wasn’t that unusual to have the flat void of profanities being tossed back and forth inside the room. What is out of the ordinary was that, Kyungsoo refuses to leave his room and Luhan was there in the living room, sitting still as he tries to watch something he isn’t entirely interested in. Jongin can read the tension in his shoulder blades. It’s as if Luhan’s been waiting for him to come home and approach him while he pretends that he doesn’t really care.

 

He stuffs his hands inside his pockets and wonders, when was the last time he had sincerely talked to the older.

 

It must’ve been so long for him to feel the sudden rush of unexplainable forces as he nears. He keeps his steps light and precise. The volume of the TV, Jongin realizes belatedly, has been turned off. And Luhan has his eyes closed, but he wasn’t sleeping, he was sure of it. Luhan can never sleep sitting like that, he always complains about the pain in the small of his back whenever he does.

 

Jongin stares at him for a while, just standing at the side – observing. Something clenches inside when he notices the traces of changes in the elder’s face. It looked thinner, and dry. His lips were chapped and pale. Luhan looks older than his age.

 

He settles at the vacant space next to the elder, unable to take more of what Luhan’s countenance has turned into, how much his eyes had sunk in, in just a span of a week.

 

“Hyung,” he starts tentatively, looking straight ahead. He remembers the breakfast Sehun threatened him to eat. “Have you eaten?”

 

There’s no response but Jongin knew, from the slight movement made beside him, Luhan had heard.

 

“Can we talk?” His voice came out so feeble Jongin, himself, would admit. He lets it float in air for a while before taking enough courage to look at Luhan once again. A strong wave of want, to reach out for Luhan, knocks him into million realizations. It’s a little blurry but Jongin is starting to pick out the differences. He swallows the forming lump in his throat, weakly preventing his hands from trembling so much, and his voice quivers when he asks, “What’s going on between us?”

 

Luhan inhales, Jongin balls his fists.

 

“Will it be safe to assume that I did something wrong?” He bites his lower lip, blinks a couple of times, and releases them, the indent of his teeth marks are rough against his tongue as he them. “Is it because of Sehun?”

 

When Luhan opens his eyes, Jongin allows the layer of liquid to wash away the haze for a new set of blurred lines. “I’m sorry hyung.” And lets them go.

 

Because Jongin admits that he’s weak against Luhan, and because something hurts, the situation hurts now that he sees everything in a new light with Sehun’s presence still lingering in his senses. For it wasn’t entirely Chanyeol’s fault that he can’t sleep no matter how much he tries to believe on that, because sleeping alone was a nightmare itself that has kept him awake, and Jongin stays awake pretending that Luhan’s there, behind him. Just sleeping peacefully and not in another room, with someone other than Jongin next to him.

 

It’s Luhan who closes the space and reaches out for Jongin. He lets the younger cry in his arms until they stop and there’s nothing left but the silence.

 

“I’m sorry hyung,” Jongin repeats after a while, calm and all snuggled into Luhan.

 

The older shakes his head, “You did nothing wrong.”

 

“Yixing hyung also said the same thing, but I feel like I did.”

 

“It was me,” Luhan looks at him for the first time and it gets Jongin all nervous once again. “I made them feel like you did wrong. I’m sorry Jongin.”

 

He draws back from the eye contact and buries his face in the crook of the elder’s neck rather, face heating suddenly. “I miss you hyung.”

 

“I miss you too,” he can feel the smile in them, there’s definitely a smile. “Did you finally have that sleep of yours while at Sehun’s?”

 

He nods, “Chanyeol hyung’s not bad,” and pouts, but then Luhan’s skin grazes his lips and it burns madly. He shifts around. “I just wish he would stop trying to be quiet when he gets home, he fails obviously.”

 

Luhan laughs, little chuckles and almost inaudible. Jongin had heard it though, and it was enough to make that grin plaster itself in his lips. He encircles his hand around Luhan’s arm – tightly. Again.

 

“Now that Sehun mentioned it, how come you’d still be awake when he comes home?”

 

Jongin flushes at the question, belatedly realizing the true identity of his answer. “I don’t have anyone to cuddle with,” he mumbles, hoping Luhan had heard for Jongin doesn’t intend to repeat himself.

 

There is nothing more that he hates than when people halts in their movements, like what he had said offended them. It’s just like how Sehun often-ly stiffens when he gets too close, or that one time during breakfast. But nothing beats when Luhan suddenly held his place. It’s a first he could not let simply pass by.

 

“Hyung, tell me,” he detaches from the elder and grips his shoulders. “Tell me honestly, it’s because I’ve been spending more time with Sehun, right?”

 

Luhan blinks at him, seeming to be innocent that hides something big underneath and Jongin stares right back, eyes widening moments later. He opens his mouth then closes right after, he reaches for Luhan’s hands instead. He holds them tightly, squeezing and shaking. He tries again to form coherent words but they came tumbling out racing against each other, rendering him nothing but a mess of swirling words.

 

Luhan helps him with his breathing and after everything relaxes, he blurts out, “I was right!” He clutches their hands and repeats, “I am right! Oh God, I’m sor–”

 

“No,” and Luhan’s smiling at him, releasing his hands free and patting his head as he guides it back to his shoulder. “Don’t you dare say sorry.”

 

“But hyung–”

 

“No Jongin, we both know this will happen later on.”

 

“But now, it feels like I lead you on.”

 

“You didn’t lead me on,” he pauses and Jongin hesitates but reaches out for Luhan’s hand. For reassurance, he tells himself. “It was me who followed you.”

 

“And now I’m causing you this,” he sighs. “First it was Sehun,” he chances a look at Luhan and sees the older staring at their hands. “Now it’s you.”

 

Luhan squeezes them, “But you’re still here, right?”

 

Jongin blinks, Luhan’s smiling through visible layers of pain. “I might only lead you further.”

 

“I knew my way back when you stop.”

 

“But it’ll be dark,” he frowns. “And you’ll cry, at night, while you take your shower.”

 

“And you’ll cheer me up because you knew.”

 

“You’ll feel lonely.”

 

“Still, you would want to hold me.”

 

“I’ll only make it harder for you.”

 

“Yet, you didn’t know that you also make it a lot easier.”

 

Jongin breathes, and it’s endearing how Luhan can take all of it. How Luhan had endured everything. “Why are you saying something that Sehun did? You’re falling harder and I didn’t do anything to stop you.”

 

Luhan caresses his cheek, softly, lovingly. He leans in, in instinct, because Jongin might have missed this – Luhan’s touch – despite him not admitting. “Because you want me to.”

 

“Because you like me.”

 

“Because you like me, too.”

 

“Because I like you.”

 

 

---

 

 

“You look normal,” Sehun rests his cheek against his palm, Jongin’s beaming. “I mean, normally abnormal. You look like yourself.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Sehun frowns, Jongin’s still beaming. “I just insulted you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You’re weird,” the younger sips on his drink, eyes flickering towards his phone. “But I like you weird. It when you’re grumpy, there’s no fun in it.”

 

Sehun misses when Jongin’s eyes widens, when his smile falters, when his face softens, when he looks at Sehun longingly. But Jongin doesn’t let his eyes stay away from the younger, “I’m happy, Sehun-ah.”

 

“Okay, you’re definitely giving me the chills right now.” He stares at Jongin in mock disbelief, “Who poisoned your lunch?”

 

Jongin shakes his head and just smiles, “I doubt the ahjummas would do that to me. They love me.”

 

“Your face looks creepy, do you know?”

 

“Still, you’d stare at this face.”

 

Sehun arches a brow. He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. “Jongin, you know we’re friends and all but please, for the sake of my beloved bubble tea, don’t make me puke.”

 

He bursts out laughing instead. “Ah, Sehun-ah I’m really, really, seriously, happy right now.”

 

“No , Sherlock,” Sehun deadpans sarcastically albeit smiling.

 

 

 

 

When night time falls, Jongin pulls Luhan off of the couch and drags him to their old room. Sleep didn’t took that long to come and knock them off both, but when the door opens and Yixing’s voice echoes inside, Jongin leaves Luhan with a kiss in his forehead.

 

 

---

 

 

Kris stares down at him, all scrutinizing and intimidating.

 

“What?”

 

“You’re scaring the customers.”

 

Jongin arches his brow, “You mean, you’re scaring the customers.”

 

“No,” Kris sighs, “I mean wipe that grin off of your face before I do it myself.”

 

“Leave the kid alone, Kris,” Junmyeon shouts from the coffee machine.

 

“But he looks creepy,” the taller shouts back, pouting if Jongin may add.

 

“No, he looks like the old Jongin, the kid one. He looks cute.”

 

“That’s creepier!”

 

“Hyung,” Jongin interjects, smugness echoing in his voice. “Are you implying about yourself?”

 

“Shut up,” the older turns around, making his way to the back. “And you’re not cute!” he adds.

 

Left behind in the middle of a crowded café, Jongin apologizes to the customers, bowing and smiling sheepishly, he sees a glimpse of Luhan muffling his laughter. “He’s just jealous because his boyfriend thinks I’m cute. I mean, we already know that, right?”

 

“Get your back to work Kim! You’re not cute at all!”

 

Jealous, he mouths at the giggling group of girls.

 

 

---

 

 

It’s a new song, Jongin realizes. Baekhyun’s on the lead this time, fingers dancing in air, while Jongdae takes on the piano. Jongin closes his eyes and lets the sounds flow in his blood, allows Baekhyun’s voice take over his mind.

 

He imagines himself on a ride home, the sun setting and the afternoon air blowing against his skin. He’d let the wind caress his hair. The song would play on repeat and he’ll acknowledge the boarding passengers with a small smile on his lips. He’ll play with the kid sitting next to him, tell him jokes and ruffle his hair. He’ll ask for the kid’s name just before he gets off and the song will keep on playing.

 

Then, one by one, the passengers will leave but the song will keep playing like a broken record. He’ll sing along once he’s alone, spread his arms out and let the air touch his palm. He would close his eyes, he’ll stop singing but his soul will sing for him. And when the bus halts, the song will end, but Jongin wouldn’t mind because he’s reached home. He’s home.

 

The song ends with Baekhyun’s voice fading in a silent murmur like a distant memory so hard to remember. Jongin opens his eyes to Sehun’s laughter. It rings in the air, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons while he claps spontaneously. Minseok whispers something in his ear and he laughs again, slapping at the older aimlessly. He looks ugly but he’s still the same Oh Sehun, still the one.

 

Jongin chokes on air, heart beating madly.

 

And you let her go. Baekhyun’s voice rings again.

 

 

---

 

 

Only a few minutes were left before the celebrated Christmas Eve but Jongin has no plan of letting go of Sehun’s hand yet. Inside the house, his mother and sisters were busy preparing the dining table with those once in a blue moon dishes while his father sits by the player and rummages through their long time Christmas Carols collection. He can already picture their table filled with his mother’s prized possession – those precious China set she never uses unless it’s an important occasion.

 

They sat by the porch, white Christmas lights looped around the railings and the whole neighborhood has their whole yard lighted by rainbows of colors. A distinct feeling of warmth envelopes them all despite the cold breeze and the snow, and the children on the street runs with smiles big enough to tear through their cheeks. Monggu – his dog – comes up to them, slotting himself a place between their feet.

 

Silent Night starts to play.

 

“I wish it’d be Christmas Season all the time,” Sehun mumbles, looking ahead with obvious adoration in his eyes.

 

“I know,” Jongin smiles, leaning his head against Sehun’s shoulder and squeezing his hand.

 

A voice – his father’s – starts counting down to ten and everyone seems excited all of a sudden, cheery noises rung from one house to another, hyping the entire community. The children started disappearing in lightning speed and then, Silent Night gets drowned in a chorus of Christmas greetings of different pitches. Jongin waits for everything to die down but the patience is not enough as it seems, burying his face in the crook of Sehun’s shoulder, leaving a chaste kiss and a whispered Merry Christmas, Sehun-ah.

 

“Jongin! Sehun! Come inside, the feast is about to start!” Jongin’s eldest sister excitedly calls out to them from the window, a huge smile plastered on her face. “Oh, and Merry Christmas to you two!”

 

“Merry Christmas, noona,” they both say, smiling back.

 

She leaves before they can even stand, before the scene of Sehun pulling him back and crashing their frozen lips in between those smiles. They didn’t last long but the feeling might be imprinted permanently and it’s all Jongin can think of as Sehun bumps their foreheads in embarrassment, “Merry Christmas, love.”

 

The blush on Sehun’s cheeks has been successfully imprinted as well.

 

 

---

 

 

The question was thrown at Sehun cautiously one afternoon under the shade of an old tree. Jongin kept his gaze at his toes, the park is almost deserted with only a couple of young adults passing their time in silence, he raises his eyes and looks on a far horizon, then, he repeats his question. “Did you think of forever with me?”

 

Sehun’s reading him – Jongin could tell, he’d do them himself if it was reversed, only it wasn’t and Jongin could only hope they’d have the same answer. “What brought this on?”

 

He shrugs his shoulders, “Just curious, is all.”

 

Sehun looks far ahead as well, sighing, “I did. Every time you told me you love me, I dreamed of forever. I actually had it all planned, I’ll be a super model like I always dream and you’d be my other half that could rival the looks of every man out there. Agencies would beg at the mere sight of you and yet you’d reject them if I’m not included in the contract because I’d make you do. People will be jealous of us, they’d be fighting over you and you’d stay loyal only to me. It’s childish but I dreamed of it, Jongin, like that. I even started saving up back in college. I wanted to surprise you with a flat of our own. We’ll start our forever in that roof, applying for jobs while we share a cup of coffee.”

 

Sehun pauses, Jongin holds his breath.

 

“You never fail to tell me every day that you love me, did you know that? Despite my shortcomings, you tell me how you feel in every chance you could have, and each time I dream a little more.”

 

Jongin glances at the younger and smiles bitterly. Sehun’s smile is faint, not longing, neither it is regretful. Just a small smile, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Jongin wants to cry.

 

 

---

 

 

“C’mon hyung! It’s just a few bills, I promise to pay them back as soon as I have the amount.”

 

Junmyeon clicks his tongue, “Jongin, you said the same thing last month and still hasn’t paid me back.”

 

“I swear hyung, this time I’ll pay for sure and I’ll even double them. Please hyung, help me out one more time, please? For your lovable friend?”

 

“What are you pleading for so desperately?” Sehun comes in with Jongdae, glaring at some unfortunate soul for no reason at all.

 

Jongin visibly drains of color and bulges his eyes out at Jongdae’s knowing smirk. He turns to Junmyeon in panic, making signals with his lips pursed tightly and eyes animatedly changing sizes. Sehun slides his arm around his hips and he internally deflates when Jongdae opens his mouth.

 

“He’s asking around if anyone wants to lend him money saying, ‘I wanna give Sehunnie something for our seventh month anniversary’. Isn’t that tomorrow? I see you still haven’t figured this one out yet, Jonginnie.”

 

“Oh.” Jongin hangs his dead, Sehun would definitely be disappointed– “Junmyeon hyung, pretty please? For this maknae of yours?”

 

–or, not.

 

Junmyeon gawks, Jongdae raises an eyebrow, and Jongin looks at him because– “I know I love you!”

 

Sehun smirks, pinching Jongin’s cheeks, “You better buy me lots of bubble tea tomorrow.”

 

“You two are unbelievable.”

 

“We just love each other like that.”

 

 

---

 

 

“Sehun-ah,” Jongin holds the device closer to his ear.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I… uh…” He fidgets, chest feeling heavy and stomach turning in turmoil.

 

“What is it?”

 

He shakes his head and smiles softly, “Nothing. Good night.”

 

“You’re being weird again. Anyways, be sure to be on time tomorrow, I won’t wait if you’re late. Now sleep light and don’t dream.”

 

 

 

 

Jongin dreams of beautiful memories that are painful to reminisce.

 

 

---

 

 

The next day he corners Kyungsoo in the kitchen while Luhan’s in the bathroom. He stares down at the shorter male looking all scared and disturbed. “Hyung.”

 

Kyungsoo turns off the stove in alarm, “What’s wrong?”

 

“Hyung,” he pleads and starts pacing around.

 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo places a hand around his arm, “Calm down and tell me what happened.”

 

Jongin stops but his muscles are still tense, “Hyung, what should I do?”

 

The shorter frowns, “I don’t understand you, tell me properly. What it is that’s bothering you?”

 

Jongin releases his bottom lip he had unconsciously bitten, “I… You all know that I still like Sehun, right? But I… Hyung–” He chokes, the same song still playing in his head. “Hyung, why did I break up with him?”

 

 

---

 

 

It was Mrs. Oh’s birthday and the house was bustling with Sehun’s relatives and his mother’s friends. Jongin spies his own mother happily conversing with some of them in the living room and his father drinking from a bottle of beer with Mr. Oh. He sits at the dining table with Sehun beside him. Sehun’s niece was perched on the younger’s lap, playing with his forefinger.

 

Jongin watches as Sehun pats her hair and hugs her a little tightly before his cousin took her away.

 

“Kids are adorable, aren’t they?”

 

Jongin inhales, “Yeah.”

 

Sehun turns to him and frowns, “You okay?”

 

Jongin nods then takes his hand, leading him up the stairs and into his room. He closes it silently and Sehun waits for his excuse. Jongin doesn’t say them, he pushes Sehun against the door rather and leans in, hesitating for a second, but Sehun’s closing his eyes and Jongin feels his heart trying to leap out of his chest.

 

“You know what this would mean right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The taste of first kiss is something that cannot be justified by any sweet pastry or candy or just anything sweet. Jongin knows Sehun tasted the same thing.

 

 

---

 

 

He calls Sehun and apologizes for backing out in the last minute. He receives an earful of colorful words and Sehun’s laughter in return. Somehow, he tries to be happy, to sound happy at least. But he fails miserably, because Sehun’s elated and he knows why, and it hurts.

 

“Only know you love her when you let her go,” he closes his eyes and swallows the pain. “And I let you go.”

 

Sehun hangs up.

 

Jongin really wants to cry.

 

 

---

 

 

“What took you so long? I was calling for about a hundred times now.”

 

Jongin closes the door, “I forgot to charge my phone.”

 

“Didn’t I tell you that never to forget that? I can only imagine what happened to your life without me there. Anyways, they’re sending me out to shoot for a teen magazine, so don’t be surprised if I get millions of teenage girls following after me. We all know I’m gay a– Jongin are you still listening?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I don’t know how long it’ll last today, I have to change outfits for at least five times. I’ll call you as soon as I finish, okay? And we have to Skype, promise me that. I want to see you and everyone else. How are they doing by the way? I got a text from Baek hyung the ot–”

 

“Sehun,” Jongin interrupts.

 

“What?”

 

“Let’s break up.”

 

Sehun stops. Jongin waits.

 

“… Oh… okay.”

 

He inhales, “Sehun, I’m not fooling around.”

 

“I know, Jongin.”

 

 

---

 

 

“Huh? Weren’t you supposed to be meeting with Sehun now?” Luhan frowns, following Jongin with unbalanced footing when the latter grabs his hand.

 

They stumble inside the bathroom and Jongin’s fingers works quick, ing Luhan’s clothes in lightning speed.

 

“Wait, Jongin. What are you doing?” He pries off the younger’s hands and searched for his eyes. “What’s… going on?”

 

“Hyung, do you think you can talk to Junmyeon hyung and take a leave from work for today? Just for today, can you spend it all on me?” Jongin’s voice gets drowned in such neediness and desperation, Luhan cringes but doesn’t ask anything more.

 

Jongin doesn’t meet his gaze when Luhan starts undressing him. But he holds Luhan and buries his face at the crook of his neck as the tears starts streaming down along with the waters.

 

“Close your eyes. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

 

Luhan obeys like he always do and after a while – after the trembling of Jongin’s whole body doesn’t stop – he starts babbling a story about one of the customers he had encountered just the other day, voice light and loud. Apparently she had a baby girl that looked so cute the whole café can’t help but to gush on her and even took a picture with her.

 

“She’s half Italian and is two years of age. You should’ve seen her Jongin. She’s just the cutest. Urgh, why are babies so cute? I swear those little babies are angels in disguise...”

 

Still, Jongin’s silent cry was far louder than any noise inside.

 

 

 

 

Jongdae arches an eyebrow when they came out. Just as he was about to make a pun, Kyungsoo sends him a warning glare and shuts up, now more confused than before. Luhan sends him a small smile and drags Jongin inside his room. Yixing doesn’t understand what’s happening but leaves the two in private. He managed to smile at Jongin before shutting the door.

 

Jongin tried to smile back but it’s hard and wearing Luhan’s clothes made him a lot guiltier.

 

“I’m taking advantage of you again.”

 

Luhan shakes his head, he gently pulls Jongin down in bed, and stares straight into the younger’s eyes, “Right now, I’m just a friend. Not someone who’s in love with you. So don’t go shying on me.”

 

“How can I repay you?”

 

Luhan smiles, friendly, “Cuddle with me and we’re even.”

 

“You don’t say,” Jongin tries a smile but fails and ends up sighing instead. “I’ve never cried this hard when I broke up with Sehun. And it’s not this painful either, maybe this is what a real heartbreak is.”

 

Luhan stares at him confusedly. “Now, why is your heart broken?”

 

“I told him I love him,” he gazes down at Luhan apologetically, “Hyung, I still love him. But I got rejected and I’m starting to regret breaking up with him. After three ing years.”

 

The older starts rubbing circles in his back, drawing him closer, “Because you suddenly realize that you’re still in love and he’s not anymore?”

 

He nods.

 

“Maybe it’s not yet too late. Did you talk to him already?”

 

“It’s too late now hyung. I’ve been late for years. You asked me why I wasn’t with Sehun today. Well, I couldn’t possibly be able to face his boyfriend knowing I’m still in love with him, right?”

 

Luhan’s hand halts.

 

“He told me already hyung. That one time he visited me in my dance class, he told me. But I still refused to believe it and forced myself into him. Now, the real deal is coming and I don’t know how to feel about that.”

 

“Is he the one you’re supposed to fetch from the airport?”

 

“Yeah, and guess what, he’s also a model. How can I compete?”

 

The older pinches Jongin’s side with a stern look, “Don’t be like that. Don’t bring yourself down. There are others who think you’re perfect enough.”

 

Jongin snorts, “Like you?”

 

Luhan puffs his cheeks, “Yes, like me. Is there a problem in that?”

 

There’s a little movement in the corner of Jongin’s lips, “The only problem in that is that, Sehun also thinks the same, well, at least before I ended things with him. But hyung, please don’t regret liking me because I like you too. I know I do.”

 

The smile wasn’t perfect, it’s crooked and a little rough on the edges but Jongin had managed this for the day and it’s enough for Luhan. “If I did, I wouldn’t have stayed this long. Now just let me work my magic on you and sleep.”

 

 

---

 

 

“Sehun, let’s make a vow.”

 

Sehun stares at him in the midst of packing his things. “What vow?”

 

Jongin scoots closer to him and takes his hand, “Promise me that I’ll be the only one and won’t leave me.”

 

“In case you’ve forgotten, my whole world practically revolves around you,” Sehun smiles, pushing Jongin with his other hand playfully. When Jongin sighs in relief, he turns all serious. “I mean it, and I want you to promise me that you’d do the same for me.”

 

“I promise.”

 

 

---

 

 

Tao was his name, Huang Zitao, a tall Chinese man, tan and handsome with his piercing gaze. Jongin stares as Sehun introduces him to his friends, tightly holding his hand and blushing oh so adorable it’s painful to see. Funny how Jongin knows he, himself, is also tan and tall and undoubtedly handsome, too. Kyungsoo asks him through his eyes and all Jongin did was come forward and introduce himself to the man.

 

“By the way, I’m his ex,” he adds as they shake hands.

 

Sehun stiffens in his root but Tao only smiles and it erases the strong aura surrounding him, he looks cute. Jongin acknowledges the bitter truth. “I know. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“Oh?” He raises an eyebrow, heart finally beating normally once again as Tao releases his hand. He chances a look on Sehun and sighs at the way the latter’s looking only at Tao. Jongin wouldn’t lie that it didn’t hurt because it did. After all, that look of undivided adoration used to be sent at him. “Then, do you know that I’m still in love with him and he knew?”

 

Sehun gasps, so as everyone, quickly turning their eyes towards him. He’s panicking, Jongin could tell and he feels sorry but he also feels the need to let everyone know once and for all. Let it all out before he starts anew, he decided.

 

“Yeah, I told him that just before I was about to fetch you. But I couldn’t take the rejection so I wasn’t able to meet you at the airport the other day.” At the corner of his eyes, he can see Kyungsoo explaining to Jongdae and the rest.

 

Sehun relaxes a bit and Tao returns his eyes at Jongin, “Ah you’re that friend that ditched him the last minute.”

 

Jongin scratches his nape, “Yeah, I’m that friend.” He tries to laugh, “Sorry, I think I made it all awkward.”

 

“No, I’m just surprised. Sehun didn’t tell me that you’re still in love with him,” Sehun only smiles apologetically as Tao turns to him, already accusing.

 

“I hope I won’t be the reason of your fight later on, although I wouldn’t know of that, but I just want you to know that I won’t pursue Sehun again. And you can vouch on my word, Sehun knows I don’t go back on them.”

 

Tao looks hesitant, “Maybe we need to talk about that.”

 

“Oh come on,” Jongin whines and it feels refreshing, light, and just different. A good different if he so admits. “We’re best friends, there’s no reason to be jealous. Besides, you see that small deer standing there? Yeah, that dude’s name is Luhan and he’s also Chinese like you but everyone knows he likes me, and I like him too, believe it or not. And although it’s not yet enough, I’m working on it. I want to love him more than I have loved Sehun. Also, I want to take back my spot next to him again so please Yixing hyung, can we change rooms again?”

 

Jongin smiles for real, this time, bright.

 

Yixing mirrors him instantly, nodding his head furiously. Kyungsoo sighs, patting Luhan’s shoulder. Chanyeol makes a comment on how Jongin really likes Luhan and Jongdae vows he only listens to the older. Kris snorts, hollering that Jongin only took the part time job because that way he can stare at Luhan all afternoon. Junmyeon didn’t protest and Baekhyun swore he saw Jongin kissing Luhan once in the locker room. Minseok says he sees it all the time.

 

Sehun exhales and secretly smiles at Jongin while Tao kept on looking too confused.

 

“I also take baths with him, all and wet,” he adds, winking at the red deer shrinking by himself with each open of Jongin’s lips.

 

“So, I shouldn’t be bothered?” Tao asks, still confused.

 

Jongin drapes an arm around his shoulder like an old friend (he dismisses the alarmed expression on Tao) and says, “You only need to get bothered when you’re left alone with me and Luhan hyung.”

 

“Oh.”

 

And he’s laughing while Tao turns a shade darker.

 

“Gross! Stop corrupting my boyfriend Jongin.”

 

“As if you didn’t corrupt him already, Sehunnie.”

 

Jongin catches the magazine sent flying straight to his face and aims it to Jongdae because that mother er has been smiling creepily at him the whole time. He deserves some shame, Jongin decides.

 

“What the was that for?”

 

“For emptying Chanyeol hyung’s shampoo and for hogging the bath when you knew I was running late.”

 

“But you and Luhan hyung takes an hour whenever you’re in there!”

 

“At least we do it at night!”

 

“That didn’t sound right.”

 

“Nothing sounds right when it comes to Jongin.”

 

(“Sehun, your friends are weird.”

 

“Please don’t remind me. I grew up with them!”

 

“Hey, we can totally hear you.”

 

“Oh, I thought you were busy.”

 

“ you, you’re one of us!”

 

“Again don’t remind me.”

 

“You’ll never get rid of us.”

 

“And Tao will be one of us, too, within a week!”

 

“Don’t get too excited Chanyeol hyung.”

 

“Sehun, he has really big ears.”

 

“I know, keep it a secret. He likes to pretend he doesn’t know it.”

 

“Hey, since we’re all here, why don’t we watch a movie?”

 

“Why are you suggesting that Junmyeon?”

 

“Ooh movie!”

 

“No, Park Chanyeol, we’re not watching your movie.”

 

“What’s wrong with a movie, Krease hyung?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong with a movie, just not another High School Musical. I’m done with that .”

 

“But hyung, Luhan hyung really likes that song on the rooftop. We sing it sometimes when we take a shower.”

 

“Jongin, stop pouting you’re not really cute at all, and please we don’t wanna hear what you and Luhan does.”

 

“How about Yixing hyung? We didn’t get to watch the second installment last time.”

 

“And we’re not watching any HSM for the rest of our lives.”

 

“Tao, your boyfriend has some serious distaste with Zac Efron.”

 

“You’re only saying that Baek hyung because we won’t be seeing your man.”

 

“He likes Zac Efron?”

 

“No. He’s lusting over him.”

 

“So… What are we watching then?”

 

“What do you suggest, Minseok hyung?”

 

“Whatever it is that’s available, and hey, can we order pizza this time? Junmyeon order some pizza.”

 

“Why am I paying for them?”

 

“Because this is your idea and you can. Now pick up that phone and order. And add some boxes of chicken so Jongin would stop that creepy eyes he’s sending over here.”

 

“Minseok hyung’s really the best next to Junmyeon hyung’s card!”

 

“Sehun, that friend of yours looks cute but wow, he can order people around.”

 

“Minseok hyung’s scary like that Taozi, don’t worry though, he’s not always like that.”

 

“How about a horror movie this time?”

 

“Luhan hyung, Taozi’s a little afraid of them so nope, we’re not going that road.”

 

“All the more reason to watch!”

 

“Shut up, Jongin. I won’t give you the satisfaction of laughing at my boyfriend.”

 

“Come on, he can’t be that bad.”

 

“No horror movie and that’s final.”

 

“Then how about that Miracle in Cell No. 7? Everyone’s talking about it, heard it’s the latest .”

 

“Jongdae, I hope you do realize that your household is running out of tissues.”

 

“Hey! Don’t look at us like that! Luhan hyung and I have our own stack of tissues.”

 

“I didn’t say anything.”

 

“But you’re imploring it with your eyes! Look at those eyeliners, why do you even bother applying them?”

 

“They make me hot.”

 

“No, it’s because you look plain without it.”

 

“You dip! Take that back!”

 

“How did Baekhyun even knew that Jongin and Luhan hyung is the culprit? He doesn’t even live here”

 

“NO! I thought you’re different Yixing hyung! How could you betray me?!”

 

“Did I say that out loud?”

 

“Pretty loud, yeah.”

 

“Oops. Sorry Jonginnie.”

 

“I hate all of you! Only Kyungsoo hyung knows my pain.”

 

“Hey, don’t mention his name, he’s looking all calm and we’re all ed.”

 

“Oh ! Quick, choose a movie.”

 

“Sehun, what are they talking about? Why are you getting paler?”

 

“Taozi, its better we keep our mouth shut now.”

 

“But what do we watch?”

 

“Kris hyung, did you bring your external?”

 

“We’re not watching anything from that device Jongdae, God knows what it hides.”

 

“That’s a little offensive, Baek.”

 

“Yeah. Whatever.”

 

“Chanyeol, where are you going?”

 

“Uh… bringing out my collection?”

 

“I told you we’re not watching your movie!”

 

“But you guys haven’t decided yet. I just want to help out?”

 

“Sit your down!”

 

“Fine. But don’t blame me if Soo st–”

 

“JUST CHOOSE A ING MOVIE GODDAMNIT!”)

 

Amidst the chaos, Jongin managed to pull a flustered Luhan to the side. Luhan looks at him curiously but Jongin just hugs him tightly – always. Sehun’s voice is still loud and clear, over lapping the other noises inside his head. Somehow, Jongin had the same dream as the latter. He inhales deeply and exhales lightly, a new smile forming in his lips brushing against the shell of Luhan’s ear as he whispers, “Hold me tight, hyung. Don’t let go.”

 

 

 

 

 

When night time falls, Jongin pulls Luhan off of the couch and drags him to their old room. They leave Kyungsoo staring at their trail and closes the door. He cuddles with the older, pressing his body closer and lacing their fingers together.

 

 

 

 

(And you let her go.)