A/N: I'm so very sorry this took longer than I wanted it to. It's just the usual self-doubt started to settle in and umm yeah. But hey, the longer the wait, the longer the word count grows ^3^ the whole story comes in at just over 18k. I may have poured more of myself into Seunghyun than I originally intended to. And also, there were a few subtle and not-so-subtle nods to my previous writing in this. Because I can't help myself but to somehow secretly tie each fictional world together. I'm just kinda obsessed with trying to string together their many reincarnations and past and future lives. If you noticed any let me know in a comment :D

Oh and the tv show they were watching was Lost Girl. Which I am OBSESSED with.

If it wasn't for this stupid bolster, Seunghyun might have been able to spoon with Jiyong for the first time that night. Said bolster is currently flung across the room and slumped against the wall. Seunghyun swears if the limp pillow had a face it would be mocking him. Because Jiyong never seeks comfort and solace in his arms, only in the lifeless lump. Thinking of all the nights spent with Jiyong curled around him like a protective cat because 'Hyung, you're so warm.' only to have this thing picked over him. All the missed opportunities and lost chances.

Look at it. Even after Seunghyun kicked it across the room, it still lands upright. To face him. To taunt him. Kick me down all you like, I'll still come out on top.

"It's all your fault." Seunghyun glares at the offending object on Jiyong's side of the room. It was Monday and they only just shifted their beds back to the opposite walls. That marked three nights which Jiyong had rolled over and chosen the bolster. And Seunghyun is at his wit's end. If he can get rid of his only rival, then surely Jiyong will finally be his.

Yes, yes, yes, just get rid of the damned thing!

Seunghyun advances on the pillow as though it will scurry away any moment. It feels pleasantly soft and pliant in his tight grip but—no! Now is not the time to fall for the bolster's charms. He considers throwing it out the window but there's a chance it won't fit through the tiny square. He also runs the risk of Jiyong seeing his beloved bolster all torn and shredded and spilling its feathery guts onto the pavement below. And he can't very well hide it under the bed or stuff it into the freezer.

With his thoughts taking a much darker and sinister turn than he intended, Seunghyun looks at the thing with disgust. "What are you? A dead body or something?" and he can't fight the grossed out shiver that makes him squirm.

He decides to look in his cramped wardrobe because there are no other options but even this seems too far-fetched to pull off. For once in his life, Seunghyun finds himself wishing he had even one iota of musical talent (because his alcohol induced renditions of bad nineties rap music during their occasional karaoke night definitely did not count as musical talent) and took up the cello or something else as equally large. At least then he would have a big enough case to stuff this cursed pillow into.

And then he spies his large duffle bag sitting on the top shelf.

He glances at the bag, then back down at the wilting pillow in his hands. Back at the bag. Back at the bolster. It will fit. It has to fit. He will make it fit.

"Stupid bamboo wife." Seunghyun grunts and digs his knees into the soft material to squash it down. "You're not even made of bamboo these days."

With one final groan, Seunghyun manages to close the zip. Wiping the sweat collecting on his brow after what feels like a hard day's work, Seunghyun sighs with pride at his handywork. Perfect. No one would suspect there's a dead body—er, bolster—hidden in this bag. It just looks like his dirty laundry has been piling up and he's planning on visiting home to get Mother Dearest to do her son's laundry. Once it's wedged high up on the top shelf, a few decorative boxes and miscellaneous objects placed in front of it, Seunghyun feels like he can breathe easy.

When he closes his wardrobe door his eyes happen to land upon Jiyong's mattress looking strangely empty. Jiyong. He's been with that bolster as long as Seunghyun has known him. How is he going to react once he comes home to find it missing? How on Earth is Seunghyun going to explain the missing bolster? Their home was invaded and the only thing the robbers took was the bolster? Highly unlikely.

Now that Seunghyun is thinking about the finer details of this plan, he's realising he left some mighty big plot holes that need to be filled.

"You are an idiot, Choi."

Seunghyun feels like smacking himself in the head but he opts for tugging on his stupidly short hair instead. Did he really think he could just get rid of the bolster, no questions asked? What was Jiyong going to do? Come running through that door and leap right into his arms just because the bolster was gone? With a frantic glance at the door and then at the clock, Seunghyun calculates that Jiyong should be arriving home right about now. He flings open his wardrobe and shoves everything aside, trying to claw his way to the concealed bolster.

His ears are so focussed on any sounds that he feels like there are fluffy white cat ears perked on his head and—'no, now is not the time to allow your imagination to run wild!'

Luckily he is listening out because soon enough, the dreaded rattling of the doorknob bangs on his eardrums. There isn't enough time to squeeze the bolster out from the bag and fling it onto Jiyong's bed without him seeing. He'll just have to stall and think on his feet.

His very clumsy feet which hook on the corner of his neatly organised piles of books and DVDs, successfully tripping over them and sending the stacked towers toppling to the ground.

With all these books and dvds scattered across the floor, Seunghyun does what any skilled actor would do and uses his surroundings to his advantage. When Jiyong peeks his head through the door, cheerful smile present on his face, Seunghyun casually nods his head.

"Sup."

Who even says that anymore.

"Hyung… what are you doing?"

"Hmm? Oh yes… these dvds were in the complete wrong order."

"And the books?"

"Oh. Old reading material from last semester."

"Had I known it was spring cleaning day I wouldn't have come home." Jiyong laughs and Seunghyun thinks the sound is so delicate that the younger must have been a royal prince in a past life.

Whether or not Jiyong realises there's a cylindrical shape missing from his bed, the boy doesn't say anything. The hours until bedtime tick by sluggishly, with Seunghyun trapped in his farce of rearranging his entire half of the room. When every item has been re-arranged, he climbs into bed and faces the wall. Maybe if he pretends to be asleep Jiyong won't ask any questions. Try as he might, it's impossible to drown out the sounds of Jiyong huffing and puffing. Seunghyun scrunches his eyes shut but he still can't block out the unmistakable sounds of Jiyong crawling across the carpet on all fours.

"Where are you?" Jiyong growls out in frustration and Seunghyun doesn't have to roll over and look to know that he's scrunching up that fluffy blond hair of his. "Seunghyun!"

He instantly freezes and ceases all movement, including breathing. Seunghyun knows Jiyong means business because he almost never calls him by his name. Seunghyun finds it ironic that he's been wishing for a year to hear Jiyong drop the honorific and call him by his name. The only times he uses it or one his cute nicknames is when he's drunk or sleepy.

Feigning ignorance, Seunghyun sluggishly rolls over and lifts his head. Somehow he missed the noise of Jiyong stripping his bed completely bare. The look on the younger boy's face makes him look so devastated that it immediately makes Seunghyun feel guilty. "What is it, Ji?"

"What is it—don't you 'what is it Ji' me! Where the heck is my bolster?"

"How am I supposed to know where you put the damned thing?" Seunghyun snaps back and buries his face in his pillow with a loud huff. He didn't expect this to escalate so quickly. Jiyong seems extremely upset that he can't find his bolster. Seunghyun might have been able to deflect if he was just a little upset but this… this is extreme.

"Well jeez I don't know! You were the only one home today and it was here when I left this morning. Bolster-ssi doesn't have legs he can't just up and walk out of our dorm, Seunghyun!"

"Bolster-ssi?!" That makes Seunghyun spring out of bed in shock. "Wait… you're telling me that thing has a name?"

"It's not a name! It's just Bolster-ssi okay that's what he is, he's a Bolster… ssi. And… ugh, just shut up, Seunghyun!" Jiyong yells at him before storming off.

Their room is so small that there's nowhere to storm off to except their individual wardrobes. Which is exactly where Jiyong stomps over to. Wrenching the door open, banging the light switch on. Full blown grumpy, diva mode. Seunghyun can tell something is way off with this situation but how could he have predicted that Jiyong would react like this?

When he doesn't hear any movement from Jiyong's closet he carefully shuffles his socked feet across the carpet to peek inside. Jiyong is slumped against the wall, resting his elbows on his knees and his hair. Judging from the rapid rise and fall of his chest, he's holding back tears. Seunghyun is about to walk over to him and attempt to comfort him when Jiyong looks up at him with those tear-filled eyes.

"Ji…" Seunghyun chokes out, not knowing what else to say or do.

Jiyong doesn't even blink. He just gets up from the floor and slams his closet shut behind him. Seunghyun watches on, completely powerless as Jiyong knocks past him and over to the tiny two seater lounge they have. It's impossible to lay down on that thing, it's just too small, even for the slight-framed blond.

"You can't sleep there."

"Watch me."

*

The next thing Seunghyun remembers is waking up to the sound of soft whimpers and sniffling. Cracking one eye open, he flops onto his back with a groan and the sounds stop. There's a faint light coming from where he knows the lounge should be but it's hard to make out what's what in the dark. He can see that Jiyong's bed remains empty and stripped back so the boy must still be curled up on the lounge.

There's a weird mix of guilt and dread at what Seunghyun might find if he follows the sound but the thought of leaving his dongsaeng alone in a moment of weakness makes him feel even worse. So Seunghyun touches his feet to the worn carpet and crosses the room as silently as he can. Seunghyun was right... But he wishes he wasn't.

Jiyong has somehow managed to contort his body and curl up into a ball small enough to fit on the tiny couch. The younger boy may have had enough time to silence his tears but Seunghyun didn't give him enough warning to turn off the lamp in the corner. With the dull, yellow glow casting shadows around the room and across Jiyong's face, Seunghyun can barely make out how red and puffy the younger eyes seem to be.

"H-Hyun... The dark—" Jiyong hiccups, sitting up and frantically wiping his face.

All Seunghyun can do is watch while Jiyong angles his face away from him and hugs his legs close to his chest. He looks so small and it aches Seunghyun's heart that he hasn't earned the right to be that one special person to Jiyong. If he was special to Jiyong, then tonight would have gone differently. Jiyong would have crawled onto the cramped mattress beside him. Jiyong would have cried on his shoulder until his sleep shirt was soaked through with his salty tears. Seunghyun would no longer have to hold himself back and could give in to temptation. He could have discovered how it felt to run his fingers through that silken hair. He could have placed kisses to Jiyong's forehead, his temples, his cheeks, his button nose, his fluttering lashes.

What could have upset the boy so much to cry long enough to puff up those large eyes of his? Is Jiyong truly this upset over the bolster? There has to be more to it than that. There has to be. He opens his mouth to call out to Jiyong but his throat feels impossibly tight. How is he still able to breathe with his airways closing up on him?

Thankfully Seunghyun is snapped into action when Jiyong suddenly gasps and doubles over in pain. He's by Jiyong's side in an instant, wrapping his arms around his trembling form. Pressing his chest against Jiyong's back, Seunghyun feels his whole body heave from the force of his panting breaths.

"Ji!" Seunghyun sounds overly concerned, even to himself.

But Jiyong doesn't respond, or simply can't. He needs the precious oxygen for his lungs which are working overtime to in deep breathes. It doesn't take too long for Seunghyun to work out that this is a panic attack. He wasn't even aware Jiyong was prone to panic attacks and he's never witnessed the boy have one before. But this isn't Seunghyun's first exposure to panic attacks. He allows the boy a chance to calm himself down first and gives him gentle aids along the way; emphasising his own breathing as he presses his chest close to Jiyong's back, smoothing his palms down Jiyong's sides. But Jiyong can't seem to get a decent breath in and Seunghyun grows more worried as he feels those small lungs expanding beneath his hot hands.

"Jiyong... Listen to me." Seunghyun whispers in Jiyong's ear, wrapping his arms around him. "I know it hurts but I need to move you. Just trust me." Seunghyun begs, his voice cracking.

Jiyong lifts his head as best he can to look at Seunghyun. He can see past the fear in those tear-filled eyes to know what Jiyong is trying to convey. I trust you.

Jiyong is so small and so light that it takes barely any effort at all to pick him up and move him around. Given the cramped space he has to work with, Seunghyun has no choice but to get Jiyong to straddle his lap. It's impossible for his body to ignore how intimate their position is, with Jiyong thighs spread over his hips and their groins lined up perfectly. Seunghyun can feel his skin heating up, itching under his clothes. But Jiyong is still trembling and gasping for air and Seunghyun knows if he doesn't act fast, Jiyong will eventually pass out.

With a less than gentle urgency, Seunghyun takes Jiyong's hands and places one to the boy's erratic heartbeat and the other on his own chest. Seunghyun slips his fingers between Jiyong's cold ones and he can feel his own heart beating slow and steady. Despite the sharp claws of concern digging into his heart, he knows what he's doing. He's the only one here. He's the only one Jiyong can rely on to calm him down. And it's enough for Seunghyun to feel confident and composed in his actions.

"Jiyong. Breathe for me." Seunghyun's voice settles somewhere between dominant command and a gentle plea. "Breathe," he begs in a hoarse whisper, pressing down on Jiyong's cold hand.

The boy's chest is still heaving but the seconds between each gasp for air increase. Beyond the glassy shine of Jiyong's eyes, Seunghyun can make out that look of determination. Jiyong gets the same look in his eyes when his muse locks on to a fresh new idea. He can feel Jiyong's fingers slowly warming beneath his touch and eventually slips his hands away to cup Jiyong's face. Even when Seunghyun his thumbs beneath his eyes to wipe away any remaining tears, Jiyong doesn't look away from Seunghyun's chest. The tips of Jiyong's fingers curl into his shirt, gripping the material as he wills his own heart to begin mimicking the pattern.

The sound Jiyong's steady breathing reaches Seunghyun's ears and he lets out a deep sigh, relief washing over his tense body. In his haze of blissful relief, Seunghyun's hands glide over Jiyong's soft skin, alighting on his neck, feeling his pulse pumping beneath the pads of his fingers. Transfixed by the sight of Jiyong's pink lips, parted and panting, Seunghyun unknowingly traces his lips with a trembling finger. The tingling feeling of Jiyong's lips pursing into a tender kiss against his curious touch drawing him back into reality.

"Take me to bed, hyung." Jiyong whispers, his throat sounding strained and scratchy. Pressing their foreheads together, Jiyong ghosts his sweet breath over Seunghyun's lips. "Please?"

Seunghyun can literally feel every bone and every muscle in his entire being screaming—"as you wish."

As though it's the most natural thing in the world, both of them shift and tighten their hold on each other. Jiyong braces his hands on Seunghyun's shoulders and wraps his legs around him as Seunghyun stands up from the couch. He cradles Jiyong against his body even though the boy is so tightly curled around him, like a koala to a tree, that he could probably let go and Jiyong would keep himself clinging through the strength in his thighs alone.

Seunghyun's steps falter for a moment, considering whether to deposit Jiyong onto his bed for the night or wrap him up in his own blankets. Jiyong notices his hesitation and captures his attention by running his fingers through his sleep-mussed hair. Jiyong's grip around his body suddenly turns vice-like. Locking his ankles lock behind Seunghyun's back, arms encircling his neck as he whispers, "Yours."

Instinctively knowing that Jiyong would refuse to let go of him, even for a second, Seunghyun doesn't try to release his hold on him. Strangely enough, he doesn't have much difficulty at all carrying the small boy and Seunghyun questions when did his body develop this amount of strength in his lazy muscles. The moment Seunghyun sits down on his bed, Jiyong makes a low, keening sound directly in his ear that sounds suspiciously like a moan. Pressing his body against Seunghyun's chest, Jiyong pushes Seunghyun flat on the mattress.

Without loosening their grasp, the pair rolls around on the single bed, tangling their legs together as fingers tug on material and glide through soft hair. Both being restless sleepers, neither minds the constant fidgeting and wandering touches. Entwining their fingers, Jiyong shifts closer and closer to Seunghyun's chest until his ear is firmly pressed over his heart.

"Jiyong… About before…" Seunghyun rasps out, his eyelids feeling heavy all of a sudden. If he keeps his eyes closed for more than two seconds, he'll surely fall back asleep but he needs to know this.

"I'm afraid of the dark," Jiyong's voice is above a whisper but it's still sounds so small and quiet, Seunghyun almost doesn't hear it. "That's the reason why I always need Bolster-ssi to fall asleep… I don't know why it works but having him to hold at night calms me down."

Through the pitch black of night shrouding their room, Seunghyun sees red. Hot, burning, jealous red. Jiyong needs Bolster-ssi.

"But…" Jiyong murmurs, shyly nuzzling his face into Seunghyun's chest. "I feel even safer h-here—with you… i-in your arms." Jiyong releases his hold on Seunghyun's hand to trace swirling patterns over his chest, distracting himself from the embarrassment of his phobia. "Say something."

"I…" Seunghyun so eloquently starts. "I thought that was the reason I found you like that. You scared me, Ji. Really scared me. I'm sorry I didn't wake sooner and… I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't confide in me but I'm here now." He clasps his fingers around Jiyong's skinny wrist, hesitating for a moment. Truthfully, he simply wanted to know how it felt to trap Jiyong's much smaller hand on his own tight hold and he liked the way the soft skin heated up as he squeezed. "I promise to chase away all your monsters."

"Promise promise?" Jiyong whimpers, hiking his leg over Seunghyun's hip before burying his face in his neck. Seunghyun can feel the younger biting his lip from the telltale wetness against his collarbone, relishing in the hot breath that fans across the cooling saliva.

"Promise promise." Seunghyun seals it with a fluttering kiss to Jiyong's palm.

He plays with Jiyong's fingers, massaging them and twirling them as far as the knuckles will allow, marvelling in the dexterity of his little painter's skilled hands. For a while, Jiyong plays back, clenching his hand into a fist to tease Seunghyun before bending to his touch. When Jiyong ceases all resistance, Seunghyun knows the younger has eventually succumbed to a peaceful slumber.

Seunghyun will fix this. Tomorrow. He could just place it on his bed and say the fairies brought it back or that he found it in the laundry room or he could just go out and buy an entirely new one. Jiyong senses Seunghyun's stress, even in his sleep, and stubbornly crawls further on top of his stiff chest. The tiny, affectionate, blond creature secures his hold on Seunghyun and presses his face into the crook of his neck. Maybe Seunghyun can go along with the missing bolster story just a little while longer

***

From that night onwards, Jiyong doesn't hesitate, not even once, and silently climbs into Seunghyun's bed next to him. And each night Seunghyun doesn't even flinch, doesn't even blink. He simply holds the small framed boy close to his chest and tucks his head under his chin.

One morning Seunghyun wakes up to Jiyong tracing his collarbones with his fingers. When Seunghyun yawns uncontrollably, it startles Jiyong for a moment and then he acts like nothing's wrong. With a groggy, "Morning." Jiyong extricates himself from their tangled limbs and leaps from the bed.

As the week stretches on, Seunghyun is just a little bit curious as to why Jiyong hasn't gone out and bought himself a new bolster. On the other hand, he really doesn't want to know the answer why. He's more than happy to just accept that Jiyong is content with having his hyung to snuggle up to each night.

Every touch and every movement under the cover of darkness feels that much more pronounced and meaningful. Seunghyun wonders if every time Jiyong peels back the covers and slips into his bed, the younger is trying to tell him something. But there's a doubtful voice whispering into his ear that he's being foolish. Jiyong could never feel that way about him. There is no way Seunghyun measures up to the kind of man who deserves to proudly stand by his side.

Seunghyun trains his eyes in the darkness to make out the curved line of Jiyong's body. The boy is laying on his side with his back to the elder and through the faint moonlight, Seunghyun can see the deep curve of his waist. His fingers itch to touch that smooth, warm skin but he doesn't have the permission.

Jiyong rolls over and asks in a sleepy voice, "You still awake?"

Seunghyun responds with a muffled, sleepy moan. His eyes lock on to Jiyong's index finger as he plays with the loose bedsheet. "Sh-should we move our beds back together... I mean i-if you want to keep on doing this... wouldn't it be more comfortable?"

Jiyong hums thoughtfully and encircles his arms around Seunghyun's waist. "No, I like cramming into your bed together." Jiyong runs his hand down Seunghyun's arm, trailing the tips of his fingers along the smooth skin of his forearm. "Hold me?"

Seunghyun chuckles at Jiyong's cute request and sidles up behind him as Jiyong rolls onto his side. Jiyong reaches for Seunghyun's arm and pulls it around his middle, hugging his arm to his chest. Knowing the boy will refuse to let him go, Seunghyun presses their bodies flush together and curls his free arm under the pillow. He knows that come morning, he will have two dead arms but if it means he gets to spend an entire night hugging Jiyong then he will gladly sacrifice his limbs.

***

It's a Friday night. It's Jiyong and Seunghyun night. And unfortunately it's Seunghyun's turn to provide dinner. Normally the elder would run out and order something convenient and greasy but since the strange turn of events, he feels an overwhelming need to hunt and gather for his roommate.

'Seriously. What are you? Some possessive caveman showing off to his partner that yes, you can cook.' Seunghyun berates himself as the spaghetti sauce continues to heat too quickly, exploding bubbles of red sauce everywhere. The stovetop, the small counter space, the wooden spoon, his white t-shirt. Everything stained blood red. He can feel his cheeks burning up at the thought of Jiyong spotting the evidence that he's a rather hopeless cook. 'Ji already knows you're useless in the kitchen. Why are you fretting over it now?'

Seunghyun scowls at the mess in front of him, preparing a nasty comeback to his inner conscience when Jiyong's heavenly tone rings in his ears.

"Hyuuuuung~ I'm hungry and that smells delicious. Hurry up!"

Seunghyun can practically hear the pout forming on those full lips and he doesn't have to face the boy to know that he's rolling around on his bed. This caveman is powerless to the starving cries from the object of their affection. Everything is cooked and ready to go, he just needs to assemble it and make it look somewhat appetising.

'But Ji said it smells good.' Seunghyun turns off the stove and gulps down a glass of water, trying to settle his nerves. 'He could just be saying that out of pity.'

His thoughts go back and forth, constantly arguing each side until he can feel a dull throb at his temples. Pushing through the impending headache, Seunghyun fumbles with each pan on the stove and accidentally burns himself more than once.

"Do you need a hand in there?" Jiyong calls out, his voice dripping in amusement and perhaps the mildest hint of concern.

Seunghyun knows the younger is only trying to help but the sound of his voice startles him in his moment of deep concentration, that Seunghyun spills some of the boiling hot water over his hand. It burns, of course it burns, it's scalding hot water. But his starving dongsaeng is waiting. So he ignores the sting and plates as quickly as he can.

Even though he ensures the burn mark is hidden from Jiyong's direct eyeline, the blond still notices it almost immediately. Seunghyun hasn't even been able to shove one spoonful of spaghetti in his mouth before the boy tugs on his hand for closer inspection.

"You burnt yourself? You silly hyung!" Jiyong scolds him with a click of his tongue.

Before Seunghyun can retreat his hand, Jiyong tightens his grip and uses an unopened can of drink to cool the inflamed skin. The blond boy is so focussed on turning the can before the metal warms on his skin that all Seunghyun can do is stare at him in wonder. Truthfully, the burn isn't that painful but with Jiyong so intent on healing him, Seunghyun doesn't seem to mind the attention he's receiving.

Just as Seunghyun is about to voice he thinks their food is getting cold, Jiyong does something that takes him by complete surprise. After removing the can, Jiyong brings Seunghyun's hand up to his face and places a gentle kiss over the red mark.

"Better?" Jiyong avoids Seunghyun's inquisitive gaze but he still notices the light dusting of pink across his cheeks.

'Jiyong just kissed my boo-boo.'

The thought repeats in his head over and over as he remains frozen in shock. He can sense his silence and stiff body is making Jiyong uncomfortable and he seems too shy to look up at him. Honestly, Seunghyun doesn't have the faintest clue how he is supposed to respond to such an act of affection. Without knowing the motives behind Jiyong's small kiss, Seunghyun can't process the appropriate response.

When the awkward silence takes over the room, Jiyong sighs quietly and selects a random movie without much care. They both eat in continued silence until Seunghyun blurts out the first thought that comes to mind.

"Hope this doesn't leave a scar behind."

Jiyong appears startled for a moment, a long string of spaghetti hanging from his lips before he slurps it into his mouth. "If it does it will teach you a lesson not to be left unattended in the kitchen ever again. Plus, it will go nicely with the scar on brow… like a matching pair."

Without being too obvious, Seunghyun gives Jiyong a questioning side glance because only his adorable dongsaeng would consider two scars better than one. Jiyong has the most perfect complexion he's ever seen and he's betting every inch of his body is covered in flawless, unmarked, pale skin. He's given a tantalising glimpse of Jiyong's smooth skin when Jiyong lays on his side, shirt hiking over the high peak of his hips. Tight jeans slung low on his waist, showing off that edge of sharp hipbone, drawing his eyeline lower and lower. If Jiyong didn't curl his legs over Seunghyun's lap in that moment, he's certain he would have been caught. Seunghyun turns to the film playing on the screen in a vain attempt at looking interested in the twisting plotline.

'Say something. You should say something. It's weird. You feel weird, right? Jiyong feels weird too. Just say something.'

"You realise we pretty much spend every waking moment in my bed now."

'Yeah wow okay. Anything except that.'

"And every non-waking moment…" Jiyong giggles like a naughty little pixie up to no good, before slurping up a long noodle and getting sauce all over his mouth. "And the problem with that is…?"

"Merely stating a fact, Ji." Seunghyun shakes his head at Jiyong's saucy state, wiping the boy's lips with his thumb and it into his mouth. "I'm not complaining."

Jiyong's eyes darken as he stares at Seunghyun's lips before shaking his head slightly with a smile. "Actually… tomorrow night is supposed to be that big party I was telling you about. The annual arts party? Do you still want to go with me?"

***

The day of the party, Seunghyun makes the executive decision that it's better to push their beds back together. If not for any reason other than to save his sanity. Tonight, when they each come stumbling home drunk or just plain tired, they can flop onto their bed. They can fall asleep, all tangled up in each other's arms or Jiyong can place himself on the farthest edge of the mattress if he so pleases. While he's hastily trying to complete the strenuous task of shifting the single beds (they're heavier than they look) the door opens to reveal a very startled Jiyong.

The two of them look like deer caught in the headlights, avoiding eye contact. Seunghyun stuck in his pose of trying to drag the bed across the cheap carpet. Jiyong trying unsuccessfully to conceal the large shopping bag behind his back.

"Ummm... I just thought maybe t-tonight a-after the party—"

"—yeah me too uhh... I bought a double sheet." Jiyong steps further into their room and holds up the bag with a sheepish smile.

Seunghyun decides its better to say nothing than blurt out WHAT? Why on earth would Jiyong go to all that trouble of purchasing a double sheet which may or may not fit their two beds but he wouldn't buy a new bolster?

"Will you be alright to take care of this? I need to start getting ready now or we'll never make it there." Jiyong hands Seunghyun the brand new sheet, biting down on his bottom lip.

Jiyong awkwardly shuffles his feet, trying to hide something else behind his back and Seunghyun only notices now that there is another bag in his hands. What secret is Jiyong concealing from him?

"Uhh, yeah.. sure. I got this. You go doll yourself up."

'Go doll yourself up? Really.'

When Jiyong flashes an amused, gummy smile, all Seunghyun can do is laugh off his embarrassment and shoo him out the room.

*

It's not enough. It's never enough. No matter how many times Seunghyun fluffs his hair or fixes his collar, he still doesn't look… enough.

Seunghyun sighs heavily, feeling his shoulders slump under his sweater. Sweater, glasses, short hair. He looks every part the average loser and Jiyong deserves someone much more than this.

Hearing the door open, Seunghyun just bites the bullet and decides to get Jiyong's opinion on his outfit but when he turns around, all sounds and syllables get stuck in his throat. Jiyong's snowy white hair is now dyed a beautiful cotton candy pink and he's wearing a tight, sheer black shirt. The material clings to his lithe body like a second skin and shiny, leather pants wrap around his slim legs. Leaving nothing to the imagination.

That particular shade of pink falling across his eyes like a pink veil, matches perfectly with those soft, pink lips and the very faint blush creeping along Jiyong's cheekbones. Even from across the room, Seunghyun can make out the two beauty marks on Jiyong's chest. Anyone else's gaze would be drawn to the various etchings of ink scrawled across white skin but Seunghyun has seen them before. It's those two moles which he's only ever given fleeting glimpses of that he can't seem to tear his gaze away from.

"Do… Do you like it?" Jiyong asks in a small voice, carefully making his way over to Seunghyun. He looks so shy and uncertain it aches Seunghyun's heart. If only he could squeeze Jiyong into his arms and whisper directly into his ear how beautiful he looks. "Is it too much? It's too much, isn't it?"

Of course Jiyong thinks he's too much when Seunghyun believes he'll never be enough.

"You look…" Seunghyun is at a loss for words. He knows he's staring, gawking, practically drooling. "Indescribable. You're… perfect." For a moment, Jiyong looks stunned. Before he can form any kind of response, Seunghyun remembers how plain and boring he looks and has a mini panic attack of his own. "I have to change!"

Seunghyun rips off his sweater, getting tangled in the arms and almost losing his glasses in the process. In his blind state, he tries his best to avoid a collision but he feels Jiyong's touch guiding the sweater off his head. His glasses are skewed but Jiyong rights them back into place, along with everything else. Jiyong's hands are gentle but firm as he helps Seunghyun slip off his shirt.

"Right colours, Hyun. Wrong clothes." Jiyong's voice is gentle and affectionate. His pink haired pixie understands his insecurities and knows precisely how to calm him down. Without another word, Jiyong takes Seunghyun's hand and guides him over to the growing pile of clothes in his floordrobe. It only takes a moment for Jiyong to find what he's looking for—a v-necked t-shirt in the same shade of purple of his sweater. "You look good in purple." Jiyong pulls it over his head, running his fingers through his tousled hair with a fond smile. While Seunghyun fiddles with the low v, revealing a little too much of his chest, Jiyong slips a leather jacket over his shoulders. "Perfect."

*

The moment they step inside the common area for the arts building, it feels like all eyes on are them—no, him. Jiyong. As soon as they arrive Jiyong immediately captures the attention of every person in the room. And who can blame them? Seunghyun spent most of the walk across campus a few steps behind him so he could stare at that perfect peach shaped behind—err, he means his striking new hair.

He found it utterly adorable how every few minutes, Jiyong kept on turning around to walk backwards before dragging Seunghyun back to his side. When their strides fell into place, Jiyong latched on to Seunghyun's arm to murmur in his ear. "Stop staring. It's a washout colour so it will be back to normal in a few days." Oh yeah, like that is going to stop him from staring. That only means Seunghyun has precious limited hours to commit the sight of this pink fairy hair to memory.

Even without the flash of pink, Seunghyun knows for a fact that everyone would still be staring. Everywhere Jiyong goes, he commands attention. He's just beautiful like that. Thankfully the first of the crowd to approach is a mutual friend of sorts. Soohyuk. He can't even recall which one of them introduced him to the other. But even Soohyuk fits into this artsy crowd when Seunghyun so obviously does not. He looks the part in his oversized black and white striped sweater and fashionably tattered jeans. How does Soohyuk look like an exotic model in his sweater when Seunghyun looked like a science professor in his?

Conversation flows easily for a while until talk turns to Jiyong's new look and Seunghyun just can't seem to muster the strength to conceal his attraction. Soohyuk notices that glazed look in his dark eyes and smirks knowingly at him. Jiyong is distracted, whisper-yelling into a girls ear from one of his classes. All Seunghyun can do is give Soohyuk a threatening glare that says, don't even.

When Soohyuk rolls his eyes and gestures to Jiyong's tight pants, Seunghyun can't handle his friend's shameless teasing any longer. With Jiyong conveniently distracted, Seunghyun easily shrinks into the background and finds a quiet patch of wall to lean against. No matter how hard he tries to remain unaffected by Jiyong's presence, he can't tear his eyes away from Jiyong and Soohyuk weaving their way through the crowd of people. Between those two, they seem to know everyone on campus and Seunghyun suddenly feels more alone than ever before.

Scanning the room, he realises it's full of strangers and faces he doesn't recognise and he really doesn't know if he's happy about that or not. Without a cup in his hand or a clock to train his sights on, Seunghyun feels like he's glued to this wall. Out the corner of his eye, he can barely make out someone leaning against his wall. He prepares those dark eyes of his to throw the person a look that says don't come any closer but when he meets a pair of familiar brown eyes, he instantly relaxes.

"Is there room for two wallflowers in this corner?" The boy ducks his head shyly as he closes in those last few inches until their shoulders bump. A cup is placed in Seunghyun's hand and he gratefully gulps down the cheap beer. "I can't believe how handsome hyung is!" The younger boy giggles into his cup and Seunghyun decides that he should slow down the flow of red cups placed in his junior's hands.

"Take off those beer goggles and look again." Seunghyun snatches the cup before he can drink it and empties that one too.

"That's not fair! I've only had three!" He whines and tries to give Seunghyun a puppy pout to get his beer back.

"Does your brother know you're here, drinking underage?" Seunghyun raises a questioning brow.

"Who do you think invited me here, hyung? And I'm hurt. You've forgotten my birthday already? I'm legal now."

Seunghyun blinks, a little in shock to discover that baby-faced Mino from his neighbourhood is now legally an adult. He's always been the kid brother of his friend Dongwook and now… he's all grown up. Seunghyun knew eventually Mino would turn eighteen but somehow the date snuck up on him and seeing that look on the boy's face, he's genuinely disappointed Seunghyun forgot all about it.

"Sorry kiddo—I mean… I should probably stop calling you that now huh?"

The half-smile Mino gives him almost melts his heart or maybe it's just those two beers being consumed in such quick succession. He'll never know what fuels his hand to reach up and ruffle Mino's hair and tuck it behind his ear. It's one small act of affection that he's always given him and always felt brotherly but with beer and the law on his side, it strangely feels… intimate.

"Let hyung make up for it?" Mino's curiosity seems to be piqued so Seunghyun grasps his wrist and tugs him away from their wallflower corner. "I missed out on buying your first legal beer so instead I'll just have to keep an eye on you at your first official college party."

'Seriously, where is this smooth, purring voice coming from? And why is Mino going along with all this smooth-talker crap?'

As they build up their stack of empty red cups, Seunghyun manages to get enough information out of Mino to discover that yes, indeed this is his first party. His older brother Dongwook—who is causing mischief somewhere around the party—decided his baby bro should get a taste for adult college life before he enrolls. Trouble is, he left Mino completely unattended at a party where he knows no one and anyone could snap him up. Lucky that person was Seunghyun.

At least now he has a familiar body to drag over to the last remaining unclaimed couch and squeeze in beside him. They're slowly becoming entangled on the plush cushions, an arm thrown on the back of the couch in a discreet way of holding Mino closer to him as the younger boy crosses his legs and angles in a way that has his leg casually thrown over Seunghyun's lap. Mino is recounting one of his fantastical memories of tagging along on Seunghyun and Dongwook's small town adventures but Seunghyun can't focus on the words spilling from the boy's slurring lips. The way the boy describes those times makes him sound far too cool and way unbelievably heroic. Seriously, it's not that hard to help an eleven year old boy across a rushing river. The words melt in the air before they reach his ears and all that's left for Seunghyun's beer sloshed brain is the low, rumbling murmur of Mino's voice.

Maybe he wasn't paying enough attention when puberty took over because he cannot remember Mino's voice ever growing this deep. The excited, hushed whisper as he tells story after story tickles Seunghyun's ear and neck and he can feel his heated skin humming pleasantly. It certainly helps that Mino looks scarily like Jiyong. Up until now, Seunghyun has never once been reminded of Mino's face when he looked at Jiyong. But those full lips, angled eyebrows, button nose, smooth jawline… every feature on Mino's face looks as though it's been modelled from the perfection known as Kwon Jiyong.

Seunghyun is brought out of his musings when the sound of Mino's excited voice lures him in closer. He's recalling the time Dongwook got his very first car and dragged them out for a midnight cruise around town. The car was new to Dongwook and certainly didn't come with a full tank of gas when he brought it home. Long story short, the trio ended up stranded in the hills of their city late at night. It was horrible and frustrating and very cold at the time but now they can laugh about it. The long forgotten mental image of a shivering Dongwook glaring at his best friend and kid brother huddling together under the one blanket for warmth sets off another round of laughter. He's almost doubled over from the ache in his belly at laughing so heartily, his face practically smothered in Mino's lap. Just as he's slowly recovering and wiping the tears away, the sound of someone clearing their throat snaps him out of it. There's Jiyong, looking rather unimpressed and quite possibly tipsy judging from his current state of disarray. The see-through shirt is beginning to slip off one shoulder and his pants seem to be slung far lower than they should be.

"Hi!" Jiyong beams at them, overly-cheery and obviously faking it. Those black-lined eyes flit back and forth between Seunghyun and Mino a few times, boring his smokey glare into Seunghyun when he's met with silence. "I'm Jiyong and you are…?" he his head at Mino, daring him to fight for his territory. That territory being Seunghyun.

"I'm Mino—a childhood friend of Seunghyunnie's." Mino fights back with a sweet smile, nudging Seunghyun's arm. "It's nice to meet you Jiyong, how exactly do you know each other?" Mino challenges Jiyong with a quirk of his perfectly plucked eyebrow.

The tension in the air begins to build up so thickly that Seunghyun can hardly breathe. It's hot and stifling and he's eternally grateful he didn't wear that stupid sweater. All he can do is offer nervous, unsure smiles at both of them while they battle over who knows Seunghyun better.

Jiyong visibly bristles at the question, biting on the inside of his cheek to maintain that perfect smile. "I am Seunghyun's roommate." Mino visibly shrinks back at the harsh shrill sound of Jiyong's voice, sinking further into Seunghyun's side. Noticing the increased proximity, the pink haired boy's brown eyes flash dangerously at his junior. "We've lived together going on two years now. Funny that he's never mentioned a childhood friend before?" This time Jiyong directs his question to Seunghyun, crossing his arms as he readies himself for the explanation.

"Mino is my friend Dongwook's younger brother… you remember Dongwook? He's meant to be crashing at his dorm but his brother kind of got distracted by the party and disappeared." Seunghyun doesn't know why but the look Jiyong is throwing at him makes him feel guilty. Which is ridiculous because he has no idea what he's done to so obviously upset his roommate.

"Ohhhh." Jiyong laughs bitterly, nodding in understanding. "Now I see. So you what?" he shrugs and gestures at their intimate position on the couch. "You just thought it and bring Mino back to our dorm? And where exactly where were you planning on this taking place, Seunghyun? Our beds are pushed together, remember? So what… I was meant to sleep on the ing floor so Mino has a place to stay tonight? Not my ing problem, Seunghyun."

Before Seunghyun can process what's happening or register all of those f-words spilling from Jiyong's pretty pink mouth, he stalks off and even with his bright pink hair, he disappears into the crowded party.

"So that's the infamous roommate, huh?" Seunghyun doesn't quite know what Mino means by 'infamous' but he supposes Dongwook has mentioned something in passing. "I kinda gathered it must be him because you were staring at him when I first found you… and then he's been looking at us ever since we sat down together."

This is all way too confusing. None of what Mino is saying makes sense. Jiyong was staring? At them? At Seunghyun? Why? He has a hundred and one people queueing up, waiting to speak to him at this party. What reason does Jiyong have to be looking to Seunghyun? He was forgotten about the moment they set foot into this party. Everything is pressing down on Seunghyun and he can feel an alcohol-induced headache coming on.

"Mino… let's just get out of here. Let's split up for five minutes and look for your brother so we can get you into his dorm for the night. Even if we can't find Dongwook, let's meet out the front in five and we can just hang back at mine for a while. I just gotta get out of here."

Through the haze clouding his eyes, Seunghyun can see Mino nodding his head and like the good, obedient dongsaeng he is, he helps Seunghyun to his feet before they split off. Perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to leave himself alone because Seunghyun can't seem to take more than three steps without a stumble or tripping over his own feet. It's a drunken nightmare of pushing his way through clusters of even drunker people and crashing through rooms.

There's an inviting corner just begging Seunghyun to come closer and lean on the cool, solid structure. With his eyes slipping shut, his world eventually stops spinning and settles on a gentle rocking motion. Seunghyun promises himself that he'll just rest a few moments longer before making one last effort to find Dongwook.

"Dude… what are you doing?"

"Dongwook?" Seunghyun snaps his eye open only to blink rapidly a few times but nope, Dongwook is still there, he isn't some drunken illusion. "I want a million dollars." Seunghyun tips his head to the heavens and clasps his hands together in a silent pray. "What? I had to try it." Seunghyun rolls his eyes at the look Dongwook is giving him.

"Yeah. Whatever, weirdo. Have you seen my kid brother anywhere?" Dongwook's eyes scan the crowded party, flinching slightly when Seunghyun leans all his weight on his shoulder.

"Yes actually, Mino has been with me all night." A proud smile splits his face in half and he expected Dongwook to seem the slightest bit pleased that Mino was under his careful watch. "Thought you'd be glad to hear I've been taking care of him." Seunghyun pouts like a five year old who's been told there's no ice cream in the freezer.

"No—I just—yeah, of course. Thanks bro." Dongwook answers awkwardly, letting out a sigh as his shoulders relax.

"I was looking for you to get your key so I can tuck him into bed, nice and safe for you."

", Seung, stop saying like that about my baby brother. See him to my dorm and that's it, alright? No strange sleepovers."

Dongwook is the one acting strange and it's making Seunghyun sweat nervous bullets for a reason he's yet to uncover. He's grateful to get the key off Dongwook and almost leaves before something niggles at the back of his mind. "Wookie, wait… You and Jiyong definitely aren't related right? No distant cousins twice removed or long lost family members?" Dongwook's look is answer enough to know that he's testing his hyung's patience. "S'just Ji and Mino, I swear they were separated at birth if it weren't for the age difference."

"Just get Mino home, Seunghyun. And remember he's the teenage brother of your friend."

Slipping away from this weird atmosphere and out into the refreshing, cool, night air sounds fantastic right now, so without another tense word shared between them, Seunghyun exits the party. The moment he steps outside, he's greeted with the refreshing sight of Mino looking towards him, all bright smiles and twinkling eyes. Without a word, Seunghyun triumphantly jingles the keys in Mino's face and they set off into the night.

"Hyung…" Mino breaks the comfortable silence and alters his stride so he falls in line with the taller man. "You and Jiyong hyung, you're not together right?"

"What? Where did you get that idea from? No, Mino... Jiyong and I, we're just roommates."

"Oh okay, he just seemed to fit the jealous boyfriend type that's all." Seunghyun is too stunned to say anything and the boy feels the need to fill the silence. "I don't want to be that guy who causes a breakup over nothing."

Seunghyun feels his heart melt a little at Mino's innocence. Somehow during the course of the night, three beers in, with that deep voice in his ear, Seunghyun forgot that Mino is five years behind him in life experience. "I know, Mino. You don't have anything to worry about."

As they wander across the dewy grass, Seunghyun runs over the strange things Dongwook said to him and that last look thrown his way. Seunghyun is simply escorting Mino back to his dorm and no, he's definitely not going to go inside. Even if Mino asks him with that pretty mouth of his. Even if temptation is luring him inside. When Dongwook's building comes into sight, Mino halts in his tracks and grabs hold of Seunghyun's wrists. They stop under a tree with long branches brushing it's rustling leaves across the ground. Leaning against the trunk, Mino tugs Seunghyun even closer and invades his personal bubble. As they approach the building, Mino halts in his tracks and grabs hold of Seunghyun's wrists. They stop under a tree with long branches brushing it's rustling leaves across the ground. Leaning against the trunk, Mino tugs Seunghyun even closer and invades his personal bubble.

"Will you kiss me just once, Hyung?"

When Mino asks that of him he truthfully doesn't know. A large part of him is screaming no! but there's a smaller, hurt and jealous part of him eating it's way through his chest. He hasn't kissed anyone since he met Jiyong. He's pushed people away and turned down offers out of loyalty to the person he cares for unconditionally. Jiyong is under no obligation to return his feelings, he has no restrictions on his life simply because Seunghyun likes him. Jiyong has kissed people since they met—he's kissed some of them in front of Seunghyun. He's seen various men with their hands wrapped around his slim waist, drooling over the pretty pixie in their grasp. It's one of the reasons he was dreading this party. Too many times has he been dragged to a party by Jiyong only to watch him disappear before his eyes with someone else caught under his spell.

Why has Seunghyun missed out? Out of what... Loyalty? Loyalty to someone he's not in a relationship with. Loyalty to someone who hasn't confessed their feelings to him. (You haven't confessed either, Choi.) Jiyong is free to kiss and be with anyone he chooses, and so is Seunghyun.

"Hyung, do you want to kiss me?" Mino repeats himself but this time he clutches on to Seunghyun's shirt and tugs until the older man collides with his chest.

Seunghyun has to brace his hands on the rough bark, his fingers splayed on either side of Mino's face. Mino's face which, in the dark, cast in shadows from the moon filtering through the swaying branches, looks dangerously like Jiyong if he had dark hair. Seunghyun is reminded of those rare glimpses when Jiyong's roots are coming though and the boy is too lazy to bleach them. He wouldn't dare do it outside the safety of their door but Jiyong will scrunch his hair up into this puffy little bun on top of his head and grants Seunghyun with the golden opportunity to study his features more closely. Jiyong's nose is smaller and cuter and his jaw is far more defined but they still hold a striking resemblance.

Seunghyun searches Mino's beer hazed eyes for that warm familiarity of Jiyong's gaze but the brown isn't light enough, isn't close enough to the colour of his morning coffee. "I only want to kiss one person but he isn't here," he answers truthfully, feeling Mino's fingers clench the material of his shirt.

"I'm here, Hyung."

And oh suddenly he can't tear his eyes away from Mino's lips as the boy away the taste of cheap beer from the corner of his mouth. Seunghyun didn't lean down to close the gap but he certainly didn't push Mino away when he angled his chin to press their chapped lips together.

'Even when you decide to "cheat" on Jiyong you choose someone who you think looks like him.'

But the body arching into his touch isn't right. The arms wrapped his neck are too strong, the muscles too defined. The waist beneath his tight grip is too solid, too wide. There's no clear definition from waist to hip. Even the moans tickling against his tongue are too deep, too low. This isn't right. Mino isn't right.

Seunghyun pulls away but after seeing that look of surprise and disappointment flash in Mino's eyes he doesn't have the heart to release his hold on the younger boy. Seunghyun instantly recognises the pain etched over the boy's young features because he's seen it too many times when he looks in the mirror. The fog of alcohol and drunken lust disappears and Seunghyun's left standing beneath this tree, hands clutching to a boy that he doesn't love, his heart clenching painfully at the realisation of what he's just done.

His lips glisten in the moonlight from their mixed saliva, tongue running over the edges before parting to say something, begin apologising.

"Hyung..." Mino's husky voice stops him before he could start. Mino's hands wander down to press Seunghyun's palms tighter to his hips and he only just realises he's still holding him firmly pressed to his body. "I know what you're going to say but please don't say you're sorry. I can't bear to hear you say something like that... That you regret this. I know I'm not the one you want but you're the one I want. It's why I begged and pleaded with Dongwook to let me come tonight. You haven't noticed it before because you only have eyes for Jiyong. If anything I'm the one to blame for leading you here even when I knew."

"Mino I..."

"Don't know what to say? I know." He nods sadly, leaning in to place a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Just don't turn this kiss into something you regret. Don't regret me. Go to Jiyong and tell him."

"I can't.."

"Why? What are you so afraid of?"

What am I so scared of?

"I'm scared that if I tell him… he won't be able to accept my feelings and everything changes between us. I'm terrified that we can no longer be friends or live in the same space. He won't know how to act around me or how to talk with me. He'll be second guessing his every action around me and censor his thoughts or what he says to me… and I couldn't handle that. I don't want to lose my best friend and I'm terrified I will scare him away if I tell him the truth."

"What if none of that happens? What if Jiyong can accept your feelings… maybe even return them."

*

Only after Mino insisted for three whole minutes that he would fine walking from that tree to his hyung's room, did Seunghyun set off running towards his room. The gentleman inside him loathes to leave his junior standing under the tree in the dead of night, after effectively having his heart broken. But with a promise to call Mino really soon (and inform him on how tonight goes) Seunghyun leaves without a heavy heart. He doesn't know if he'll find his pink haired pixie waiting for him but at this point, with the adrenaline and alcohol pumping through his veins, he doesn't care. If Jiyong isn't home, then that'll just give him time to be all romantic and and light some candles or something. Jiyong likes candles, right?

That's it. That's the key to resolving everything. The unresolved , the looks of longing, the ignored morning wood. Candles and mood lighting will lead them into tearful embraces and heartfelt confessions.

But when Seunghyun stumbles into their room, all grand plans and romantic gestures are tossed right out the window. Because there's Jiyong, in his equally drunken glory, getting into a fight with their joint bed. From the frustrated groans and the wonky mattress slipping to the floor, Jiyong is trying (and failing) at separating their beds but the crisp, new double sheet is making that mighty difficult.

"Stupid stupid thing… just get off… why won't you let go?!" Jiyong whines, attempting to kick the mattresses apart except he only succeeds in toppling to the floor, on top of the lump of foam.

"Ji, you okay?" Seunghyun rushes to his side, feeling every part the knight in shining armour until Jiyong's flailing limbs collide with his body.

"Get away from me!" Jiyong sobs, weakly pushing the taller man away. Seunghyun doesn't have to question his actions, because Jiyong gives him the answer in one, heart-shattering confession. "I saw you, Seunghyun! I saw you kissing that stupid kid. Just… leave. Why are you even here?"

"What? No! That—the kiss, it meant nothing to me, Ji. Mino was just too drunk and confused, it was a mistake. Listen to me, please… Jiyong I…" Damnit, Choi. Don't you dare lose this courage. Just say it! Tell him! "Ji, I'm not really sure how to say this so I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Okay? Okay… So I umm… Well you see… I think I kinda love you. Like… madly in love with you, actually."

From the way Jiyong's perfectly white, straight teeth clamp down on his bottom lip, Seunghyun can tell he's trying desperately to stem the flow of tears. "Hy-hyung… you're drunk—we both are… we—we shouldn't be saying this."

Jiyong's intentions are pure and admirable. They both consumed far too much alcohol tonight but Seunghyun can't help but think they wouldn't even be having this long overdue conversation. He just can't bring himself to regret the choice to drink beer after beer if he finally gets to say the words.

"Jiyong…" Seunghyun steps up to him and Jiyong tries to push his hands on Seunghyun's chest but that doesn't stop him. Cupping Jiyong's wet cheeks, he begins wiping away each tear as it falls. "It's true that alcohol lowers inhibitions but it doesn't just build walls out of nowhere to tear them down. The way you make my heart race, how you steal my breath, the way you make me feel… no amount of beer can make all this up."

"So… so you want me?" Jiyong blinks up at him through wet lashes, curling tendrils of pink framing his flushed face and Seunghyun has never wanted this beautiful creature more than he does now.

"I want to love you, Ji. To call you mine. To hold you…" Seunghyun's darkened eyes flit down to rosebud lips, just begging to be tasted. Mino was all salt and stale beer and chapped lips and he knows, he just knows that Jiyong will taste so much sweeter on his tongue. "To kiss you…"

A breath ghosts over Jiyong's trembling lips and tickles persistently until he finally gives in. Seunghyun's tongue laps at his bottom swell, ling on the smooth skin before pressing their mouths together. The kiss is sweet, tender, precious. Tasting and exploring until their lungs constrict in their rapidly rising and falling chests.

The look Jiyong gives him, the red pouty lips, the panting breaths against his cheek, everything screams out more. And Seunghyun gives in to his silent plea. The pair stumble to their knees, flattening out on the mattress, eyes never leaving each other, just in case. But when Seunghyun receives nothing but reassurance and desire from coal-rimmed eyes, he knows there is no going back.

Seunghyun latches his mouth on to every inch of Jiyong's pale skin he can reach. Leaving marks everywhere, almost ripping Jiyong's shirt in half with the sacrifice of a few needless buttons. He pauses, the sudden halt in the onslaught of kisses and caresses causing his breath to falter. Is this how it feels to be an addict? Gasping for air when your limited supply is caught off from you? He pauses as he realises he's been acting without thought or care to Jiyong and his needs.

"I'm s-sorry." The twinkle in Jiyong's eye sets his heart fluttering, makes his hands tremble as they cup his flushed face. "A-are you alright, is this o-okay? I've only been serving my own desires."

And Jiyong wants to die. He wants to melt under the intense heat of Seunghyun's touch and sink into his skin and evaporate into his lungs and live inside his being for all eternity. As gross as it sounds. Because Seunghyun's desire, which he was powerless to hold back, was to ravish him and mark him and make him feel wanted and loved.

"Please don't stop, Hyun... I feel like I'm going to fall to pieces if you're not kissing me."

***

The only thing on Jiyong's mind for the entire day was how to make Seunghyun feel special and cared for. A month or so had whizzed past and all Jiyong could do was smile giddily to himself at how far they'd come. This small and humble room had grown to become their shared home, sharing kisses under the covers and spending the free hours in the day wrapped in each other's arms. Jiyong wished for nothing more than to see Seunghyun walk in through the door with a bright grin and those dark eyes sparkling with joy.

There was a concoction of Kwon and Choi family recipes resting in their cramped fridge and a dish of mac'n'cheese crisping in the oven—just in case Seunghyun feels like something richer and creamier. The bedding had been washed and soaked in delightful fabric softener, filling the room with a light flowery scent. Jiyong had even shifted their now double bed to the centre of the wall, directly under the window because Seunghyun once whispered to him in the silence of night that he loved the way Jiyong's pale skin glowed under the moonlight.

But there has to be more that he can do. Jiyong is by no means a domestic goddess and he's nearly exhausted all of his energy. His eyes scan the room to Seunghyun's neatly organized shelves and desk. Nothing to be sorted or tidied or dusted or polished. Perched on the end of their bed, tapping his fingers against his chin, Jiyong's gaze wanders to Seunghyun's closed wardrobe. Humming thoughtfully, Jiyong makes his way into the closet and starts his quest for Seunghyun's elusive laundry. The older boy has a terrible habit of leaving all his clothes and underwear until there is nothing left to wear and Jiyong feels bad for Mrs. Choi who almost always gets lumped with the horrendous task.

Jiyong brushes the long strands of cotton candy pink out of his eyes and he spots a large, overstuffed duffle bag that Jiyong has seen Seunghyun use more than once to hide away his dirty laundry. Jackpot. These top shelves have always been just beyond Jiyong's reach but on the very tips of his toes he can just brush his fingers against the strap and tug the bag down. With a loud oof Jiyong lands rather ungracefully on his and is confused by how light the bag feels when it lands on top of it. Surely he should have been squashed under Seunghyun's laundry.

Something feels off. The unexpected light weight of the seemingly over-stuffed bag. The solid, cylindrical shape of the duffle bag. Jiyong doesn't like how the air seems to change and he finds it harder to breathe all of a sudden. There's a small voice in the back of his mind telling him that during the past few bliss-filled months, he's forgotten about one very important thing.

Bolster-ssi.

*

"Honey~ I'm home!" Seunghyun chuckles heartily as he closes the door behind him. Taking in a deep breath, the inviting smell of home hits him full in the face. "You've been cooking again? Smells delicious, Ji, can't wait to try it." Seunghyun throws off his extra layers, dropping them unceremoniously to the floor and kicking off his shoes. There's no cheerful reply or slim arms wrapping around his shoulders and Seunghyun feels an imminent sense of dread chill his veins.

Slowly, he turns around and his eyes instantly spot Jiyong sitting at the end of their bed, arms folded, eyes cold. What's more terrifying than the cold fire simmering in his dragon's eyes is the lumpy object beside him.

"Ji… I can explain." Seunghyun carefully steps closer, raising his hands up in surrender when Jiyong narrows his eyes.

"I think you, me and Bolster-ssi need to have a nice, long chat."

With that dangerous look flashing in Jiyong's eyes, Seunghyun gulps and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. He knows that look. There's is no doubt in his mind that he will be at the mercy of his fire breathing dragon. All night long.

A/N: TADA! And there we have it. Two of you know I've been having strange TOP/Mino feels lately. So I experimented with that. I hope it wasn't a total disaster. Just for quick reference (I totally wrote out a long ramble about British English and American English here but deleted it) for those who don't already know, I'm Australian (hence why I write 'colour' and 'realise' not 'color' and 'realize') The point is, eighteen is the legal drinking age in Aus and also by that time you are legal for… other things c; that's why Mino is eighteen XD and I dunno I guess in my head Hyun was 23? and Ji 22. Yeah, let's go with that.

I'm not entirely happy with how the ending turned out and idk it feels rushed even to me so I hope it reads okay. And there's probably tons of mistakes. Do you think one day I'll ever be able to post an update WITHOUT an unnecessarily long Author's Note? Nope. Me neither.

I am so very very tempted to write some of this from Jiyong's perspective. And I may just do that. But for now, this is complete (because I don't want to make any promises I can't keep.) But srs tho. I will write this from Ji's perspective so if you don't want to miss that, please don't unsub ♡

And just for funzies, here are some reference pics ;D

Soohyuk's party outfit

GD/MINO face comparison just so y'all don't think I'm completely insane

Adorable Nineteen era Hyun, pre-haircut

and post-haircut

aaaaaand last but certainly not least, we have pink haired pixie ♥___♥