Taemin toys with his rosary ring praying for Jinki - for his physical health, for his mental health. He asks The Lord to give the leader strength - the strength they have all gotten from the leader in the past. Kibum paces up and down the aisles, praying in his head. He prays that the leader realizes his worth in this world. He prays the leader could see how much he has done for this team and how much the team appreciates it. Minho chews at his lips while he continuously clenches and unclenches his fingers. He blames himself for not noticing how deep in Jinki was in his depression. He blames himself for not being the listening ear the leader always has been to all of them. Jonghyun is just glad that he had found the leader in time be it by fluke or fate. He asks himself what it was that brought the leader down to this state. How was it that the leader had been coping with these emotions all by himself, and why. Why would the leader take it all upon himself? Why didn't he seek help from the members who were there with him all day long? But deep down inside, Jonghyun understands why.

They were all aware of how Jinki was closing in on himself day by day. They tried to take their own problems to someone else so as not to bring the leader more worries without knowing how much Jinki gained from just listening to them, comforting them. They each waited for the leader to approach them, to vent his own problems, not knowing that Jinki felt the obligation as a leader to keep it all in. They all watched the leader sink deeper and deeper into the darkness but they thought the leader needed some space to himself. The darkness consumed Jinki and they never knew that they were actually the light. They never knew they could be the saving factor that could clear the darkness and make it bright for the young leader again.

It was hard to remember who acted which way when the doctor came out of the operating room because it really didn't matter. What mattered was the doctor declaring that their one and only leader was in the clear and safe from harm. It didn't matter how much they cried while the doctor told them to keep the leader company as he explained the aspects of depression. What mattered was how much it broke each of their hearts gazing down at their hyung lying in bed still and unconscious. His skin was glassy, nearly translucent. His lips were chapped and dry. His cheeks were bloated, and his eyes were tired even while he slept. This was their hyung. Before he was their leader, before he was a singer, before he was a property of the SM entertainment, he was a human. He is just human, and he was their hyung. And they failed their hyung. They spoke no words, just allowed their eyes and hearts to watch to their fill of their hyung simply breathing. It was silence that blankets the room, but it was remorse and love that warmed it up.

Their manager enters and pat them each on the shoulder, smiling tightly and then sighing deeply. "If anyone of you run into problems and can't find it in yourself to speak to your members for any reason, you can come to me as well. I'm not just here because I was posted to this group. All of you are like my precious sons, you understand?"

Minho was the first to mobilize, hugging their manager tightly, crying silently into his shoulder, muttering apologies after apologies. Their manager pulled the sobbing Jonghyun in from the arm that had been earlier wrapped in his embrace, and they huddled up crying together. Kibum stared stoically at the sleeping leader, holding on tightly to his fleshy hand and sobbing harshly into Jinki's palm.

But Taemin remembers all those times when he had a tough time in the distant past, how Jinki would just hold him and sing to him, as if making sure he had a good night sleep. If there was anything Taemin wanted right now, it was for their hyung who had gone through so much and fought through so much, to just get a good night's rest. And so he sings. He sings softly by Jinki's bedside. He sings even when his voice cracks between his hiccups and sobs. He sings even when the members started to stare at him wordlessly. He sings his heart out to Jinki who had always been there to listen to his questions. He sings to Jinki who can't sing himself to sleep. He remembers loving the way Jinki sings, so full of emotions and care. He tries to belt out his own set of emotions, as if pleading for Jinki to recover; but halfway through, he realized that that wasn't what Jinki needed. Jinki did not need guilt, he needed attention. Jinki did not need regret, he needed joy. Jinki did not need pain, he needed love. And so Taemin changes the rhythm of the songs, start singing happier songs. Songs of the bright future, songs of things to anticipate, songs of friendship and love, songs that he hoped would reach Jinki's heart. He sings till his throat runs dry, he sings till the member's tears run out, and still he continues singing. He knows he is not as good a singer as Jinki nor Jonghyun, but he sings anyway, knowing that Jinki would understand his intentions.

That was first of the many times Taemin sang to Jinki while he slept, just hoping to chase away the nightmares that was driving the leader near insanity. It was the first of many times, but Taemin would do anything to just keep counting those numbers of breaths tickling against his neck forever more.

I'm actually getting somewhat attached to this fic so I might really write a sequel for this. Idk, seeing as how I still have many uncompleted fics lying around so this wouldn't be my priority right now. 

Hope you guts enjoyed reading! Till next time, ciaos

I have a thing for backhugs and when either leans their chin on the other's shoulder. It's just so intimate and just urg feelssssssss