Don’t ask Junmyeon. He didn’t understand either.

He didn’t understand why he was there. At the cemetery on a small hill on the side of the city. People dressed in similar simple black. Wistful look on their faces full of grief. His father stood there biting his lip-holding some kind of sadness. A stark contrast to his father who was quite composed, his mother was sobbing miserably behind her silk handkerchief. Junmyeon watched the grief of all those who attended the burial-but, he did not find ‘him’. Someone who should’ve been there.

His eyes stopped at a framed photo in his brother’s embrace. Junmyeon knew the one who smiles in a black framed photo.
Junmyeon didn’t know why he was there, standing among a crowd of mourners, watching his own funeral.

 

"You have 33 days !" 

Actually, Junmyeon completely refused to understand what was said by an eccentric—the man with orange beach shirt and green baggy pantaloons, the round straw hat on the man's head didn’t even bother Junmyeon to pay attention to the man.

"33 days? Why? In drama, The actress got 49 days ?! ". Junmyeon absolutely refused to understand. He simply replied carelessly. Turning away.
"It seems you do not understand-" the eccentric man squinted.

"Ugh!" Junmyeon unbelievable shock. The eccentric man bent-yes, that guy needed to lowered his body, because believe it or not, he was flying— He brought his face close to Junmyeon’s. Very close.

"All right!" The weird man flew back, his hand his chin, he drifted away from Junmyeon. "In short, you are a ghost !"

Junmyeon sighed.

Junmyeon never believed with things like this. Supernatural things, angels, God, ... it has been too long since he ceased to believe in things like that. So, of course, when he suddenly was there, in the cemetery with transparent and glowing body, it’s felt like a ridiculous dream.

"Okay. Because of I’ve had said the point, let's talk about the rules! " The eccentric one seems didn’t really care about Junmyeon who still doesn’t want to focus, doesn’t want to believe anything he hears.

"You are a ghost. Just as humans could only able to move in their bodies. You, a spirit, can only move with the memories as your body. Well, you no longer have a ‘real’ body~. " He glanced at Junmyeon, who was still indifferent." ... Is there anything you do not understand?"

From the beginning, Junmyeon had been completely blanked out to this conversation. He was not even surprised at the fact that only this person can see, speak and approach him, while everyone simply just passed through him like passing thin air.

When his interlocutor said the numerical number of days, he had concluded that the concept of all these were joke—yes, Junmyeon felt that he became a ghost is a joke—just a fad of whoever controls the space and time, against him.

Junmyeon immediately decided that he was just going to wait here. In this place for the whole 33 days. Besides, this hill isn’t that bad, the view from here was quite interesting—if antique gravestones were part of interesting things—to wasting the rushed time.

Why was this so complicated anyway? Supposedly, when his soul leaving his body, shouldn’t he went straight to heaven? - If heaven does exist-but why is he even still here? In the world, which should have him left?.

"Well, it looks like you do not want to understand huh?" He's got a cynical stare from Junmyeon, confirming his statement just now.

Now, the eccentric guy who took a deep sigh. "Ok, Mr. Kim Junmyeon: Born May 22, 1991, Died August 13, 2014, you officially become an ethereal’s part ... and let me tell you a clue; you must fulfill your destiny books, to get into heaven and get reincarnation. "

The words of the man flew away more further from Junmyeon’s mind. He was still sitting on the green grass on those small hill, leaning on tombstone which belonged to him.

"Oops, this has already begun ~" sing the weird man, before he disappeared to a thin air. "Okay! Have fun! ". 

Junmyeon saw him vanished from the corner of his eye.

Unlike him, the man looked more real. He was not transparent or glowing—okay, he could fly and vanished —but, other than that, the man looked normal.

Junmyeon eyes distracted from the empty space where the man disappeared. He heard the grass rubbing, touching the fabrics, indicating someone is in the way through the grasses.
He saw the familiar long straight black hair. Before followed by the familiar gentle faces that emerged from beyond the hill.

Suddenly, Junmyeon really want to cry-if he could-when he saw the look on the face of middle-aged women who approached closer to him.

"Mrs. Wu- " Junmyeon whispered. He got on his toes.

It was quiet for long time, Mrs. Wu was just standing there, in front of his headstone.

The fact that he was actually stood there face to face with Junmyeon in silence.

The sun was reddening in the west end, making Junmyeon’s transparent body blended red with the sky, when a voice whispered out of Mrs. Wu’s tiny lips.

"You're a good boy, Xiao-jun" it gave Junmyeon shiver, when he heard a soft voice calling his special nickname.

"But, could you help me to give me back my Yifan? Please- my ... ". Mrs. Wu’s voice was soft and quiet, as if she was afraid to disturbs the lying body under the fresh mound beneath the green grass in front of her "I'm not going to cry for you, not until you give me back my ... uhk-" Mrs. Wu’s muffled voice broke into a weeping mess.

"O God! I must be crazy ... " She mumbled in between her sobs. She buried her face in her hands letting few of tears streaming down between her slender fingers.

If Junmyeon lungs were still begging air, maybe he already suffocated, if Junmyeon eyes still can shed tears, maybe he would have wetted his face with tears. But, he just could feel the suffocating feeling, when he saw the middle-aged woman in front of him collapsed, with shoulders shaking withstand pain, coupled with the names in between the messy grief.

Yes, it was a name. A name of the only person who he couldn’t find at his funeral this morning.

“I-I’m sorry Xiao-Jun … I’m sorry … I’m sorry-” Her low voice cracks between broken sobs. Repeating the sorry words like a mantra. Like she was praying for a regret.
Junmeyon has expected his death. But, he absolutely had no idea for the people who are affected by his death.

He didn’t know what to do.

Junmyeon could only stand motionless in front of a woman who was now break in her cries. Chanted thousands sorry like she was trying to cover all the sins of the world, mixed sob with a name to call for help and ask for give the said name to back to her.

A horror suddenly filled his entire thought. Is he—that one person …

Did that person die too?

No way, it was certainly not the reason why he did not come at Junmyeon’s funeral. No. Junmyeon was sure that death only came to him, that time.

It wasn’t possible.

Within seconds, he just wanted to hold the women’ hand, stopping her to leave his grave.
He tried to step his floating feet on the ground, tried to run to chase Mrs. Wu who began to walk out the graveyard, but instead his body was bounced off, like running into an invisible wall.

Junmyeon called the name of the woman with desperate. Hoping to stop the crying lady.
He ran around his grave like a crazy. But the invisible wall was like a sturdy stand around his grave. It was like he was trapped in a glass box.

He banged the invisible wall in despair.

Begging to walk out the place and find that person, the only missing person in his funeral. To make sure that the person is still there in this mundane world.




He slumped. Beaten. After He banged almost every inch the air of around the grave. And He was still hitting the invisible walls.

"It’s useless! That’s your space limit!" the eccentric was back, standing against the closest tree , folding his arms on his chest. He stared at Junmyeon "woulding to listen to me now ?."

 

Chen, the eccentric man, the what so called an told Junmyeon that he could only move and ‘live’ in memories. He was just an ethereal now, which could only move within the air he ever breath.

He was only given 33 days in the mortal world. To do practically ‘whatever’.

But he could only watch. No touch. Nothing such.

But he didn’t ask. He was just too despair to know what happen to the person he once love in his life.

You still have to live in this world after you dead because there was a place when you were still alive. And that place’s refuses you death.

That place is him!

He refused your death.

It was a kind of mixed feeling Junmyeon got there. It’s kind of happy to know that Yifan (the place where he was still alive) is still alive. But he was kind of sad to knowing that Yifan would forget him and move on after the 33rd day.

But he tried not to care.

He didn’t know that he would still be caged with fate for the 33 days ahead.

 

Junmyeon accept his death when he could not touch Yifan at night 7 after his death.
His hands could not touch Yifan at all, a small electrical shocks hindered him every time he tried to touch his ​​beloved.

He almost disappear completely, when he could not move his hollow body. At that night. The first day he came out of his grave ‘box’. On the first day of his trip down the memories.
That night he found Yifan was walking unsteadily, entering their house, reek of alcohol and drunken eyes.

The chaotic night ended with Junmyeon almost lost his already invisible body. And Yifan forced himself to sleep after downing a dozen white sleeping pills.

2 centimeters.

It was the closest distance that he could accomplish to stay by Yifan’s side, who is still living with his beating heart.

2 centimeters. Or else, his ethereal body would shatter and would robbed Yifan’s life time. 

Something Junmyeon missed when Chen gave him explanations. Junmyeon hated whoever whom created such fate.

 

Ten days as an invisible creature, was enough to make Junmyeon hated the time.
He was impatient. He did not want a times he couldn’t use as he pleased. He hates the time that trapped him and Yifan.

He found that Yifan who used to be with him, the one he used to touched, the Yifan whom he used to love.

But then he understood, this was not the Yifan that Mrs. Wu asked- not the one whom she begged to be returned.

Junmyeon stood there, when Yifan rubbed his sleepy eyes and smiled gently turned to other-an-empty side of the bed. Junmyeon still stood there, when Yifan mumbled a cheerful children's songs while washing a fresh red apple and arranged it on a cartoon coaster to accompany a glass of cold water he had previously set on tray.

Yifan still humming cheerful when he entered their room, passed through Junmyeon transparent body. Junmyeon was standing there, watching Yifan smiled brightly before putting the tray carefully, whispered in his smile "red apple for my snow white!" then kissing the empty air on the side of the bed where Junmyeon used to sleep.

Junmyeon still standing there as well. When the red light dusk enveloped the sky.
Yifan still would come back to their home. With a smile and a cheerful greeting. Before two seconds later, the horror drew in Yifan’ eyes.

Junmyeon’s name would be heard throughout the room. Yifan would call his name as he half ran down the whole house.

Yifan would continue to call on Junmyeon’ name, the call that would never be answered, despite how hard Junmyeon replied them right from the first call. Junmyeon still stood there, when Yifan stopped his track in front of Junmyeon’ red velvet chair. He would be looking at it for long time, before throwing his view past the big window, as if to seek an alternative reality for the sad one that he may have realized.

Leaving their homes by angry breath, and returned with the smell of alcohol and sleeping pills that deliver Yifan into tomorrow. Junmyeon still stood there-he was only able to stand there as a passive spectator, witnessing Yifan repeated the same thing for the next day.

Junmyeon hated the time.

 

Junmyeon ever became a human—filled with lust.

He followed that lust left in his soul. Followed his selfishness.

At the end of the cold October, Junmyeon decided to follow the pattern Yifan playing.

He followed his role as Junmyeon that Yifan loved.

Junmyeon lying on the other side of the bed - next to Yifan.
Junmyeon receive his morning kiss at the beginning of October. For his first selfishness, he let Yifan got shocked when he (might) realize that his kiss 'touched' something.

Junmyeon ignored the electric shock, every time Yifan leaned over a bit more than 2 cm. He didn’t not care if his body weakened after that. He forgot that the effects would also occur at Yifan. Junmyeon continued to enjoy his role in Yifan’s monologue film.

He forgot the time.

 

It was a cold winter. However Junmyeon could not feel the cold, nor the warm from the fireplace. He didn’t know to whom he should be pleading?.

To whom he should pray to?.

Now he was there. Sitting on his red velvet chair. Silent, lost in silence at his house—their house. Yifan sat beside him. On his black wooden chair.

They sat in the living room of their home. As always.

Like the other winter. In their place to enjoy the gentle snows dancing outside their glass windows.

As always, there weren’t many words that they exchange. Just simply enjoy each other’s heartbeat.

As always, there weren’t many gestures that they show. Just enjoy the presence of each other.

If Junmyeon were still able to shed tears, he would have wetted his face with it. If Junmyeon still able-

Yifan’s face was facing Junmyeon, but his eyes looked somewhere else, could not see Junmyeon. Yifan’s hand was only 2 cm away from his hands, but it was far—a dimension away, could not be held.

Yifan was still breathing on his side, but there was no life in his eyes, could not feel Junmyeon.

Junmyeon began to give up.

It was the last 3 days for Junmyeon as a 'ghost'.

27 days of his time with Yifan.

30 days after his death.

 

The cold snowy morning gritted Junmyeon. When he missed his morning kiss.

The yellow sun was already half its way to the top of the horizon, but Junmyeon haven’t got his morning kiss, nor his red apple.

Yifan hadn’t woken up —yet.

Junmyeon could still felt Yifan’s heart beating, still heard Yifan’s steady breath. But Yifan wouldn’t wake up.

“Please come back...Yifan.” That day, after the phone wouldn’t stop ringing unanswered. 

Junmyeon saw her again. Mrs Wu ambushed with those face again—the same face when she came to his grave on Junmyeon’s funeral—with the same cry.

It’s felt like a forwarded video from Junmyeon’ view.

 

The thin, big hands dropped weakly filled with scars from needles. They hang down besides Yifan’s weak body.

Supposedly Junmyeon have given up, the time Yifan transported to the hospital.
But he again wanted to hug Yifan when a rotten body in patient pajama came. His pale lips smiled, staring back at Junmyeon.

"I'm home." Yifan said with his gummy smile on his face.

"See?! You're here! Junmyeon-ah ~ they said you're just my illusion! They said you're gone!" Junmyeon did not understand the insanity. Why could Yifan see him? Why Yifan?
It was the day before the last day of the allotted time for Junmyeon’s ghost.

 

Junmyeon understood, this was the last day that was given to him as a ghost to live in this world.

His already transparent body, almost disappeared. He could not feel his own present.
Yifan was still lying in their beds weakly. But Yifan could not - he did not want- to close his eyes, from the moment he ‘found’ his Junmyeon. As if Junmyeon would disappear anytime if he blinks.

Junmyeon knew, he was not supposed to be like this.

"Yifan, listen to me! I'm dead!" Junmyeon tighten his resonated voice.

"..."

"Don’t be like this! Don’t do this!"

"... But you're here!"

"Stop that! We have different dimensions! You can not do this!"

"So ... will you leave me? Again ? "

"..."

"It was pretty sick when you left me so suddenly. You did not give me a reason – why did you hide all those pain? ... do not leave me again ... I beg you." It was the first time Junmyeon saw tears welled up in those wistful eyes. The welled tears tears and the sadness froze him, Junmyeon could not move in his place.

Junmyeon knew his time has come, but Yifan still forced his weak hands trying to reach Junmyeon. Junmyeon’ body was fading away, he almost could not feel himself.

"You ... would ... always be with me right ?." Yifan voice sounded like weak whisper.
Junmyeon nearly joined the soft sunlight, when Yifan closed his eyes for more than two seconds.

Junmyeon only heard the hum, when Yifan’ heart was no longer beating.
Their hands just 2 centimeters apart, a perfect distance—an allowed one. Their eyes just closed a bit longer than 2 seconds, enough time to make their time become eternity.

Junmyeon died for the second time.

This time ... Yifan went with him.


You're going to die twice.

First, when your soul out of your body.

Secondly, when there is no longer a place to shelter your soul.