19^th October 2014 @ Winner Dorms, Seoul

Taehyun’s POV

I blinked my eyes open as I felt the sun rays reflect through our bedroom windows. It’s been awhile since I’ve slept this peacefully because I usually have nightmares whenever I sleep alone. And till today my members still tease me about that one time I broke the bed by violently trashing around in my sleep.

But i can't fight those horrid nights where I wake up shaking and in cold sweat. These nightmares have been haunting me for half my life and it’s as if everytime I close my eyes, my fears and the demons of my past seem to follow me no matter where I go.  And when I can't fall asleep again, I remember how I used to slowly creep into Seungyoon and Jinwoo’s room to crawl into bed with Seungyoon. He’d always take me into his arms without question and tell me that I’m fine now, that I’m safe with him. That’s how I eventually ended up changing rooms with Jinwoo and sleeping in Seungyoon’s room.

However, it’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve actually slept together, we were so busy preparing for our individual stages that we usually just slept in the practice or recording rooms in the YG Building. And it finally feels great to get a full night’s rest again.

While still in a daze, I tried to stretch my body but felt a stiff weight laying me down. I looked down and beamed a smile as I saw Seungyoon sleeping on my chest, he looked like a snuggling puppy with his fringe covering his eyes and his arms tightly wrapped around me. I played with his silky hair for quite some time before yesterday’s events started coming back to me.

My smile quickly turned into a frown as I remember Seungyoon’s look of betrayal the moment he saw me standing in the doorway to his room last night. I sighed and first tried to sort out my own feelings about the situation before talking to him about it. I admit I do feel guilty for not warning him about the performance beforehand but I definitely do not feel guilty about my choice of performance as my solo.

It’s safe to say that it’s not often that a rookie idol group gets to showcase their individual talent on an end year award show. And so my main intention was to create a performance which would touch the audience on an emotional level.

Since I started making music, I noticed that has always been my strength, to be able to touch and relate to people emotionally. Thus, I wanted to showcase my strength in the best possible way in the short amount of time that I had. So I went with a bed scene because of its dramatic nature, as it was a surefire way of telling a story that would evoke certain emotions in the audience all within the limited time which I had. That was all i could think of while I was preparing for the performance.

But as I lay here beneath a sleeping Seungyoon, I start to realize that in the midst of the preparations, never once have I thought about what Seungyoon would feel about it. I was so set on portraying the lyrics of Tonight that I never thought about anything else, not even the possible fan reactions to my performance. I sigh again, at my selfishness that’s being brought to light once more.

I lightly Seungyoon’s face as I wonder how he is able to constantly put everyone else above himself. How he is able to set aside his pursue for his own artistic gains in order to achieve bigger and better things as a group. I felt him stir under my touch and felt a pang of anxiety as I didn’t know how to explain everything to him. I wanted him to understand that I’m not doing this just so I could embrace another girl. I wanted him to see through me and sense my ambition to touch the audience with my performance. Am I expecting too much? Is this another selfish act that I’m forcing onto him? I question myself yet again.

I smile down at him as I noticed him open his eyes and blinked languidly. I brought his face up towards mine and gave him a kiss. “Morning hyung” I whispered in between our kisses. He responded with a hum and rolled beside me still half asleep. I turned to my right and faced him and said “Seungyoon hyung… about yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my performance beforehand but please try to understand that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just so excited that we got to do individual stages that I guess… I wanted my performance to make an impact, especially since it’s an end year award you know?” I sighed as I cuddled up to him. “I’m really sorry that you got hurt because of me again…” I said solemnly as I kissed his jaw. “But honestly, I can't say sorry for designing my performance the way it is because I swear i thought of it with absolutely no intentions of hurting you, and I don’t think I should be apologizing for acts that were planned in order to showcase emotion and sensibility because that’s my job as an artist. It’s my job to inspire and touch people with my stories and music…” I closed my eyes as I lay on his chest, too afraid to see his reaction. I know I sounded selfish but I’m desperately trying to make him see that I never intended to hurt him with this performance and that I’m honestly just pursuing my artistic ambitions to the best of my ability.

The silence continued and I start to grow restless. I looked up at him from his chest, and said “Seungyoon… talk to me… please?” But he just continued to stare at me with blank eyes as he played with my hair. After some time, he finally let out a heavy sigh and said “Ara (I know)… That’s just how you are Nam Taehyun. Last night, after some thinking I’ve decided that I won’t stop you from pursuing whatever you wish to pursue… but you have to know that there are times whereby I can’t stop myself from being jealous. It’s not easy seeing your boyfriend passionately making out with another person in bed, you bastard…” He then surprised me by kissing the bite mark he left yesterday just below my collarbone, near my heart. He let his lips linger on the bruised skin and continued “But I understand… I originally fell in love with Nam Taehyun, the artist. So never stop pursuing your dreams… Just remember to always return to me at the end of the day.”

A/N: I guess that concludes my prologue ~~ Sorry for the late update on this one. School started so i'm sort of busy again x.x Honestly, i do have ideas for Kangnam sneaking around and being naughty during the rehearsals/backstage for MMA but i'm not sure when i'll actually get round to writing them.. Idk since when writing fanfics became a chore TT But anyway, sorry for the wait again and hopefully you enjoyed it ^^ Please subscribe so you'll know when/if i decide to update this series! And also, comment if you have feedback, ideas or you're just feeling friendly hehe ^^

Ohhh and btw, I also recently made a new Twitter account mainly to spazz about Winner (what is life ;; ) so follow me if you'd like hehe @kangnamWOT5