I remember when we first met in a small coffee shop. It was really cold Friday afternoon, snow was falling all around and snowballs (threw by the kids who were coming back from school) were flying literally everywhere. The cafe was crowded, there was a huge amount of people, much more than usually. Every now and then you could hear someone sniffing, laughing or whispering quietly. Waitresses were forcing their way through the chairs which were festooned with thick, warm winter coats and barists were bustling about feverishly, trying to catch up with an enormous tempo of all those orders. I was sitting there for a long time, slowly sipping propably a third cup of hot chocolate and reading a book, which I borrowed this morning from a local library. I don't even remember what it was about. The only thing I know is that when I looked up after hearing a doorbell and saw you, everything I red just flew out of my head. You smiled softly (or maybe shyly?) and took your beanie off, brushed off rest of the snow and looked aroud, searching for any available place to sit - well, at least everyone thought that. I just felt that you're trying to find ME, not a stupid chair or table. You were looking at all those faces, squinting your eyes or bitting on your lip, but when I moved my chair a little, you looked straight at me. Into me. You came closer and sat across the table without saying a single word. Water was dripping from your coat and your wet beanie made a puddle on the table, but we didn't care.

'Sehun' you whispered after a long while and I shivered unwittingly.
'Luhan' I answered, looking into your eyes. And it was enough.
Since then we were meeting every Friday evening in this same coffee shop, at this same time, at this same table. I used to come first in order too see how you're entering the cafe, taking your beanie off and brushing off snow. You were looking around scared you might not find me, but your fear always disappeared when our eyes met. And then we were sitting there for hours, staring at each other in silence, enjoying our time together as long as someone didn't interrupt us, saying it's late and they're closing the local. We were walking out together and outside we always choosed two different directions without a simple 'goodbye'. It was so normal, natural for me that when on one of the March evenings you gabbed my wrist and whispered my name I shivered in fear, as it had to be the end - and it some way it was. This one word completely transformed our relationship, it was like a huge asteroid which crushed with a planet and totally changed its course. It won't be this same ever again.

I moved in with you in August. You had spacious, cosy apartment on the outskirts of Seoul, two cats and a dog. We started to spend even more time with each other, we were cooking, watching tv, bathing, sleeping together and during this short moments of separations when you were at school and I was stuck at work I couldn't stop thinking about you. It was like an bad habit, like an unsafe addiction which we should quit as fast as we can... but it was already too late. You could only go further, more and more approaching to self destruction. I didn't view this as an advantage of our relationship - even dying would be amazing with you by my side. I just wanted you to be always next to me and you were conscientiously fulfilling my wish. You were as close to me as it was possible, preventing me from forgetting about your existence. I quitted my job in October and you followed me a week later. We were sitting at home for days, leaving only to do some shopping and pay the bills, but there was one thing that never changes - deafening silence. We never talked with each other. I didn't know why, because every healthy person sometimes just need to open their mouth and talk for awhile. It was December again and 
I couldn't remember hearing a simple word since that March evening. I loved you, it was obvious, but it was starting to bother me more and more, I wanted to escape this just for a short moment... so I ran away.

I wasn't out for long. I leaved maybe for 40 minutes but wen I came back to the apartment and saw you, you looked as if you cried for hours.When you noticed me... it wasn't a relief what appeared in your eyes - it was madness and I felt terror radiating in my body. You shutted the door, locked them and then grabbed my collar to slowly lift me up. You were staring at me, enraged, furious and I was trembling, unable to make any move.
'Luhan... don't do this to me any more... I'm begging you... don't leave me alone... I will always be by your side, but please, don't leave me alone...' you whispered with difficulty, slowly putting me back on the floor. They were your first words
after ten moths and the last one I ever heard from you.
From that moment we didn't leave our apartment ever again. Our entire life was holded inside, we were shopping and paying bills on the internet. Dog landed on the street, cats on the other hand just runned away trough the window. We ended up alone, sitting on the floor in bedroom, staring at each other for hours. I loved you doubtlessly, but with every next day it was harder for me. I couldn't go to other room without you, I couldn't drink a juice without your eyes on me, I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself. I felt as we were handcuffed together with an invisible chain, which was heavier with every next second, killing me slowly. They were jingling happily with every exhausting step I was taking.
Small sticky notes started to appearing on our walls in April, in May there wasn't a single place without them. And on every of them were written this same words.
"I will always be by your side, Luhan".

I started to realize than in my free moments I was always picturing how my life would be without you. Would I find a girl, get married? Get a new, better job, move to apartment near the sea... or meet other guy, We would be crazy about ourselves and make love as often as it's possible. And then I realized how easy it is - I just have to get up and leave without looking back. But I knew it looks so simple only in theory - and that was the reason why I've done this. I can admit it needed some effort but it was worth it.
Sleeping pills weren't expensive. I convinced you easily that I have problems with sleep - you always wanted the best for me so everything was ordered in a split second. I was taking small white pills for few days, but when you were looking away I spat them out and hide in my pillow. When the third one pack ended I put all of them in my pockets... and cooked our last meal. It seemed you expected this. You ate whole plate of spaghetti and drank two cups of tea without hesitation, while I was just tampering with it. Despite your full stomach you also ate few too sweet cookies. And then, for the fist time in a half of a year, I felt I'm free.
We went to sleep together, cuddling under the cover, so I could wake up few hour later in cold and stiff arms of something, what not so long ago was you. With an unnatural peace I untangled myself of your embrace, cleaned up after our dinner, removed all sticky notes and putted empty pack of sleeping pills in your hand. And then I finally cried. An ambulance arrived seven minutes later, but of course they couldn't do anything to save you. Police was bustling in our apartment for a week, I visited police station few times and finally a judgment was passed. Suicide. It was ridiculous, even with my contribution this term extremely suited circumstances of your dead.
Your funeral was planned on the beginning of July. I was the only one who came. Within two years without a single contact with a world we lost all of our acquaintances, friends, family... but that's good. At least no one saw my smile when your coffin reached its destination and the first handful of earth hitted its lid. This was the end. The moment I came back to the world passed, I was free and happy. I just had to pack the rest of my clothes, sell our apartment and move out somewhere only I know - that's what I was thinking in that moment.
But when I came back to our departed home I understood it will never happen. Doors shut and got locked. Small sticky notes were hung on our walls all over again and on every of them were written this same words.
"I will always be by your side, Luhan".