Idk if Junhong's still  in school, but for the purposes of this fic he is. Also, this is a different style for me so feedback/thoughts are appreciated! 

“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.” ― Edgar Degas

Yongguk is well aware that there are many who think him a sell-out.

It’s something he’d prepared for and for the most part it doesn’t bother him anymore. B.A.P’s music is his music, even if the edges are rounded and the content more limited. The truth is he’s always had a milder sound than some of his fellow underground rappers, but he doesn’t consider it a mark against him. B.A.P’s first album wasn’t exactly completely out of his character, even if it had disappointed him that they were really only able to showcase one aspect of it.

He has a vision, and a goal. And despite the fact that he hates being in such a corporate industry, part of him wouldn’t be satisfied with playing to tiny crowds, with putting out his words uncensored and concentrated if there’s hardly anyone to hear them. Still, as with anything there are compromises to be made. It helps that he thinks he’s gained more than he’s lost.

He looks at the stage, where some young kid is spitting rhymes almost faster than he can keep up with, tinged with a bravado that’s more than a little premature. It brings back memories.

He loves what he has. It’s just that he’s selfish and wants it all.

Sitting in the bar with Yongnam and some of his old crew, he can reminisce.

“There are two kinds of perfect: The one you can never achieve, and the other, by just being yourself.” ― Lauren King

“Himchannie,” his mother scolds, heaping another portion of rice into his bowl, “Eat up, now, don’t be wasteful.”

“Ah, mom,” he tries to stop her from adding any more food to his plate, “Really, I can’t go overboard just because we’re on a break.”

She tut-tuts at him, shaking her head, “One extra helping of rice on your first night back home won’t kill you.”

“No,” he mutters, “But netizens might.”

He regrets the words immediately, the way they make his mother’s face twist with worry, “I wish you wouldn’t let these things get to you, Himchannie. All of you, you boys look so frail sometimes, it worries me.”

“We’re fine, ma,” he says, spooning the rice into his mouth. It really is delicious. “Really, sometimes things get a little hectic, that’s all.”

She runs fingers through his hair, and for once Himchan isn’t thinking about whether it looks perfect.

"The path of social advancement is, and must be, strewn with broken friendships." – H.G. Wells

Daehyun is excited to see his friends, the ones he had before his entire social circle was reduced to five boys he shared a room with. Not that he's complaining, he loves the members, more than he'll ever be able to put into words maybe, but at some point it becomes like hanging out with your family all day and who doesn't need a break from that?

Not all his friends show up, though. The good ones, the thick-and-thin ones, do. They understand, or try to, at least. Others are not so warm to him anymore.

we can't just drop everything now that mr. honey vocals has a free moment

Daehyun sighs down at the text, typing out a quick reply, leaving the door open, but there's no response. He tries not to let it upset him. He gets it, really, he does. He has been so busy these past years, has missed and even forgotten birthdays, missed so much of their lives while they followed his unfolding in front of them.

They feel left behind. And maybe it shouldn’t bother him; he has wonderful parents and a caring brother, five members who love and support him, staff that have become more than coworkers over the years and more fans than he ever thought he’d have back when he was still that scrawny little voice box.

He tells himself it’s better than people sticking around only to use him, and the thought makes him inwardly question the others.

It hurts.

“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently.” – Warren Buffet

Youngwon drags Youngjae around by the arm all day but he can’t find it in himself to be annoyed.

“Hey, let’s so see that movie I told you about yesterday! It’s playing near here. s galore.”

Youngjae frowns even as he rolls his eyes at his brother’s comment about the movie he’d been talking about for days: a y R-rated romp with leads whose abysmal acting skills were forgiven in exchange for their supple bodies and daring scenes. They are hidden in a booth at the restaurant, but he’s sure he saw some girls snapping pictures just before they walked in.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, what if the fans see?”

It’s Youngwon’s turn to roll his eyes then, “When are you going to stop letting things like that control your life?”

“Says the man who panders to them at every opportunity.”

Youngjae only feels slightly bad about the way Youngwon’s shoulders droop.

“I said I was sorry about that. I didn’t think it would matter, it didn’t bother Daehyun-”

“I’m not Daehyun,” he grits out, “Or haven’t you noticed?”

There is a beat of silence after this and Youngjae sighs, “Sorry, look, let’s just rent something and go home? We can do what we want. Relax.”

“Yeah,” Youngwon says, nodding as the cracks smooth over once more, “Let’s do that.”

"Wealth, beauty, and fame are transient. When those are gone, little is left except the need to be useful." – Gene Tierney

“Have you thought about a plan, for later?”

Jongup’s father is looking at him seriously, but not unkindly.

“What do you mean, dad?”

The man gestures vaguely. They are watching a baseball game together and Jongup isn’t sure how important of a conversation this is meant to be.

“After enlistment…I’m not saying you boys won’t still be playing stages and putting things out, I don’t know about how all that works. But I was just wondering if you’ve given college anymore thought.”

He hasn’t, if he’s honest.

He’d done okay on the entrance exams, despite B.A.P’s ridiculously packed schedule at the time. He could probably get into some good programs at decent schools. What program though, he has no idea. He can’t imagine what he wants to do besides dance.

He can’t imagine where he’d do that outside of B.A.P, either. He’s never thought about what could happen if they part ways, even if it’s somewhere in the far distant future.

He doesn’t want to start.

"You give up your childhood. You miss proms and games and high-school events, and people say it's awful... I say it was a good trade. You miss something but I think I gained more than I lost." – Mary Lou Retton

Junhong hadn’t realized at first that despite B.A.P being granted a break, that didn’t mean he’d get a break from school.

It’s fine with him, for the most part. School’s almost become like a novelty to him, but he’s sure that’s not meant to be a good thing.

“Jinsoo and Seunghyun got into a dance battle, of course, neither of them can dance, so it was hilarious!”

Junhong grins at his classmate; he has a passing idea of who the mentioned boys are, “When was that?”

“Oh, the school festival. I don’t think you were here then,” he answers as they settle in for lunch.

Junhong shakes his head. He hasn’t been to most of the festivities at the school; and he only seems to show up for class when the most boring lessons are being taught.

“Do you think you’ll be here for graduation? There’s a trip and everything, it’d be awesome if you're here, too.”

He thinks about all the things he has, things he’s done and experienced, most of which none of his peers ever will. He wonders if he wants too much.

Junhong smiles, subdued, “Yeah, it would be.”

EXTRA:

Nov. 10^th

00:27 am

Bangster has added a picture to the convo.

Tigger&toki.jpeg

dhjung: aww hyung, that’s so cute.

strongchan: do your tigger plushies get along with your matoki ones?

yjay: they get along with Tigger XD you have to bring Tigger to meet us when we get back, hyung!

mjup: can’t beat them, join them

zelo: hyungs, I need help with my homework!

00:30 am

zelo: hyungs?

00:45 am

zelo: wow, thanks -_-

Thanks for reading!