Rising Dragon
More Than Friends (On Hiatus)
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Youngbae ( Taeyang )
I stare in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and have big purple bags underneath. My dry and flaky lips are about to bleed from chewing on them so much. My cheeks are caving in quite a bit, that I'm looking like Top-hyung. (No offense, Top-hyung.) There is blood going down the drain that are from the cuts created from the glass of the picture frame earlier. Why do I look like this? Who is she to make me feel this way?! The reflection I see in the mirror bothers me so I turn around. I hate myself. I hate her! I hate myself for hating her. I hate her for leaving me!
My head pounds and I want to rip my hair out. I run a hand through my rough gelled hair. I ache everywhere. I just want to take a break from hurting. I sit on the bathroom floor, my head resting against the wall. This feels worse than that time I had a hangover. Why won't she let me be?! Why does she haunt my every thought?
I am drunk on her. Absolutely intoxicated. The police should pull me over now because my alcohol levels are sky high. I laugh, surprising myself. I almost sound hysterical. What the heck am I talking about?
The bathroom tiles are freezing against my skin. I shiver wrapping my arms around myself. Blue-green veins run down my arm, weaving a dangerous web. I feel so cold inside. Where is my sweet sunshine? The light that lit up my world...Where is it now?
I close my eyes and listen to the sounds. My ears throb with my heart beat and unsteady breaths. The rush of air from the ac and the drip of the faucet rings in my ears. It's so lonely today with no lively conversations, no giggling.
I brace a hand against the wall and stand up. Screw this! I'm hungry. I rummage through the fridge before coming out empty handed. Aish, I haven't eaten for days! My stomach grumbles and curses at my stupidity. I feel like my stomach is about to eat my insides out. I roll on the kitchen floor in frustration for awhile with tears in my eyes until...Oh my Lord! Thank you. Tucked in a cupboard ever so delicately, a beautiful ramen cup. I drool at the sight of it and reach my hand out to recieve this gift from the heavens.
I rip the lid off savagely exposing the noodles and seasoning in the cup. I impatiently wait for the water to boil. The kettle sounds like a train wailing. Yes!
With shaking hands, I pour the steaming hot water into the cup. The white curls of steam slowly dissipate in the air. I pray for this meal and grab my chopsticks in anticipation. I just start shoveling the ramen into my mouth. Heat pricks my tongue with pain and I gasp.
I start blowing on the ramen, spurting air on it. I spot some hot sauce sitting nearby on the table. With a swift motion, I take it and squirt some forming a heart in my noodles.
The heat of the ramen combined with the spiciness of the hot sauce burns in my mouth and stomach. Having not eaten in a while, my belly feels oddly full. Even though, it is just one cup of ramen I don't know if I can contain any more food for now.
I force myself to swallow even though there is a painful sensation in my throat like there is acid soaring up. Although it hurts, there is a satisfaction to having your appetite sated. I am so raw, the state I'm in sort of saddens me.
With my belly full of fire, I smile awaiting a brand new day, a brand new tommorow. Feeling revolutionized, I could take on anything just like a dragon. I'm not going to do this to myself any longer. I can't be here in Korea where traces of her, her ghost stilll lingers. Pictures, her scent, everywhere she's been, she has imprinted evidence. Even here in my own place, I can't stand it. Just breathing the same air as she had previously is torture to me.
Why do I have to suffer? I don't have a guilty conscience or regret anything. I grit my teeth. You know that's not true. I am not okay. I keep replaying everything. Rewinding and rewinding. Reliving. The good moments and the bad moments. I keep thinking if during our fights or arguments if I had apologized, consoling her and holding her hand...then maybe things would have been different. I would still have her have her, her hands to hold, her lips to kiss, her eyes to gaze into.
I just want my mind to be clear of her. I want a new start. No, I won't erase our love because it will always have a part of my heart because when someone is a part of your life, your heart can't be unscathed when they leave. But, this love in time should only be memories so, why is it so fresh in my head?
I'm going to Japan. I need the distance away from here, a quick breath before something else beats me down. The diverse scenery and people will benefit. Besides, I can see my buddies. Jiyong, Seunghyun-hyung, and Daesung are all over there.
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I recieve my ticket from the ticket counter. I wait in a long stretching line that seemed to go on for an eternity. Then I go through security, showing my ticket and emptying my pockets and putting my possessions on the conveyor belt. After, I walk through a series of metal detectors before collecting my things from the conveyor belt. I find my airline gate and sit down to wait some more, spending my time playing a game on my phone. The beeps and boops I hear in my trance are then disturbed as I hear my flight being called over the intercom. I go through another line , a smaller one this time. The attendent rips a small part of my ticket. I walk down a hall and follow everyone else, into the plane doorway. Then I find my seat. The window provides a small square of the blue sky, clouds painted across.
I feel like there is a hope for me after all.
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"Sup? Jiyong, can you pick me up from the airport?" I ask.
"Be right there."
Jiyong's Girlfriend ( The New Biatch )
"How dare you leave me all alone!" I huff, "Pick up your best friend from the airport. Huh, I bet. Such a liar, you're probably out cheating on me with some other girl!" Tears drip down my cheeks and I angrily wipe them away. Uncertainty and distrust has blossomed in my heart. I can't get rid of these jealous feelings, they're like invincible weeds that won't die. "Jiyong, it hurts me when I even see another person next to you," I whisper. It may seem selfish but, I only want you to be with me. Even if that can't be possible, I can only hope. I wish you were here with me every second of the day.
I crouch down behind a pillar to avoid him seeing me. He's laughing so happily with this person...I sneak a quick look at his friend. It's a guy. He's not very tall but, from where I'm hiding I can tell that he's well built. He has gorgeous bronze healthy skin that gleam in the weak sunlight of the winter. He must work out a lot. He looks stylish enough. His hair is styled as a mohawk and his clothes are of the latest trend. He's wearing a leather jacket over a white t'shirt that hugs his chest and black skinny jeans. His clothes emphasize his lean muscle. If I didn't have Jiyong, I'm sure I would've eaten him up.
I examine his face. His eyes are small and they are barely slits when he shows his bright white teeth. I've got to admit it's an adorable smile. Jiyong slings an arm around his shoulder. That guy..., he gazes at Jiyong with such familiarity like he's known him for years. He looks like he knows Jiyong really well. But, something about how he looks at Jiyong agitates me. The way his lips part into a smile, how his eyes crease, and his eyebrows arch in amusement; they all create this contempt. I don't like him. I must keep an eye out on this scoundrel, he looks like he wants to steal Jiyong away from me. I can't let that happen.
They almost look like a couple strolling out of that airport with their arms around each other. They laugh and smile so honestly but, the way they looked at each other they could not have been like brothers or bestfriends. Because, the way they see each other...each person has a gentle protective love in their eyes.
It looks as if they are more than friends.
Jiyong ( G-Dragon )
-a week later-
I have never seen someone as perfect as her. Her strides are classy and confident. The smiles she gives me are brilliant. She's humorous and her laughs are cute.Whenever I , she always turns red and looks away. She makes me crazy!!! The other day at the hotel, she made the first move. She kissed me right then and there. I was surprised; it was really amazing and reckless. She must have plucked up a lot of courage.
It was the first time I had seen such an agressive side of her. Although after our kiss, she apologized profusely. I laughed a lot. I don't know what to make of someone like her, y, funny yet innocent and cute. I'm such a lucky man. Sometimes, I think it's too good to be true.
We are walking in the park arm in arm. The winter wind blows and her hair flows like waves of water in the sky. It reminds me of the ocean tides being pulled by the moon. It's a beautiful sight and I so badly want to reach over and run my fingers through her hair. She catches my stare and gives me a curious smile that makes me melt. "Why are you looking at me?" "Nothing, why would I look at you?"
"Aish! No, really!" she punches me lightly on the arm. How is it possible for someone to look so adorable when they're pouting? "It was a joke! I'm just joking!" I laugh. She throws another punch at me but, I catch her hand. I curl my fingers around her hand and give it a good squeeze.
"Hey!" she whines."Who said you could hold my hand?" I smile and pull her towards me wrapping my arms around her. "Oi!" she yelps. There is a slight flush forming around her neck, cheeks, and ears.
I lean down and our noses touch; I breathe in her scent. "That tickles, Jiyong!" She wriggles out of my embrace and turns around towards me. She buries her face into my jacket, her face getting more red and red just like a tomato or an apple. I gingerly pet her head affectionately. I really like teasing her, it is so much fun.
"Ah, you're phone is ringing Jiyong!~" she exclaims, lifting her head up from my chest. I reach into my pocket, "Sorry, I'll go take this call." I give her a grin before turning around, "Hello, Kwon Jiyong speaking."
"Jiyong-ah you think you have time to hang out?" Youngbae asks.
"Youngbae, this is kind of awkward but, I'm on a date with my girl right now."
"Oh, really. Sorry, I'll let you continue your date," he says with disappointment creeping into his voice.
"Yeah but, don't worry. I can come after. Where do you want to go?" I reassure him.
"I'm fine with anywhere. I just want to get some fresh air." he replies.
"Okay, meet me at the park at 6," I say.
"I'll make sure to be there. Good luck with your date," he says.
"Thanks but, it's not like I need any luck," I retort.
"Haha. Don't be so cocky. Hey, could I meet your girlfriend?" he reprimands.
"Yeah, I'll introduce her to you when we meet up at the park," I tell him.
"Thanks, Jiyong," his tone turning serious and gracious.
"Eh...What for?" I ask.
"You're taking some of your precious time to hang out with me when you could be with your girlfriend," he replies.
"I would do anything for my bae~" After I said that, I heard a breathy, gentle and quiet laugh from him. I envisioned his bright smile.
"Bye, make sure you give your girlfriend lots of love," he advises.
"I will. See you," I say.
I hang up from the call and turn around. She was patiently waiting and inspecting strands of her hair, "Oh you're done."
"Yeah, it was my friend, Youngbae. He wants to meet you," I tell her.
"Really?"
"Yup. I said I would introduce you guys to each other at 6."
"It's only 5:25 right now, we still have 35 minutes left. Can we do something to kill time?"
"What to do though?"
"Icecream!"
We went to the nearest icecream shop. The store was small and cozy not suffocating. There were checkered tiles on the floor and the counters were black marble. The walls were blinding white with neon paint splashed across the surface. Cyan, pink, yellow, green splattered everywhere dripping dwon the walls like someone had went crazy. It was very polished and modern but, it gave a cold atmosphere.
I got chocolate and she got strawberry. Strawberry really suits her. Cute and red. Yep.
It is not the best of ideas to eat icecream in the freezing winter though. I inhale, looking at my pink nose. I look over at my girlfriend giving her a mischievious smile. She looks at me confused, "What?" I place my chilly hands on her rosy cheeks to thaw. "Ah, so warm!" "Hey!" she yelps. "That's cold!"
"Exactly. So why would you eat icecream when it's so cold outside?"
"Hee hee."
I reach over and check my cellphone. It reads 5:55. How lucky! All the numbers are the same. Woah, only 5 more minutes until 6. "Finish your icecream quickly, we need to meet up with Youngbae!"
She gulps down her icecream hurriedly and gets a brain freeze. "Ahhh!"
I laugh silently, "Let's go!"
Youngbae
I breathe out, white clouds forming in the air. Fluffy snow covers the trees and grass, giving the earth a hug. The crystals shine on the trees like precious white blossoms. I see a single flower bud all by itself on the edge of a frozen branch. It seems to be waiting for the spring to melt over this cold winter. I tiptoe pulling down the branch down towards me, "Don't worry, when spring comes, you will be your vibrant self again and all your friends will blossom too. You won't be lonely anymore." I tell it and bend down kissing its frosty pink petals.
I carefully let go of the branch, letting it bounce back to its place. I hear the peaceful rustling of the grass beneath me. I stand back admiring the sun percolating through the many arms of the tree. Happiness spreads across my face as I watch the branches nodding in the breeze as if in agreement.
I look around for the couple. They must be finishing up their date or something.
"Young-" I perk up at the sound of my name. "Youngbae-ah! Over here!" I twist my neck to see Jiyong and his girlfriend running out of breath. "Are you guys all right? You didn't have to rush here so fast."
"No, we didn't want to be late," Jiyong pulls out his cellphone, showing it to me. "See, right on time." The phone read 6:00. I laugh and look over his shoulder, "Is that her?"
"Yeah, this person right here is my girl," he gestures towards her and pulls her over by the shoulders.
I give her a friendly smile, "Hi, I'm Youngbae." She grins, "Yes, I know." My eyes settle on her face. She has pretty dark eyes and red full lips. My gaze travels down her neck to her shoulder where Jiyong's hand is. I feel a squeeze in my chest.
I feel a soft pressure on my hand. It's Jiyong. I look at him questioningly. He takes his girlfriend's delicate hand and places it in mine. "Now, Youngbae please give us your blessings."
"I hope this beautiful couple is everlasting and has good fortune," I say. "Thanks!" Jiyong cries patting my arm. I feel a bit rebellious and secretly cross my fingers behind my back, not wanting Jiyong to go with her. I glance at the girlfriend and she smiles. A shiver runs through me.
"Uh, you guys can continue on your date," I reply.
"Naw, I'm hanging with you today."
"But, your girlfr-"
She interrupts, "No, me and Jiyong already said that I would have a girls night out and that you guys could hang out."
"Yeah, friends don't abandon friends. Besides, there's plenty of time for going on dates," Jiyong adds.
I nod, filling with joy. "Sorry."
"Nothing to be sorry about," Jiyong replies.
We wave goodbye to Jiyong's girlfriend going out with her friends. "Bye! I love you!" Jiyong yells.
Jiyong turns towards me, "Let's go and have some fun!"
"Okay."
"What's wrong?" he observes my face.
"Nothing," I fake a smile. "Let's go!"
But, I felt really uneasy. Something wasn't right about that girl. She had looked at me with a silent fury, her eyes red with anger. We walked through the park and I felt a gaze piercing the back of my neck but, when I looked back there was nobody there.
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