Sehun always got what he wanted.
He had made sure of that since he could think. It wasn't about others getting hurt by his act or him being selfish, it was about him being happy. Because this one thing, whether it was a candy when he was five or a good grade when he had an important test, decided about his happiness. So he worked for this. And he worked hard.
He worked hard for his grades by learning stubbornly, always revising and listening to the teacher as well as he could. The good learning never prevented him for being a complete wreck afterwards, even if his friends kept telling him that he'd be fine and that he had learned for it and that he always did good in the end anyway. But they didn't understand, they never did. Because one failed test was nothing to them, maybe a small thing you could get angry about, but never more. For him it was like his world crashed. He didn't deserve that, he learned, he worked, he tried.
He wanted it.
Sehun didn't give up on that, he rather changed his goal. It happened on a random day, he was walking along the streets and on his way home. That's when he saw the poster. It was from a company called SM, which was, according to the piece of paper, looking for new trainees. Sehun smiled. An image flashed through his mind: Him being on stage, dancing and singing passionately, people around him cheering, looking up to him. So he wrote address and date down on a piece of paper and continued his way, already planning how to train.
He passed the audition, after weeks of practising his voice, strictly dieting and convincing his friends and his parents that yes, this was the right decision, it was a chance for him to become something big. Yet that was just a small step for him. He had seen enough other trainees to tell that he wasn't the best singer or the best dancer. But he had just as much willpower and determination, letting him stay up all night to remember the steps he had been taught, working on his voice to reach a better level. He met new friends along the way, giving him inspiration by showing him what he can do better. Like Jongin, who completely lost himself in dancing, letting his body move in its own way. Sehun couldn't help but stare when he started to dance, never failing to leave him speechless. And when he felt worn out and tired, on the edge of giving up, he recalled those images, filling him with the familiar feeling of adrenaline when he pushed himself up again.

Meeting the new trainee was unplanned.

It was after a normal day of tiring practise when he saw him, a delicate, brunette guy with sparkling eyes and an astonishing smile. He inwardly slapped himself when he thought that, because it was just another boy with the same hopes and dreams as him, maybe another friend and source of inspiration, but nothing more. It couldn't be somthing more. Suddenly said guy came up to him, and Sehun feared for a moment that he must have been staring too hard but then he simply reached out his hand. He starec at it dumbly for a few seconds, causing the other one to laugh.
“Sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. I'm Luhan, the new one here. I wanted to check out the rooms here before officially starting my training tomorrow, I didn't think anyone would be here that late.“
It was quite true, Sehun usually was the last to leave, simply because he always found something he had to work on which couldn't wait until the next day, and he only stopped when his legs barely could hold up his body anymore and the small, reasonable part in his mind screamed at him to stop. Luhan let out a small laugh, and Sehun flinched because he actually forgot the guy for a second. Blushing, he shook his hand, and Luhan laughed even more, a sound that made him dizzy and light headed. Against his will, a small smile made its way to his face.
“I'm Sehun, nice to meet you. If you haven't finished your little tour already, I could maybe...show you around a bit?“
Luhan seemed to be as surprised by this as Sehun himself, but he nodded anyway.
When Sehun went home this evening, he thought that it might not be bad to become friends with Luhan. He seemed so much fun and pure happiness, and he wanted nothing more than to share this with him, having forgotten this amazing feeling ever since he became a trainee. So it'd do no harm, right?

He should've known he was wrong.

Though he had to admit it started off nice. He met up with Luhan frequently after this incident. They balanced each other out, with the happiness and charismatic side of the older one and the calm, but still sometimes unsure side of himself. He didn't really let the practise slip, it was still his goal. But Luhan showed him that a few minutes less training did no harm, by dragging him out after a long day and poking his head into the door for a quick break in the middle of the day. Sehun found himself being stuck to him rather fast, and even if the guy slowly started to make a lot friends, he always returned to him.

Months later he found out both of them were debuting in the same band. It came quite surprising. Not that he didn't make progress in this time, it was just that it felt like yesterday when everyone told him that he wasn't ready yet, that he'd have to continue improving. But there he was, in the office of their new manager with 11 other boys he barely knowed, excluding Luhan and Jongin, looking completely disbelieving. It wasn't until Luhan came up to hug him, his melodic laughter ringing in his ear, when it overcame him. A rush of joy flooded through his body, and he hugged the boy so hard, burying his face into his shoulder. His heart was beating wildly and he was quite sure that he had never felt that happy in his entire life before, so close to finally get what he wanted. The next hours passed in a blurr, and after a quick party with his new bandmates he lay in his bed. Then it hit him.
Debuting was not the only thing he wanted.
Because everytime he thought about happiness, he didn't only see the stage with people shouting his name, he also saw the small boy smiling at him, heard his laugh and his soothing voice. Sehun groaned and hit himself with his pillow. He couldn't just fall in love now, not with a guy, his bandmate, his best friend. But who was he kidding, it was Luhan. Luhan was perfect, at least in his eyes. But he'd contain it. He wouldn't risk and give up on this like he'd done once, he'd end this and have Luhan as a best friend.

But Sehun never forgot about things he truly wanted.

Another few months had passed now, and he was finally there: He had debuted with his band EXO. The start was good, they already had a steady and growing fandom, he got along with everyone and he found his place in the band. But then there was this stupid little thought nagging somewhere in his mind, because Luhan wasn't there. He was in China with EXO M, while he was here in Korea with EXO K. When he got this thought, he always forced it away, telling himself that this was good to overcome his little crush and that he got to see him again. He was living his dream, and he truly admired and liked his new bandmates. But as soon as he finally thought he was over this, Luhan called, or texted him, and Sehun could actually feel the cheerfulness and brightness, something he didn't only miss, but craved and wanted.

Ironically, his acceptance was closely followed by Luhan's confession.
It was when they came back from China. Everyone was looking forward to being united with the other sub group, even it was only for a few weeks. The mornig their plane arrived in Korea, Suho threw them out of their beds even earlier than usual and kept on reminding them to hurry so they wouldn't be late. Their high spirits gnawed on his determination to stay calm, and he couldn't help but smile on their way to the airport. But he only lost it when he saw him. He was as pretty as ever, beaming at him with his adorable smile. He stepped forward to hug him, but Sehun was quicker this time. He pulled him to himself, feeling that his heart might burst because of his familiar scent. The young boy knew it was too late now, that he wanted Luhan, needed him in his life, no matter what this might mean for both of them. He'd confess to him, make him his forever, as soon as he could.
He got the opportunity at the same day. It was evening and most of the members where sleeping, one part tired from their trip and the other one tired from their party. Luhan though insisted on staying up with Sehun to catch on a bit, so they spent the next hours talking about their time and experience. When their conversation came to a hold, the maknae knew it was time. He just as nervous as willing to do this, but the willing had taken over in his mind as soon as he saw how easy-going they still were, that nothing had changed between them. He took a deep breath and turned to quick party with his new bandmates he lay in his bed, who was now leaning against the couch with his eyes closed, but not sleeping.
“I have to tell you something.“
The older one opened his eyes and mustered his friend thoughtfully for a while, before nodding.
“Yeah, me too.“
Sehun chuckled nervously and scratched his neck.
“Start, then.“
Now it was Luhan's turn to take a deep breath.
“I'm in love with someone.“
Sehun's heart began to thump wildly and he broke out into sweat. Could it be that they were both thinking about confessing to each other?
“Who is it?“ He asked, throat suddenly feeling drier than ever.
“It's Minseok. I want to confess to him tomorrow.“
Minseok. Of course it was Minseok. It hit him hard and he was caught somewhere between laughing and crying, because how could he have ever thought that Luhan returned his feelings? How could he have been so blind to their connection, their bond, the look in his best friend's eyes when he talked about him? He couldn't remember much after this, only Luhan telling him about his problems until he got tired and gave Sehun a tight hug, telling him that he was the best friend he ever had. He must have reacted somehow, he figured when he lay in his bed later, tears finally having made their way through his eyes. He should've said something, should've told him that he couldn't confess to Minseok because he loved him even more, that they were meant to be together, not them. But he didn't, he was too shocked because of the realisation that he lost, he didn't got what he wanted. He failed. He didn't try hard enough, wasted his time with denying his feelings until it was too late. He chocked back a sob. Sehun would forever be a friend to Luhan. He'd never have him, even if he wanted him.

Luhan really ended up confessing, and when they had dinner this evening, Minseok and him officially came out to everyone. The reactions were different, yet all positive: Joonmyun smiled warmly and pulled both of them into a hug and Jongin and Kyungsoo squealed in delight, while Baekhyun only scoffed that he knew it anyway. Sehun forced himself to smile at both of them, congratulating the new couple, even if it hurt to see Luhan this happy with another man.
The next days turned out to be a torture, and Sehun found himself wishing that EXO M had stayed in China, so he didn't have to witness the new couple showing of their affection, or how Luhan always talked about how happy he was right now. He just wanted to curl up in a corner. He had never failed that miserable ever, probably because he never failed to get what he wanted. But this wasn't like a failed test or not mastering a dance step, this was way more than want. It was love, so strong that it tore him apart and left him crying into his pillow every night. He wanted to loathe Minseok, but he knew that he didn't deserve it, always trying to be kind and helpful to everyone. So the only thing he could do was suffer. Suffer and trying to cope.

In the end it was Minseok himself to help him.
Sehun had to admit that he was the last person to make him get over Luhan he had thought of, even if he didn't exactly do that. He actually just sat down next to him in one particular afternoon, passing him a bottle of water. He took it with a nod, trying not to mind the way the oldest was still staring at him. It took a few minutes before he started speaking.
“You act differently these days.“
Sehun stared at him, feeling anxious. He thought he hid this well, he couldn't risk anybody to find out about his crush, it would just destroy everything. So he shook his head and laughed it off. But Minseok only shook his head, not breaking the eye contact with the youngest.
“This is about Luhan and me, right? If it is, I want to tell you that we are happy. I really love him and I won't hurt him in any way, so don't worry about that. We may not be together for a long time, but I can really imagine spending my days with him.“
This time, Sehun stared at him for entire different reasons. When Luhan had talked about his relationship, he always wanted to run away, forgetting about this relationship, about his love, about everything. But when Minseok said it, his face flashed in his mind. The happiest smile he'd ever seen on his face when they came out to everyone, when he was around his boyfriend. He always wanted Luhan to be like that, happy and cheerful. And right now, that he saw how mutual this relationship was, how perfect it worked out and how good Minseok treated him, his goals changed again. This wasn't only about his love anymore, this was about Luhan being happy. And Luhan was happy, with his boyfriend. This was his first wish, and it was fulfilled. The second wish was selfish, and he knew that. But this time Sehun was as determined as never before in his life, and nothing and nobody could change this anymore. Se he smiled and pulled the startled Minseok into a hug.
“I know. Please take care of Luhan.“

EXO M headed back a week later, and Sehun decided this was the perfect day to fulfill his second wish. Once again he found himself at the airport, this time saying goodbye to them. He hugged each of them, lastly Luhan. The maknae hugged him a bit longer, then releasing him with a smile.
“I just wanted to tell you that I'm happy for you. And that I want you to stay like this.“
The older one looked at him surprised, then he also smiled.
“Thank you. I will.“
They were home several hours later, and Sehun immediately locked himself in his room, telling everyone else he was tired. He made sure to hug them when he said good night, even if they all looked at him rather weirdly and Jongin even asked him if he was sick. He simply shook his head and headed to his room as soon as his friend returned to the living room to watch a movie with the others. Then he sat down on his bed and pulled out a box from under his bed. He opened it and his smile turned softer when he saw the blade in it shimmering. He took it out carefully and let out a sigh. If someone would have told him a year ago that he'd do that, he would have been horrified, but now the thought of dying made him feel content. His second wish would be fulfilled then, selfishly leaving this world so he wouldn't have to see Luhan happy with another man, or even worse, seeing him sad when this ended. Something in his mind though told him the last thing wouldn't happen. Sehun led the blade to his arm and slid it through his skin without hesitation. He saw the blood gushing out of the cut and felt himself getting dizzy when he finally felt content. He passed out several minutes later, the smile never leaving his face.
They didn't find him until Joonmyun broke down the door on the next day, running to Sehun's body as soon as he saw him. But neither him nor the paramedics could help anymore, just like Sehun wanted.
And he always got what he wanted.