05May2009

I inhaled deeply, cringing mentally at the stale smell with a hint of rubbing alcohol. I paced around the empty halls of the hospital, right outside the operating room. The feelings were mixed, extremely excited but also with slight nervousness was what I would describe it with. I mean, hey, it was my first sibling! I would finally have someone to play with after so long. If you can't already tell, I've been waiting for this moment for so many years. Turning around, my eyes mets with grandma's. A wide smile was plastered on her face that was covered with scars and wrinkles, but if still felt really warm, like mum's. I inched towards grandma, sat down and held her hand. 

"Are you that excited, my dear?" she chuckled lightly, caressing my cheek with her finger. 

I nodded anxiously with a grin, "Yes, grandma! I can't wait to see Dongjun! He's going to be really cute for sure, I promise, grandma!" 

Grandma chuckled once again and gave my head a pat. "Yes, Hyomin dear. I'm sure little Dongjun would be really cute, like you." 

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally saw Daddy trudging out of the place with his red, b with tears. "Oh my, Doojun-ah, why are you crying?" Grandma asked, flustered. I followed behind and wanted to know what was going on, why he seemed so empty deep within. "I have good news, and bad news." Daddy paused, looking into my eyes. "The baby is healthy and fine. But," He paused once more, his vision focusing on grandma's one this time round.

"Minjung.. is gone." 

I heard grandma's gasp, I looked at her and her eyes were wide and tears fell continously. "What did you just say?" Daddy nodded, "Oh my! Our Minjung! No! Oh no no!" I slowly realized what was happening and immediately took in the harsh truth, what made grandma and daddy so broken.

Mum passed away.

"Mum, she lot too much blood giving birth to Dongjun. The doctor's tried to save her, but it was too late. She's gone to heaven now." Daddy explained while hugging grandma. Grandma's pain could be seen, it was so different from her previously warm and loving eyes. They were now just filled with pain and even more pain. And the smallest and only thing you could do to release the slightest bit of agony is by crying.

My phone fell onto the ground with a loud thud resonating around the empty hallways of the hospital. I was stunned at the news, and the pain just got more intense. "Mum..." was all I could say before I, too, fell onto the ground wailing. It felt as if I was being stabbed in the chest with a knife, each painful memory cutting deeper than the last. Crying, at the fact that I would never be able to see my mum ever again. I would never be able to say 'I love you' to her, never taste her cooking, never go on happy family dinners, never crash into my parents' bed, never give my mum a warm and satisfying hug. Ever again. I couldn't accept the truth, I just couldn't.

Because it only seemed like seconds ago, she told me that she'll see me later.

"Hyomin-ya, mummy's going to come out later, alright? Just sit there and wait with grandma. Have fun talking, the both of you. Love you both, see you later." And with that last smile all of us saw, she was being pushed into the separate room to welcome Dongjun to the world. But who knew, that she would be gone so soon? No one.

She was gone, and that was the harsh truth, left with the 13 year old me.