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Bestfriend?

That’s the word we always said to each other. No secrets between us two but what the heck is that? Just what is that?

4 freaking months of dating our own senior and I know it when you said it out loud in the cafeteria, in front of your own little fanclub, in front of everyone.

No secrets? That is the biggest secret I have heard. But I’m not the one who know it first. You treat me like I am your friend and only that. Where’s the bestfriend word? Where’s the promise of ‘No secrets between us’ ?

I can still remember it clearly. It’s just like yesterday. It replay in my minds a thousandth times everyday. “I, Byun Baekhyun standing here to tell all of you in this university that I and Taeyeon sunbae are dating!” that’s what I never thought of. I never knew you will be dating your own ideal type. I always tease you about you and her. How you look perfectly with each other, and how you’ll pout saying to stop teasing. I kept saying that I ship you guys, tease you everytime I saw her with other guys but heck, you really date her.

“Congratulations.” is one word I said before turning my heels and.. ran. Ran away from you with tears streaming down my face. The image of you holding her hands in front of everyone, the word that you and Taeyeon sunbae are dating replaying with each steps I take that day. That’s when I realise... I’ve fallen in love with you. My own bestfriend.

10 years of staying by your side and why doesn’t I realise? Why I am too late to realise my own feelings? Why must I hate Taeyeon sunbae when she did nothing wrong? She did not take you away from me. I am the one who let her to.

As times goes by, you shut people off. After that day, you’re becoming cold. Maybe because your little fanclub negative respons? But I am here for you. I am your bestfriend, yet you do nothing. You don’t come to my house and ask for my advice. You don’t come to school since then. And I don’t see anything like you and sunbae dating. Your little fanclub is fine now, Taeyeon sunbae is learning like always, laughing like always but you? You don’t even come here.

I am also fine. Aish fck that. Not really fine but hey, I still can smile like always.

Forced myself to look okay. Stubborn. Not honest with myself. I really am a fool right?

Then, I will cry all alone. Like.. now. Here. Without you, comforting me like you always do.

I will suddenly mad at you for nothing. But I really am mad, at the fact you act like I am nothing for you. Like we don’t even know each other. The word ‘bestfriend’ is vanishing. Why don’t you come? Why Byun Baekhyun why?

I stand up and wipe my tears. Slightly opening the curtain to look at the outside world. “It’s going to rain.” I sighed. Baekhyun, I seriously felt alone. We always come here together, at this abandoned room. Telling secrets to each other. But I have no one anymore. “Why can’t you just be Fearless like you always do?”

I close the door behind me. Walk pass the hallways and finally outside. Grabbing the umbrella you gave me, I walk into the rain.

I smiled at the sky, suddenly thinking of how you will sing when it’s raining. “I’m singing in the rain..” I sing quietly, unknowingly smiling to myself. “Just singin’ in the rain..” I sing as I walked to your house, again. I determined to make yoube you again. If this is my only wish, I’ll wish for you.

It had been 2 weeks I’m going to your house. But you’ll never open the door for me. Don’t you even want to look at me? Are we really are nothing now? Tell me something, draw a clear line between us. Please.

“This rain will just get heavier. I just want you to know what I really want. It’s okay if you are with her, at least we’re still bestfriend.” I smile weakly at the image of me standing in front of your house like some sort of your sasaeng. People will thought I’m crazy especially your neighbours. I’m sure they will think I am some sort of a psycho because I keep talking to myself when you’re not inviting me in. Yup, I am seriously a psycho.

“Things I do to you Byun Baekhyun.” I sighed yet again as I stand in front of your doorstep. The dark clouds keep pouring a thousand sheets of water. Thunder grumbling here and there. Yet, I stand here, just looking at your slightly open curtain from your bedroom.

I took a deep breath before calling you as cheerful as I can, “Byun Baekhyun~!!”. I chuckled, “Yah, I know that you’re peeking from your bedroom. You think I don’t know you?”. The thunder flash and I flinched, but I still continued, “Today again, our teacher is reaaally bad. He don’t even called your name to check your attendance. Aish, it’s not like you already drop from the school, right?”

“Taeyeon sunbae is