Listen to this song while reading. :)

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“Can you just tell me what the problem is?”

I asked Kris who seemed so distant to me these past few weeks. At first, I thought it was just because he’s gotten really sick that it’s too communicable and I can’t even see him for almost a week. I understand that he didn’t want me to get sick as well but it’s been 3 weeks that he’s being like this.

It was like he’s always on the rush whenever we are together. He would give all the excuses like he has practice for archery, he has to review for all the lessons he missed when he was absent from school and all. I want to buy his excuses, but my mind couldn’t stop thinking that there’s more to his distance.

Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye and we caught onto something.

I hold onto the night, you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me.

He looked at me and sighed. “I’m just tired, Ashin.” He told me.

I stared at my feet. Tired? How can he be tired when we just got to the mall and we even stayed at Starbucks? How can he get tired when all he did was rest? We are on a date, our 2nd anniversary date, but we’re like strangers sitting on one table. We don’t even speak.

Were you just kidding?

'Cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down. We almost never speak.

I don't feel welcome anymore.

Baby, what happened? Please, tell me ‘cause one second it was perfect, now you're half way out the door.

“You know what? We should’ve celebrated our anniversary at home, while watching some sappy movies or what rather than going out.” He suddenly spoke. He sounded really uninterested.

I continued to stare at my feet. “I thought you hate those kinds of set ups.” I replied softly and I heard him sigh heavily.

“Then, can we just go wherever you wanted to go?” He sounded impatient.

I bit my lip and nodded. It was what he wanted to do, as long as I could remember. He really loves shopping. So, for our 2nd anniversary, I wanted him to do something he loves with me. I wanted to be with him while he does something that makes him happy.

But why is this the case?

Why do I feel like he’s overly bored that he’s with me? Is it just me and my woman instincts, or…

I shook my head. No. It can’t be.

He told me he loves me. I have to believe in him in order to work this relationship out.

“You are my only one.” Kris kissed the top of my head. “I will love you, forever and always.” He dipped down to kiss my lips.

I shut my eyes to prevent them from tearing up. I don’t know why I’m acting like this but I can’t help myself from getting upset.

I sighed and tried to calm myself down.

“Where are we going exactly?” He asked me. “We’ve been going circles already!” He exasperated.

Going circles? We’re just about a hundred feet away from Starbucks where we came from. How can he say that we’ve been going circles? We even walked straight away? It’s not circle or anything curved at all!

I looked at him then shut my eyes to not cause a scene inside this mall. “Why are you really acting like this?” I asked in the calmest way possible. “Do you have something to do?” I asked again.

He rolled his eyes and placed his hands inside his pockets. “I already told you, I’m tired. I don’t want to go anywhere but my bed.” He replied.

But it’s our anniversary!

I wanted to yell it in front of his face. I wanted to get mad at him. But whenever I do, his words come rushing at me. He loves me. He will love me forever and always.

He will. I had to make myself believe.

I sighed in defeat. “Alright, just go home.” I told him. “You go ahead. I’ll just buy something for Geekie.” I finished, lying. Geekie, my beagle, is at the Vet for his monthly checkup. He’ll be there for three days and he wouldn’t be needing anything.

I just didn’t want to ride with Kris because it really breaks my heart – feeling that he’s not happy while he’s with me.

He raised his brow at me. “And who are you going home with?” He asked me.

“I’ll just take the cab.” I replied and started to walk away.

“Wait!” He grabbed my wrist and he turned me to face him. “You’re not used to taking the cab.” He told me.

I smiled. “I’m going to be fine.” I replied. “You go ahead. I don’t want you to be tired even more.” I told him as I pulled my wrist and walked away.

I don’t want to look back.

Because the tears started to fall.

--

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called.

And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothing at all.

And you flashback to when he said forever and always.

Oh, and it rains in your bedroom. Everything is wrong.

It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone.

'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

No calls. No messages. No nothing.

The next week passed just like a wind. Kris never contacted me. He would reply to my messages and answer my calls but he wouldn’t initiate a call or a message.

My heart is starting to rip into pieces.

What if he’s getting tired of me? What if he doesn’t love me anymore?

His birthday is coming up but I don’t know how he wanted to celebrate it. Last year, we watched the fireworks at a resort that his family reserved just for his birthday. The next day, we ate at a fancy restaurant. We were even feeding each other.

But this year, I don’t know. I don’t even know if he ever has plans to tell me what he will do. Or if I am a part of his birthday plans.

He just seems to be so aloof. And, once again, distant and uninterested.

“Hello?”

I looked up and saw a cute man smiling widely at me. His face is round and his eyes are too small. He looks like someone from a girl group. I just can’t remember because I am really not into K-pop.

“Yes? Can I help you?” I asked him.

He smiled. “I’m actually new to this school.” He started. “So, I don’t know where this place is.” He pointed to his schedule and was asking where room 402 is.

“Oh, I’m headed to that class, too.” I told him as I stood up and took my books from the table.

He smiled widely. “Really?” His small eyes widened. Haha! They are still small even with his effort to make them wide.

“Yes.” I smiled back. “Let’s go.” I told him as we walked to the room.

It’s a different feeling walking with someone I barely know. But somehow, there is this welcoming feeling that when I am with Kris.

Why do I feel like I am closer to this mere stranger than when I am with someone who has been with me for more than two years?

“By the way, what’s your name?” He asked me.

“Ashin,” I replied. “Kim Ashin.” I repeated with my complete name.

He smiled at me and held his hand out. “I’m Minseok. Kim Minseok.” He introduced himself. “But my friends call me Xiumin.” He beamed.

I smiled and took his hand for a shake. “Nice to meet you.” I told him and he replied the same.

“We’re classmates in English.” He beamed. “I guess, I’ll be meeting you often.” He snickered.

I smiled. “I guess so, too.” I replied then we entered the room.

Xiumin immediately found an empty seat because almost all of our classmates are already in. Fortunately, he found a seat that’s behind me, so he’s sitting right behind me. He poked me from the back.

“Hey, is the teacher a terror one?” He whispered.

I chuckled and shook my head. “No.” I replied. “Miss Jang is a very fun teacher.” I added.

He sighed in relief and sat properly. “I’m really nervous.” He laughed weakly.

I smiled. “That’s fine. Everybody passes that stage.” I told him and he gave me another wide and gummy smile.

Miss Jang then came and the lesson went on.