He's sleeping at your arms. You caress his blonde hair while looking at his face. He looks so fragile when he sleeps. He mumbles your name and you can't help but smile.

This was going on for four months. Four months of just ing and no expecting for more. Everyone told you that Kai doesn't do relationships so you tried to stay away from him. Kai also warned you that he doesn't love, he only s the out of everyone he puts his attention to (humans only). You tried to stay away but there was a force that compelled you to go near him. You tried but you failed anyway. It was inevitable that you'll become Kai's next buddy, his buddy. And this inevitably came to ruin you with pain.

He says if you fall in love, you two will stop this game. 

And you did.

You fell in love with the quirks, the faces he made as he laughed, the way he flips his pen, the way his veins shows when he gets angry, and the way he makes you feel alive.

You know you lost the game from the start but you didn't stop playing.

Your parents warned you about vices and drugs in the street were bad but never about Kai's hazel eyes that could make your heart beat.

**

You still remember the night where it all started. You were at a party and it . Parties were never your thing but you put up with the ty event but you're trying to forget about him. About the guy with the hazel eyes and the trouble with him.

You got drunk and you didn't know how you got into a room.

All you remember was the burn coming from your stomach and his eyes piercing into your soul that made you clench your insides. You were hypnotized by the hazel eyes staring fervently into yours.

He smirked when he saw you and you kissed him. You didn't know why or what pushed you to do it but you just felt that you needed to feel him.

He kissed you back. His lips were demanding but firm and slow. He started ing your shirt while he placed feather like kisses on your nose, your chin, across your jaw, and the corners of your mouth.

You didn't know how you two got to the bed and how he got above you. His lips are still demanding, coaxing your mouth. His one hand remains in your mouth, the other travles down to your spine to your waist and to your behind. He holds you against your hips and you feel his hardness. He pushes into you and you can't stop to moan.

You felt tingles all over everywhere and that's when you started to want him on your own.

And then that's where it all started. The ing, the teasing, the pushing and pulling, the falling in love, and the hurting.

You wanted more. You wanted to say I love you but most of the times you just say good night.

**

Kai was driving back to his apartment. The night was beautiful because of the dark sky and the stars was complementing it. It was beautiful but then again, Kai as an he is, has manage to ruin it.

"You're mad." You say quietly while holding your seatbelt like a child.

"Oh am I? I didn't know I was ing mad. Maybe that's why I am magically driving back home." He says sarcastically while still looking at the road. His forehead show creases.

"I don't even know why you're even mad." You said while looking at him.

"Of course, you don't ing know anything! Every time I turn around someone is trying something with you and I am ing sick of it!" He yells, the small space of the car makes his voice louder.

"No one is trying anything! You are being impulsive and a dickhead! You're really pissing me off."

"I'm pissing you off?!" He stops the car. "What am I supposed to do then? Let every ing guy have you?! Hell no!" He looks at you now, hazel piercing into black. He's fuming and you are too.

"It doesn't really matter anyway, does it?!" You snapped.

"What?"

"You don't want a future with me so it doesn't matter!" You bite your tounge becase if you don't, you'll start crying.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" He shouts.

"You know exactly what I mean."

For a moment, he looks baffled and wait . . . was that pain? But before you could distinguish, it was gone.

"You ing know what we're doing. There is no future for us or for this. What the do you expect?" Kai says quietly but with a lingering feel of hate.

"I just want to know what exactly you see happening between us."

"I don't know, whatever happens will happen." He says and starts to drive again.

"This isn't good enough for me." You tell him, your heart nearly breaking.

"Well it has to because that is what you are getting!" He raises his voice.

"You always do this!" You had enough. "You say something messed up and you expect me to just take it and move on. If there isn't a future in this ing ed up relationship we have, then I need to freaking know before I waste anymore time with you!" You yell and your heart stops beating because of the pain overwhelming.

"Well, if anyone is ing wasting their time, it's me!" He yells back. And that's when your heart starts beating again and it breaks. It break into two and you hear it shatter. You feel it bream.

As soon as the car stops in the garage. You went out and slam the door.

"What the is your problem?!" Kai shouts. He looks so angry that for a second you just want to kiss him so this situation would be over but no, you had enough. This is not what you want to do anymore. The pain is sickening and it's killing you.

You thought that Kai will change for you. You thought if you stay long enough, he'll see through things. But no, he didn't. He won't be permanent in your life and he'll just leave wounds that'll turn to scars.

"What is my ing problem, you ask?!" You yell your anger and hurt out. For a second, Kai was bewildered because you never shouted and got angry at this intensity.

"You want me to be honest? I messed up. I ed up because I fell in love with you. I love you more than anything. I don't care if you drink until you pass out. I don't care how much you smoke. I don't care how many girls you ed before me but Jongin . . " You stop and look into those hazel eyes, the one you fell in love with. He was a bit taken back of your outburst and you calling him on his real name. "I had enough. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you. I can't give up but you know what? I need to save myself before you ruin what's something left whole in me."

He looks lost of what you've been saying. He didn't say a thing, he just look into you with a confused expression. You started walking away. You walked until you got outside.

The harsh wind hitting your face. You looked back into his apartment and the ache grows. The cold air doesn't even match up how cold Kai is. He didn't even had the balls to apologize and run to you. And that hurt.

You expect that he will run to catch you, just to apologize and to sa he loves you too but this wasn't a fairytale or a cliché romantic comedy movie, this is reality.and reality hurts like a .

You continued walking alone in the path with a broken heart, leaving Kai. You wished the pain would go away but it did not.

It tore you apart.

**

Kai sat down on his couch and run his hand across his blonde hair. He thought tonight was going to be a good one but guys were hitting on you at the club and that got into his nerve. You were beautiful tonight at your red dress, fitting every curve you have. Kai was astonished and how beautiful you looked on that dress but he wants also to rip it out so he could you.

When you left the apartment that night, Kai waited for you to come back like you always do. He waited and waited and waited to hear your fotsteps rush through the door. He played out every excuse why you're still not coming back. Kai waited for your voice to overwhelm his home. It didn't come. Kai sat on the floor, just waiting. 

It never came, you never came back.

The next morning when he woke up, you were still gone. He felt a stinging pain his chest and longing. He thought it was just some random thing but it wasn't. The pain in his chest took over the whole of his body. He knew what was the cure, it was you.

On the second day, Kai was exhausted as . He keeps on trying to focus on his subjects but he can't. He did everything that he could. He exhaust himself so he can forget you. So he can forget your unreadable black eyes, the way you say his name, the way you giggle at his lame attempts on joking, the way you smile at him, and the way you make him feel something not understandable.

He ended at a club down the street by eight. A girl was flirting with him, at first Kai thought it was you but the more he stared, the more he realized that the girl wasn't you. Her eyes were dull and yours was full of life. And he stopped, something is wrong with him, why the would he think about eyeballs?

He got home and started to scream out your name because that was a growing habbit but he remembered, you two were already over.

Day three was when it started. Small thoughts of you kept sneaking in at the most random times. 

He think he needs to find a new buddy but the idea made him nauseated. Kai only wants to hold you and make love to you. He doesn't want anymore anyone just kissing him, touching him, and making him feel, he wants it to be you. 

That's the day Kai started to admit that he misses you.

He kept staring at your picture. He didn't even know how did he manage to stole a hundreds of photographs of you without knowing.

While looking through the pictures, Kai kept remembering the way your voice sounds and he asks himself if he could ever hear your voice again.

That day, day five is when the weight appeared on Kai's chest. A constant reminder of what he have done, and mostly what he had lost.

Day five is when he desperately wished you would call him.

Day five is when he doesn't even eat because he keeps thinking if you have eaten. If the lost he is feeling, is killing you too.

Day five is when he missed every god damn thing about you, the infuriating girl with kind eyes.

Day five was the day that Kai finally broke down. He cried like a . He cried and cried. He couldn't stop. He tried desperately but you wouldn't leave his mind. kai saw you and you kept saying you love him, you kept hugging him, and when he realized it was his imagination, he cried again.

Day six was when Kai woke up with swollen and bloodshot eyes.

Day six was when Kai finally realizes he loves you too damn much to give up.

*

"Hello." Kai says as he opens the door to your apartment. He has keys because you trust him enough.

You were not ready for this, to see him again. You don't want to see his face because you'll just stumble back and the out of him.

"Why are you here?" You snapped at him. You look at him, trying to put a poker face, giving nothing away. 

Kai doesn't look good as he usually does. He got bags under his eyes, maybe because of senseless ing other girls. The idea made you cringed.

"I'm sorry." He says, he sits beside you awkwardly at the couch.

"What do you want?" You asked again. You didn't want to succumb so you tried at your hardest not to cry and hug him 

"I had been waiting for you." He looks at you with so many emotions. "I had been waiting you to come back. Being with you had become second nature. And somewhere in the last few days, when I never got one phone call, and you never showed up at my house, and we never ran into each other, I started feeling that I need you." He says.

"I am not your five-minute cigarrete break. You can't put me out after lighting me up." You explain to him. You don't want this. Him saying sorry but not meaning anything. He keeps pushing you away and he'll pull you back to hell. Kai was never have been a blue calm sea. He have been always a storm 

"I was fine before I knew what we felt like together. I was fine with the good enoughs, the screams, the yelling, the , the small loves, the things that could never break me. You are . . . . " He fought back the tears. He's not good telling what he feels and he doesn't want to but if breaking his walls would take you back in his arms, he would.

"You are the first person who made me feel weak. You send electricity throught my body whenever you touch me. You are the dopamine shooting through me and I didn't know what happiness is before us." He looks at you lovingly.

"I . . . " His heart palpitates and says. "I love you."

And there was silence. There wasn't volcanoes exploding, fireworks erupting, butterflies hovering at your stomach, or even music playing. There wasn't any cheesy novelist description.

There was this lingering silence and it was broke when you kissed him. The kind of silence which is warm and comforting. The kind of silence where only two people could only share if there's a mutual kind emotion overpowering.

He kissed you back with such longing and love. A kiss that radiated his hidden feelings.

Kai broke away and asked, "Do you forgive me?" Looking shy and adorable.

"You had me when you said hello." You said and kissed him back.