“Do you still remember that day? The day I thought I completely lost you?” 

I suddenly ask her. I know it’s a surprise for me to ask that but I just can’t help to remember it since it occurred on a rainy day like this.

She’s my friend but I couldn’t help but wonder if she felt anything more to me. You know, more than friends should be. If sometimes she sees me as a man not just a friend. I didn’t know when I started to see her differently but one thing I’m sure, I think I love her. She became a big part of my life and I’m happy knowing that I’m the one who makes her happy all the time. I’m happy that I'm the reason behind her smile and the way she depends on me made me feel glad. 

I thought If only I could keep her forever by my side, I will do it. But because I was afraid of losing her, I couldn't confess my feelings. What if she only sees me as her friend? What if she has someone else in her heart? I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I didn’t want to. She’s so special to me that I decided to hide my feelings and continue to be her friend just to stay by her side forever. But being just her friend became difficult to me. My basket ball team mates and other male student started to notice her beauty and I couldn't do anything to it since I’m just her friend, nothing more than that. I really hated myself for pushing her away from me every time someone asked her out. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” she asked.

“Go ahead. Don’t worry about me. Have to do something else anyway.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

Though I was clearly hurt about it I just smiled not showing a hint of my feeling to her. “Enjoy yourself and don’t go home too late,” I said.

She was waving her hand in front of me. Then she started to turned around heading on the right side with the other man. I just stood there as I slowly saw her back walking away from me. I remember that was the time I was really giving her up. I exhaled, indeed I was losing her and it to see her like that. I turned around and walked to the opposite side. I couldn’t feel worst that this. Then suddenly rain drops poured. I thought it was coming from my eyes. I thought I was crying, because the moment I was so afraid of happened in that day. The day I completely lost her. Then I saw on my way the unforgettable big tree where I saw her the first time we met. It was ironic that it was raining when I met her and it was raining again when I lost her. I suddenly realized that I fall for her the moment I saw her under this tree. The moment I looked at her sad eyes and decided to make her happy for the rest of her life. It was raining hard and I was freezing but I just stood there looking at that tree. I hoped she was still there waiting for me to come and help her again. But that was impossible, she had someone else who can protect her and help her whenever she needed to. I was nothing to her. All of a sudden a thought came to my mind. I looked around to make sure no one’s there and when I knew I was alone, I started to confess my feelings to her out loud. I knew she couldn’t hear it because it wasn’t my intention after all. I wanted to let my feelings out. I thought at least letting this big burden of mine out would make me feel better. I closed my eyes then inhaled.

“It hurt for me to see you with someone else but how can I say I love you when I’m just a friend to you. You know what, I’m really afraid of losing you that if I can only put you inside my pocket and carry you around with me all the time will help me ease my worries, I will do it because no matter what I’m doing, in some way shape or form, you’re always on my mind.”

After that I started to feel better than before. It was refreshing that I let it all out. At that point I felt the rain stopped. I opened my eyes slowly then was surprised to see her standing in front of me, holding an umbrella under my head. I froze. She didn’t hear it, right? No, it was impossible. 

No. No. No. 

I looked at her beautiful eyes and tried to read what’s on her mind. However, I couldn’t figured it out. She was staring at me blankly. I was afraid to lose her once again, afraid to lose her completely. I couldn't be her boyfriend from the start and now worst I couldn't be her friend anymore. I was about to walked out, away from her but before I could do it, a pair of arms s around my waist while she let her umbrella fell on the ground. The hug felt so natural, sweet and affectionate. We stayed like that under the freezing rain. Both didn't know what to do in that sudden situation we are in. I was shocked, but at the same time didn't want to ruined the good atmosphere we had. After a while, I tried to break her embrace and looked directly in her eyes. She was crying. I was so worried that I touched her cheeks and asked her the reason. She shook her head and brought both of her hands on my waist just to hold the hem of my shirt.

“I’m just happy…to know your feelings…cause…I also…feel..exactly the same…to you,” she said shyly looking in my eyes. I was surprised by her answer and at the same time relieved that she loves me too. I put my arms around her waist and pull her close to me. Just wanted to make sure that was really happening to me and that she was real in my arms.

“I really thought I completely lost you.” I said then kissed her forehead.

"I really thought I completely lost you." I say then kiss her passionately. This time it's different from what I had done in the past. We separate and she shyly bow her gaze to the ground. I put a finger under her chin, making her raise her head and forcing her to look at me.

"I love you. Gain-ah" I say. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know what I would do without you by my side."

Our eyes meet and I see that her's lit up.

"I love you too, Kwon-ah" she whisper then.

Those are the words I had prayed to hear and until now I still love to hear from her.

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