He didn’t have a plan on where he was heading to but his feet brought him to a certain place where lovely memories are buried there; his school’s field. He sat down under a shady tree, which he and Donghae used to hang out and date. Used to, because ever since Donghae was sick to the point that he couldn’t go to school anymore, that place was nearly forgotten. Somehow, that place gave familiar warmth, although this time, the other occupant was nowhere to be seen.

Chuckling to himself with their memories with teary eyed, Hyukjae noticed that the book was still in his hand because he was to busy handling with the emotions earlier and forgot that he carried it all along.

Taking a deep breath, Hyukjae opened the book slightly and scanned the pages. It was the exact same book that he read to Donghae earlier.  He turned the pages bit by bit, only to frown when he noticed that almost all the pages were written with dates. He stopped when he saw his name on the page. His eyes became teary all again as he read the book, that’s when it hit him; it was Donghae’s diary.

Monday, 4 April

Dear diary,

Today has been the best day of my life! Well, each day passed, having Hyukkie by my side is meaningful, but today is better because today is his birthday! He looks so happy and I don’t know why, but seeing him smile like that all day long gives me warmth. I’m happy to because he kept on repeating that he loves my birthday present. So, those two sleepless nights while planning for his birthday surprise wasn’t a waste after all, was it? Even if he doesn’t like it, it still won’t be a waste because it’s all for Hyukjae, for the love of my life.

Sobbing to himself, Hyukjae flipped the pages and found pictures on the page. Most of those pages were filed with his pictures rather than Donghae although the diary was Donghae’s. The diary seemed like a diary of a stalker, if someone else sees it, because  more than half of the diary was about Hyukjae. His life was all about Hyukjae.

One of the picture was a picture of himself , sleeping. Donghae was beside him, pressing the cheeks together while pouting cutely. A small note was attached to the picture.

This is my Angel Hyukkie! ^^ Isn’t he perfect? Doesn’t he look so peaceful and calm when he sleeps? I wish I can give you this sort of calmness so that you’ll be happy, Hyukkie-ah! I’m going to give you a wake up kiss!

Hyukjae chuckled remembering the memory. He was woken up with shower of kisses and sounds of gentle love whispers from a vey affectionate Donghae that morning. Hyukjae struggled hard to push his annoying lover because he was really late for school but the fish was too possessive. A minute later, they fell off the bed and they ended up laughing because of their own silliness.

However, Hyukjae’s light chuckle stopped instantly when his eyes paused on a page that was written pretty badly. Hyukjae found it quite difficult to read the words because it was smudged. It seemed like it was stained by water. Or perhaps, tears.  

15 October

Dear Diary,

I went to the hospital today to go for a medical check-up as Hyukjae kept on telling me to see doctor because of my poor condition of health. The stubborn Donghae finally listen to his worried Hyukjae and went to see the doctor.

Hyukjae didn’t come with me. I’m glad he didn’t or else, he’ll be crying for days, or even weeks. The result was pretty shocking for me, and after hours of crying alone at the hospital, I came to accept that everything is fate.

“It’s too late now,” that’s what the doctor told me before I sank to the ground and cried really hard. I’m not weak, I keep on telling this to myself but they’re too many obstacles that I have to face, too many burden that I have to handle which makes me think that it’s all just too much.

I don’t want to burden Hyukjae, no way. It’s terrible enough that he has no one to depend on aside from his mother. His mother won’t be able to take care of him too, since she’s already old.

Who would Hyukjae turn to when I’m gone? Who would take care of him when I won’t be beside him anymore? I hate myself for asking the questions that I know very well would lead us to nothing.

Hyukjae, when I’m gone, please, find someone else to take care of you. Be happy, for my sake. I won’t be able to look after you, but I’ll still be loving you, remember that. Just like what I taught you, Hyukkie, look for someone that loves you from deep within, loves you for who you are. Love is powerful, it can bloom or hurt people’s heart.

For the past years I’ve been with you, I’ve never felt a single pain because you’re always there for me. Although I’m tired or sick, it doesn’t matter because I have you.

Love that person with all your heart, just like how I love you, will you?

I won’t be able to make you happy, but I trust you to find your own happiness. Eventhough  it hurts me to accept this, believe me, I’ll be smiling widely once I see your gummy smile that I always love from above.

Find your love for me.

I love you. I love you, my Lee Hyukjae

Hyukjae ended up his monologue with the picture of calm, loving Donghae in his mind. He brought up his knees and buried his face, letting soft sobs to escape his lips. The diary was hugged by him tightly as he recalled an unpleasant memory.

“Hello?” Hyukjae started the conversation when he picked up his phone.

“Hello, is this Mr.Lee Hyukjae?” the other line responded, the voice was a voice of an unknown man.

“Yes, this is Mr.Lee Hyukjae speaking; may I know who is this?” Hyukjae asked, cocking his eyebrow.

“I’m Dr. Choi from Hospital Gyeonggi-do. I found your number from Mr. Lee Donghae’s phone. He didn’t give any other contact number and I called you since your number is the first in his speed dial. I want to inform you that Donghae’s condition is getting worse, he fainted at the hospital,” the doctor replied.

Hyukjae couldn’t help from being shocked with the sudden news but he wasn’t a fool to believe in a stranger. Well, it could be a prank call from their friends who teased them a lot about their relationship.

“Come on, it’s not funny, okay? Is this a real or a fake call?” he snapped, biting his lip. With no particular reason, he started to feel uneasy of the situation. If it’s just another fake call, he swears he’s going to kick their .

“I’m sorry, but this is real. Didn’t he tell you that he suffers from brain cancer?”

*****

Well, not every fairytales have happy endings, don’t they?

*****************

Finally, this story came to an end~~>_<

Can you imagine how hard was it for me to write an angst Eunhae story..? I started crying while I was writing the second page, for God's sake!

I didn't mean to make you guys sad, but I just want to try writing a different kind of genre for my stories..^^ *sorry..T_T*

and I'm going to post my first chapter of 'Sometimes It Hurts To Love II'...the sequel for my previous story~~*YAY!!*

sorry,for the long wait..I promise I'll update the story as frequent as possible..^^

Love, Key~~^^