He always felt like he was inadequate.

Letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, he sniffed, before altering the air-con off. He stood in the equidistant of a practice room, which was long abandoned. He liked it here; no one could beseech him to stop, demand him to take a rest. He could concentrate here. Focus on the things that the SM agency concluded was too discordant to teach.

It’s peculiar. The agency was more compliant than the boy himself.

Trudging and sitting down at the meager opening of the eighteen-floor building’s window. His legs dangled off the edge. Abundant times had he tempted to just jump off, but then he fathomed that he simply had no reason to. He didn’t even need to make himself scarce.

A plastic bottle of murky water lay tangible under his hand, just after he chugged it down.

Above him were stars, the light in the lost. People took stars for granted, authorizing the city lamps to cover them.

The beauties of the stars were fading.

The value of them cheapened.

To him, they weren’t just blazing rocks up in the sky, created by a natural nature force. They were compatible to people; every single one of them resembled humans. Maybe someone that left you, someone you yearned for, or maybe someone you simply haven’t seen in a while.

Stars were degraded, misunderstood and permitted plain. Notably in this small town, where most people were befuddled by greed, power and wealth.

He felt like a star lost in the bleak skyline, full of blemishes that attempted a game of hide and seek amongst shadows and shimmering lights.

Abstraction, however was that what blinded him.

The sullenness of his passion took over; making him sense that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve his fan’s adulation.  Somehow it didn’t even make sense. He wasn’t reputable yet, how did his fans even notice him?

Others, trainees like him, were diligent, practicing thirteen hours a day just for a four-minute choreography. He always felt like he was defective, the cause of his over-practice. While those trainees that worked alongside him went home to sojourn their families and be praised with a roasted dinner on the table, he had always had his own big run away to this particular discotheque. Disciplining himself some more. Meeting every possibility he could. Dancing until he let all the feelings in his legs go astray and when he couldn’t endure it any longer. Perfecting his every move until he collapsed on the stiff wooden tiles of the room.

He conjectured, deep inside, if the members in his soon-to-debut group ever felt like he wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t copious enough. People idolized and adored him because he was an accomplished person, a charming soon-to-be-visual and a beautiful inspiration.

Nevertheless, Myungsoo still felt like he was lacking.

His stomach shook, as he was casted away in count of how long he was giving in to his thoughts. Letting them be louder than his voice. Controlling.

He wanted to be distracted, his head hurt.

Myungsoo dissipated both feet back inside the room again as he took the escalator, descending to the ground floor. His footsteps silenced by the dust long thought from being cleaned. He opened the door, letting out a small creak and headed his way.

Ahead of him was a humble café, ‘Café Te Amo’. He smiled innermost, remembering a certain occurrence; struggling with the thought of whether he should go inside or choose a further place.

Upon seeing an unfamiliar barista catching him gawking, he decided to stroll away.

He paced down a street walk with ancient English buildings on both his sides, savoring the tense smell of the bittersweet and cold midnight air.

He felt a clasp in his back as he widened his eyes and caressed it slowly.

His footsteps took him to a jetty, aloft the silent ocean. Still and quiet; reflecting the full moon conspicuously. He contemplates sight of a silhouette at the borderline of the pier alone. The figure’s back was to him, observing the waves at the dead of the night.

Myungsoo slowly approached the stranger to realize it was a girl. Gawking; he shook his head around and scowled. She was alone. Her hair and long skirt fluttered due to the benign breeze. Her crisp pastel blue coat was folded in a nearby bench, her white canvas rucksack on top to stop it from being airborne. She was grasping onto the rail, a small smile was smeared across her face. She was beautiful.

Myungsoo hesitated before he abided right next to her.

Upon recognizing a presence next to her, the girl flinched the slightest. She commenced one eye open before heaving a sigh.

“You.”

“Yeah.”

She accorded a deviant countenance, which compelled him to chuckle.

“You know,” Myungsoo pointed out, “It’s not safe for you to be out here. It’s dangerous.”

“Who are you to tell me what to do?”

“Who are you to be roaming alone at night?”

“Well, you're here now.”

“You never know what I could do to you.”

“Eh.”

Myungsoo saw her contorted face and explicitly poked her earlobes several times. She shuddered and entrusted him a death glare, giggling the teeniest bit. He continuously did it until she became ticklish and demanded him to stop in between laughter. 

“Y-ah,” she hiccupped, “Look what-” another hiccup, “You d-” and another hiccup, “-id, to me.”

Myungsoo couldn’t clutch his amusement in anymore, inciting her pout.

He barely stopped laughing before he put on his most childish side and gave her his best Frankenstein face, letting his image ruin, and tilting his head to her. She widened her eyes before bursting out into a laughing fit.

“Hahahaha. Oh my god. Your face.” She hid her embarrassment in her hands, “Where did your dignity go?”

He detected the small loss and grinned at her, “At least it’s gone.”

“Is that supposed to be a good thing?”

Myungsoo sighed and frowned, “Not that,” he pointed at , a big grin still smeared on his face, “That.”

“Oh!”

They laughed concurrently, their cheeks getting rosy due to the cold and they discerned that a new friendship had just bloomed. Even with just that. The defined paper-thin boundary could’ve been inches away from collapsing right there, between the two of them in this late time. Just a mistake could cause Myungsoo to be swallowed up by an iridescent volley of colours.

“But seriously,” his eyes threatening, “Don’t go out this late, not alone.”

“Yes appa.”

“Yah.”

She giggled until her face contorted again and she looked dismal.

“I honestly don’t mean to. It’s just the time where I can be alone and not alone. And it’s real.”

“What do you mean?”

“My shadow,” she whispered, an indecipherable expression plastered on her face, “The moon casts my shadow.”

“Can’t you see it in the daytime?”

“But I can see others.”

“Then go in your room and switch on one light?” Myungsoo suggested.

“No. It’s not the same. The light isn’t…” she fiddled with her fingers as she gazed down, attempting to find the right word, “Natural.”

Myungsoo didn’t understand, even as he tried to make sense of her words that had tastes of dejection. But he didn’t want to interrogate her any longer. “Oh, okay. Well enjoy your shadow tonight. If I catch you here again, I won’t have it.”

She bit her lip before she couldn’t hold it in, and let a stray tear drip down her cheek. To her own luck, Myungsoo hadn’t noticed.

She quavered, “Even though I do it, it’s not satisfying. My needs aren't eradicated. They never were.”

“They why continue?” he couldn’t help it. He knew if she wanted to talk, then it meant she wanted to talk. She wanted someone to listen to her. She needed it to keep herself sane.

“It’s the closest thing.”

“Closest thing to what?”

“To my shadow.”

Myungsoo turned a little bit and glanced at a black outline on the aeneous floor, “It’s right there.”

“No,” she shook her head again, and murmured, “My shadows gone.”

Myungsoo saw that she was shivering a bit and although he could’ve just walked to the bench to get her coat, he wanted to talk about something else, her words made him teary. So he decided to lend her his jacket.

“You’re gonna get sick.”

With a genuine beam, the girl silently accepted it as she continued to gaze out to the sea. If you looked adjacently, you’d catch a glance of the floating cherry petals, eerie and pale in the moonlight. The sky overhead was shiny now, not as bleak as before, as they were out in the open with no streetlights. The beauties outshined the blemishes of the stars. Above were airplanes with blinking tails, fooling people to think they were shooting stars.

In this dark light and the faded gleams, the laughter the two shared was luminous and mystical.

The girl’s eyes were slowly drooping as her head collapsed unconsciously and fell onto his shoulder.

He bit his lip in thought, eventually deciding to shake her awake.

“You should go home,” he spoke gently, “I’d let you sleep, but it’s not comfortable.”

The girl let her eye twitch a bit before leading a small sleepy nod. She sheepishly gave him back his jacket and ambled to the bench to grab her belongings. She sat down for a bit, take a deep breath and let herself truly awaken before getting up.

The girl looked at the guy once more.

“You never told me your name.”

“Myungsoo. Kim Myungsoo,” he bore into her eyes as he beamed.

“You already know my name, I’m Jung Soojung,” she confirmed, “Most people call me Krystal though.”