14/03/2012

I remember telling you my interest in the new job faded away. Well, that was not entirely true. After my little embarrassing meeting with Choi Siwon, he often asked my into his office to make him coffee and we would chat a little.
The first one to brought it up was Kyuhyun, when three of us were having lunch at nearby restaurant (more like refectory though), asking what are we talking about.
"Well, uhm... I bring him a coffee and he tells me about the weather, about his morning. Then he asks me about my day. Sometimes I ask him about the new manuscript he's working on. Then he tells me to make him coffee after lunch. And then it's the same all over."
"Really!" Kyuhyun exclaimed, "That's... boring."
"Oh no, it isn't." Heechul interjected, "I think he likes you."
"Heechul, why would you-" Heechul interrupted me by lifting a finger. I corrected myself:
"Heechul-hyung, why would you think that? He just talks about nonsenses."
"But he doesn't do that with anybody!"
"That's truth, actually," Kyuhyun bore out what Heechul said, "I never saw him chit-chatting with Leeteuk nor anyone in the office. But if Siwon likes him, why is he so lame?" He turned to Heechul. As if that was serious matter and I wasn't competent to answer.
"Exactly! I have no idea though. However, people talk. I even heard my boss saying that Siwon is unprofessional and disgusting."
Kyuhyun made a face: "Ouch, these are strong words."
"Wait," I snapped, "your boss - like Hyukjae?" Heechul nodded.

So Hyukjae thinks I'm disgusting?

I didn't have time to think about it more since Heechul and Kyuhyun continued in developing their conspire theories. At the end of our break Heechul cut the conversation:
"Like I said, I don't know why he's acting like that. He's probably just shy or something, but you, dear Donghae, are privileged. It's definite."

Later the same night I found myself unable to sleep due to thinking about Hyukjae. Does he really think that I'm disgusting? I thought I was over my crush. So why did it strike me like that? It... hurt.
Because when he says that Siwon is disgusting for liking me, it is meant for me as well since I'm gay too, right?
I sort of thought he offered me the job to save me and have me closer. And I know I said I didn't want him to be a prince, yet I did want that, deep inside.
What if I told him what I'd felt about him and he'd laugh into my face? Worst, punch me for being a ?

I was too upset to sleep. So even though I promised myself not to smoke alone, I put out a box of cigarettes and lighted up one.

15/03/2012

The very next day I decided. I still haven't met Hyukjae in the work and I should just go and thank him again. Maybe I could explain the thing with Siwon to him. 
I couldn't help not to care what he thinks of me.

I was in favour in stars. Hyukjae was supposed to stay late in work, Heechul said, and assistants were allowed to go home.
Around 8pm I made a vanilla latte, put it on coaster and went down the hall where Hyukjae's office resided without being worried about other coworkers' stares or something.

I knocked at the door and waited. But nothing happened. Few moments later I knocked again. I was too polite to come in without inviting.So I knocked again decided I'd just come in after the fifth knock when the door swung open.

"I told you not to distu-" Angry Hyukjae standing there and screaming into my face suddenly stopped himself realising who's the disturber.
"I-I'm sorry, sir. I just-" I showed him the coffee.
He looked at me and then at the coaster and let me in. I put it on his table while he was staring at me from the closed door.
"I expected you much sooner."
"I'm sorry, sir-" I started to apologise.
"Don't call me that. Just Hyukjae would go." This time I could see a warm smile inside of his eyes, although it didn't reach the lips.
I started again. "I'm sorry. I wanted to come sooner... But the new job was overwhelming. And I didn't meet you here not even once." I smiled, "Thank you for giving me this chance." He smiled a little too. "I like working here." And then his smile dropped.

"I see." He said coldly and added, "Thank you for the coffee."
I sensed he was about to kick me out so I quickly said: "It's latte. Vanilla latte. With strawberry sugar. Just as you like it."

Now, I totally didn't understand. I was acting like a . I stutter? I fawn? My heart beated rapidly and felt all so nervous just as I did in those days in Starbucks. And maybe even more because now it was just me and him.

"The suit looks good."
"Sorry?" I blinked.
"I said that the suit looks good on you," he repeated himself.

I blushed. I blushed even more when I realised he was still checking me out.
And to make the situation less (or more?) embarrassing, I mumbled: "Why didn't you put me in your office?"

Lol. I have no words.