part one

Twisting and turning in his sleep, Sanghyuk flung the blanket that had been wrapped around him to the floor. His eyes were tightly closed against the darkness of the room, and he was shaking, sweating. "No, no..." He moaned in his sleep, fingernails digging into the sheets under him, trying to find some way to escape the pain that his nightmare was bringing him. "Suyeon-ah...no. No!" 

Sanghyuk sat up quickly, panting and looking around in the darkness for her. He wiped his forehead clean of his sweat with the back of his arm when he realized that she wasn't there. He knew that she wouldn't be there, but there was still a rather intense part of him that hoped she would be. Even though he knew that she was eternally sleeping in a brown wooden casket that was buried back in Seoul, Sanghyuk felt as if her presence was in Busan with him. 

In all honesty, the disturbed male believed that Suyeon had been haunting him ever since her death. It wasn't like he could really blame her since he held himself completely responsible. 

Currling up into a ball at the top of the bed, he silently cried, letting the tears fall down his cheeks and onto his pillow without even the slightest attempt to stop them. "Suyeon-ah," he whispered into the darkness. "I'm sorry."

"Hyuk-ah!" She called to him, waving her hands up in the air and skipping backwards in front of him. 

They were leaving a club in Hongdae around one in the morning. Sanghyuk wasn't really interested in such things, but Suyeon wanted the experience. And, as always, he lived to please her. They were going to Sanghyuk's apartment to get some rest before their engagement party the next day.

"Hyuk-ah!" She called to him again, wanting him to chase her, or at least to catch up with her.

Sanghyuk broke into a jog and caught her, picking her up and kissing her lightly on the lips before setting her back down. Both were tipsy from the drinks they shared at the club, and Suyeon began giggling, placing her fingers on her lips where Sanghyuk had kissed her. 

Putting her hands in his, Suyeon smiled happily. "I'm your first love, right?"

His first instict was to say yes, but something held him back. Sanghyuk hesitated multiple times, but he wasn't sure why he couldn't get the answer out. He knew that he'd never been in love with anyone else other than Suyeon, so why couldn't he tell her?

Suyeon noticed his hesitation, and her smile fell from her lips slowly. She snatched her hands away from his and started walking away from him.

"Suyeon-ah! Wait! Why are you mad? You know you're my first and only love! Suyeon-ah," he yelled, running to catch up with her.

The two began arguing about commitment as they walked to Sanghyuk's apartment, so it kept them from paying attention to where they were going. The alcohol was going to their heads, and they ended up walking through one of Hongdae's rare, deserted streets. There was only one working light, and they weren't close to it yet, so it was darker than it had been before. 

Despite her anger, Suyeon clung to Sanghyuk because she had a bad feeling about walking down that street. She shook his arm desperately, asking, "Hyuk-ah, let's go back the other way. Please? Han Sanghyuk!"

Sanghyuk pulled his arm away, still upset with the argument, rolling his eyes. "What's wrong with you? It's just a darker street than before. Besides, it's quicker this way."

"It's too dark! And I'm scared."

He rolled his eyes again and kept walking even though Suyeon stopped. "Then go back yourself." Usually, he'd never leave her side, but the alcohol and his anger were affecting his sensibility. 

Suyeon frowned at her boyfriend, but she walked closer to stay by his side. They were getting closer to the light, but they were blocked off by a group of men coming from the shadows. They had come from inside a dingy-looking building. When they noticed the couple, they started smiling in a taunting manner.

"What do we have here?" One of them asked. "Look at this pretty girl with this guy."

"Wow, she looks scared."

"You don't think your boyfriend will protect you, babe?"

Suyeon shrunk back from the taunting voices of the strange men, nearly hiding behind Sanghyuk's back. Sanghyuk, on the other hand, let the alcohol take over and chuckled humorlessly, glaring at the group of men. "Who are you talking about? Us? You wouldn't do anything, s."

"Wow! This guy's got balls! I think we should teach him a lesson."

One of the taller guys of the group shook his head, walking up to Sanghyuk and Suyeon. He put his arm around the woman's waist, causing her to try and squirm away. This only made the man hold onto her tighter. "Instead, let's teach his little girlfriend here a lesson. Honey, you really shouldn't be dating such a jerk. I'm much more handsome, don't you think?"

Sanghyuk caught a glimpse of the man's arm around Suyeon, and he pulled her away from the man, shoving the man back. "Like hell you are. Don't ing touch her."

The man's eyes narrowed and he pulled Suyeon from Sanghyuk's grip, shoving her towards his friends. Sanghyuk stepped forward to retrieve her, but two men, much stronger than he was, held him back. He seemed to go crazy, trying his best to release himself from their hold. 

"Well, we'll just see what kind of man she likes." The man who'd touched her before, took her arm and dragged her back in front of Sanghyuk. He ignored her cries and screams and stripped her down. 

Feeling himself sober up immediately, he wanted to close his eyes? What had he done? He watched helplessly, struggling against the men holding him back, as the man touched Suyeon inappropriately. He violated her body, held her closer despite her squirms, suffocated her to silence her screams.

Sanghyuk saw it in her eyes: fear, hatred, and shame. He wanted to take it back; he wanted to go back in time to make sure she was safe.

He began hating himself as he watched the man Suyeon right in the middle of the street in front of his friends. He winced in pain every time she cried out in pain. Sanghyuk could hear the man hitting her with his fists repeatedly and Suyeon sobbing on the ground.

Thinking it was over when he couldn't hear Suyeon crying anymore, Sanghyuk realized that he'd closed his eyes. He opened them to find his girlfriend beaten on the ground. He stared closely and noticed that she wasn't breathing. The men let him go, and he fell on the ground next to her.

"Suyeon-ah!" He cried, shaking her violently. He tried to wake her up as he shook her body harder. "Wake up! Suyeon-ah, wake up! Suyeon-ah! Choi Suyeon!" Tears were rolling down his face, his voice going hoarse from yelling. The men had left, laughing at what they'd done.

"I'm sorry, Suyeon-ah," Sanghyuk whispered once more before falling back into a restless sleep.

►►►►►

In a car on its way to Busan was a young man on the phone with his mother. "Don't worry, Umma. I'll be fine, seriously. I'm only staying at the beach house for the summer." The man wasn't actually sure if this was ture or not, but he didn't want to upset his mother more than he already had. 

"I can't help but worry about you, Hongbin-ah. I don't think you're okay. Maybe you should go back to the hospital?" She suggested in a quiet voice.

"I'm not crazy, Umma," he whispered back to her, a bit hurt that she didn't believe in him. "I just need time to myself, time to think."

"You've had time to think for ten years, Hongbin. What more is there to think about? And what good will it do to go back to the place where the accident happened?"

She had a point. Going back could probably put Hongbin in an even worse mental and emotional state than he was already in. Sighing, he replied, "I have to do this. I will call you when I get there." He hung up the phone before she could say anything more.

When Hongbin arrived at the beach house in Busan, he immediately put his things down and went down to the beach. This time a year, there was barely anybody on the beach, so he was alone. He was grateful for the solitude as his heart started to beat faster and his hands started shaking.

He'd managed to avoid this place for ten years, but he wanted to face it now. Hongbin saw down slowly near the water, crossing his legs and looking out into the water.

"Wow," he said to himself. "I can't even remember what you look like anymore." He was talking to the person he'd fallen in love with as a teenager ten years ago during a vacation to the beach with his family. "I don't even remember your name, and I'm sorry. My psychiatrist..." Hongbin paused, chuckling weakly. "My parents made me get one after you died. I was wreck...still am. They all tried to make me forget, said that it was better that way."

Shaking his head, Hongbin stared at the sand surrounding and under his feet. "But I don't agree. Isn't it better to remember? I wish now that I remembered you. You must be mad at me for forgetting, right? I remember that you had quite a temper sometimes." He laughed softly again, wiping the tears from his face. "You must be making those other angels so irritated." His lips curled down in a light frown, brows furrowing. "I'm surprised you haven't haunted me. We both know that it was my fauly. I knew that you couldn't swim, yet I made you, anyway. Then... Then I got scared when that big wave came, and I left you out there by yourself... Do you hate me? I hope not. Because I still love you."

►►►►►

In a similar beach house, Sanghyuk sat in front his living room window with his forehead pressed against the glass. He gazed out at all of the seagulls flying and eating on the beach. He'd been at the beach house since Suyeon died one year ago, but he never left the house. Food and all other necessities were delivered to him, and he did nothing all day. It was his punishment for Suyeon.

He remembered playing with other kids years ago when his family came down for vacation every summer. He'd made some good friends, but that part of his adolescence was lost to him. He'd had a tragic accident, causing him to lose some of his memory, so he didn't remember much of anything before the age of 16.

"Hyuk-ah! Let's find a feather! Seagull feathers are lucky, you know."

Sanghyuk sat up instantly, brows knitting together. Suyeon? No, that memory couldn't have been of Suyeon because they'd never gone to the beach together. Sighing, he muttered, "Great. Now I'm being haunted by my dead girlfriend, and I'm remembering things that I forgot a long time ago." He got up from his chair and proceeded to the bathroom. "Life is so fun," he added sarcastically.

When he returned to the living room, he glanced out of the window again. "Suyeon-ah," he said aloud. "I know you're here, haunting me. Let's be happy today, okay? Remember how I used to give you presents to make up for our fights?" He paused, imagining Suyeon pretending like she wasn't listening to him. Sanghyuk chuckled at her stubbornness, and he reached out for her imaginary hand. "I will find you a present, okay?"

He knew that he must be crazy, but he didn't want to live like this anymore. He hated the nightmares, he hated being alone, and he hated that Suyeon hated him even in death.

The male wasn't used to the sun beaming down on him directly anymore, so he squinted lightly when he stepped out of the back door, walking down to the sand. He took his slippers off, leaving them by the steps. "Take your socks off, Suyeon-ah." Sanghyuk waited for the imaginary Suyeon in his mind before leading her to a flock of seagulls.

"Hyuk-ah! Let's find a feather! Seagull feathers are lucky, you know." The two boys laughed as they ran after the birds, reaching for the stray feathers.

Sitting down in the sand and holding Imaginary Suyeon's hand, he let out a sigh of relief. "Suyeon-ah," he breathed out. "I'm remembering strange things. Remember when I told you that something happened to me when I was 15 that made me have amnesia?" He laid back in the sand, spreading his arms and legs out. "Well, it's crazy...but I'm remembering things from years ago." He turned his head and imagined Suyeon's smaller body next to his, curling into him perfectly. "Someone from back then told me that seagull feathers are lucky. Do you want one?"

Imaginary Suyeon nodded her head in excitement, grinning happily at Sanghyuk as she always did when something pleased her. When he stood up, he walked around to look for the best feather. He found a pretty one near the water and picked it up. Smiling softly to himself, he rinsed it off in the salt water several times before coming back to where he'd been laying before, his body's imprint lightly in the sand.

After sitting down, he held out the feather to Imaginary Suyeon. "Here! It's the prettiest feather for the prettiest girl."

"Here! It's the best feather for the best friend!" Sanghyuk exclaimed, handing the feather to the other boy. When their hands touched, his heart began beating faster, goosebumps running up his arm. This wasn't the love of friendship– this was something else.

Sanghyuk stared at his outstretched hand with the feather in it, dazed. He'd been in love? With someone he met on the beach years ago before losing his memory?

Imaginary Suyeon stopped smiling, her signature pout making an appearance. Suddenly, she was mad and yelling at Sanghyuk. "I'm sorry, Suyeon-ah!" He yelled back, defensively. "I didn't remember! I thought you were my first and only love!" She disappeared, and Sanghyuk sat there alone.

He jumped in surprise when he heard the loud crack of thunder, and huffed when it began pouring rain. He sat there, getting soaked completely. Ignoring the rain, he laid back. "You always get so jealous, Choi Suyeon," he whispered.

►►►►►

Hongbin didn't know what to make of the strange man he saw down at the beach. He'd left the beach a while earlier when he saw the gloomy clouds impending. The weatherman gave a forecast for rain, so Hongbin decided to watch the waves from the safety of the beach house.

When he was about to switch his interests from the sea to the television, he saw a man walking barefoot on the beach. "Doesn't he know it's about to rain?" Hongbin mused, watching him curiously.

The man had his arm held out, and he seemed to be holding something in his hand. It seemed to be nothing to Hongbin, but maybe it was just something small. When the man laid in the sand, his arm was still out, and he kept turning his head as if he were talking to somebody. "Is this how I looked when I was talking to myself earlier?" He thought to himself, slightly amused by the strange man.

He watched as the man looked around for a feather and went back to the same spot. He held the feather out for someone, but there was no one there. Hongbin clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "This weird guy..."

The man lowered his hand then suddenly began shouting at nothing. Hongbin jumped at the sound of thunder, and he watched as the man became drenched in rain, doing nothing but laying back down on the wet sand. Hongbin frowned at the man's actions and got up to look for an umbrella and a towel.

Once he found both, he headed down to the strange man. Just as he thought, the man was still laying there in the rain. "Yah! Are you okay? What are you doing?" He asked.

Sanghyuk looked up, and Hongbin tried to catch the several emotions that flashed in his eyes. However, they came and gone much to fast for Hongbin to make sense of them. There was a familiarity to the man that Hongbin couldn't pinpoint, so he tried to ignore it. The only emotion that remained between the two of them was confusion.

The man stood up and got under the umbrella with Hongbin, creating an uncomfortable close proximity between the two. He said nothing while Hongbin handed him the towel and led him up to the beach house.

Once they were inside, Hongbin only stared at Sanghyuk, who was drying himself off. "Why were you laying out there in the rain like that? You could get sick, you know."

Sanghyuk stopped drying off and looked around frantically. "Where is it? Where is it?"

"Where is what? What are you looking for?" Hongbin asked, frowning as he looked around his floor for anything that could have dropped.

"The feather! Where's the feather? I need that feather!" He dropped down to the floor on his knees, scanning the around around him for the feather he'd picked out for Suyeon.

Hongbin went to Sanghyuk and grabbed him by the shoulders, making him stand up and look at him. "Stop! You left the feather outside. You can go get it once the rain stops."

Sanghyuk stopped looking around after hearing that, and he took a seat in one of the wooden chairs closest to him. "I need that feather," he repeated, his voice more timid than before. "For Suyeon..."

Hongbin raised a brow in curiosity. "Who's Suyeon?"

"She was my girlfriend, my fiancée. We were going to get married..." Sanghyuk's voice trailed off as he realized he didn't want to tell the story to this stranger. He didn't need someone else judging him when he already knew that it was his fault.

"So, what happened? Did she break it off?" Hongbin pressed, unaware that the explanation was much sadder than a simple break up.

Sighing, Sanghyuk shrugged. "It was my fault. Now, she's haunting me, and I just want to make her happy."

"Haunting you?"

"That's why I got the feather for her," Sanghyuk continued as if Hongbin hadn't just spoken. "I heard from an old friend that feathers from a seagull were lucky."

"Hyuk-ah! Let's find a feather! Seagull feathers are lucky, you know." Hongbin and Sanghyuk ran after the birds, laughing as they grabbed and reached for stray feathers.

Hongbin gaped at what the strange man had said, realizing that he finally remembered the name of his first love. "Sanghyuk..." He whispered to himself with a small smile.

"Yes?"

"What?" Hongbin broke out of his memory with a confused gaze to see the man staring at him with wide eyes.

"You just said my name. How do you know my name?"

Hongbin clicked his tongue in thought and sighed, wondering how common of a name 'Sanghyuk' was. "Ah... I didn't know that was your name," he said softly, sitting in the chair next to Sanghyuk. "I was actually just remembering the name of a friend I used to know."

Sanghyuk heard the crack in Hongbin's voice when he said the word 'friend', and he caught on. "Friend?" He scoffed and shook his head. "You mean boyfriend then?" He looked over to see Hongbin mimicking the expression of surprise Sanghyuk had only moments before. Shrugging, he added, "You don't seem like the type to have a boyfriend, but it's the women who lose out, I guess. You are pretty handsome."

Another loud crack of thunder made the both of them jump.

"Calm down, Suyeon-ah. I'm not flirting with the man or anything," Sanghyuk said aloud, forgetting that the other man was sitting right there next to him. He'd been alone for so long that he forgot how to act normal in front of others.

An expression of confusion and caution crossed Hongbin's face as he stared at Sanghyuk. "Who are you talking to?"

Sanghyuk cleared his throat, thinking of an answer. He couldn't think of any other way to get out of the situation without looking crazy, so he just told the truth. "Suyeon, my fiancée I told you about. She's dead, and she's haunting me. And...she gets jealous easily."

Hongbin was silent for a moment, but he didn't begin laughing or calling Sanghyuk crazy. Instead, he just looked down and whispered, "I'm sorry about her death." He paused then looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not flirting with Sanghyuk, Suyeon-ssi. I only have love for one Sanghyuk."

After a moment, Sanghyuk couldn't help but chuckle at how Hongbin talked to Suyeon instead of making him feel like he was crazy. "So, where is this other Sanghyuk?"

Hongbin's smile turned into a grimace instantly, and he cleared his throat. "Up there with Suyeon."

They both sat in the uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. "I'm sorry," Sanghyuk finally said. "What happened?"

Inhaling deeply, Hongbin looked out of the window at the rain pouring down into the sea. "He died here ten years ago, in the water. He couldn't swim, but I convinced him to come out into the water, anyway."

"Come on, Hyuk-ah! Don't make me go by myself!" Hongbin yelled back at his friend, who was standing securely on the sand.

"I told you that I can't swim!" Sanghyuk yelled back, looking out into the water nervously.

"I won't let anything happen to you!" Hongbin swam back to the shore, and walked to Sanghyuk. He took the boy's hand in his and kissed it. He felt his heart beat speed up, and he wondered if Sanghyuk felt the same. "Don't you trust me?"

The other boy's cheeks were red, and he was staring at the sand. He nodded and whispered, "I trust you."

Hongbin's lips curled up into a smile, and he pulled Sanghyuk out into the water with him. Sanghyuk stayed clutched onto Hongbin's arm for the first twenty minutes. After a while, he didn't feel so bad anymore, and he began paddling on his own. "Hyung! I'm swimming! I'm actually swimming on my own!"

"I knew you could," Hongbin replied, watching his friend in admiration at how quickly he overcame his fears.

"Look out! Huge wave coming in! Everyone on the shore!" The lifeguard yelled from his post, causing everyone to quickly swim back to safety.

Hongbin started swimming, reaching out for Sanghyuk. "Come on, Hyuk-ah!" Sanghyuk's arm slipped from Hongbin's reach, so the boy quickly swam back to the shore, thinking that the other was right beside him. When he was on the shore, he looked around for the younger male. "Hyuk?"

"Hyung! Hongbin Hyung!" He yelled from the water. He hadn't moved at all, splashing around as he tried to swim his way back. The water was rising, and he couldn't get himself to move any closer to safety. "Help me, Binnie Hyung!"

Hongbin was running back into the water to retrieve Sanghyuk, but the wave had already come down, swallowing Sanghyuk inside. Hongbin threw himself into the water, looking around frantically. "Sanghyuk! Sanghyuk! Where are you? Sanghyuk!" He screamed.

Sanghyuk only watched the tears drop from Hongbin's eyes, shocked by the story he head. He didn't think any less of Hongbin because he knew how it felt to be helpless no matter how much he wanted to help. "It wasn't your fault. Sanghyuk was in a state of shock and couldn't swim back." He reached out and took Hongbin's shaking hand. Sanghyuk's heart beats began speeding up, and he thought it was because Hongbin was in the same position as him.

"You don't have to say that. I know what happened was my fault." The other man hung his head in shame.

"You know, that's really a coincidence," Sanghyuk mused.

"Why?"

"I had an accident at this same beach ten years ago. I'm not really sure about everything that happened, but my parents and the lifeguards had been looking for me all day. They finally found me washed up on the shore that night after I drowned. The lifeguard did mouth-to-mouth, and I had to go to the hospital. Apparently, I hit my head on something when I was in the water. That's why I couldn't remember much of anything afterward."

"You couldn't remember anything at all?" Hongbin asked, lifting his head up.

"Well, I knew who I was, and I knew that my parents were my parents. But I couldn't remember the summer at all, and all my other memories were blurs. They still are."

"Wait. This happened ten years ago?" Hongbin thought back and tried remembering if there was another Sanghyuk at the beach. "Hyuk and I played with all the other teenagers our age at the time, but I don't remember you. Well...your face is kinda familiar, but I still don't think I remember another Sanghyuk. How old are you?"

"I'm 25." Hongbin stared at the man sitting across from him.

"Here! It's the best feather for the best friend!" Sanghyuk handed the feather to Hongbin, and when their hands touched, Hongbin's heart began beating faster. This wasn't the love of friendship; this was something else.

This was the love of romance. Hongbin pulled Sanghyuk closer and pressed his lips lightly against the other's for a quick moment. The two stared at each other then looked away in embarrassment at the intimate moment.

"I like you, Sanghyuk."

"I like you too, Hongbin."

Hongbin looked down at Sanghyuk's hand, which was still holding his. Tears filled Hongbin's eyes, and he looked back up at the man. He slid out of the chair and fell to the floor on his knees, making Sanghyuk sit up in shock.

"Hyuk-ah... You're alive."