The city was a beautiful place when devoid of the maddening hustle. She enjoyed cruising on the empty roads in the dead of night, windows wound down to allow the cool night breeze in, eyes taking in the lights that remained. But not tonight. She was blind to the lights tonight. The cool breeze did nothing to lift her spirits either. That was why she hated her mother.

There was no one who could mess with her mind like her mother. No one else could hurl her into the deep murky end and walk away, leaving her to struggle and gasp for air…

–

“Mommy.” She perked up at the sound of the door opening. Her mother was home at last. “Mommy, look.”

“Not now.”

Taeyeon’s excitement dimmed as her mother brushed past her, dumping her bag on the couch on the way to the bedroom with a sleeping Hayeon in her arms. She looked at the painting in her hand and sighed. Maybe her mother would look at it if she left it on the table. Maybe. With that little spark of hope glowing in her heart, she went to bed. Maybe. Just maybe.

Hayeon’s cries woke her up in the middle of the night but she was used to it. It was almost a daily ritual. Hayeon would cry, her mother would feed her and all would be quiet again. She sneaked out of bed to check out how things were going. Her mother was cradling Hayeon in her arms, feeding her milk. Sure enough, Hayeon had stopped crying and was soon back to sleep after feeding.

“What are you doing out of bed.”

“I wanted to see if Hayeon is okay.”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Okay, Mommy.” Taeyeon turned but paused when she thought of her painting. “Have you seen my painting yet?”

“What painting?”

“It’s on the table.”

“I’m too tired, Taeyeon. I’ll look at it tomorrow.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Mommy.”

The next morning, she bounced on her chair and asked, “Mommy, have you seen my painting yet?”

“I don’t have time for this now. Eat your breakfast.”

The light in her dimmed yet again but she left her painting on the table nonetheless. Maybe her mother would have some time later. Just maybe.

–

“Mom…”

“What is it.”

Taeyeon handed her mother a letter from her teacher. “My teacher wants to have a talk with you.”

“What for. Did you do something wrong?”

“I…”

“What the did you do this time.”

“I got into a fight.”

Her mother turned to her with a cold look that made her insides shiver. “Is that all you know how to do? I don’t have the time or energy for like this, Taeyeon. Tell your teacher I’m too busy to meet her.” She turned away and resuming drying her hair with her towel. “And you better not get into another fight or I’ll throw you out of the house.”

Taeyeon backed out of her mother’s room and returned to the room she now shared with her sister, laughing at herself on the inside. She was certain that any other mother would have given her a stern warning, reprimand and perhaps a talk to understand their daughter’s behaviour. But not hers. She wasn’t worth the time.

–

“Bloody hell, Taeyeon. I told you not to get into another fight.”

“But they started it!”

“Do you know how much trouble you caused me?” Her mother’s anger seemed to be on the verge of exploding. “I don’t care who started it!”

Taeyeon’s anger swelled. “I don’t care if it’s a ing waste of your time. I’m not gonna let them call me the daughter of a !”

She never saw it coming. The impact on her cheek sent her reeling and she lost her balance and fell. Her mother was shaking from head to toe and for the first time in a long time, she felt afraid.

–

“Holy , Taeyeon. What happened to your face?!”

Taeyeon shrugged, displaying her nonchalance as prominently as she could and dropped her bag beside Sunny’s. “My mother slapped me,” she answered while lowering herself onto the grass and leaning back against the tree trunk.

“Because of the fight?”

Taeyeon shook her head.

“If not, why?”

Taeyeon looked at Sunny and let out a hollow chuckle. “Because I reminded her of who she is.”

–

She was going to die tonight. It would be nice to go up in flames though. Maybe she would re-emerge from the flames anew, like a phoenix, beautiful and strong. But this was the real world where fantasies were merely fantasies and there was a limit to every possibility. Surely there was a limit to the amount of heat her body could withstand and this was way too much for her to take.

Taking a shower hadn’t helped. Instead, she was now shivering cold as well, which didn’t make any sense. Was this a fever or a cold? Or both? But whatever it was, she had never felt this weak in her entire life. Nor this much suffering. The heat was burning up her brain and her head hurt like a . Any hotter and she would literally be breathing fire.

She was hungry and thirsty but getting up was out of the question. Not when her legs felt like jelly. Not when it took her so much effort just to sit up. She thought of asking Hayeon for help but it was late and her sister was fast asleep. On top of that, there was school the next day. Maybe she could try to sleep it off. If she could just fall asleep.

The sound of the door unlocking was unwelcome and she wished she hadn’t heard it. Of all the days of the week, her mother had to come home tonight. . Now she really couldn’t sleep. Not when she could hear the thump of a bag hitting the floor. Keys clattering onto the table. A door creaking. Glasses clinking and meeting the count—enough was enough. She couldn’t take it anymore.

With superhuman strength that came from nowhere, she pushed herself up and stood with shaky legs. Her mother was just leaving the kitchen when she saw her, their eyes meeting for a split second before looking away, not unlike strangers. But even strangers didn’t deserve to be shot with such a cold, heartless look.

“Can you keep it quiet. I’m trying to sleep.”

Her mother her, eyes red, lips trembling and she took a step back, alarmed. “It’s all because of you.”

“What are you talking about.”

“You. He dumped me because of you.”

“He dumped you?”

“Yes. He dumped me. Happy now? This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it.”

Taeyeon trembled from the rage that was boiling inside. “It’s not my fault. He was never going to keep you for long but you’re too blind to see that.”

“He was going to divorce his wife. He promised. But you. He changed his mind because of you. Because of you. Why can’t you be a good girl like Hayeon, huh?” she hissed. “Why can’t you study hard and stay out of fights?”

“I’m sorry I’m such a lousy daughter.” Taeyeon was sure her rage would kill her even if her burning fever didn’t. “It’s better if I’m dead, right?”

“If you wanna die so badly, why don’t you get yourself killed in one of those fights. Everyone will be happier.”

“If that’s how you think, you shouldn’t have given birth to me in the first place.”

“You’re right. I should never have given birth to you.”

Her heart turned cold and for a moment, she couldn’t feel the heat of her all-consuming fever. She had known this all along but to hear it spoken out loud like this…she wasn’t sure she could remain standing. She stumbled back to her bed and fell onto it, her eyes burning with hot tears.

Let the fever burn her up tonight.

–

The dark figure on her bed almost frightened her out of her wits.

“! You scared me.”

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Tiffany made no move to close their distance. “What took you so long?”

Her eyes grew accustomed to the lack of light and the alluring pose of Tiffany’s became apparent. Positioned between the two pillows, legs demurely slanted to the side, arms sloping to the sides, curls spilling over otherwise bare shoulders… The pull was magnetic. And strong.

Getting rid of her t-shirt and bra along the way, she climbed onto bed topless and crawled to Tiffany. “I got lost.”

“In the city?”

On fours and arched over Tiffany, she nuzzled the woman’s lips with her own and smiled for the first time since leaving the café. “No.”

“You didn’t get lost?”

Another kiss. “I got found.”

“You’ve lost me.”

One more kiss, lingering a little longer this time. “You’ve found me.” Her lips interlocked with Tiffany’s, parted, and went back for more. More. More. More. More. Until Tiffany forgot all about her question and grabbed her around the neck to pull her closer. She sank into the kiss, allowing the spinning sensation to her in completely, and felt her soul slipping away. With each kiss, her soul floated higher and higher, rising with the wind into the sky above. This was what it was like to be alive and in love.

Several moments later, she lay in Tiffany’s arms, content to hug the woman in her arms and squeeze her every so often to feel how soft her waist was.

“Now, will you finally tell me what is wrong with you?”

Taeyeon sighed. Tiffany was good at many things but the skill of holding back her questions was not one of them. “I’d prefer not to talk about it right now.”

“Is it Yoona? Did you meet her after work?”

“It’s not Yoona okay? Can’t you back off from her for once?”

“I—I was only asking.”

“Well, quit with the questions already.”

“Why can’t I ask? I waited all evening for you to come home. I just wanna know.”

“I said I’d rather not talk about it. Can’t you take the obvious hint?”

“There you go shutting yourself from me again.”

“Oh my God. I. Am. Not. Just because I don’t feel like talking about it doesn’t mean I’m shutting anything.” Taeyeon got off the bed, dragging her hand through her hair as she stood. Turning away from the frustrating distraction that was Tiffany, she added, “I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Where are you going?”

“The couch.” She snorted. “Didn’t think we’d get to this stage so soon. And we aren’t even married yet.”

“Taeyeon—”

“Goodnight, Tiffany. See you in the morning.”

–

Lifting the heavy arm from her waist at a speed that could rival a hundred-year-old tortoise’s, she untangled herself from the intimate hold and slipped out of bed, careful not to wake the woman beside her. Thankfully, her sleeping girlfriend did not even stir.

She grabbed a can of coffee from the fridge after changing into a pair of jeans and t-shirt and opened the door as quietly as she could. For some reason, her girlfriend was highly sensitive to mechanical sounds and the slightest sound of a door being unlocked could very well wake her up and spoil the plan. But she made it out without any hiccups and a streak of anticipation fizzed through her veins, fusing her with new born energy. This was it.

With a tap of a button, her car blinked and bleeped. She took a deep breath before opening the door and getting in, plucking the sapling of apprehension out by its roots before it could get a stranglehold on her. A sense of familiarity streamed through the skin of her fingers as she wrapped her hands around the steering wheel. Everything felt a little alien but something about this felt right as well. This feeling. This grip. This element of control. All she had to do was believe in herself. She could do it before. So she would do it again.

Inserting the key to start the engine had never felt more complicated. But at the sound of the engine roaring to life, she felt the adrenaline spark from deep within. The only way to overcome the fear of falling off a horse was to get right back on it. It had taken her a while to get back on it but here she was. Back in the driver’s seat. All by herself.

She looked up at the apartment where her girlfriend was probably still sound asleep and smile. She’d do her proud. She’d give her something to cheer about this morning.

Eyes closed, she felt for the gearstick. Feet on the pedals. Everything was where everything should be. She knew this machine intimately. She had gone the distance with this baby. It deserved to earn her trust and reliance. And although she had been the one to hurt it, a trip to her girlfriend’s workshop had restored it back to perfection.

“Baby, I’m back,” she said with a smile and released the brakes. “Let’s ride.”

–

She woke up to an empty space beside her and sat up in alarm. Where was her girlfriend?

“Sica?” There was no one in the bathroom. No one in the kitchen either. Krystal had gone to a friend’s place to sleep over and Jessica was nowhere to be found. The apartment was empty. And she didn’t like it. Not when she didn’t know where Jessica was.

After making several unanswered calls, a quick trip down to the car park answered some of her questions but didn’t help things. Now, she knew that Jessica had taken the car out and that sent a spark of excitement bursting in her chest but she couldn’t ignore the weight of anxiety either. Was Jessica okay? She would be driving by herself for the first time in a long time. Would she be able to handle it?

At this point, there was nothing she could do but hope for Jessica’s safe return.

–

The lone figure was crouched in a corner when she returned but it rose and came for her as soon as she pulled into a parking lot. The figure met her at the door and engulfed her in the warmest hug the moment she stepped out.

“Yuri, I did it. I drove by myself. And I hit 80km/h.”

Yuri’s eyes were like the shining sun at noon, strong and blazing. “I’m so proud of you.”

The biggest smile stretched across her face and she pressed her lips tight to stop them from trembling too much. There were no words left to say but really, there was no need to say anything. It was clear in Yuri’s eyes that she understood. There was nothing left to do but hug. And kiss.

–

She didn’t know how to look Tiffany in the eye after what happened last night. She had to admit it wasn’t her finest moment but to apologize for it seemed a little over the top. Even if Tiffany had only been asking out of concern. And maybe a little bit more.

“Morning,” said Tiffany without lifting her eyes from the eggs she was frying. The air around them was still. But the electric charge between them was palpable. It was always that way when she was anywhere within a hundred feet of Tiffany. She could never resist this woman. So why did she have to make things so difficult for herself?

“Tiffany…”

“Eggs on toast?”

Taeyeon bit her lip and took the step forward. She stood behind Tiffany, just close enough to feel the heat radiating from her skin without actually touching her and put her hands on Tiffany’s waist. Her head bowed and she leaned into Tiffany’s back, her forehead being the only point of contact other than her hands. And for a long time, neither of them said a word.

Gradually, their breaths slowed and fell in sync with each other. It was peaceful. And Taeyeon felt more and more sorry for what she did last night.

“I’m sorry.” Tiffany had apologized right when she did, their voices blending in unison.

Taeyeon heard Tiffany’s sharp inhale coinciding with hers and looked up as Tiffany turned around. Their eyes met and clung on to each other. Taeyeon didn’t want to let go. Tiffany was the best thing in her life right now and she would be a fool to mess it up.

“I shouldn’t have pushed you to answer my questions.”

“I shouldn’t have said all those things to you.”

Tiffany sighed. “Why are we always fighting like that?”

Taeyeon slipped her arms around Tiffany’s waist and stepped as close as she could. “So that we can kiss and make up afterwards.” The smile in Tiffany’s eyes returned and her heavy heart lightened instantly. The sun came back out from behind the clouds and she found the strength to smile again.

“I’m serious, Taeyeon. I don’t like fighting with you. It feels horrible. I couldn’t sleep well last night.”

She reached up to cup Tiffany’s cheek in her hand, her thumb caressing the smooth skin under Tiffany’s tired eyes. “Neither could I. I don’t like fighting either, but I don’t think it’s such a bad thing.”

“How is it not a bad thing?”

“It’s not a bad thing if it doesn’t break us. In fact, I think it makes us stronger.”

Tiffany looked deep into her eyes, searching for the unknown. “Can you guarantee our fights will never break us?”

Taeyeon shook her head. “I can’t. But I will always want you back. So unless you don’t…”

The fire in Tiffany’s eyes flared as though it were doused with flammable fluids. “I will alwayswant you back.”

Tiffany’s answer put the biggest grin on her face. “So,” her eyebrows raised, and grin growing in confidence with each syllable, “you have nothing to worry about,” she inched another inch closer, so close they had to share their breaths. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

–